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If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

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Valentine's Day: Am I the *******?

dude99

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Looking at this situation from afar like we are it is so easy to recognize these Cluster B tendencies (and I have gone through it myself). The rollercoaster ride looks as unhealthy as it is from a distance. However, when you are on it, it can be completely intoxicating. The horrible fighting followed by crazy-good sex. OP is clearly completely caught up in it. The only thing that is likely going to get him off of it is a crash and burn.
Yes i understand. I too dated a sociopath and a BPD cluster b's in my day. I too was put through the ringer from their mental abuse and drama BS and i studied the disorders too in my time and that is why i am a firm believer in ZERO chances for any cluster b personality. I have been there and done that.

The only way to win/be happy when it comes to cluster b's and toxic chicks in general is to not engage with them at all.
 

BPH

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Yeah, I kinda expected this response.

Well if something else terrible happens and I walk away I'm sure I'll revisit this post so you guys can have an "I told you so moment".

She did what I wanted, it just wasn't as one-sided as I would've wanted it to be. So I'm cautiously optimistic; either there's another crash and burn and I can walk away without wondering "what if", or she makes the changes she said she would and we're able to move forward and have a healthy relationship. Either way, I'll have my outcome without wasting much more of my time.

Further point, as I mentioned before, she is Type A Manic Depressive Bipolar...she is NOT Type B...and her brother who lives with her along with friends and family have confirmed how her ex treated her. Just wanted to flesh that out a bit.
 

Barrister

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Yeah, I kinda expected this response.

Well if something else terrible happens and I walk away I'm sure I'll revisit this post so you guys can have an "I told you so moment".

She did what I wanted, it just wasn't as one-sided as I would've wanted it to be. So I'm cautiously optimistic; either there's another crash and burn and I can walk away without wondering "what if", or she makes the changes she said she would and we're able to move forward and have a healthy relationship. Either way, I'll have my outcome without wasting much more of my time.

Further point, as I mentioned before, she is Type A Manic Depressive Bipolar...she is NOT Type B...and her brother who lives with her along with friends and family have confirmed how her ex treated her. Just wanted to flesh that out a bit.
No one takes any joy out of your situation. For those of us who have been in LTRs with these kind of women we understand what you are going through. You are still wearing rose-colored glasses if you think there is any chance of a happy ending. Her blame of her ex is a classic cluster B trait - and her brother covering for her, who is family, means nothing one way or another. She sounds like she has traits of both narcissism and borderline from what you describe.

I really hope it works out for you and you don't come back here. Even if you do, it isn't going to give myself or anyone else in this thread satisfaction to say "I told you so." I am sorry you are dealing with this.
 

BPH

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No one takes any joy out of your situation. For those of us who have been in LTRs with these kind of women we understand what you are going through. You are still wearing rose-colored glasses if you think there is any chance of a happy ending. Her blame of her ex is a classic cluster B trait - and her brother covering for her, who is family, means nothing one way or another. She sounds like she has traits of both narcissism and borderline from what you describe.

I really hope it works out for you and you don't come back here. Even if you do, it isn't going to give myself or anyone else in this thread satisfaction to say "I told you so." I am sorry you are dealing with this.
I appreciate that, I guess I'll see.

I'm not oblivious to what I'm getting myself into, but if it doesn't work out I'll have learned something from the experience and can walk away feeling like I gave it my all.
 

dude99

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Yeah, I kinda expected this response.

Well if something else terrible happens and I walk away I'm sure I'll revisit this post so you guys can have an "I told you so moment".

She did what I wanted, it just wasn't as one-sided as I would've wanted it to be. So I'm cautiously optimistic; either there's another crash and burn and I can walk away without wondering "what if", or she makes the changes she said she would and we're able to move forward and have a healthy relationship. Either way, I'll have my outcome without wasting much more of my time.

Further point, as I mentioned before, she is Type A Manic Depressive Bipolar...she is NOT Type B...and her brother who lives with her along with friends and family have confirmed how her ex treated her. Just wanted to flesh that out a bit.
Believe me when i say this i do not want to have an i told you so moment. I do not relish in any guy being used and and abused by some chick. I am just issuing you fair warning so you can not wast time and emotions and your resources investing in a trap that will spring on you one day.

As for Bi-polar, all bi-polar is a cluster b type personality. She may be type a bi-polar manic etc... for that paticular personality but the disorder itself is a type b personality disorder itself. All sociopaths, narcissistis, all borderline personality disorders all estronic personality disorders all bi polar disorders are all type b personality disorders. She may be type a in the bi-polar catagory of bi-polar itself, but she is still a type B in the mental disorder.

