Valentine's Day: Am I the *******?

[dude99]

Well...in the few hours since my last post a lot has happened actually...

A few minutes after I removed her from socials she notices and BLOWS UP. Starts texting me, trying to call me, etc.

She's saying that what I did wasn't mature, is this how I handle breakups, etc. Then she starts pleading for me to answer the phone, have an adult conversation, that kinda stuff. So I tell her that we're either going to have this conversation in person or not at all, and that if this is important to her she's going to have to come to me and talk face-to-face.

I didn't think much of it, she continued to go off for a while...I didn't respond, and just a few minutes ago I get this text "Okay, fine I suppose we'll do it your way. Pick a bar and a time."

Now she is just trying to suck you into immature drama. Do not take the bait. Do not feed the BS. Typical cluster b.

Ignore. Delete. Block. Next.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I didn't think much of it, she continued to go off for a while...I didn't respond, and just a few minutes ago I get this text "Okay, fine I suppose we'll do it your way. Pick a bar and a time."

You need to find your balls, bro. This is sad. Why can’t you hold your position?

 

[samspade]

Well...in the few hours since my last post a lot has happened actually...

A few minutes after I removed her from socials she notices and BLOWS UP. Starts texting me, trying to call me, etc.

She's saying that what I did wasn't mature, is this how I handle breakups, etc. Then she starts pleading for me to answer the phone, have an adult conversation, that kinda stuff. So I tell her that we're either going to have this conversation in person or not at all, and that if this is important to her she's going to have to come to me and talk face-to-face.

I didn't think much of it, she continued to go off for a while...I didn't respond, and just a few minutes ago I get this text "Okay, fine I suppose we'll do it your way. Pick a bar and a time."

This is why you block. Why was she able to call and text you?

At this point I'd say, "that's not really necessary. It's over." Then block. (If I said anything at all.)

 

[AureliusMaximus]

she didn't do ANYTHING different for ME to celebrate the holiday.

Girls will never make an effort for us guys. It is just the way it works.
(So learn to live with it)

Ask a girl:
"When was the last time you did something romantic for your boyfriend/husband?"
and you will see her brain melt out her ears.

It is extremely rarely that they ever did something special/nice/romantic like that for their counter part, (and used their own money too).
On the other hand; ask a dudebro and you will find ample examples and stories when he did it for her.

So the lesson here is to do the same for her...
Actually on valentines day - you should expect a good bj and that is it lol.
Well seriously. She should do you the favor first and then you might do something.... if she deserves it. Otherwise nope...

Example: If you buy a merc (Which you never should do), she will give you a pair of Christmas socks in return....

Women has a really bad case of solipsism and will never use a second to think about the men (about the guy's feelings/opinions/thoughts etc.), they interact with, yet alone her BF. It's all about them and their feelings and craving for attention. It not for a second about you.

Loads of men wrongly think also that they have some kind of "relationship bank account" which they can withdraw from because they did "this and that", took care of the kids, the house, the bank loans, and/or bought that stupid trip Cancun or gift XYZ etc.

Get over with it because that "relationship bank account" doesn't exist and girls do not give a rats a$$ about what you done for them.
They only care about what they feel for you right now in this moment and what you do for them right now that benefits them.
To women the past doesn't exist.

So if valentines day?
Personally I don't give a fvck about it.

 

[Barrister]

This is why you block. Why was she able to call and text you?

At this point I'd say, "that's not really necessary. It's over." Then block. (If I said anything at all.)

I wouldn't block just for the sole sake of knowing whenever she reaches out and you don't respond it's another "win" for you. Granted, OP is so weak on this that your advice is probably the way to go for him.

 

[samspade]

I wouldn't block just for the sole sake of knowing whenever she reaches out and you don't respond it's another "win" for you. Granted, OP is so weak on this that your advice is probably the way to go for him.

Yep, I don't know OP's age but I've made some mistakes and learned from them. Maybe he has to as well. Currently I'd have no problem with her, easy come easy go, unless she got toxic.

 

[Glassguy]

This is why you block. Why was she able to call and text you?

At this point I'd say, "that's not really necessary. It's over." Then block. (If I said anything at all.)

Totally agree. Driving ANYWHERE and putting ANY effort into talking to a chick like this is even more beta. She already said its over. At that point just respond "K. I agree. Good luck" and move on. No further responses necessary. Let her hamster run wild.

She blew up on him not because he removed her from social media, but because she wanted to get the final word in. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with what "she wanted to do".

When she said she wanted to break up, that was the closure. No reason at all to ever respond to her again.

