Young girls who like older guys without daddy issues are unicorns
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
soulforge
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2013
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Yeh true man, they are still worth banging, just gotta make sure you don't get attachedYoung girls who like older guys without daddy issues are unicorns
Amen to that! They'll get old eventually though and you gotta find a new batch
soulforge
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2013
- Messages
- 6,239
- Reaction score
- 4,962
When it comes to sex, the damaged chicks, Daddy issues girls are the damn best.. they love that domination and kinky sex!!Amen to that! They'll get old eventually though and you gotta find a new batch
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
As the quote go, there’s no better pvssy than crazy pvssy!
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Need a reality check guys.
got two friends of mine, guy and girl
to visit me after my surgery (13 days now)
we took some pics, and the chick posted on instagram stories
and now I’m in that position of reposting or not, only to show the girl im here for that I’m living my life.
basically, weak afc behavior.
not going to do it, because the reason is not genuine or anything like, the reason is petty and it just shows im still seeking validation from someone who clearly does not give a single flying fvck
there’s also another two chicks, that id like to see the stories as well, but again, same reason, reposting to validate or to showcase something to others.
not doing it, but it was good writing about it!
cheers mates!
got two friends of mine, guy and girl
to visit me after my surgery (13 days now)
we took some pics, and the chick posted on instagram stories
and now I’m in that position of reposting or not, only to show the girl im here for that I’m living my life.
basically, weak afc behavior.
not going to do it, because the reason is not genuine or anything like, the reason is petty and it just shows im still seeking validation from someone who clearly does not give a single flying fvck
there’s also another two chicks, that id like to see the stories as well, but again, same reason, reposting to validate or to showcase something to others.
not doing it, but it was good writing about it!
cheers mates!
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
The story does look great though! Hahaha
jamesfromhouston
Senior Don Juan
Hello my dudes!
I told myself that I would come back here with more insights over a recent break up and no contact journey, here I am after almost 70 days of no contact.
My Story:
www.sosuave.net
(Short version: I dated a famous fitness influencer. She snooped into my unlocked phone when I was showering and found out that on a drunken night out months ago, I hooked up with a girl in early in our relationship. She dumped me immediately.)
I hope to share my experience and some lessons learnt so far.
(Funny thing is I actually did a detailed 360 Days NC Challenge on this thread in 2021 - 2022 because of another girl and painful breakup. I thought I had learnt a lot from that break up and was prepared for any more future break ups and NC. But here I am back again with a new NC challenge. Realizing that I made some of the same mistakes again and now learning new lessons. I thought I would have conquered heartbreak by now but maybe we never do.)
70 Days NC Lessons So Far
They Are Gone
The first few weeks were definitely the toughest. From the moment I was dumped, I couldn't really accept that she was gone. She was not mine anymore. Your mind gets so used to somebody that when they are no longer in your life it just feels unbelievable. There was also a lot of anxiety from my part because at the same time I didn't want it to be the reality. You just can't accept it. You think you want to fight for it because if you don't, you think you're giving up. You think if you don't fight, she will end up hooking up with some other dude. In fact I realize that your mind will make 100 reasons for you to justify you fighting against the break up. So in the beginning I did try to contact her and work things out with her. I did plead with her. I fought for her. In retrospect, I wish I would have spared myself the trouble. If they have dumped you. Nothing you say or do will change that. The trying just leads to more pain and delays healing. This is something I have learnt the 2nd time now with 2 painful breakups & NC journeys from 2021 to now. I also think fighting just made me look weak and it really changed nothing. If I could go back in time, and for those fresh off their breakups, I would advise myself (and others), don't fight it. Accept it. Show maturity but indifference. You save your own humiliation and increase the chances of her having second thoughts (although in most instances she won't at this stage) but you just have to accept that you lost this round.
Wake Up Call To Unhappiness Of Your Life
I have been thinking about this a lot. When the break up first happened. I felt so devastated. I felt so low. I felt the happiness and excitement from my life have gone. And it was exactly that. The girl became my source of happiness at some point. When she was gone. I was faced with the reality of my life which had revolved around her to a very large degree. I had been stagnating, cutting down my social life and basically stopped on many aspects of my life because I got comfortable with this girl. When you are constantly getting *****, attention and love from a hot girl; if those are the main things that motivate you in life (and they shouldn't be), you stagnate. My fitness was down. My career and hobbies were neglected. My friends were ignored. It was just me and her. But it was just really me living in a bubble. So when I was dumped it was a wake up call to face the real state of my life. I was no longer blinded by the relationship and *****. And that is the problem, when you let someone else become the main source of your happiness then you're playing a dangerous game because you can't control the other person. They can choose to leave or make it hell for you at any moment. You have given away your happiness, you just don't know it. So the break up really made me look at my life and realize there was so much more work to be done.
