Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

The official Borderline Personality Disorder thread [Merged]

TheSomberlain

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jophil28 said:
Why do you maintain contact with that creature ?
IF I had a tumor cut out I doubt that I would want to keep it in a glass jar.
Point taken and understood. I resumed NC after this one and only hoover attempt. As I mentioned, her brother contacted me saying that she broke her neck in a car accident. I talked to him for details, wondering if she was permanently out of commission, but he lives in a different country and he's not terribly bright so I simply said "Well, hope she is fine" and that was that. She contacted me the next morning via instant messaging service, told me what happened. She started spewing out how she missed me and how her new BF sucks and how she doesn't love him. I got sh!tty with her, told her I don't care and not to contact me nor let her family members contact me (among some other nasty things I said). She finished off by saying how I'm an a$$hole and how her new BF is the greatest thing in the world. And, lastly, "Goodbye forever"

A good example of idealization and devaluation. Which was my point.
 

Paintballguy

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i've successfully kept my bpd ex out of my life for about 4 months. although last weekend i ran into her at a bar literally a half mile from my house. i find it funny she comes to that bar when she lives a good 25 min away. i didn't say a word to her or even look her way. my friends said they caught her staring at me several times. bpd's just wont go away.
 

jophil28

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TheSomberlain said:
She started spewing out how she missed me and how her new BF sucks and how she doesn't love him. I got sh!tty with her, told her I don't care and not to contact me nor let her family members contact me (among some other nasty things I said). She finished off by saying how I'm an a$$hole and how her new BF is the greatest thing in the world. And, lastly, "Goodbye forever"

A good example of idealization and devaluation. Which was my point.
That swing between idealization and hateful puking is a giveaway sign of their illness.
I had a BPD type of woman a few years ago.
One particular evening she was squealing with delight after i found her G spot and worked it for an hour. She went home with the biggest smile on her face. The next day she called me and harshly berated me for "submitting her to degrading technical sex."
Nuts is nuts.
 

HeMan

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what about violence?

my girlfriend just attacked me after being together for 1 year and was arrested and charged with assault.

never saw that coming!
 

TheSomberlain

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jophil28 said:
That swing between idealization and hateful puking is a giveaway sign of their illness.
I had a BPD type of woman a few years ago.
One particular evening she was squealing with delight after i found her G spot and worked it for an hour. She went home with the biggest smile on her face. The next day she called me and harshly berated me for "submitting her to degrading technical sex."
Nuts is nuts.
Eh, that's weird. Mine was sex obsessed (as most BPD's are) and did almost anything a porn star would do but she never used it in an argument to berate me or anything. She just saw it as "love". They seem to like role playing a lot too (another way to escape from themselves, imo).

I'm guessing that comment towards you came later in your relationship? They tend to throw out random insults to you at the end (pushing you away). Mine told me she didn't give a **** about me and that nothing I say mattered to her. Later on, she told me she bought a car based off of the advice I gave her. What a head trip.

When she accused you of things, did she only say things in absolutes?

My ex couldn't say "I wish you would do this more" or "I don't like when you do this." It was "You ALWAYS do such and such" or "You NEVER did such and such" even when neither of those were true. That always annoyed the hell out of me. I think it's apart of the black and white thinking--along the same lines of either "love" or "hate."


HeMan said:
what about violence?

my girlfriend just attacked me after being together for 1 year and was arrested and charged with assault.

never saw that coming!
That could be any number of things. You need more than that for BPD.

However,

BPD's have something called raging and yes, that's a symptom. That came later in my relationship. She usually just ran away and cried at any slight and I'd just let her go--because it was stupid and childish. She complained how I never go after her to comfort her. I tried it for once in our last year of our relationship. Chased after her to see if it made any difference. It did. She knocked my glasses off of my face with a right hook and then punched me in the stomach. How's that?

I have a question for everyone here. I met mine when she was in her mid-teens and she had some quirks now that I think back but she seemed to get more resentful and angry as time went on. Do they typically get worse by their early twenties and rage even more? I know most of you met these types way after their teen years so I may be a token guy witnessing the evolution of BPD in their life. Thoughts?

