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The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

matt_uk

Don Juan
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Day 7

I feel worse not better. Why the f**k is that? God I hope this gets easier. I’m talking to a lot of other women but continuing to feel pissed off about how it’s ended and the fact it’s ended. Putting this here so I don’t find a way of messaging her!
 

bcude

Master Don Juan
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Day 7

I feel worse not better. Why the f**k is that? God I hope this gets easier. I’m talking to a lot of other women but continuing to feel pissed off about how it’s ended and the fact it’s ended. Putting this here so I don’t find a way of messaging her!
Because 7 days is nothing brother, hang in there. Some days will be easy, others will be incredibly hard. As time passes, it will be easier and easier, one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be able to walk again. I don't believe in jumping into new women immediately after a breakup since you won't be able to be present with them anyway, all of your thoughts will be on her, no matter how hard you try...
Do what works for you. Being so busy with stuff that you don't even have the time to think works like a charm for most, but i prefer to direct my attention towards work/passion/hobbies rather than new women after something serious.
 

matt_uk

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Because 7 days is nothing brother, hang in there. Some days will be easy, others will be incredibly hard. As time passes, it will be easier and easier, one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be able to walk again. I don't believe in jumping into new women immediately after a breakup since you won't be able to be present with them anyway, all of your thoughts will be on her, no matter how hard you try...
Do what works for you. Being so busy with stuff that you don't even have the time to think works like a charm for most, but i prefer to direct my attention towards work/passion/hobbies rather than new women after something serious.
Cheers man. I’m not putting serious effort in with these women, but just having some fun. Yeah some days feel okay, but a lot of days feel absolutely awful!
 

mike465

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More than 7 weeks, feeling a lot better, massive respect to this site. Ups and downs but you get there
 

Barrister

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NC - Day 12

I’ve been trying to stay busy and have been setting a few things in motion in my life that were long overdue. If nothing else this breakup has been good to kind of wake me up in life and realize that I’ve kind of been going through the motions these past 2.5 years.

Last night sucked though - I randomly had a dream about her and woke up in middle of the night thinking about her and then wondered if she was somewhere in bed with another guy. Stupid, destructive thoughts. Today, I drove past her street and there was a small part of me that wanted to stop by and see her (which would have resulted in me making a total fool of myself I know and appearing very weak). I’m doing better right now than I was last night or this morning but thought I should post here since this was the strongest urge I had to break NC since I began.

Both of my scheduled dates last week fell through. One was legitimate and one was a flake. I have to admit though that I feel like I have very little motivation to date right now. Even though I know going out and getting laid would probably make me feel a lot better about things. I’m wondering if these falling through is partly why I’m feeling down again today. I want to WANT to go out date and meet new women. But it’s just not there right now. Do you force yourself to do it or should I take some more time?

The most frustrating part is I KNOW that going back to her even if she agreed would be dumb. The relationship was toxic and that is why I decided to end it. I know those things wouldn’t change if I went back now. Despite that there’s still a part of me that wants to be with her — which is dumb. I hope these feelings go away sooner than later.

Stream of consciousness I know - sorry about the rambling post.
 

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bcude

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I want to WANT to go out date and meet new women. But it’s just not there right now. Do you force yourself to do it or should I take some more time?
Why force something that isn't there at the moment? I believe it's especially important to focus on things that bring you joy fresh after a breakup. You have to care for yourself and do things that you want to do, not because it would be sensible or because this forum thinks it's the way forward. Listen to your inner voice and process the breakup in your own time and learn frorm it for the future, just don't grovel in it.
 

Barrister

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Why force something that isn't there at the moment? I believe it's especially important to focus on things that bring you joy fresh after a breakup. You have to care for yourself and do things that you want to do, not because it would be sensible or because this forum thinks it's the way forward. Listen to your inner voice and process the breakup in your own time and learn frorm it for the future, just don't grovel in it.
Maybe just having another woman would make me stop putting my ex on a pedestal. On other hand, I don’t want to do something that will make me feel empty or worse than I do now. That’s my dilemma. But I appreciate your advice!
 

bcude

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Maybe just having another woman would make me stop putting my ex on a pedestal. On other hand, I don’t want to do something that will make me feel empty or worse than I do now. That’s my dilemma. But I appreciate your advice!
Since the human mind suffers from something called 'the fading effect' bias, we usually tend to romaticize our past relationships and ignore the negative parts. A good way to combat this would be to sit down with pen and paper and write down the not so good parts, why it didn't work and what ultimately led to the relationships demise. This will force you to see the whole picture and not only the one in your mind where your ex was a queen high on her pedastal. Try it and read it whevener you feel 'weak', it works along with time doing its thing.
There is a point talking to new women, but you don't necessarily have to date them. Just distracting yourself with some females with give you the illusion of abundance and that your ex wasn't the last woman on earth which we tend to believe in the beginning. You will feel when you're ready again, don't worry.
 

Barrister

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Since the human mind suffers from something called 'the fading effect' bias, we usually tend to romaticize our past relationships and ignore the negative parts. A good way to combat this would be to sit down with pen and paper and write down the not so good parts, why it didn't work and what ultimately led to the relationships demise. This will force you to see the whole picture and not only the one in your mind where your ex was a queen high on her pedastal. Try it and read it whevener you feel 'weak', it works along with time doing its thing.
There is a point talking to new women, but you don't necessarily have to date them. Just distracting yourself with some females with give you the illusion of abundance and that your ex wasn't the last woman on earth which we tend to believe in the beginning. You will feel when you're ready again, don't worry.
I know you're right of course. I actually have already done the writing down all of the negatives of the relationships. And it does help to whip it out and read through all the bullsh1t she did to remind myself why I ended it (twice). I know realistically this is going to be a process for me when we were together 2.5 years. It doesn't happen overnight. Just sucks thinking about how long it may take until I feel 100%.

I think I will try to get some plates now. I honestly think maybe that is what I need to feel better. Thanks as always @bcude
 
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