Self-Improvement Happiness
So immediately after the break up and start of NC, I shifted my focus to self-improvement. This is something I learnt from my first NC journey years ago. I know that self-improvement is where it all starts. During this period, I started exercising everyday at the gym, working on my career and generally looking at making my life much more abundant in every way. It's only been few months so far, so I can't claim that the journey is over but already I made good gains. I became much much more fit than I ever was. Started feeling much better health wise and looking better. I became much more confident as a result. Also getting compliments and attention from new girls. I would even get approached by girls a few times. My career work has also led to some professional growth and things are nicely progressing towards my objective. And I developed new social circles that I have been spending some time with, leading to some new experiences in my life. My self-improvement and time spent with myself actually has brought me a lot of fulfilment that feels much more long lasting than other activities such as plating and just trying to sleep with chicks. It is still a journey that I am on now but I think there is so much credence to the concept of chasing abundance and excellence.
Plating & New Chicks
Immediately after the break up, I started plating a lot and meeting new chicks. The logic was simple: I lost a girl therefore I must find her replacement immediately. It has been more than 2 months so far of me plating. At the beginning I plated aggressively and it really sucked. I tried dating every night back to back. But everywhere I went and everyone I met. I saw my ex's ghost everywhere. Feels like I was haunted. I'd have flashbacks of memories over familiar places. I'd compare the plates I met to my ex (which honestly isn't realistic). I had some bad and boring dates but I'd also have some really really good dates. In 2 months, I ended up making out, fooling around and even ****ing some chicks. One thing I have come to realize is that plates and chicks, won't necessarily bring sustainable happiness. Even the good dates and the good sex, once it is over, you go back to square 1 again. You chase that high again but go through all the mud to try again. It's almost like playing a video game where the level resets. There is really nothing longer lasting that comes from it. Sure, when you find a good long term plate or **** buddy, you might consistently have fun but the truth is after sex is done, you go back to square 1 again. You may feel empty until the next hit. And even you want to be truly deep about it, the same can be said about LTRs including my ex. For example, my ex no doubt brought me much happiness but how sustainable was that? My relationships with my ex along with all my other exes eventually ended and caused more pain than they did happiness. Also things go stale with time. This is helping me come to the realisation that although chicks can bring some value to a man's life, they cannot be the primary source of a man's happiness. On the other hand, self-improvement and slowly becoming your best self and building your best life seems to be the best bet to truly becoming happy.
Thinking About Them
The idea that I had in the beginning is that the more I continue with NC eventually I will reach a point where I don't think about my ex anymore. Almost like NC can erase them from your memory. After 70 days, I can say, it has not happened yet. I still think about my ex. In fact even with another ex from 2021, I still think about her quite regularly. (And actually with other exes too). I don't think you can easily forget people especially if they had a special place in your life and meant something to you. However what happened to me (and should happen to all of us) is that over time, the sharp pain and torment associated with your ex starts to go away. In the beginning weeks, I experienced so much pain that at first I couldn't sleep properly or wake up properly without feeling like I had an open wound. Every time I thought about them which is almost every moment, my body had some sort of physiological reaction. Now I just don't feel the pain anymore. I don't really feel sadness anymore. I don't feel the anxiety and disbelief of losing her. I have accepted it. At times, I do miss her but I realise I miss the good times rather than the person who came to break up with me. Based on my past experience, I think the thoughts of her will always be a part of me but I can live with it.
Breadcrumbs
I don't think my ex ever breadcrumbed me. I do have some big suspicions that she is actually stalking me through her friends and some other methods. However, after 70 days. She has never reached out after dumping me. I think that says a lot about how she sees me and the value of our relationship which contributes to my acceptance of how things are.
-
Its only been 70 days! But I hope all my other bros out there who are on this journey can find value in some of the lessons here. I may drop in again as more thoughts develop. Stay strong bros.