With that being said. Guard your heart. Personaliy i would give her her walking papers. But if you choose to stay with her after this placating i would not invest anything serious in her. No emotions no serious amount of time and no financial resources (yes she makes more than you but that wont stop a scorned cluster b from trying to financially ruin you in the future.)
 

Glassguy

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I appreciate that, I guess I'll see.

I'm not oblivious to what I'm getting myself into, but if it doesn't work out I'll have learned something from the experience and can walk away feeling like I gave it my all.
Let me get this straight.....
She flat out tells you that there are a few guys that she wants to hang out with (fuc them) and she needs a week or two break....

And you're still pursuing making this relationship work with her?

Or did I read that earlier message you posted wrong?
 

King Lion

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Alright, I'll reply to you specifically because this is closest to what I was planning to do and closest to what I did do.

Ok so here's what happened...

Saturday comes around. I'm not expecting much because she's under the impression that I was out banging some other girl on account of a random person texting her claiming to be some girl that's going to have fun with me in Atlantic City in an attempt to piss her off.

In the morning on Saturday she's asking to push the time back because she's super hungover and didn't sleep and I told her she made that decision, so she has to make this one today. Either she comes or she doesn't.

She doesn't respond after I ghost her following that message, so I assume she isn't on her way. But lo and behold, she does show up, and she did bring wine as something of a peace offering and as something to try and have a calmer conversation.

I initially thought it was over in the first 10 minutes. I sat her down and unloaded on her because she kept interrupting, trying to argue with me, being immature overall when I'm trying to be serious. I tell her she's gotta cut that **** out or she leave, and after making this offer a few times, she does. She gets up, walks out, and sits in her car.

I start closing up and turning off lights, I walk out to leave and as I'm going up to my car she comes out of hers and asks "is this really it?" I tell her if she wants to finish the conversation we can go back inside but it's not going to be an argument or a discussion, it will be what has to happen for me to want to continue with the relationship.

So we go back in and resume, she opens up the wine, and I tell her what needs to change; that she needs to be respectful and take me seriously when something's upsetting me, and that she needs to communicate things that are bothering her and if she wants to be part of a decision if I'm unknowingly disregarding her. She agrees that she can make some compromises.

However she also believes that I'M the toxic one in the relationship and that she couldn't believe that I was capable of being so cold and unloving during this little break-up over text ****. She thinks this all happened because she came to me feeling disappointed about Valentine's Day and the efforts I made over the weekend - she doesn't really see it as me being upset that she was ungrateful with my efforts. The odd thing was that she mentioned how she went to her friends about this crap the same way I went to mine and that they all agreed that my effort was minimal...

Anyway, we're talking in circles for a while so I boil it down to a few things so we can move on; she made the trip on my terms so this means something to her, she brought wine in an effort to have a more relaxed conversation, she agreed to make some compromises with her behavior without demanding any of me. She just did it in a way that was more "kicking and screaming" than I was expecting. In all fairness, watching her interact with other people, including her boss, is not dissimilar from how she behaves with me, so I suppose that makes some sense...

So I took her upstairs, tore off her clothes, and ****ed her down right there on the floor and finished on her chest.

From that point she felt a need to punish me for what she saw as me ignoring and punishing her, which happened in the form of sarcasm and messing with me about what she wanted; saying maybe we should have an open relationship, that there ARE 1 or 2 guys she'd want to hang out with first, that we should take a break for a week or two, etc. This boiled down to her just being an ******* because she knew it would get a rise out of me...

She leaves and texts me soon afterwards saying that she's getting dinner then heading home before inviting me to come join her, asking if I want to blow off everybody else and "come cuddle and ****". I took some time deciding whether I should do this, and thought that I got what I wanted, and if we're "good" and going to continue moving forward that I shouldn't continue punishing her, so I accept.

We get there late at night, she's on FaceTime with her girlfriend for a while and we're just sipping wine, ordering food, and relaxing in PJs. She argues her point a little more about how she was feeling and really thinking I need therapy because of how cold I was, but we don't get into a fight and we eventually go to bed. I later learn that she was EXTREMELY tired because in an effort to make the day and time I picked she didn't sleep at all on Saturday for fear that she wouldn't wake up in time.

Sunday is much better. It takes her some time to warm back up to me after feeling like I had punished her, but she comes around. She tells me that she didn't do anything with any other guys while we were broken up, and I believe her. She tells me how she was tempted, and how she thought about it, and how a combination of input from her friends and her own guilty conscience kept tame until she had the conversation with me to see what would happen. I believe her, and I appreciated her honesty.
Well done, man!
 

King Lion

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Part 2 due to character/word limit...

We have amazing sex a few times before I head home; once where she said it was the best sex she's ever had, and then the very next time she has what she described as the most amazing orgasm of her life. So that was good.

