Where did I went wrong?

Lauel

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Hello,

I am 19 and new to this platform. In fact, any dating platform Recently, I have been reading The Rationale Male, and from there, I read about SoSuave, so I decided to check it out. This post will be long since I do not know how to write a short summary, so if you can bear with me, point me out (or swear on my dumb mistakes), and advise me, I would really be grateful.


Before this one, I had two relationships, none of which crossed 3 months mark, and all ended miserably, majorly on my part.
So, roughly around March, I started dating a girl who was in the same college and year as I was. She looked attractive and sexy to me, and I also sensed mutual interest, so I asked for her number in the subway, which I did get, and moved towards dating.

We dated for more than a month, roughly one and a half. She was really passionate at the start and was obsessed with me. Me, who recently got out of hospital from a life-and-death situation, had his heart melt and drowned myself in love. Then I confessed, and it turned into a full-commitment relationship. It went well until the first week of July, after which it started degrading. We had fights, which we recovered from, but the void didn't feel good. The weird thing about us was that we had to be very physical to solve the majority of our problems (I know that's a big red flag), and we weren't able to get intimate, thus the valley between us didn't decrease. When our semester exams ended, I asked her to meet up. I know that she lived just 4km away from my home, and still she excused me, saying that her parents don't allow her to. I believed so because I did know a bit about her mother's paranoia. This went on till the whole of July, and then I later got to know that within the same month, she did go to various birthday parties and meetups, but, surprising enough, not me. Giving the same excuse that they are her friends, about whom her mother knows, etc.



The void kept on increasing, and the whole two months passed with barely any physical contact between us (something that kept us glued).

The next semester starts, and I start to notice she has been acting weird towards me. Like not telling me she was already there when I was aching to meet her up. When I tried to get physical, she would say she was feeling awkward and that it had been too long. Mind this, we had been very physical before this—not until sex, but yes. The behavior continues the whole day, and we barely even talk or have a heart-to-heart conversation. On the subway station, where she gets off, she asks me, "Are you not going?", knowing that I always do this: get off on her station, talk to her, drop her off, then go forward on mine. This stings me very hard. I spread my hands for a hugging gesture, and she makes an ugly face. This was all hurting me very deeply, considering I had given my heart to this girl. I wrote poems for her, bought gifts for her, wrote songs, and even sang them for her. I was honest, sincere, and devoted. You know, isn't that what the girl wants? That one faithful guy, strong like a bull, who works hard and is ready to do anything for her? (I was really an AFC, wasn't I, haha?)

I never got any gifts, handicrafts, or songs being sung for me. No stories, never really any public expression in her friend circle (they did know about me). All I got were hollow words, while mine were both.



The next morning, a friend of mine told me she was seen at place X with one of her classmates. I immediately called her and asked the same for her, since I was told she went with her mother. She accepted that she went with her mother but didn't come back with her. I was shocked to see how she was defending her lie to me. I, being a ****ing devoted AFC, had diligently asked her how the day went, did anything happen, did her mother say something, etc.

I went with my mother, but I didn't say I came back with her.

This broke my heart. I barely got any sorry or anything. With everything added from above pulling down on me, I told her I couldn't do this. I am going to break up with her and explain to her that I am falling into the same trap her ex fell into: a mindless, insecure, toxic, untrusting beggar for intimacy. I am not going to compromise myself, and I won't be doing this anymore.



She said,Ok. I think we should break up. No sorry, no cries, no please don't. No guilt.

Just like that, I was gone like a grain of sand. No value. Nothing.

Two days later, she changes her profile picture, a collage of her photos with aggressive looks and directly aimed at her face. With captions, "Grateful, Happy, Blessed".
I couldn't help but cry and weep for days to come. I did everything that was "right". I respected women, cared for them, valued them, and was sincere and honest, but nah. I got blocked from all places too. Yep, no guilt.



Oh, did I mention that before dating, she had just broken up from a 4-year-old relationship and, within a month, got with me? Because her old boyfriend was "toxic", and "controlling". Haha.
We were about to break up in between, but I had the "Cap n' Save a Hoe" complex and had promised her that I would hold her hands and support her, even when she would hate herself. Haha, the irony.



There is a long list of things I did wrong, one by one. Reading the book, I am starting to notice them one by one, and yes, I would like to change for the better.
It has been more than a month since the breakup. She has already moved on; I can see it with no guilt or remorse. I want to change myself for the better. If you have reached here, do guide me. I want to understand what went wrong and what I can change about it.

Thank you.
 

BackInTheGame78

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You are needy and obviously way too invested in these women way too early.

Ever know the end of a movie and want to stick around to watch it when you found out it wasn't very good?

Nope...neither do they.

They know how things are going to end and it's with you becoming more and more needy and acting more and more clingy as time goes on.

They know they have you wrapped around their pinky and that is NOT attractive to a woman. She needs to wonder on SOME level whether you are really into her or not...she needs to know that you like her, but needs to wonder how much.