I told myself that I would come back here with more insights over a recent break up and no contact journey, here I am after almost 70 days of no contact.
My Story:
Best Break Up Advice You Wish You Knew
Hello brothers, Feeling down and would like some support and thoughts. Some Context Recently a main I had been nested up with in a 7 months LTR dumped me because I fooled around with another chick at a party on a drunken night. (I'm a DJ so at most times I'm at parties and that night...
www.sosuave.net
I hope to share my experience and some lessons learnt so far.
(Funny thing is I actually did a detailed 360 Days NC Challenge on this thread in 2021 - 2022 because of another girl and painful breakup. I thought I had learnt a lot from that break up and was prepared for any more future break ups and NC. But here I am back again with a new NC challenge. Realizing that I made some of the same mistakes again and now learning new lessons. I thought I would have conquered heartbreak by now but maybe we never do.)
70 Days NC Lessons So Far
They Are Gone
The first few weeks were definitely the toughest. From the moment I was dumped, I couldn't really accept that she was gone. She was not mine anymore. Your mind gets so used to somebody that when they are no longer in your life it just feels unbelievable. There was also a lot of anxiety from my part because at the same time I didn't want it to be the reality. You just can't accept it. You think you want to fight for it because if you don't, you think you're giving up. You think if you don't fight, she will end up hooking up with some other dude. In fact I realize that your mind will make 100 reasons for you to justify you fighting against the break up. So in the beginning I did try to contact her and work things out with her. I did plead with her. I fought for her. In retrospect, I wish I would have spared myself the trouble. If they have dumped you. Nothing you say or do will change that. The trying just leads to more pain and delays healing. This is something I have learnt the 2nd time now with 2 painful breakups & NC journeys from 2021 to now. I also think fighting just made me look weak and it really changed nothing. If I could go back in time, and for those fresh off their breakups, I would advise myself (and others), don't fight it. Accept it. Show maturity but indifference. You save your own humiliation and increase the chances of her having second thoughts (although in most instances she won't at this stage) but you just have to accept that you lost this round.
Wake Up Call To Unhappiness Of Your Life
I have been thinking about this a lot. When the break up first happened. I felt so devastated. I felt so low. I felt the happiness and excitement from my life have gone. And it was exactly that. The girl became my source of happiness at some point. When she was gone. I was faced with the reality of my life which had revolved around her to a very large degree. I had been stagnating, cutting down my social life and basically stopped on many aspects of my life because I got comfortable with this girl. When you are constantly getting *****, attention and love from a hot girl; if those are the main things that motivate you in life (and they shouldn't be), you stagnate. My fitness was down. My career and hobbies were neglected. My friends were ignored. It was just me and her. But it was just really me living in a bubble. So when I was dumped it was a wake up call to face the real state of my life. I was no longer blinded by the relationship and *****. And that is the problem, when you let someone else become the main source of your happiness then you're playing a dangerous game because you can't control the other person. They can choose to leave or make it hell for you at any moment. You have given away your happiness, you just don't know it. So the break up really made me look at my life and realize there was so much more work to be done.
Self-Improvement Happiness
So immediately after the break up and start of NC, I shifted my focus to self-improvement. This is something I learnt from my first NC journey years ago. I know that self-improvement is where it all starts. During this period, I started exercising everyday at the gym, working on my career and generally looking at making my life much more abundant in every way. It's only been few months so far, so I can't claim that the journey is over but already I made good gains. I became much much more fit than I ever was. Started feeling much better health wise and looking better. I became much more confident as a result. Also getting compliments and attention from new girls. I would even get approached by girls a few times. My career work has also led to some professional growth and things are nicely progressing towards my objective. And I developed new social circles that I have been spending some time with, leading to some new experiences in my life. My self-improvement and time spent with myself actually has brought me a lot of fulfilment that feels much more long lasting than other activities such as plating and just trying to sleep with chicks. It is still a journey that I am on now but I think there is so much credence to the concept of chasing abundance and excellence.