I drive home, telling her I made it safe, before receiving one of the sweetest text messages I ever got from her; essentially promising that she will speak out more about things that are bothering or concerning her, and being a part of a decision because she isn't used to having people care about what she wants, along with promising that she will respect me when I'm truly being serious and won't make light of those moments.

Following this, where I'm at now in terms of what I'm thinking and what I want to do...objectively, she did do what I asked, she just didn't do it quite as submissively as I would've liked. I'm sure her friends agree with her and reinforce her point of view and I fully expect to not have been painted in the best light by her when she has her own retelling of how this conversation went down. However, she agreed to make changes, so I can see if she follows through and approach the relationship with a one-strike philosophy moving forward.

Some extra bits of background information for context:

She is Type A manic depressive bipolar, she is not Type B. She medicates, but her experience is that she experiences very low lows when she's down.

Her previous 2 relationships were very abusive; physically and emotionally. One was very short and more recent, the other was 10 years with a man who regularly cheated on her, put his hands on her, even proposed to her before cheating on her 2 days later. She would regularly leave him and once he tried to get her back she would do so, I'm the first person she's been with since then that has not been the case.

I believe her when she tells me what she has/hasn't done with guys in terms of cheating because she was faithful with that 10-year relationship and because she has a guilty conscience. She told me maybe 1 month into us seeing each other that she had been with 1 other guy aside from me. It was eating her alive and she told me she wanted to get it off her chest, but was afraid how I would react. I don't call her honesty and loyalty into question.

She is adopted, and had come from a series of foster homes until she was rescued by her current mother. During that time she had faced neglect, abuse, and due to the fact that her siblings are degenerates in one form or another, she has taken on the mantle of being the provider. Hence why she has managed to be so financially successful and has a lot more masculine traits than most other women I know.

Anyway, I know this was a hell of a read, and I'm sure I'll get a lot of negative responses, but this is what happened over the weekend and I wanted to share that experience. Let me know what you think, good or bad, I'll make sure to read over them all.

Thanks for all the input and advice otherwise. I appreciated yours in this case especially King Lion.
She has found a real man that is a PRIZE in you now, and she knows it....Be well.
 

King Lion

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Yeah, I kinda expected this response.

Well if something else terrible happens and I walk away I'm sure I'll revisit this post so you guys can have an "I told you so moment".

She did what I wanted, it just wasn't as one-sided as I would've wanted it to be. So I'm cautiously optimistic; either there's another crash and burn and I can walk away without wondering "what if", or she makes the changes she said she would and we're able to move forward and have a healthy relationship. Either way, I'll have my outcome without wasting much more of my time.

Further point, as I mentioned before, she is Type A Manic Depressive Bipolar...she is NOT Type B...and her brother who lives with her along with friends and family have confirmed how her ex treated her. Just wanted to flesh that out a bit.
She loves and respects you for understanding her and being real with her - Don't change, man - Keep your integrity intact.

Together you two can soar!
1645795015634.png
 

King Lion

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I appreciate that, I guess I'll see.

I'm not oblivious to what I'm getting myself into, but if it doesn't work out I'll have learned something from the experience and can walk away feeling like I gave it my all.
Well thought out and stated.

'The Noblest Thing A MAN Can Do - Is To Do The BEST That He Can.'
 

BPH

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She has found a real man that is a PRIZE in you now, and she knows it....Be well.
Well I wanted to follow up on this, but I'll quote you directly to show you how this unfolded.

The weekend I made my stand and the weekend after were amazing, even Friday night with her was fantastic. She told me that she was so angry with me but was also so turned on by how I shut her down and told her no, she told me she's never been so attracted to me before.

But none of that matters because of what just happened last night which will probably be the nail in the coffin for me.

Late last night one of my girlfriend's friends invited herself over at around 3AM. I don't like this friend because she's been nice to my face but when I'm not around she tries to push my girlfriend to date another guy in her friend group because she thinks I'm a bum. She knows I don't like her, so she appreciated when I came downstairs into the kitchen with them both and held my tongue and played nice.

We're all drinking, they're talking back and forth, my girlfriend is teasing me throughout; kissing me, straddling me on my stool and grinding on me, fingering her through her spanx, and at one point she even lifted her shirt away from her friend so I could suck on her breasts (but she denies that last bit happened at all despite having a Ring camera set up in her kitchen)...

Anyway, she's turning me on and can see my imprint through my sweatpants and goes "ooh what's that", so I tell her I she dropped something and get her to bend over, with our backs to her friend so she couldn't see even if she was looking (which she wasn't) and flashed my d***. She rises up and says that wasn't cute and that it was disrespectful. But she's sarcastic a lot and we were teasing so I thought she was joking, but then she comes over to me and slaps me in the face. She sits back across the island and says "do you understand?" and I still think she's joking but I'm not sure yet, so I go "you just laid your hands on me" to which she doubles down and states "yeah cus you did some disrespectful stuff like that in front of my friend".