-TheSomberlain
 
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Die Hard

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Considering all the interest in the latest BPD thread, I figured this thread needed a bump ;)

Actually, I think this thread deserves to be 'sticky'. I'm sure a lot of members will agree with that.
 
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Uc de

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What follows is based off of two dates with a chick I met on a dating site.. but in between those two dates there was more chatting and text messaging than I have ever done with any other girl. She texted me like a maniac, basically every day.

I dont care what label we slap on this woman, but I want to contribute my experience here because she was extremely odd.
She wasn't like any other woman I've dated or gotten close to, here are some data points:

- literally shouted venomously at traffic while we were driving around on our first date; berating drivers for driving slowly in a manner of complete violent outburst.

- her father left when she was one...upon mentioning him she felt the need to shout out "Douchebag!" and "Such a douchebag!". Then she said she wanted to become a lawyer so she could sue her father for backpay on child-support that he skimped on. I think she even said something about killing him.

- Angry and judgmental of basically everyone; most people she knows are fools and losers

- Her 'vibing' was ****ed and it triggered my gut instinct pretty heavily. I was getting warning signals left and right - since Im a man and she is very beautiful to me, I ignored this to get laid.

* this all became clear on the first date BTW *

- Alternated being sexually very open (in her text messages!) and then in real life being controlling and withdrawing. I think she was withdrawing because I was already being very affectionate (its my nature). I dont believe in being overly cautious (as far as witholding affection, etc.) so I probably came off as AFC, etc. Probably the only reason we never banged. I think she would have been provocative and tried to seduce me if I didnt basically already tell her that I liked her and was pleased as punch to go out with her.

- Created a deliberately sexual scenario and then acted *amazingly* distant towards me.. like it was some sort of mental torture tactic. When I touched her, she would basically insult me for being clingy and 'overassertive' but the whole situation as she orchestrated it just screamed 'LAY ME' (alone together at night at her place cleavage showing, etc..)

Now two things that I find very interesting, in the context of what I have already written..

- Upon me texting her something hinting that we might not go out again, I received a fully typed out text message reply within seconds, indicating that she would be willing to meet me that day. The reply came back so instantaneously, that it literally amazed me that it was possible for a person to reply to a text that fast. Usually her replies took longer and indicated she might be doing something else (texting other guys for all I know!). That reply came back in 10 seconds. It actually scared me to think how frantically she must have typed it.

- The text messages gradually grew more full of mind games, and eventually became directly insulting. The whole affair ended in a mess of hilarious name calling. I deliberately said stuff to her that you'd never say to a normal woman, since she had frustrated me to that point and it was over for me.

Now this is interesting..

- In a discussion about the show 'Teen mom' she said mutiple times and with great seriousness that she was so relieved and happy that that had not happened to her.(getting pregnant as a teen) She talked about it like she just missed a bullet. I thought this was really interesting, because it must mean she was having unprotected sex ? and I'm pretty sure it didnt occur in the context of a stable relationship.

- She said she had low impulse control and allowed herself 'indulgences' - all this in the context of us discussing girls getting pregnant, using condoms, etc. It struck me as an odd thing to say and points again to her having random unprotected sex.

I think I figured this chick out. If I had been more distant, I would have become one of her 'indulgences', but because I was pretty straight up that I was attracted and wanted closeness, she actually immediately turned off, became distant, phased me out, in a way that was so jarring and strange that I actually cried the next day. I wont go into details but I was never treated like that by any woman I had dated in my entire life. She was basically extremely asexual and frigid with me after being very flirtatious and establishing a sexual context..

This chick told me she has gone out with "tons of guys" (her words) from that dating site... so to me she was an icebox but she hinted that her past was way slutty - now that I think about it, she even said she tended to dress 'slutty' in her first message to me! I thought to myself: what kind of chick describes her style of dress as 'slutty' in a mail to a guy she wants to go out with? ? ;)

Just putting two and two together... I think it may make four..
 

Uc de

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oh yeah - she was having a health issue at the time... something about her wisdom teeth or something. She had some inflammation in her mouth because of her wisdom teeth and it hurt like hell - and she got sunburnt as **** and it hurt like hell. Remember I only knew this chick for two weeks!
 

