Thank you Sosuave. THANK YOU!!
You saved my soul, my life, and little of whats left of my testies....
This is my first post here, I actually registered here to thank you guys and release my story.
My story is a mirror image of the things I have read here.
It started of in August, I was on an online dating site just looking around, when I got a message from this 30yo girl telling me she liked my pics, and if i was in for sex.
I was dazzled by the direct-ness, but after a minute of thought I said, sure why not.
We chatted, and exchanged phonenumbers and send eachother the most nasty sex messages ever imagined the following nights and days, she couldnt wait to meet me, and 2 days later she was at my door, she french kissed me right away without speaking/or introducing, hell i couldnt even see her face, she grabbed my nuts, we went to my living room en had sex right away, I mean SEX, shyt you wouldnt see in a porn movie, she went hot for making films and pictures, told me she loved me to fck her in the ass, you get the picture.....
Anyway, after hours of loud (in retrospect fake) screaming, we talked and her story came out. Being abused and beaten as a child, 2 abortions, being used as a sex slave in a biker gang, even more beatings, and drugs, the whole drama.
Anyway soon after that, she kept complimenting me on how handsome I was and too good to be true, she never met a guy as nice as me. blabla
The following dates were even better, we tried more sex experiments, out in public, in the open, in cinema's, toilets, parking garages, a little sado, where as she would play the slave and I would be the master.
(Oh boy I should have known how I turned out being her slave.....)
Then the drama begin. hours on the phone crying about her past. 1000 text messages per day, about all sorts of small things. Wanting to come over everyday. Hell I have friends, family and sport activities I want to attend sometimes. Then she would just cry or be very disappointed. She told me she had severe anxiety attacks, and trauma's etc. And was in therapy for that, so she knew she was sick.
After 2 weeks or so she told me she loved me, which was very strange to me this soon, and I had declined her asking me to be her boyfriend, this soon.
So the impulsive trips and sex went on, I mean it was a hell of a fine ride, with her the first month, everyday was another adventure, a constant flow of adrenaline. If we werent having sex we were going places, went shoplifting (even though I never done that before) and stuff like that.
Then I told her I would be her bf.
This is when Satan showed up.
She told me her father used to beat her blind because he thought she was possessed by Satan. Now I know for a fact.... he was right.
Then she took on the dominant side, little by little, letting me pay for little things like drinks at the cinema, yell at me in public, correct me with a harsh voice like a mother to a child. Some days she didnt want to fck me anymore, play mind games in manipulations, blame me for things she did. (Like one time I asked her if she wanted something to drink, she said no, so I said fine and grabbed something to drink for myself. Then she went insane put on her clothes screamed and wanted to go home in extreme fury, So I went to her "baby this, Im sorry that" hugging her and then she would come back in and take her clothes of again)
Constantly letting me live on the edge.
offend me and degrade me little by little more.
Starting to flirt with other guys in my precence. Stuff like that.
The one day she said, I have to tell you something, I have kissed a guy, I didnt want to but he did it anyway, but we didnt fck. So I was mad and then she started to cry, telling her it was her disease, and she couldnt help it. And she wouldnt survive without me. I felt compassion and gave her another chance...... so stupid.
The textmsg were little more about sex and more about daily things she was doing.
2 weeks later she texted me she had sex with another guy and if I still wanted to be friends. She said, because of her disease she could never be monogame and she said it would release me a little of her pressure. And because she is so much smarter, wittier and slicker and more evil than me, she convinced me we could still be fckbuddies. Oh how did it go wrong there....
She then little by little started telling me how amazing the other guy was in bed, how he could make her squirt, where as I couldnt. And how much more life experience he had. But still she said that I was number one and he just someone on the side. Then she told me my sex wasnt as good but she would improve me from what she learned from him. But still she loved me.
This went on and on, untill she didnt want to have sex with me any more, only with him. She only wanted me to be friends. I was furious, I broke off all contact but still I loved her, or at least I loved the pain or something. I was so afraid of her letting me down I did everything to avoid confrontations, and do as she told me. She could also be very aggressive and start pushing me and hitting me in public. Knowing that I would never hit her back.
Anyway 1 jan after 6 weeks no contact, while I was wheeping in pain at home, although I was rebounding with 2 other (hotter) girls, After the left all I could think of was her, and hoping she would to come back to me, because she loved me right? And I didnt care if she fckd other guys, I was fcking other chicks too right? Nooo,
1 january I got a new years message, come over and have sex, weakling as I was I went and had sex, telling me the other guy was no good and she showed me dark black bruises, so I was in shock and wanted to care for her again, then she told me she was fcking 2 other guys on the side, but still wanted me to be her bf.
Then she told me her psych had diagnosed her to be BPD, in a very severe way.
Thank god I googled it and stumbled upon this site.
Long story short, she took all power from me, degraded me, had me addicted to the adrenaline of her outbursts and anxiety of her cheating.
I lost 10 kilo's in weight and my normal posture is lean already. I started smoking again after 5 years. Couldnt sleep more than 4 hours a night, wondering if she'd think of me, wondering who she'd be fcking. Didnt visit my parents and sisters for a month or so, whereas before her I saw them 3x a week. And I have only known this chick for less than 6 months.
I have blocked her from facebook, blocked her phone number, now it's time to heal.
I hope this was my first and last encounter with Satan.