So she goes upstairs, the friend isn't sure what happened so she asks if I'm going to check on her, I tell her no, so she goes upstairs. I hear my girl rant for a bit then come back down still angry and now I'm angry, so I tell her "that is one thing we aren't going to do in this relationship". She gets in my face and starts having a yelling match with me, and I'm kinda enraged but I'm not putting my hands on her, I'm trying to move past her and get upstairs to grab my stuff and leave. She starts bumping me, blocking me, yelling in my face while I yell in hers all the way to her room where my stuff is. I grab it and tell her "f*** this, I'm not going to be with somebody who's comfortable putting their hands on me", and how I'll leave and grab myself a hotel for the night until I sober up but I want to leave. She blocks the door so I can't leave without being physical with her or causing damage to the door because she wants me to calm down and have a conversation with her.

I let her say her peace, she says I can go if I want to, so I take about a half hour and go for a walk. I come back and she's waiting on the stairs and wants to talk, I tell her I just want to go to bed. She comes into the room once or twice more trying to talk, but she interrupts me and talks over me so we don't get far. I apologize if what I did was disrespectful, that I thought we were teasing and having fun, and didn't realize I went too far. She apologized for hitting me, but is later still upset because SHE feels that I feel like MY "wrong" was worse than HER "wrong". So she doesn't feel comfortable sharing the bed with me, and I sleep in the guest room. I figure we'll both sleep, maybe have a more sober talk in the morning.

I wake up at 1PM so her and the friend from last night in the kitchen arguing about something else. I go downstairs and sit at the same spot and don't say a thing. The friend during their argument looks over to me to kinda be on somebody's side to which I simply respond "do you like honesty?" I think my girl knew what was about to say so she cut me off, told her friend to leave, and got real hype and yelling at me about "oh you were all loud last night let's be loud, you want to get in my face I'll get in your face" etc. So I don't even try, I sip my coffee, then start packing my bags to leave and head out. She stops me a few times and tries to have a conversation...

Once as I'm leaving, again when I'm walking down the driveway, and again when I'm actually in my car. I humor her and tell her that regardless of the situation, we will not lay hands on each other, and that I needed her to promise me that'll never happen again and that she will do SOMETHING before she feels the need to explode. I tell her she has a 0 and a 100, but she has no 50, no midway, and that there has to be something between perfectly fine and slapping me in the face.

She keeps bringing it back to that she never thought she would be able to do that to me, but that she never thought I would do anything so disrespectful. She goes from "hitting" to "lightly slapped" to "tapped" to "touched you in the face" to "didn't aggressively assault you". That bothered me, but she feels that I'm twisting the situation to make her the bad guy when she feels that I did something so disrespectful that her response was warranted...

Anyway I drove home, which is where I'm typing this now, it's almost 5PM at the time of this writing. She called me a few times during the drive and I called her back when I got home essentially saying "look, I need you to promise me that if I do something you find disrespectful and I don't realize it, there's going to be a 50 before the 100". She stick to that she didn't hit me hard, and that I hit her harder during sex, and that she just touched my face to get my attention, etc. I was willing to accept what happened as a one-off, but she seems unwilling to accept the full responsibility of the fact that she laid hands on me based on the fact that she didn't cold-**** me aggressively...

So I hung up on her and now I'm here. I don't see this getting better unless she like really comes around and apologizes but I don't see this happening. She thinks she submitted to "my bullsh**" for the whole Valentine's Day thing, and that she's not going to do that now.

Yeah, fun stuff. Just wanted to provide that update.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Well I wanted to follow up on this, but I'll quote you directly to show you how this unfolded.

The weekend I made my stand and the weekend after were amazing, even Friday night with her was fantastic. She told me that she was so angry with me but was also so turned on by how I shut her down and told her no, she told me she's never been so attracted to me before.

But none of that matters because of what just happened last night which will probably be the nail in the coffin for me.

Late last night one of my girlfriend's friends invited herself over at around 3AM. I don't like this friend because she's been nice to my face but when I'm not around she tries to push my girlfriend to date another guy in her friend group because she thinks I'm a bum. She knows I don't like her, so she appreciated when I came downstairs into the kitchen with them both and held my tongue and played nice.

We're all drinking, they're talking back and forth, my girlfriend is teasing me throughout; kissing me, straddling me on my stool and grinding on me, fingering her through her spanx, and at one point she even lifted her shirt away from her friend so I could suck on her breasts (but she denies that last bit happened at all despite having a Ring camera set up in her kitchen)...