Knight's Cross

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Uc de,
You dodged a bullet. She certainly had issues. All markers of someone that wasn't healthy. Whether she was a cluster b or what kind personality disorder she had does'nt matter. Again and again, whenever I find a woman that has family issues I walk directly to the nearest exit. I'm convinced people that haven't dealt with their family/ growing up years are destined to REPEAT them with whoever enters their life. It's like a video stuck on repeat.
Cluster B from my past made it a point to inform me she's engaged. I actually feel sorry for the poor schmuck that's taking that heat round.
KC
 

betheman

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But the sex is sooo good though isnt it!
 

livejim56

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just browsing around

I have been in and out of a f'ed up relationship, I feel I am out of it- I ended it and so did she. I do feel fear at times as she has always lured me back in. I know being with her will kill me.

is this normal ?
 

Zodiac

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betheman said:
But the sex is sooo good though isnt it!
I hope the potential risks of her lying to a man and getting a pity party out of him by lying about you to his face along with her being the "victim" to manipulate him into wanting to hurt you for being an "abuser" along with too many more reasons to list that have been covered in this whole thread is worth the sex.

If you want to bang a borderline have a lawyer on retainer.

livejim56 said:
I have been in and out of a f'ed up relationship, I feel I am out of it- I ended it and so did she. I do feel fear at times as she has always lured me back in. I know being with her will kill me.

is this normal ?
It might not be a borderline but a manipulative b***h. Either way once you get out of her hold block her number, delete all contact and if she shows up ignore her/call the Cops for her trespassing if its bad enough. It may sound outrageous but man you got to watch out for yourself and your own well being.

If you think she is a borderline (As evidenced in you posting in this thread) then flee and save yourself.
 

The_411

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Never been a drug addict, but I liken being with a borderline with being a heroin addict. You get the amazing first part and then you're constantly chasing that first part of the relationship where you were painted white and idolized. It continues to dissipate until she paints someone else white and you black.

I'll always have pangs for my ex despite her atrocious behavior, so I look at it as I'm a recovering addict in a sense.

The bottomline is that a relationship should make you feel happy and make you feel safe and you should feel that the person you are with would be there for you if you had problems. With Cluster Bs you always feel unsure and you question whether or not they would be there for you in a crisis. Eventually you learn that they are the last people in the world you want in crisis.
 

livejim56

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Well guys, I believe 100% she was /is Bpd and that is whay I asked. I was on Bpdfamily.com and she created a fake profile "hope1" and lured me back in. I have filed a restraining order, no trespass and phone harrasement charges on her. I am not sure about how many days we have been no contact, but I can tell you she has almost killed me emotionally
 

The_411

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Livejim56,

Sorry that you had to endure that craziness. I've been there and it crippled me emotionally the good thing that came out of it was that it forced me to address my own personal issues that led me to stick with her despite all the craziness.

Take this as an opportunity to do a self inventory check and figure out why you stuck around and tolerated the abuse.

BPD women are terrible vile wretches but in order for them to affect men they have to have targets that are susceptible.

UC De,

Right out of the BPD playbook my ex used to always scream at drivers and this was basically anytime we got into traffic.

Her father bolted when she was 10 IIRC for two years he later came back after a two year absence.

She would say the nastiest racist remarks about certain races, which were basically stereotypes that she beleived were true because of one experience she would have.

She went off on Evan Rachel Wood and Angelina Jolie because they ahd cheated but that didn't stop her from engging in that behavior before me and at the end of our relationship

If walks like, sounds like, and quacks like a BPD, it must be a BPD.

Your descriptions come right out of the BPD playbook.
 

Mouser

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Eulogy to Jophil28.

He was the most insightful, intelligent, humble poster about cluster B women on any site anywhere.

Rest in peace my good man, you are sorely missed.

I truly wish I knew you IRL.
 

QuadDeuces

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Thank you Sosuave. THANK YOU!!
You saved my soul, my life, and little of whats left of my testies....

This is my first post here, I actually registered here to thank you guys and release my story.
My story is a mirror image of the things I have read here.