OP needs to get some ballz and start acting like a respectable human being and go out and start pounding new chicks and sending them down the road afterwards.

 

[lgbs2004]

She blew up on him not because he removed her from social media, but because she wanted to get the final word in. It had nothing to do with him and everything to do with what "she wanted to do".

This!

 

[Glassguy]

This!

Yessss. She is a spoiled little tw@t. As a matter of fact, when she mentioned breaking up I would have sent "Awe thats too bad. You gave decent head. Why dont you come over and get down on your knees for me one last time and you can leave as soon as I finish in your mouth"......just to be the @sshole that I can be. That would have taken her off that pedestal in record time. Then again, I dont put them on the pedestal to begin with.......

OP has too many chemicals not currently balanced in his brain to do this to a chick he has feelings for.

 

[BPH]

I didn't see that until now. 1300+ posts too, smh

Why does **** like this matter? I kept a journal when I was in high school on this forum. I posted daily.

Like **** off "I should know better because I'm a "Master DJ" according to a forum"...Jesus Christ.

I've been in 3 ****ing relationships. I don't do this kinda crap for reasons like the very ****ing thing I'm posting about in the first place. Normally I just run through chicks and keep FWBs going until they get tired of there being no hope of a relationship, they move on, I move on.

Judging my actions versus "what I should know by now" against something I have very little experience sounds like some YouTube comment bull**** where you're making assessments based off some damn internet points. You sound like the very girl I'm having a problem with because "I should know" that she'd want to spend Valentine's Day with me in person.

Just **** off with that kinda crap. If you want to give me advice give it to me with the knowledge that I may or may not follow it to the letter. And that regardless of whether I do, you may be right, you may be wrong, and I'll learn from this experience either way.

But Jesus Christ you guys should not be angrier than me about this situation.

My god, rant over.

 

[lgbs2004]

"No one is as angry as the person who is wrong"

 

[King Lion]

Well...in the few hours since my last post a lot has happened actually...

A few minutes after I removed her from socials she notices and BLOWS UP. Starts texting me, trying to call me, etc.

She's saying that what I did wasn't mature, is this how I handle breakups, etc. Then she starts pleading for me to answer the phone, have an adult conversation, that kinda stuff. So I tell her that we're either going to have this conversation in person or not at all, and that if this is important to her she's going to have to come to me and talk face-to-face.

I didn't think much of it, she continued to go off for a while...I didn't respond, and just a few minutes ago I get this text "Okay, fine I suppose we'll do it your way. Pick a bar and a time."

Listen up, Skippy!

You still have a chance with her.

What you don't know, or understand, is that in her $500k/yr. work arena she is working with BSDs. Not soft-as-tits beta-male simp manginas.

So if you want to keep her and/or make it in her world - you better get tough kid!

NOW, after your recent take-no-bvll****, dump a dumb b*tch with-the-quickness attitude, she is feeling you as a MAN and that can work in your favor.

Tell her to come to your place - No bar!

If/When she gets there, don't be all smiley, or huggy-kissy like a kid with a Happy Meal at McDonald's. Just look to see if she has brought a peace offering. If she has, that's shows consideration.

If not, look at her, but don't let her in. When she asks "Why". Tell her you're starting to re-think whether or not it's worth your time.

Let her make the decision, because just like you, it's a females prerogative to decide who, what, when, where and why we do what we do.

If/When she shows feminine energy, let her in. If not, then unload a charge on her for being an inconsiderate selfish ingrate - Everything you are not.

If she tries to give you any attitude - Tell her to STFU - That lets her know this is not a topic up for discussion, because you, as do most decent people, appreciate gratitude - Not a sh*tty ungrateful attitude!

Don't suck up, or try to charm your way into her snatch - Let her come to grips with how/why she has come to be left wet and wondering by you from your new found highly 'charged' masculine energy.

At that point she will try to supplicate you, or threaten to bail on you. Either way, there should be no ambiguity so you will have your answer.

If she stays - Fvck the living **** outta her.

I mean literally give her the greatest hardest beat the lining outta her uterus and tear dat azz up banging she has ever had!

Then after she has had sufficient time to recover and pillow talk to you, tell her if she's willing to make you a sandwich - you may just do it again!

The Rest Is Up To You.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Why does **** like this matter? I kept a journal when I was in high school on this forum. I posted daily.

Like **** off "I should know better because I'm a "Master DJ" according to a forum"...Jesus Christ.