Anyway, she's turning me on and can see my imprint through my sweatpants and goes "ooh what's that", so I tell her I she dropped something and get her to bend over, with our backs to her friend so she couldn't see even if she was looking (which she wasn't) and flashed my d***. She rises up and says that wasn't cute and that it was disrespectful. But she's sarcastic a lot and we were teasing so I thought she was joking, but then she comes over to me and slaps me in the face. She sits back across the island and says "do you understand?" and I still think she's joking but I'm not sure yet, so I go "you just laid your hands on me" to which she doubles down and states "yeah cus you did some disrespectful stuff like that in front of my friend".

So she goes upstairs, the friend isn't sure what happened so she asks if I'm going to check on her, I tell her no, so she goes upstairs. I hear my girl rant for a bit then come back down still angry and now I'm angry, so I tell her "that is one thing we aren't going to do in this relationship". She gets in my face and starts having a yelling match with me, and I'm kinda enraged but I'm not putting my hands on her, I'm trying to move past her and get upstairs to grab my stuff and leave. She starts bumping me, blocking me, yelling in my face while I yell in hers all the way to her room where my stuff is. I grab it and tell her "f*** this, I'm not going to be with somebody who's comfortable putting their hands on me", and how I'll leave and grab myself a hotel for the night until I sober up but I want to leave. She blocks the door so I can't leave without being physical with her or causing damage to the door because she wants me to calm down and have a conversation with her.

I let her say her peace, she says I can go if I want to, so I take about a half hour and go for a walk. I come back and she's waiting on the stairs and wants to talk, I tell her I just want to go to bed. She comes into the room once or twice more trying to talk, but she interrupts me and talks over me so we don't get far. I apologize if what I did was disrespectful, that I thought we were teasing and having fun, and didn't realize I went too far. She apologized for hitting me, but is later still upset because SHE feels that I feel like MY "wrong" was worse than HER "wrong". So she doesn't feel comfortable sharing the bed with me, and I sleep in the guest room. I figure we'll both sleep, maybe have a more sober talk in the morning.

I wake up at 1PM so her and the friend from last night in the kitchen arguing about something else. I go downstairs and sit at the same spot and don't say a thing. The friend during their argument looks over to me to kinda be on somebody's side to which I simply respond "do you like honesty?" I think my girl knew what was about to say so she cut me off, told her friend to leave, and got real hype and yelling at me about "oh you were all loud last night let's be loud, you want to get in my face I'll get in your face" etc. So I don't even try, I sip my coffee, then start packing my bags to leave and head out. She stops me a few times and tries to have a conversation...

Once as I'm leaving, again when I'm walking down the driveway, and again when I'm actually in my car. I humor her and tell her that regardless of the situation, we will not lay hands on each other, and that I needed her to promise me that'll never happen again and that she will do SOMETHING before she feels the need to explode. I tell her she has a 0 and a 100, but she has no 50, no midway, and that there has to be something between perfectly fine and slapping me in the face.

She keeps bringing it back to that she never thought she would be able to do that to me, but that she never thought I would do anything so disrespectful. She goes from "hitting" to "lightly slapped" to "tapped" to "touched you in the face" to "didn't aggressively assault you". That bothered me, but she feels that I'm twisting the situation to make her the bad guy when she feels that I did something so disrespectful that her response was warranted...

Anyway I drove home, which is where I'm typing this now, it's almost 5PM at the time of this writing. She called me a few times during the drive and I called her back when I got home essentially saying "look, I need you to promise me that if I do something you find disrespectful and I don't realize it, there's going to be a 50 before the 100". She stick to that she didn't hit me hard, and that I hit her harder during sex, and that she just touched my face to get my attention, etc. I was willing to accept what happened as a one-off, but she seems unwilling to accept the full responsibility of the fact that she laid hands on me based on the fact that she didn't cold-**** me aggressively...

So I hung up on her and now I'm here. I don't see this getting better unless she like really comes around and apologizes but I don't see this happening. She thinks she submitted to "my bullsh**" for the whole Valentine's Day thing, and that she's not going to do that now.

Yeah, fun stuff. Just wanted to provide that update.
You are crazy if you stay with this woman. That is NOT what a healthy relationship looks like.
 

RobbyDog

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Dude, this sounds just like the dynamics of my marriage. She’s projecting her unacceptable behaviour onto you…she acts like that yet you’re the disrespectful/crazy/unloving one according to her. Get out. It will be hard to do but you’ll be better off for it in the end. Don’t let her hotness /wealth cloud your judgement. I married, had kids with, and divorced a woman who sounds like this (now we’re in family court HELL). Nobody, male or female, should EVER tolerate physical abuse in a relationship. The fact that she’s trying to minimize the incident is even more telling. I suggest you spend your weekends working on yourself and improving your own life instead of wasting time with someone like this. You DESERVE better.
 