It started of in August, I was on an online dating site just looking around, when I got a message from this 30yo girl telling me she liked my pics, and if i was in for sex.
I was dazzled by the direct-ness, but after a minute of thought I said, sure why not.
We chatted, and exchanged phonenumbers and send eachother the most nasty sex messages ever imagined the following nights and days, she couldnt wait to meet me, and 2 days later she was at my door, she french kissed me right away without speaking/or introducing, hell i couldnt even see her face, she grabbed my nuts, we went to my living room en had sex right away, I mean SEX, shyt you wouldnt see in a porn movie, she went hot for making films and pictures, told me she loved me to fck her in the ass, you get the picture.....

Anyway, after hours of loud (in retrospect fake) screaming, we talked and her story came out. Being abused and beaten as a child, 2 abortions, being used as a sex slave in a biker gang, even more beatings, and drugs, the whole drama.

Anyway soon after that, she kept complimenting me on how handsome I was and too good to be true, she never met a guy as nice as me. blabla
The following dates were even better, we tried more sex experiments, out in public, in the open, in cinema's, toilets, parking garages, a little sado, where as she would play the slave and I would be the master.

(Oh boy I should have known how I turned out being her slave.....)

Then the drama begin. hours on the phone crying about her past. 1000 text messages per day, about all sorts of small things. Wanting to come over everyday. Hell I have friends, family and sport activities I want to attend sometimes. Then she would just cry or be very disappointed. She told me she had severe anxiety attacks, and trauma's etc. And was in therapy for that, so she knew she was sick.
After 2 weeks or so she told me she loved me, which was very strange to me this soon, and I had declined her asking me to be her boyfriend, this soon.
So the impulsive trips and sex went on, I mean it was a hell of a fine ride, with her the first month, everyday was another adventure, a constant flow of adrenaline. If we werent having sex we were going places, went shoplifting (even though I never done that before) and stuff like that.

Then I told her I would be her bf.

This is when Satan showed up.

She told me her father used to beat her blind because he thought she was possessed by Satan. Now I know for a fact.... he was right.

Then she took on the dominant side, little by little, letting me pay for little things like drinks at the cinema, yell at me in public, correct me with a harsh voice like a mother to a child. Some days she didnt want to fck me anymore, play mind games in manipulations, blame me for things she did. (Like one time I asked her if she wanted something to drink, she said no, so I said fine and grabbed something to drink for myself. Then she went insane put on her clothes screamed and wanted to go home in extreme fury, So I went to her "baby this, Im sorry that" hugging her and then she would come back in and take her clothes of again)

Constantly letting me live on the edge.
offend me and degrade me little by little more.

Starting to flirt with other guys in my precence. Stuff like that.

The one day she said, I have to tell you something, I have kissed a guy, I didnt want to but he did it anyway, but we didnt fck. So I was mad and then she started to cry, telling her it was her disease, and she couldnt help it. And she wouldnt survive without me. I felt compassion and gave her another chance...... so stupid.
The textmsg were little more about sex and more about daily things she was doing.
2 weeks later she texted me she had sex with another guy and if I still wanted to be friends. She said, because of her disease she could never be monogame and she said it would release me a little of her pressure. And because she is so much smarter, wittier and slicker and more evil than me, she convinced me we could still be fckbuddies. Oh how did it go wrong there....

She then little by little started telling me how amazing the other guy was in bed, how he could make her squirt, where as I couldnt. And how much more life experience he had. But still she said that I was number one and he just someone on the side. Then she told me my sex wasnt as good but she would improve me from what she learned from him. But still she loved me.

This went on and on, untill she didnt want to have sex with me any more, only with him. She only wanted me to be friends. I was furious, I broke off all contact but still I loved her, or at least I loved the pain or something. I was so afraid of her letting me down I did everything to avoid confrontations, and do as she told me. She could also be very aggressive and start pushing me and hitting me in public. Knowing that I would never hit her back.

Anyway 1 jan after 6 weeks no contact, while I was wheeping in pain at home, although I was rebounding with 2 other (hotter) girls, After the left all I could think of was her, and hoping she would to come back to me, because she loved me right? And I didnt care if she fckd other guys, I was fcking other chicks too right? Nooo,

1 january I got a new years message, come over and have sex, weakling as I was I went and had sex, telling me the other guy was no good and she showed me dark black bruises, so I was in shock and wanted to care for her again, then she told me she was fcking 2 other guys on the side, but still wanted me to be her bf.