Plating & New Chicks
Immediately after the break up, I started plating a lot and meeting new chicks. The logic was simple: I lost a girl therefore I must find her replacement immediately. It has been more than 2 months so far of me plating. At the beginning I plated aggressively and it really sucked. I tried dating every night back to back. But everywhere I went and everyone I met. I saw my ex's ghost everywhere. Feels like I was haunted. I'd have flashbacks of memories over familiar places. I'd compare the plates I met to my ex (which honestly isn't realistic). I had some bad and boring dates but I'd also have some really really good dates. In 2 months, I ended up making out, fooling around and even ****ing some chicks. One thing I have come to realize is that plates and chicks, won't necessarily bring sustainable happiness. Even the good dates and the good sex, once it is over, you go back to square 1 again. You chase that high again but go through all the mud to try again. It's almost like playing a video game where the level resets. There is really nothing longer lasting that comes from it. Sure, when you find a good long term plate or **** buddy, you might consistently have fun but the truth is after sex is done, you go back to square 1 again. You may feel empty until the next hit. And even you want to be truly deep about it, the same can be said about LTRs including my ex. For example, my ex no doubt brought me much happiness but how sustainable was that? My relationships with my ex along with all my other exes eventually ended and caused more pain than they did happiness. Also things go stale with time. This is helping me come to the realisation that although chicks can bring some value to a man's life, they cannot be the primary source of a man's happiness. On the other hand, self-improvement and slowly becoming your best self and building your best life seems to be the best bet to truly becoming happy.
Thinking About Them
The idea that I had in the beginning is that the more I continue with NC eventually I will reach a point where I don't think about my ex anymore. Almost like NC can erase them from your memory. After 70 days, I can say, it has not happened yet. I still think about my ex. In fact even with another ex from 2021, I still think about her quite regularly. (And actually with other exes too). I don't think you can easily forget people especially if they had a special place in your life and meant something to you. However what happened to me (and should happen to all of us) is that over time, the sharp pain and torment associated with your ex starts to go away. In the beginning weeks, I experienced so much pain that at first I couldn't sleep properly or wake up properly without feeling like I had an open wound. Every time I thought about them which is almost every moment, my body had some sort of physiological reaction. Now I just don't feel the pain anymore. I don't really feel sadness anymore. I don't feel the anxiety and disbelief of losing her. I have accepted it. At times, I do miss her but I realise I miss the good times rather than the person who came to break up with me. Based on my past experience, I think the thoughts of her will always be a part of me but I can live with it.
Breadcrumbs
I don't think my ex ever breadcrumbed me. I do have some big suspicions that she is actually stalking me through her friends and some other methods. However, after 70 days. She has never reached out after dumping me. I think that says a lot about how she sees me and the value of our relationship which contributes to my acceptance of how things are.
-
Its only been 70 days! But I hope all my other bros out there who are on this journey can find value in some of the lessons here. I may drop in again as more thoughts develop. Stay strong bros.
soulforge
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2013
- Messages
- 6,239
- Reaction score
- 4,962
I wouldn't do it bro.. it's upto you really.
But my personal way of doing things is falling off the face of the earth completely.
If I need to post pics, then it will be with real girls I am dating and banging. No point faking it.
That being said, it depends what your end goal is. Do you want her back?
Or are you trying to leave her in the rear view mirror.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
It’s been months now. 3 months since we’ve last been together for real.
2 months since I’ve cut contact.
as I told you, is a little b!tch move.
havent done. Specially because the reason of me doing would have come from such weak azz frame.
just needed to vent! Tks m8
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Baibars
Master Don Juan
Man I regretted all of my mistakes in the relationship and still do but the feeling got weaker.
tried to make things work over the last 3 months with periods of no contact in between.
I sent her flowers, we had talks, I sent her a fcking letter but nothing helped. Yeah i know it was weak but I fcked things up in the relationship and wanted to fix them. went through hell until I finally understood.
now i regret my behavior and the 3 months I wasted on her.
tried to make things work over the last 3 months with periods of no contact in between.
I sent her flowers, we had talks, I sent her a fcking letter but nothing helped. Yeah i know it was weak but I fcked things up in the relationship and wanted to fix them. went through hell until I finally understood.
now i regret my behavior and the 3 months I wasted on her.