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King Lion

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Well I wanted to follow up on this, but I'll quote you directly to show you how this unfolded.

The weekend I made my stand and the weekend after were amazing, even Friday night with her was fantastic. She told me that she was so angry with me but was also so turned on by how I shut her down and told her no, she told me she's never been so attracted to me before.

But none of that matters because of what just happened last night which will probably be the nail in the coffin for me.

Late last night one of my girlfriend's friends invited herself over at around 3AM. I don't like this friend because she's been nice to my face but when I'm not around she tries to push my girlfriend to date another guy in her friend group because she thinks I'm a bum. She knows I don't like her, so she appreciated when I came downstairs into the kitchen with them both and held my tongue and played nice.

We're all drinking, they're talking back and forth, my girlfriend is teasing me throughout; kissing me, straddling me on my stool and grinding on me, fingering her through her spanx, and at one point she even lifted her shirt away from her friend so I could suck on her breasts (but she denies that last bit happened at all despite having a Ring camera set up in her kitchen)...

Anyway, she's turning me on and can see my imprint through my sweatpants and goes "ooh what's that", so I tell her I she dropped something and get her to bend over, with our backs to her friend so she couldn't see even if she was looking (which she wasn't) and flashed my d***. She rises up and says that wasn't cute and that it was disrespectful. But she's sarcastic a lot and we were teasing so I thought she was joking, but then she comes over to me and slaps me in the face. She sits back across the island and says "do you understand?" and I still think she's joking but I'm not sure yet, so I go "you just laid your hands on me" to which she doubles down and states "yeah cus you did some disrespectful stuff like that in front of my friend".

So she goes upstairs, the friend isn't sure what happened so she asks if I'm going to check on her, I tell her no, so she goes upstairs. I hear my girl rant for a bit then come back down still angry and now I'm angry, so I tell her "that is one thing we aren't going to do in this relationship". She gets in my face and starts having a yelling match with me, and I'm kinda enraged but I'm not putting my hands on her, I'm trying to move past her and get upstairs to grab my stuff and leave. She starts bumping me, blocking me, yelling in my face while I yell in hers all the way to her room where my stuff is. I grab it and tell her "f*** this, I'm not going to be with somebody who's comfortable putting their hands on me", and how I'll leave and grab myself a hotel for the night until I sober up but I want to leave. She blocks the door so I can't leave without being physical with her or causing damage to the door because she wants me to calm down and have a conversation with her.

I let her say her peace, she says I can go if I want to, so I take about a half hour and go for a walk. I come back and she's waiting on the stairs and wants to talk, I tell her I just want to go to bed. She comes into the room once or twice more trying to talk, but she interrupts me and talks over me so we don't get far. I apologize if what I did was disrespectful, that I thought we were teasing and having fun, and didn't realize I went too far. She apologized for hitting me, but is later still upset because SHE feels that I feel like MY "wrong" was worse than HER "wrong". So she doesn't feel comfortable sharing the bed with me, and I sleep in the guest room. I figure we'll both sleep, maybe have a more sober talk in the morning.

I wake up at 1PM so her and the friend from last night in the kitchen arguing about something else. I go downstairs and sit at the same spot and don't say a thing. The friend during their argument looks over to me to kinda be on somebody's side to which I simply respond "do you like honesty?" I think my girl knew what was about to say so she cut me off, told her friend to leave, and got real hype and yelling at me about "oh you were all loud last night let's be loud, you want to get in my face I'll get in your face" etc. So I don't even try, I sip my coffee, then start packing my bags to leave and head out. She stops me a few times and tries to have a conversation...

Once as I'm leaving, again when I'm walking down the driveway, and again when I'm actually in my car. I humor her and tell her that regardless of the situation, we will not lay hands on each other, and that I needed her to promise me that'll never happen again and that she will do SOMETHING before she feels the need to explode. I tell her she has a 0 and a 100, but she has no 50, no midway, and that there has to be something between perfectly fine and slapping me in the face.

She keeps bringing it back to that she never thought she would be able to do that to me, but that she never thought I would do anything so disrespectful. She goes from "hitting" to "lightly slapped" to "tapped" to "touched you in the face" to "didn't aggressively assault you". That bothered me, but she feels that I'm twisting the situation to make her the bad guy when she feels that I did something so disrespectful that her response was warranted...