Then she told me her psych had diagnosed her to be BPD, in a very severe way.

Thank god I googled it and stumbled upon this site.

Long story short, she took all power from me, degraded me, had me addicted to the adrenaline of her outbursts and anxiety of her cheating.
I lost 10 kilo's in weight and my normal posture is lean already. I started smoking again after 5 years. Couldnt sleep more than 4 hours a night, wondering if she'd think of me, wondering who she'd be fcking. Didnt visit my parents and sisters for a month or so, whereas before her I saw them 3x a week. And I have only known this chick for less than 6 months.

I have blocked her from facebook, blocked her phone number, now it's time to heal.

I hope this was my first and last encounter with Satan.
 

origin138

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QuadDeuces said:
Thank you Sosuave. THANK YOU!!
You saved my soul, my life, and little of whats left of my testies....

This is my first post here, I actually registered here to thank you guys and release my story.
My story is a mirror image of the things I have read here.


It started of in August, I was on an online dating site just looking around, when I got a message from this 30yo girl telling me she liked my pics, and if i was in for sex.
I was dazzled by the direct-ness, but after a minute of thought I said, sure why not.
We chatted, and exchanged phonenumbers and send eachother the most nasty sex messages ever imagined the following nights and days, she couldnt wait to meet me, and 2 days later she was at my door, she french kissed me right away without speaking/or introducing, hell i couldnt even see her face, she grabbed my nuts, we went to my living room en had sex right away, I mean SEX, shyt you wouldnt see in a porn movie, she went hot for making films and pictures, told me she loved me to fck her in the ass, you get the picture.....

Anyway, after hours of loud (in retrospect fake) screaming, we talked and her story came out. Being abused and beaten as a child, 2 abortions, being used as a sex slave in a biker gang, even more beatings, and drugs, the whole drama.

Anyway soon after that, she kept complimenting me on how handsome I was and too good to be true, she never met a guy as nice as me. blabla
The following dates were even better, we tried more sex experiments, out in public, in the open, in cinema's, toilets, parking garages, a little sado, where as she would play the slave and I would be the master.

(Oh boy I should have known how I turned out being her slave.....)

Then the drama begin. hours on the phone crying about her past. 1000 text messages per day, about all sorts of small things. Wanting to come over everyday. Hell I have friends, family and sport activities I want to attend sometimes. Then she would just cry or be very disappointed. She told me she had severe anxiety attacks, and trauma's etc. And was in therapy for that, so she knew she was sick.
After 2 weeks or so she told me she loved me, which was very strange to me this soon, and I had declined her asking me to be her boyfriend, this soon.
So the impulsive trips and sex went on, I mean it was a hell of a fine ride, with her the first month, everyday was another adventure, a constant flow of adrenaline. If we werent having sex we were going places, went shoplifting (even though I never done that before) and stuff like that.

Then I told her I would be her bf.

This is when Satan showed up.

She told me her father used to beat her blind because he thought she was possessed by Satan. Now I know for a fact.... he was right.

Then she took on the dominant side, little by little, letting me pay for little things like drinks at the cinema, yell at me in public, correct me with a harsh voice like a mother to a child. Some days she didnt want to fck me anymore, play mind games in manipulations, blame me for things she did. (Like one time I asked her if she wanted something to drink, she said no, so I said fine and grabbed something to drink for myself. Then she went insane put on her clothes screamed and wanted to go home in extreme fury, So I went to her "baby this, Im sorry that" hugging her and then she would come back in and take her clothes of again)

Constantly letting me live on the edge.
offend me and degrade me little by little more.

Starting to flirt with other guys in my precence. Stuff like that.

The one day she said, I have to tell you something, I have kissed a guy, I didnt want to but he did it anyway, but we didnt fck. So I was mad and then she started to cry, telling her it was her disease, and she couldnt help it. And she wouldnt survive without me. I felt compassion and gave her another chance...... so stupid.
The textmsg were little more about sex and more about daily things she was doing.
2 weeks later she texted me she had sex with another guy and if I still wanted to be friends. She said, because of her disease she could never be monogame and she said it would release me a little of her pressure. And because she is so much smarter, wittier and slicker and more evil than me, she convinced me we could still be fckbuddies. Oh how did it go wrong there....