You leave nothing to her imagination or her left to wonder about anything.

You are young and will learn. It seems like showing a lot of interest early on would help solidify things but usually it does the opposite...it helps hasten the decline of the relationship.
 

All_Kindz_Of_Gainz

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Listen on YouTube, 15 lessons from the book of pook, and then the entire book, all of what you did wrong will be listed there. Welcome, I wish someone have told me this when I was 19.
 

Lauel

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You are needy and obviously way too invested in these women way too early.

Ever know the end of a movie and want to stick around to watch it when you found out it wasn't very good?

Nope...neither do they.

They know how things are going to end and it's with you becoming more and more needy and acting more and more clingy as time goes on.

They know they have you wrapped around their pinky and that is NOT attractive to a woman. She needs to wonder on SOME level whether you are really into her or not...she needs to know that you like her, but need ls to wonder how much.

You leave nothing to her imagination or her left to wonder about anything.

You are young and will learn. It seems like showing a lot of interest early on would help solidify things but usually it does the opposite...it helps hasten the decline of it.
I-, how should I say it. I was explicitly asked for committment. I hate giving my heart out, but sadly being a poet and hobbyist writer, makes my imagination suck me into a hole without any efforts from her. I am learning, yes.
But I used to think, "Women do what they say". This relationship killed all my innocence from me.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I-, how should I say it. I was explicitly asked for committment. I hate giving my heart out, but sadly being a poet and hobbyist writer, makes my imagination suck me into a hole without any efforts from her. I am learning, yes.
But I used to think, "Women do what they say". This relationship killed all my innocence from me.
You gave her something she knew she didn't earn and therefore should not have received.

You didn't make her work for it and by committing so easy it told her you had no other options and were not in demand with other women.

Wild stallions don't run into a barn and lock the gate behind them. They are led in kicking and screaming after putting up a fight.
 

Lauel

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You gave her something she knew she didn't earn and therefore should not have received.

You didn't make her work for it and by committing so easy it told her you had no other options and were not in demand with other women.
I find it often paradoxical. Women want a guy, who other girls want, or say "in-demand", but she also doesn't want others girls to have that guy, rather showing him off to the world like that beautiful piece, which you can see but can't touch.
Are men just like that? Some success objects women use to set themselves apart in their competitive world?
 

pipeman84

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Oh, did I mention that before dating, she had just broken up from a 4-year-old relationship and, within a month, got with me? Because her old boyfriend was "toxic", and "controlling". Haha.
It has been more than a month since the breakup. She has already moved on; I can see it with no guilt or remorse. I want to change myself for the better. If you have reached here, do guide me. I want to understand what went wrong and what I can change about it.
When a woman says she was in a toxic relationship, her exes are toxic etc what you should hear is that SHE is toxic and to be avoided. That's where you made the biggest mistake, in selecting who you invite into your life. What @BackInTheGame78 says is all well and good, but choosing a clinically sane woman with a good attitude comes first and is paramount.
 

BackInTheGame78

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I find it often paradoxical. Women want a guy, who other girls want, or say "in-demand", but she also doesn't want others girls to have that guy, rather showing him off to the world like that beautiful piece, which you can see but can't touch.
Are men just like that? Some success objects women use to set themselves apart in their competitive world?
She wants to feel that she worked hard enough and did enough to "win" you over FROM those other women and that you CHOSE her even tho you could have chosen someone else.

No woman wants to be with a man that chooses them because they have no other options.
 

Agamemnon43

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Two days later, she changes her profile picture, a collage of her photos with aggressive looks and directly aimed at her face. With captions, "Grateful, Happy, Blessed".
Damn. This activated a big ptsd reaction in me, not gonna lie hahaha. It's a common thing. They move on so much faster than men. Actually they are ready to move on even before the breakup.

Listen, you are just beggining your journey. This had to happen for you to grow. It happened to all of us. With time, you will see how this one girl was meaningles and these little relationship that we had in teens and 20's are so unimportant. I wish I could turn the time and do literally any dumb thing that came to my mind just to see how much different these relationships would play out. I bet not much different at all. But hey, it's life, and I'm not mad it happened, and neither should you. Big things and hot girls lie ahead of you.

You can find basically most of the answers you need here, just dig.
You will not change your approach to women. You will change yourself for better. It's impossible to stay the same person you are now and have good relationships with women that we all desire. You have to change a lot. There is no hack.

But remember one thing for start. Men are idealistic romantics, women are realistic pragmatics. It's a generalization, but a good one.
 

sangheilios

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When a woman says she was in a toxic relationship, her exes are toxic etc what you should hear is that SHE is toxic and to be avoided. That's where you made the biggest mistake, in selecting who you invite into your life. What @BackInTheGame78 says is all well and good, but choosing a clinically sane woman with a good attitude comes first and is paramount.
This reminds me of the victim mindset that many people, including women, have. It's something I've seen a lot with single mothers or women who seem to have a repetitive series of one failed relationship after another. The trend is that none of it was their fault, though they seem to forget that they chose those men in the first place.