Anyway I drove home, which is where I'm typing this now, it's almost 5PM at the time of this writing. She called me a few times during the drive and I called her back when I got home essentially saying "look, I need you to promise me that if I do something you find disrespectful and I don't realize it, there's going to be a 50 before the 100". She stick to that she didn't hit me hard, and that I hit her harder during sex, and that she just touched my face to get my attention, etc. I was willing to accept what happened as a one-off, but she seems unwilling to accept the full responsibility of the fact that she laid hands on me based on the fact that she didn't cold-**** me aggressively...

So I hung up on her and now I'm here. I don't see this getting better unless she like really comes around and apologizes but I don't see this happening. She thinks she submitted to "my bullsh**" for the whole Valentine's Day thing, and that she's not going to do that now.

Yeah, fun stuff. Just wanted to provide that update.
NEVER apologize to a B*TCH that acts like a rotten CVNT!

Remember how your post started: She said she got 'turned on' by your masculine energy and resolve - So don't change!

Her friend showing up was likely instigated by her because all females have their peculiar kinks and feeling masculine energy is one of their greatest kinks.

She probably bragged about it and you to all her friends. That then made them envious of her, and desirous of you, and just like Cinderella's evil step-sisters; they probably laughed out of jealousy in derision at her and trash-talked you!

So now - she is trying you & sh*t testing you!

Why? For signs of strength or weakness and congruency or incongruency of your resolve.

Don't sweat it, man.

If she thought you were "cold" before...lol...NOW, you must make her realise that she only saw the 'tip' of the iceberg before!

Time for talk is DONE!

No contact is the best move going forward.

Chances are she'll be back to try & test you again with all sorts of manipulative bullsh*t - IGNORE HER.

Let her meditate on her fvckery and feel the loss of you and her mind, while at the same time knowing she blew it with the one guy that gave her the 'best orgasm of her life' - The stupid, ungrateful, wretched, evil, wicked, mean and nasty cvnt!

She should be, and likely will, be kissing your azz from now on, but just like every petulant little child or person, she'll fall back into her peevish behavior - If/when she does - CHARGE HER - HARDER than the slap she gave you!

Having already humiliated you in front of her friend and b*tching until you 'apologised'...{smh}...She is not to be trusted at all. Not with your masculinity, and especially not with your sanity.

Sadly for you, she is a drunken mess that's only happy dragging you down with her mind-fvcking tricks and insanity.

Forget her and take comfort in knowing she will never be able to forget you!

To handle or keep a b*tch like her {that is if you really want to} you've got to be tough and have self-control, so TELL her and do not ask her to do what you want.

They must then comply, or you say 'Bye B*tch'!

The Rest Is Up To You



 

BPH

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NEVER apologize to a B*TCH that acts like a rotten CVNT!

Remember how your post started: She said she got 'turned on' by your masculine energy and resolve - So don't change!

Her friend showing up was likely instigated by her because all females have their peculiar kinks and feeling masculine energy is one of their greatest kinks.

She probably bragged about it and you to all her friends. That then made them envious of her, and desirous of you, and just like Cinderella's evil step-sisters; they probably laughed out of jealousy in derision at her and trash-talked you!

So now - she is trying you & sh*t testing you!

Why? For signs of strength or weakness and congruency or incongruency of your resolve.

Don't sweat it, man.

If she thought you were "cold" before...lol...NOW, you must make her realise that she only saw the 'tip' of the iceberg before!

Time for talk is DONE!

No contact is the best move going forward.

Chances are she'll be back to try & test you again with all sorts of manipulative bullsh*t - IGNORE HER.

Let her meditate on her fvckery and feel the loss of you and her mind, while at the same time knowing she blew it with the one guy that gave her the 'best orgasm of her life' - The stupid, ungrateful, wretched, evil, wicked, mean and nasty cvnt!

She should be, and likely will, be kissing your azz from now on, but just like every petulant little child or person, she'll fall back into her peevish behavior - If/when she does - CHARGE HER - HARDER than the slap she gave you!

Having already humiliated you in front of her friend and b*tching until you 'apologised'...{smh}...She is not to be trusted at all. Not with your masculinity, and especially not with your sanity.

Sadly for you, she is a drunken mess that's only happy dragging you down with her mind-fvcking tricks and insanity.

Forget her and take comfort in knowing she will never be able to forget you!

To handle or keep a b*tch like her {that is if you really want to} you've got to be tough and have self-control, so TELL her and do not ask her to do what you want.

They must then comply, or you say 'Bye B*tch'!

The Rest Is Up To You
I appreciate your help man, truly.

I haven't gone no-contact with her yet because I don't think I really care. Part of me is looking for something redeeming, wondering what I would need from her in order for us to be "good", but I don't know if such a thing exists.