I've been in 3 ****ing relationships. I don't do this kinda crap for reasons like the very ****ing thing I'm posting about in the first place. Normally I just run through chicks and keep FWBs going until they get tired of there being no hope of a relationship, they move on, I move on.

Judging my actions versus "what I should know by now" against something I have very little experience sounds like some YouTube comment bull**** where you're making assessments based off some damn internet points. You sound like the very girl I'm having a problem with because "I should know" that she'd want to spend Valentine's Day with me in person.

Just **** off with that kinda crap. If you want to give me advice give it to me with the knowledge that I may or may not follow it to the letter. And that regardless of whether I do, you may be right, you may be wrong, and I'll learn from this experience either way.

But Jesus Christ you guys should not be angrier than me about this situation.

My god, rant over.

To be fair, it's not easy being a Bi Polar Humper.

 

[BPH]

Listen up, Skippy!

You still have a chance with her.

What you don't know, or understand, is that in her $500k/yr. work arena she is working with BSDs. Not soft-as-tits beta-male simp manginas.

So if you want to keep her and/or make it in her world - you better get tough kid!

NOW, after your recent take-no-bvll****, dump a dumb b*tch with-the-quickness attitude, she is feeling you as a MAN and that can work in your favor.

Tell her to come to your place - No bar!

If/When she gets there, don't be all smiley, or huggy-kissy like a kid with a Happy Meal at McDonald's. Just look to see if she has brought a peace offering. If she has, that's shows consideration.

If not, look at her, but don't let her in. When she asks "Why". Tell her you're starting to re-think whether or not it's worth your time.

Let her make the decision, because just like you, it's a females prerogative to decide who, what, when, where and why we do what we do.

If/When she shows feminine energy, let her in. If not, then unload a charge on her for being an inconsiderate selfish ingrate - Everything you are not.

If she tries to give you any attitude - Tell her to STFU - That lets her know this is not a topic up for discussion, because you, as do most decent people, appreciate gratitude - Not a sh*tty ungrateful attitude!

Don't suck up, or try to charm your way into her snatch - Let her come to grips with how/why she has come to be left wet and wondering by you from your new found highly 'charged' masculine energy.

At that point she will try to supplicate you, or threaten to bail on you. Either way, there should be no ambiguity so you will have your answer.

If she stays - Fvck the living **** outta her.

I mean literally give her the greatest hardest beat the lining outta her uterus and tear dat azz up banging she has ever had!

Then after she has had sufficient time to recover and pillow talk to you, tell her if she's willing to make you a sandwich - you may just do it again!

The Rest Is Up To You.

Alright, I'll reply to you specifically because this is closest to what I was planning to do and closest to what I did do.

Ok so here's what happened...

Saturday comes around. I'm not expecting much because she's under the impression that I was out banging some other girl on account of a random person texting her claiming to be some girl that's going to have fun with me in Atlantic City in an attempt to piss her off.

In the morning on Saturday she's asking to push the time back because she's super hungover and didn't sleep and I told her she made that decision, so she has to make this one today. Either she comes or she doesn't.

She doesn't respond after I ghost her following that message, so I assume she isn't on her way. But lo and behold, she does show up, and she did bring wine as something of a peace offering and as something to try and have a calmer conversation.

I initially thought it was over in the first 10 minutes. I sat her down and unloaded on her because she kept interrupting, trying to argue with me, being immature overall when I'm trying to be serious. I tell her she's gotta cut that **** out or she leave, and after making this offer a few times, she does. She gets up, walks out, and sits in her car.

I start closing up and turning off lights, I walk out to leave and as I'm going up to my car she comes out of hers and asks "is this really it?" I tell her if she wants to finish the conversation we can go back inside but it's not going to be an argument or a discussion, it will be what has to happen for me to want to continue with the relationship.

So we go back in and resume, she opens up the wine, and I tell her what needs to change; that she needs to be respectful and take me seriously when something's upsetting me, and that she needs to communicate things that are bothering her and if she wants to be part of a decision if I'm unknowingly disregarding her. She agrees that she can make some compromises.

However she also believes that I'M the toxic one in the relationship and that she couldn't believe that I was capable of being so cold and unloving during this little break-up over text ****. She thinks this all happened because she came to me feeling disappointed about Valentine's Day and the efforts I made over the weekend - she doesn't really see it as me being upset that she was ungrateful with my efforts. The odd thing was that she mentioned how she went to her friends about this crap the same way I went to mine and that they all agreed that my effort was minimal...

