salinechow
Senior Don Juan
Given my recent posts I thought this would be a good exercise for all.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
If you have a girlfriend you have oneitis
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
I've suffered from that before, and let me tell you that like you said, it isn't fun at all after that high wears off. There was a girl that I loved back in high school, and it continued on for so long, those feelings kept going even after that woman got married several years ago as I wasn't phased by it. Then it died down for awhile but those feelings immediately reignited when I saw her in a department store last year and we talked for awhile. It took me quite a few months but they're back under control again, plus my mother helped pound some sense into my head when she informed me that even if that girl did get divorced (which was what I was hoping for at one time as I can tell she isn't all that happy currently by what she does), I didn't need all that extra baggage that would come with her. I still think of her occasionally, but nowhere near how I used to.Oneitis is used to describe a man who focuses and pursues only one woman without her having the same interest for him, it's thus considered negative. However if she's got the same interest it's usually not defined as oneitis.
Oneitis is the same as infatuation, she's on your mind, you imagine being with her and have elevated feelings for her. Oneitis in particular is when a man fantasizes instead of acting on his feelings, he remains trapped and usually crashes horribly when the high subsides. It's exactly like a drug, feels good but is eventually very bad for you.
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.