Why No Contact needs to be Sugar Free, not Sugar Coated

[Tilex]

There's an endless amount of advice online about the no contact rule, making guys believe there's a percentage of getting an ex back if they wait X amount of days.
I've even read advice saying ridiculous stuff like, if you wait 30 days of no contact, you have a 20% chance of getting her back.
But if you wait 60 days, you have a 40% chance of getting her back.
The longer you wait, the more higher the %


Do you know what this sounds like?

It sounds like Bankers or Hedge Fund Managers giving out seduction advice.
"Waiting X amount of days will give you X percentage returns on investment (ROI)"


Here's the truth:

When a woman breaks up with you, she already has a guy lined up and ready to replace you. She's emotionally checked out and her investment in you has permanently vanished.
You are not getting back with her 20, 30, 60, 90, or 365 days after she broke up with you.
You're in an uphill battle, except it's no longer just a hill to climb. It's a fvcking mountain!


Out of Sight, Out of Mind

The No Contact rule is designed to erase your ex from your memory.
There shouldn't be a variable number associated with the no contact rule because it makes people believe there are chances or possibilities in the future.
Personally, I have associated breakups equal to getting fired from a job. If you cannot go back to your job, then you should believe that you cannot go back to your ex.

 

[Barrister]

The No Contact Rule is designed for men to get over the ex. Not win the ex back. If used correctly, it expedites men getting over the toxic ex and mentally being ready to move on much quicker. Doesn't mean it is easy.

Like anything, pvssy is like a drug that your brain likes and develops an attachment to. A clean break is what is needed to move on as quickly as possible. The problem for most men that are going through a breakup is that they become victims of exes "breadcrumbing" them after the breakup for extra validation. They do well with No Contact until the ex reaches out and then NC is out the window. They begin a discourse that ends in more frustration and the entire recovery process has to start back at zero. The key is to continue to ignore - and this can be very difficult at times.

 

[SW15]

The No Contact Rule is designed for men to get over the ex. Not win the ex back. If used correctly, it expedites men getting over the toxic ex and mentally being ready to move on much quicker. Doesn't mean it is easy.

Agree with this. Winback should never be a priority or even be a option. Always keep moving forward if an interaction fails. If an interaction fails, it failed for a good reason.

Like anything, pvssy is like a drug that your brain likes and develops an attachment to. A clean break is what is needed to move on as quickly as possible.

True

The problem for most men that are going through a breakup is that they become victims of exes "breadcrumbing" them after the breakup for extra validation. They do well with No Contact until the ex reaches out and then NC is out the window. They begin a discourse that ends in more frustration and the entire recovery process has to start back at zero. The key is to continue to ignore - and this can be very difficult at times.

It would be best if the ex never made contact with him again. Some ex-girlfriends are able to do this. Some are not.

If the ex does make contact, it is best to ignore.

It might be good to set the frame of no contact as the breakup is happening. This isn't a concept I've seen discussed much in any format over time.

 

[Hal9000]

When I went no contact it meant it was immediately and forever over. It wasn't some kind of ploy to get back some woman I had already broken up with at least once, and for many others multiple times. You go no contact to move on with your life, not as some kind of mind #### to convince some chick to return to your dysfunctional relationship. Those are the kind of games women play so do better.

 

[Gamisch]

No contact. Can any phrase be more clear? Yet we as men ( yours truly included ofcourse) mostly tried to use it as a manipulation tactic and geuss what...it works!! Women are delusional AF and always end up circling back to " you" because " you" probably are a decent dude with some flaws here and there nut other than that still quite decent overall. ..

BUT..you gotta be aware of the consequences. Getting a woman back after SHE felt like she could do better is like trying to fix a broken mirror and them complain that the reflection " isn't the same as it used to be"....* idiot sandwich alarm*

Nowadays I implement no contact REAL FAST, basically at the first sign of incoming BS . Needless to say that's most of the time.

No contact = no communication, no emailing, no phone calls, NO FAVORS, nada nothing, nietzj, kein, zero. The time wasted on such a woman by the way will also diminish your own aura.

 

[CoolWave1331]

If you're hoping that by making yourself scarce she'll come back that doesn't give me a lot of confidence in the second go around being any better. I would think there's a high probability the same issues would come up again.

If things end (for whatever reason) that signals to me the end of the relationship. It's not sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time but serious relationships aren't off and on. If the person really cares about you they'll never end things are use the threat as a sort of emotional blackmail.

 

[jhonny9546]

pvssy is like a drug that your brain likes and develops an attachment to

Many things. It's not just that pvssy, but everything that's inside her brain too. That feminine thing you're missing now.