Anyway, we're talking in circles for a while so I boil it down to a few things so we can move on; she made the trip on my terms so this means something to her, she brought wine in an effort to have a more relaxed conversation, she agreed to make some compromises with her behavior without demanding any of me. She just did it in a way that was more "kicking and screaming" than I was expecting. In all fairness, watching her interact with other people, including her boss, is not dissimilar from how she behaves with me, so I suppose that makes some sense...

So I took her upstairs, tore off her clothes, and ****ed her down right there on the floor and finished on her chest.

From that point she felt a need to punish me for what she saw as me ignoring and punishing her, which happened in the form of sarcasm and messing with me about what she wanted; saying maybe we should have an open relationship, that there ARE 1 or 2 guys she'd want to hang out with first, that we should take a break for a week or two, etc. This boiled down to her just being an ******* because she knew it would get a rise out of me...

She leaves and texts me soon afterwards saying that she's getting dinner then heading home before inviting me to come join her, asking if I want to blow off everybody else and "come cuddle and ****". I took some time deciding whether I should do this, and thought that I got what I wanted, and if we're "good" and going to continue moving forward that I shouldn't continue punishing her, so I accept.

We get there late at night, she's on FaceTime with her girlfriend for a while and we're just sipping wine, ordering food, and relaxing in PJs. She argues her point a little more about how she was feeling and really thinking I need therapy because of how cold I was, but we don't get into a fight and we eventually go to bed. I later learn that she was EXTREMELY tired because in an effort to make the day and time I picked she didn't sleep at all on Saturday for fear that she wouldn't wake up in time.

Sunday is much better. It takes her some time to warm back up to me after feeling like I had punished her, but she comes around. She tells me that she didn't do anything with any other guys while we were broken up, and I believe her. She tells me how she was tempted, and how she thought about it, and how a combination of input from her friends and her own guilty conscience kept tame until she had the conversation with me to see what would happen. I believe her, and I appreciated her honesty.

 

[BPH]

Part 2 due to character/word limit...

We have amazing sex a few times before I head home; once where she said it was the best sex she's ever had, and then the very next time she has what she described as the most amazing orgasm of her life. So that was good.

I drive home, telling her I made it safe, before receiving one of the sweetest text messages I ever got from her; essentially promising that she will speak out more about things that are bothering or concerning her, and being a part of a decision because she isn't used to having people care about what she wants, along with promising that she will respect me when I'm truly being serious and won't make light of those moments.

Following this, where I'm at now in terms of what I'm thinking and what I want to do...objectively, she did do what I asked, she just didn't do it quite as submissively as I would've liked. I'm sure her friends agree with her and reinforce her point of view and I fully expect to not have been painted in the best light by her when she has her own retelling of how this conversation went down. However, she agreed to make changes, so I can see if she follows through and approach the relationship with a one-strike philosophy moving forward.

Some extra bits of background information for context:

She is Type A manic depressive bipolar, she is not Type B. She medicates, but her experience is that she experiences very low lows when she's down.

Her previous 2 relationships were very abusive; physically and emotionally. One was very short and more recent, the other was 10 years with a man who regularly cheated on her, put his hands on her, even proposed to her before cheating on her 2 days later. She would regularly leave him and once he tried to get her back she would do so, I'm the first person she's been with since then that has not been the case.

I believe her when she tells me what she has/hasn't done with guys in terms of cheating because she was faithful with that 10-year relationship and because she has a guilty conscience. She told me maybe 1 month into us seeing each other that she had been with 1 other guy aside from me. It was eating her alive and she told me she wanted to get it off her chest, but was afraid how I would react. I don't call her honesty and loyalty into question.

She is adopted, and had come from a series of foster homes until she was rescued by her current mother. During that time she had faced neglect, abuse, and due to the fact that her siblings are degenerates in one form or another, she has taken on the mantle of being the provider. Hence why she has managed to be so financially successful and has a lot more masculine traits than most other women I know.

Anyway, I know this was a hell of a read, and I'm sure I'll get a lot of negative responses, but this is what happened over the weekend and I wanted to share that experience. Let me know what you think, good or bad, I'll make sure to read over them all.

Thanks for all the input and advice otherwise. I appreciated yours in this case especially King Lion.

 

[Dr.Suave]

At least u are getting a bunch of sex out of this

 

[samspade]

OP, I hope you get whatever YOU want out of this situation. That's the important thing.

 

[dude99]

Part 2 due to character/word limit...

We have amazing sex a few times before I head home; once where she said it was the best sex she's ever had, and then the very next time she has what she described as the most amazing orgasm of her life. So that was good.