Things like the amazing unprotected regular sex (she's got an IUD don't worry I'm not getting her pregnant), how sweet and generous and thoughtful she can be when she's good (like I said the 80/20 thing), the promises of getting me a high-paying job with her firm, teaching me about the stock market so I can become financially independent and fix the one aspect of my life that I'm unhappy with...I think to myself, what is this worth?

Is it worth my self-respect? Is it worth, as you say "being tough and having self-control to keep a b**** like her"?

Probably not, I've probably been stupid letting it get this far and trying to fix a damaged woman because of how perfect things were the first few months. I hadn't been in love in years, and I probably wasn't as in love with my most recent ex as she was with me...so really I haven't been in love since I left college, and that was about 7 years ago now. So I think I was excited because I was very pessimistic about love and usually just went out on weekends, met some chick at a bar and would have somewhat regular casual sex with multiple women.

But then I think about how the situation unfolded; she slapped me in the face for something I don't see as a big deal, especially considering the context that she was also participating. She doesn't calm down afterwards and proceeds to double down and get in my face to start a whole yelling match while I try to leave the house. One fight we had around Christmas she kicked me out of her house and when I wanted to talk her down, she wouldn't listen, but when SHE wants to talk during this fight she blocks the door so I can't leave without physically removing her. She has me sleep in the guest room because she doesn't feel like my apology is on par with hers due to the fact that she thinks that what I did was worse and isn't convinced that I feel the same way. Then in the morning she comes out swinging AGAIN after I thought we would be able to have a calmer conversation. Then to top it off, she diminishes her involvement from a "slap" to "tapped your face to get your attention" to "lightly touched you" while making it seem like I'm trying to twist the situation and manipulate it to where she's the bad guy.

And to top it off, while I'm writing this she Snapchatted me something .This morning after a little bit last night where she reverted to trying to appeal to humor and sexuality she goes "And I'm off to start the day", where I responded "I'm still thinking". And she responds with "about what? How you're toxic and ruined our relationship? Cool. I'm glad your pride was worth it".

If I had any empathy I think it's gone there.

She was planning to go to Miami with some of her friends and gym crew on Wednesday until Sunday. She was wanting me to fly down late Thursday or Friday after work to join her. Knowing her, and based on what she's told me about her history, one of the two guys she would've been with if it hadn't worked out for me 2 weekends ago is probably going to be there in Miami with her. If I end things, she'll probably f*** him, or her old f*** buddy, or her ex, I don't know. Then she would probably wait a few months before hitting me up and trying to convince me to continue seeing her as a friend with benefits, as she's done in the past. She calls this "recycling", because she doesn't want her body count to get too high before she meets her husband - wants to proudly be able to say it's in the single digits...

I've thought about this too, what I would do in this situation. I like to think I would turn her down and not be thrown in with the rest of her toys. But is that an ego or pride thing getting in the way of easy sex? I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, I'm kind of just thinking out loud at this point. I don't really know what I'll end up doing if I'm being honest. At this point I'm more leaning towards cutting her off vs giving her a chance like I did 2 weeks ago, but I don't know. I want to think there's something redeeming worth salvaging but I've probably already dealt with too much bull**** for there to be a healthy outcome.

Just my thoughts.
 
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samspade

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I've thought about this too, what I would do in this situation. I like to think I would turn her down and not be thrown in with the rest of her toys. But is that an ego or pride thing getting in the way of easy sex? I'm not sure yet.
My God, dude. Sex?? You can get sex any time you want it. This woman slapped you in the face. She'd already done it figuratively and now she's done it literally. I'd rather be celibate for a year than fukk a bytch like her.

This isn't about ego at all. It's about mental and spiritual self-preservation. Get out before she sucks your soul.
 

BPH

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My God, dude. Sex?? You can get sex any time you want it. This woman slapped you in the face. She'd already done it figuratively and now she's done it literally. I'd rather be celibate for a year than fukk a bytch like her.

This isn't about ego at all. It's about mental and spiritual self-preservation. Get out before she sucks your soul.
I'm not trying to justify her behavior by any means but I'm just curious, if you had a woman that can promise you wealth and financial success, does that factor in at all? Not being her boy toy that she can pay for like a sugar momma, but if she can put you in a position to make you money and bring you up does that have any bearing on what you're willing to do/deal with?

Just a personal opinion question.
 

samspade

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I'm not trying to justify her behavior by any means but I'm just curious, if you had a woman that can promise you wealth and financial success, does that factor in at all? Not being her boy toy that she can pay for like a sugar momma, but if she can put you in a position to make you money and bring you up does that have any bearing on what you're willing to do/deal with?

Just a personal opinion question.
No way. Faustian bargain. You can make money doing a lot of things. Why would you pay such an enormous price? We have one life to live, it's not worth spending it in misery with someone that toxic.
 
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