Life becomes much simpler and more enjoyable when you are selective with who you have around. The reality is that a substantial number of men are incredibly desperate when it comes to their opposite sex interactions, and because of this will go OUT of their way to invite trouble into their own lives.
 
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soulforge

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Yeh straight up.

If she tells you that her last relationship was toxic, or several of her previous relationships where toxic.

Guaranteed she was a major factor in that toxicity!

Be selective about who you get involved with. Never ever ignore significant red flags.

Make a discussion quickly about if she is for the streets, or wife material.

If she is for the streets, have your fun, but never take her seriously.
 

Lauel

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If she is for the streets, have your fun, but never take her seriously.
How do I get this out for her?
They keep playing the victim, portray themselves as good girls, flawless and pure as milk.
How do I get it out of her this information, since they will easily change the topic or wittily hide the information?
 

Lauel

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Listen on YouTube, 15 lessons from the book of pook, and then the entire book, all of what you did wrong will be listed there. Welcome, I wish someone have told me this when I was 19.
"
This is where that cycle of hesitation leads. In your world of Hesitation, you shred off more and more of your manliness until you turn into a full-fledged Nice Guy. Then you seek to remove hesitation by making the approach risk free. Then you start giving gifts, poetry, flowers, and declarations of love. You start to examine and re-examine non-existent signals until they read the way you want them to read. In the end, you place her on the pedestal and throw yourself to her worship.

"
That stinged like hell. Damn it.
 

CornbreadFed

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Before this one, I had two relationships, none of which crossed 3 months mark, and all ended miserably, majorly on my part.
So, roughly around March, I started dating a girl who was in the same college and year as I was. She looked attractive and sexy to me, and I also sensed mutual interest, so I asked for her number in the subway, which I did get, and moved towards dating.
Two relationships before 19 is pretty impressive actually. You are already miles ahead of most men including older too. Sounds like you have a case of scarcity mindset which is common for someone your age and experience.
 

The Duke

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@Lauel

Here are some standard rules to follow in order to be successful with women in the long term:

-Care about the relationship less than she does. The one who cares the least has the power. Just look how it worked on you. The less she cared, the harder you tried.
-Never provide too much attention or validation. Its what they all crave the most. Don't give your power away.
-This chic has some issues. She responds by being treated like schitt, she strung you along, she wasn't honest with you.
-Don't let your own feelings blind your reality.
-She needs to work for you, not the other way around.
 

Dr.Suave

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@Lauel

I hate to say this because most guys here are gonna hate me, but due to your age, you can afford to look for 0 notch count and low body coount girls. You should prioritize those. Less than 4 bodies for sure.

Most people here will tell you the following:

- You shouldnt care about body count.
- Dont ask questions you dont want to know the answer to
- She will never tell you the real number anyway
- Multiply the number she says by 4
- You are unrealistic/insecure/delusional
- Its not the 19XXs anymore

Stuff like that. F0ck them. You listen to @pipeman84 and @Modern Man Advice , they are a few of the guys who are legit (When it comes to body counts anyway. Most members still give solid advice on other topics, especially the older men).
 

BackInTheGame78

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@Lauel

I hate to say this because most guys here are gonna hate me, but due to your age, you can afford to look for 0 notch count and low body coount girls. You should prioritize those. Less than 4 bodies for sure.

Most people here will tell you the following:

- You shouldnt care about body count.
- Dont ask questions you dont want to know the answer to
- She will never tell you the real number anyway
- Multiply the number she says by 4
- You are unrealistic/insecure/delusional
- Its not the 19XXs anymore

Stuff like that. F0ck them. You listen to @pipeman84 and @Modern Man Advice , they are a few of the guys who are legit (When it comes to body counts anyway. Most members still give solid advice on other topics, especially the older men).
Most women lie about body count or only count actual relationships, meaning any flings or ONS they have don't count. They make up their own "rules".

Trying to determine how many guys a woman has slept with is an act of futility that will serve little purpose because it's inherently inaccurate.
 

Lauel

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-Care about the relationship less than she does. The one who cares the least has the power. Just look how it worked on you. The less she cared, the harder you tried.
Indeed.
To any newbie out there, who is reading this: When I used to care less, was't devoted or committed much. She used to tell me, how lucky she is to have me, and is afraid of losing me. Yeah, seems unbelievable but that really happened in the start. Later I started losing the dynamic.
 

Lauel

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Most women lie about body count or only count actual relationships, meaning any flings or ONS they have don't count. They make up their own "rules".

Trying to determine how many guys a woman has slept with is an act of futility that will serve little purpose because it's inherently inaccurate.
I agree about it being the act of futility.You can't change, even knowing it is an effort which will take a lot of time, just to change what?
 
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