She then little by little started telling me how amazing the other guy was in bed, how he could make her squirt, where as I couldnt. And how much more life experience he had. But still she said that I was number one and he just someone on the side. Then she told me my sex wasnt as good but she would improve me from what she learned from him. But still she loved me.

This went on and on, untill she didnt want to have sex with me any more, only with him. She only wanted me to be friends. I was furious, I broke off all contact but still I loved her, or at least I loved the pain or something. I was so afraid of her letting me down I did everything to avoid confrontations, and do as she told me. She could also be very aggressive and start pushing me and hitting me in public. Knowing that I would never hit her back.

Anyway 1 jan after 6 weeks no contact, while I was wheeping in pain at home, although I was rebounding with 2 other (hotter) girls, After the left all I could think of was her, and hoping she would to come back to me, because she loved me right? And I didnt care if she fckd other guys, I was fcking other chicks too right? Nooo,

1 january I got a new years message, come over and have sex, weakling as I was I went and had sex, telling me the other guy was no good and she showed me dark black bruises, so I was in shock and wanted to care for her again, then she told me she was fcking 2 other guys on the side, but still wanted me to be her bf.

Then she told me her psych had diagnosed her to be BPD, in a very severe way.

Thank god I googled it and stumbled upon this site.

Long story short, she took all power from me, degraded me, had me addicted to the adrenaline of her outbursts and anxiety of her cheating.
I lost 10 kilo's in weight and my normal posture is lean already. I started smoking again after 5 years. Couldnt sleep more than 4 hours a night, wondering if she'd think of me, wondering who she'd be fcking. Didnt visit my parents and sisters for a month or so, whereas before her I saw them 3x a week. And I have only known this chick for less than 6 months.

I have blocked her from facebook, blocked her phone number, now it's time to heal.

I hope this was my first and last encounter with Satan.
This is what they do. My BPD ex is VERY similar although I saw much less of her dark side because someone pointed out that her absurd behavior was likely BPD. I exposed her BS pretty fast, and she ran for the hills with very few hoover attempts.

I'm glad to hear you broke away from this person as she surely would have sucked the life out of you eventually. Something about these women makes it VERY hard to move on. After mine disappeared, I was seeing 2 other women shortly after. I still thought about her constantly. I had ONEitis even though I was spinning other plates. Never had that happen before with any other break up.

Do what you can to keep away from her. Block everything, ignore her, spin others...don't ever flirt with her hoover attempts. Her phone calls and attempts to reconnect have nothing to do with you...they're ALWAYS about her and her empty feelings, and how she can twist you up into an emotional mindfvck while feeding off your pain. If you think it's OK to continue to put up with this, you need to figure out why. If you don't, you'll likely run into another one.

I wish you the best. NO CONTACT. You might be saving your life...literally. Also, don't get angry with her...she cannot help who she is, and do not let it taint your view of females as you will only mess up other opportunities.
 

QuadDeuces

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Great Post Origin, thanks for the reply. Apologies for my English, since it’s not my first language.

It’s funny how a BPD girl has the ability to sort of put a spell on you, and if she has the time, can manipulate you into doing almost anything. I noticed that my standards had almost completely disappeared, and not after I broke loose and saw the big picture, I then could relativate to the damage she had done. I am only glad I got off clean and I didnt lend her money or that I knocked her up.

After I cut off contact she has hoovered me a couple times, usually with a lame excuse to talk to me and then proceeds to how she misses me, and wants to hear my voice, but also keeps mentioning mr X’s name. But I managed to keep it short and distant, and I know it’s all an act to get me wrapped in again, one time I did sort of needle her back by telling her that I am dating a girl with a very nice figure, knowing that her figure is her weak spot.

That said, I am quite curious of her techniques though.
I would love to craft the BPD push-pull technique only to use it on making women mentally dependable. Although I think on the inside I am (still) too good hearted for that.
 
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