Day 6:
I had some friends and relatives over at my place since we broke up. They came the day after she broke up with me. I didn't mention anything to them about the breakup, so I was busy and occupied and didn't have to think about it. They left on Saturday, and I kept myself busy on Sunday. However, when I got home, it was the first time I could actually sit down and let the breakup sink in. I was feeling low and wanted to send her a text, breaking no contact. I wrote a very long text, for closure, about everything I appreciate about her, I will miss her, and that I won't contact her again., in my notes app. I re-read it a couple of times and decided not to send it because I don't want to break NC and heal faster. If she doesn't reply to the message, it would make me feel even worse. So, I never sent her that text but it felt good writing that stuff down.
I had some friends and relatives over at my place since we broke up. They came the day after she broke up with me. I didn't mention anything to them about the breakup, so I was busy and occupied and didn't have to think about it. They left on Saturday, and I kept myself busy on Sunday. However, when I got home, it was the first time I could actually sit down and let the breakup sink in. I was feeling low and wanted to send her a text, breaking no contact. I wrote a very long text, for closure, about everything I appreciate about her, I will miss her, and that I won't contact her again., in my notes app. I re-read it a couple of times and decided not to send it because I don't want to break NC and heal faster. If she doesn't reply to the message, it would make me feel even worse. So, I never sent her that text but it felt good writing that stuff down.
Last edited:
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
good lad!
soulforge
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2013
- Messages
- 6,239
- Reaction score
- 4,962
Always do the opposite of what you're feelings are tellings you to do.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Day 8:
Damn, after reading the text I wanted to send her, I'm so glad I didn't send it. I feel better during the day while working, but it's always at night when I go to bed that I start missing and thinking about her.
Baibars
Master Don Juan
don’t fight your feelings.
don’t punish yourself. It’s ok you spent a lot of time with her. Allow it and also don’t hate her. Let her go and you can’t do that when you have any feelings of attachment towards her. Hate also makes you attached.
these things where holding me back.
Daniele999
New Member
- Joined
- May 17, 2021
- Messages
- 1
- Reaction score
- 3
- Age
- 37
954 days of NC
Guys, first of all I apologize for my English, I am not a native speaker. I have been reading So Suave (+Roissy & Rollo) for a couple of years, and the advice I read literally changed my life. As in my country there is literally no guy so capable in explaining intersexual dynamics, I really do believe that some of the articles I read have helped me to become a better person, even if I read them as a non-native speaker and most probably, there is a subtle nuance I failed to understand.
My story is rather simple: we have known each other since college (so more than 20 years), but since we finished college we rarely saw each other as she went to study abroad and came home only for holidays. I have been into her since we met for the first time, but since she left our country I started to date girls, lift weights, travel a lot, till I realised I had finally forgot her (after losing so many years lingering like a fool). But........3 years ago she decided to come back for good as someone in her family had passed away. She became more and more friendly and dropped subtle hints that she was interested in more than a friendship (though deep down inside she clearly knew I was into her since we met for the first time and I might be an easy catch). So, we got together, time flew, but still we rarely saw each other, she was always busy, always had something to do, etc....till that moment in which she stopped responding to text messages. I saw it coming, because during the last week she was less and less interested (too busy to go out with me, but she still had time to meet her friends). A mutual friend who knew some of her co-workers told me that she might be into a guy who was her boss at the time, and one of her relatives confirmed me. Please be aware that I did not do anything that would be qualified as beta: I did not supplicate, ask her why we don't see each other more often, why is she texting so rarely, etc. It was obvious I am a bit bothered by the situation, but I had plenty of things to do and I did not confront her.
From the moment she stopped responding I knew I was screwed and that I will never get her back. I was like yeah, it's clear that she was never really interested in me so what can I do, life goes on, I don't need closure because she will tell me some bull**** about things not working anymore (but when you see someone so rarely you can't even talk about a relationship tbh )).
So I never texted her to see what's happening, and during the first 3 weeks I received the following messages:
Her: (after a week): Hey, how are you?
Me: Fine, out with the boys, drinking some beers. How about you?
Her: I went out with a friend
Me: Cool
Her: -
One week after, I posted something on instagram, she texts:
Her: Is this your friend's coffeeshop?
Me: Yep, he is a friend but also a work colleague
Her: enjoy
Me: thanks
Exactly another week from this moment, she texts:
Her: Happy birthyday! Not sure why you distanced yourself/stopped texting, but I hope you're ok, happy and healthy!
Me: Thanks for the birthday wish!