Given this, I can't imagine mending a relationship to the point it was before just when someone disrespects me.
Imagine modern men who "forgive" the girl for cheating, and then even manage to have sex with her again? Things from another world.
Or more real: Imagine someone who had a child with this woman, and now need to do a good co-parenting with her. That is a hard thing to do, since no contact is not avaiable, since you share kids.

No contact is wrong if done alone. It's a bit like cold turkey.
That's why it's hard and the best cure is to have another toy who can replace her at least in physical needs.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Personally, I have associated breakups equal to getting fired from a job. If you cannot go back to your job, then you should believe that you cannot go back to your ex.

Of course you are right - alas, of course every guy will ignore this advice at least once and learn that it's true only after making mistake of not understanding it's the truth from the beginning.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Because they haven't been through enough pain to do it for them and not for her to come back. There is a point in a man (exceptions apply), when he's been through enough pain that something is his brain switches and he longer wants her, and then he starts to grow from that point.

That was my experience. In my younger days I did the NC thing but thinking of it as a game. Just made things messy and bad for me mentally. I remembered that self induced pain later and when I deployed NC ironclad I was happy and free. She tried to contact where she could find an inch of daylight but I ignored. It was about me, not her. She was toxic so that helped. Once we broke up I had no boner for her anymore, but also bc my mind was ready to shut it all down. What a great feeling, to be free.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I have used no contact twice. Once, I ended up marrying her and it ended up with three beautiful kids and a toxic coparent. The other time it worked incredible and I found this place and the rest is history.

 

[Dash Riprock]

There's an endless amount of advice online about the no contact rule, making guys believe there's a percentage of getting an ex back if they wait X amount of days.
I've even read advice saying ridiculous stuff like, if you wait 30 days of no contact, you have a 20% chance of getting her back.
But if you wait 60 days, you have a 40% chance of getting her back.
The longer you wait, the more higher the %


Do you know what this sounds like?

It sounds like Bankers or Hedge Fund Managers giving out seduction advice.
"Waiting X amount of days will give you X percentage returns on investment (ROI)"


Here's the truth:

When a woman breaks up with you, she already has a guy lined up and ready to replace you. She's emotionally checked out and her investment in you has permanently vanished.
You are not getting back with her 20, 30, 60, 90, or 365 days after she broke up with you.
You're in an uphill battle, except it's no longer just a hill to climb. It's a fvcking mountain!


Out of Sight, Out of Mind

The No Contact rule is designed to erase your ex from your memory.
There shouldn't be a variable number associated with the no contact rule because it makes people believe there are chances or possibilities in the future.
Personally, I have associated breakups equal to getting fired from a job. If you cannot go back to your job, then you should believe that you cannot go back to your ex.

I was using the No Contact rule in my teens and 20s before I even knew what it was. It was because I had self-respect and dignity. I think back then I called it the "Meat Cleaver," like chopping a big piece of meat in half and just moving it off to the side. Not trying to put it back together. I had friends back then saying they really respected me because I never supplicated and went back to an ex.

If an ex reached out, and she was still hot as most were, I f*cked her and left it at that. If they pushed to get back together I'd tell them I'd think about it.

No Contact is a tool for guys to get over their ex and move on, not "win them back."

 

[Sega Genesis]

I agree with the responses BUT to add another and different layer to this.

As a woman, I've experienced both scenarios.

Some men will use as a 'strategy', even a manipulation of sorts and hate to say but it does work in some situations.

(1) IF during the RL he behaved like a simp, placing her (her p*ssy) on a pedestal, suffocating and overwhelming her with attention, gifts etc. And that's why she ended it.

When he goes No Contact he's showing her he doesn't need her (as much as she thought he did during the RL) and she may begin thinking about him and respecting him. Seeing him in a different light and missing him.

IF they get back together he MUST maintain that same strong and independent "don't need you" attitude otherwise the same thing will happen again.

I mean he should still make effort (so should SHE) and be attentive, just stop suffocating and overwhelming her with attention, affection, gifts etc. Best to find a balance.

This is all assuming she initially felt a strong attraction but it went sideways after he began making her more important than himself and placing her on a pedestal.

(2) There are also times when some men will use NC (during the RL) to throw a woman 'off balance' and cause insecurity resulting in her chasing him for attention and validation. Allowing him to maintain the upper hand.

This second scenario IS pure manipulation and does 'work' with certain women - typically (but not always) those women who are insecure with low self-esteem.

Other than those scenarios, 100% agree when a woman breaks up with you, going NC is the best course of action for YOU so you can move on.

 

[ValiantMale]

Having to use "no contact" means at some point you got seriously attached to the chick. It's human. But the honest fact is this: if someone loved you enough, they can't stand to not be connected to you or have contact with you at all, unless you really did something bad or they feel like they'll never lose you -- but the latter usually means they don't value you as much as you value them.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Old habits die hard