I drive home, telling her I made it safe, before receiving one of the sweetest text messages I ever got from her; essentially promising that she will speak out more about things that are bothering or concerning her, and being a part of a decision because she isn't used to having people care about what she wants, along with promising that she will respect me when I'm truly being serious and won't make light of those moments.

Following this, where I'm at now in terms of what I'm thinking and what I want to do...objectively, she did do what I asked, she just didn't do it quite as submissively as I would've liked. I'm sure her friends agree with her and reinforce her point of view and I fully expect to not have been painted in the best light by her when she has her own retelling of how this conversation went down. However, she agreed to make changes, so I can see if she follows through and approach the relationship with a one-strike philosophy moving forward.

Some extra bits of background information for context:

She is Type A manic depressive bipolar, she is not Type B. She medicates, but her experience is that she experiences very low lows when she's down.

Her previous 2 relationships were very abusive; physically and emotionally. One was very short and more recent, the other was 10 years with a man who regularly cheated on her, put his hands on her, even proposed to her before cheating on her 2 days later. She would regularly leave him and once he tried to get her back she would do so, I'm the first person she's been with since then that has not been the case.

I believe her when she tells me what she has/hasn't done with guys in terms of cheating because she was faithful with that 10-year relationship and because she has a guilty conscience. She told me maybe 1 month into us seeing each other that she had been with 1 other guy aside from me. It was eating her alive and she told me she wanted to get it off her chest, but was afraid how I would react. I don't call her honesty and loyalty into question.

She is adopted, and had come from a series of foster homes until she was rescued by her current mother. During that time she had faced neglect, abuse, and due to the fact that her siblings are degenerates in one form or another, she has taken on the mantle of being the provider. Hence why she has managed to be so financially successful and has a lot more masculine traits than most other women I know.

Anyway, I know this was a hell of a read, and I'm sure I'll get a lot of negative responses, but this is what happened over the weekend and I wanted to share that experience. Let me know what you think, good or bad, I'll make sure to read over them all.

Thanks for all the input and advice otherwise. I appreciated yours in this case especially King Lion.

I hate to say this but she is placating you, and disarming you in order to get her tallons back into you.

Her games never even stopped. Even though she was placating you she still tried to push your buttons. When she asked for the open relationship because she had 2 other guys she wants to fack that was probably the truth and she is probably going to fack them behind your back.

She will play nice nice and pretend to be the perfect girlfriend for the next two months or so, all cluster b'd do this, but she is already laying the foundation for her to go all abused victim.

She is already making herself the victim in her friends eyes by slandering you to them. This should bother you enough to walk Away but for some reason it doesn't.

She has already been in 2 other abusive relationships so she says, her side of the story, says the cluster b. It would be interesting to get the guys she was with, their prespective on things. Cluster Bs love to play victim to the drama they create.

She is setting you up as the new abuser/monster in her life. "You need therapy for how cold you were. Your coldness is abuse."

She wants drama. She is following the cluster b script by turning you into her new abuser after she created the problems and drama. The question is why do you want a part in her play?


When she said it was over you should have stopped all communication right there.

The drama won't stop dude.

 

[samspade]

I too have wasted solid frame on a pain in the a$$. Sometimes the best frame is walking.

 

[Barrister]

I hate to say this but she is placating you, and disarming you in order to get her tallons back into you.

Her games never even stopped. Even though she was placating you she still tried to push your buttons. When she asked for the open relationship because she had 2 other guys she wants to fack that was probably the truth and she is probably going to fack them behind your back.

She will play nice nice and pretend to be the perfect girlfriend for the next two months or so, all cluster b'd do this, but she is already laying the foundation for her to go all abused victim.

She is already making herself the victim in her friends eyes by slandering you to them. This should bother you enough to walk Away but for some reason it doesn't.

She has already been in 2 other abusive relationships so she says, her side of the story, says the cluster b. It would be interesting to get the guys she was with, their prespective on things. Cluster Bs love to play victim to the drama they create.

She is setting you up as the new abuser/monster in her life. "You need therapy for how cold you were. Your coldness is abuse."

She wants drama. She is following the cluster b script by turning you into her new abuser after she created the problems and drama. The question is why do you want a part in her play?


When she said it was over you should have stopped all communication right there.

The drama won't stop dude.

Looking at this situation from afar like we are it is so easy to recognize these Cluster B tendencies (and I have gone through it myself). The rollercoaster ride looks as unhealthy as it is from a distance. However, when you are on it, it can be completely intoxicating. The horrible fighting followed by crazy-good sex. OP is clearly completely caught up in it. The only thing that is likely going to get him off of it is a crash and burn.