954 days of NC have passed, and I still don't feel quite ok. It's still difficult to accept that someone is gone, that you'll never see the girl you truly liked again. I can't lie, I didn't feel depressed or so low that I couldn't get out, I always did my best to keep moving and forget about what happened. From time to time, I still dream about her and feel awkward in the mornings.
During the past months I have been thinking: I unfollowed her and her relatives on social media, I didn't see any photo of her for 3 years, I don't even know whether she is still home or somewhere else in Europe. How will I feel when I see she is getting married/or she already has kids?
My question is...how do you move on for good and stop dreaming about someone? How do you accept it's over and you're just a memory that will probably fade away as time goes by? How do you accept that she deserves to be happy, and if she is not happy with you, she will be with someone else...
Thank you!
Guys, first of all I apologize for my English, I am not a native speaker. I have been reading So Suave (+Roissy & Rollo) for a couple of years, and the advice I read literally changed my life. As in my country there is literally no guy so capable in explaining intersexual dynamics, I really do believe that some of the articles I read have helped me to become a better person, even if I read them as a non-native speaker and most probably, there is a subtle nuance I failed to understand.
My story is rather simple: we have known each other since college (so more than 20 years), but since we finished college we rarely saw each other as she went to study abroad and came home only for holidays. I have been into her since we met for the first time, but since she left our country I started to date girls, lift weights, travel a lot, till I realised I had finally forgot her (after losing so many years lingering like a fool). But........3 years ago she decided to come back for good as someone in her family had passed away. She became more and more friendly and dropped subtle hints that she was interested in more than a friendship (though deep down inside she clearly knew I was into her since we met for the first time and I might be an easy catch). So, we got together, time flew, but still we rarely saw each other, she was always busy, always had something to do, etc....till that moment in which she stopped responding to text messages. I saw it coming, because during the last week she was less and less interested (too busy to go out with me, but she still had time to meet her friends). A mutual friend who knew some of her co-workers told me that she might be into a guy who was her boss at the time, and one of her relatives confirmed me. Please be aware that I did not do anything that would be qualified as beta: I did not supplicate, ask her why we don't see each other more often, why is she texting so rarely, etc. It was obvious I am a bit bothered by the situation, but I had plenty of things to do and I did not confront her.
From the moment she stopped responding I knew I was screwed and that I will never get her back. I was like yeah, it's clear that she was never really interested in me so what can I do, life goes on, I don't need closure because she will tell me some bull**** about things not working anymore (but when you see someone so rarely you can't even talk about a relationship tbh )).
So I never texted her to see what's happening, and during the first 3 weeks I received the following messages:
Her: (after a week): Hey, how are you?
Me: Fine, out with the boys, drinking some beers. How about you?
Her: I went out with a friend
Me: Cool
Her: -
One week after, I posted something on instagram, she texts:
Her: Is this your friend's coffeeshop?
Me: Yep, he is a friend but also a work colleague
Her: enjoy
Me: thanks
Exactly another week from this moment, she texts:
Her: Happy birthyday! Not sure why you distanced yourself/stopped texting, but I hope you're ok, happy and healthy!
Me: Thanks for the birthday wish!
954 days of NC have passed, and I still don't feel quite ok. It's still difficult to accept that someone is gone, that you'll never see the girl you truly liked again. I can't lie, I didn't feel depressed or so low that I couldn't get out, I always did my best to keep moving and forget about what happened. From time to time, I still dream about her and feel awkward in the mornings.
During the past months I have been thinking: I unfollowed her and her relatives on social media, I didn't see any photo of her for 3 years, I don't even know whether she is still home or somewhere else in Europe. How will I feel when I see she is getting married/or she already has kids?
My question is...how do you move on for good and stop dreaming about someone? How do you accept it's over and you're just a memory that will probably fade away as time goes by? How do you accept that she deserves to be happy, and if she is not happy with you, she will be with someone else...
Thank you!
I have ups and downs. Sometimes I think about her and miss her but it's the disrespect that I had to go through that brings out the hate. It balances out the feelings of losing her. But I don't think this is healthy either.
Baibars
Master Don Juan
You’re fresh out of the relationship and it’s normal now. Miss her, hate her but don’t act on these feelings. Wish her good luck in your mind and let her go. Don't try to be the wannabe macho. You’re doing the right thing which doesn’t mean you can dislike her instantly or turn off your feelings.
Take your time. I’m doing it too bro.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.