Back again, as I said, every 30 days, I'll check in.
Wow can you believe it?
NC 180! (6 Months)
Its already been half a year since the break up and the start of NC for me.
(Also 6 months since I first discovered and stumbled on the SS community and RP knowledge).
I am a disbelief that this much time has passed, in a way the break up seems like it was just yesterday, yet it also seems like another lifetime.
So, to start off with, she did not contact me EVER throughout the past 6 months. Not a single breadcrumb left. No attempts. I had always thought she would break at some point; she was so clingy to me before and practically obsessed with me. So this is a great surprise. There were some saying that 6 months is the magic number of when they come, well, not in my case. Absolute 0.
Although I no longer feel the pain of the breakup anymore, even after 6 months, I still think about her from time to time. This I am very surprised by even after 6 months. Though I notice these thoughts have sort of changed. Its not so much the bad yearning I spoke about in my earlier NC updates; or is it a feeling that I had previously, of thinking how good it would be if we can be back together again. Instead, its more like a subtle curiosity of whether she thinks about me, how she is and also flashbacks of some of our really exciting times together. Yet actively, my mind has become so much more rational now than ever before, I see all the red flags she had and would not want to be with her ever again even if she came back. Definitely, my emotions are under control and I have so much clarity now.
My career is now at new heights and I won't deny that the break up and the pain fueled most of my momentum of developing my own profession further. I really wanted to become better and in a way I have now achieved this. From noticing how much momentum and progression I've experienced, I now realized how stagnant I had become in the previous relationship. It was like my life force was gradually being sucked out of me; she truly was betatizing me, I was getting too comfortable, if the relationship were to continue, I would probably be a loser. I've also become more fit than I ever had been in the past 2 years. Looking back to old photos of myself, I realized how fat I had become. Now I've lost many kgs weight and gained a more athletic body. My overall look has improved. I work out everyday. One thing I have noticed though, especially in terms of fitness is that my momentum of working out has now gradually diminished. The insane drive I had at the beginning of the NC has more or less gone now. Break up truly is a fuel. Those were some dark times but truly some memorable times of fighting spirit. I am now learning to stick to my commitment, sooner or later, the negativity goes away and funnily enough, you'll miss it because of how much intensity it brought to your life.
One area of my life that I am currently taking a slight L is the plate/sex life. I recently relocated to a new country with an intense lockdown going on. This has made it impossible for me to go out for weeks. So I've not had access to plates or sex. I have actually become quite affected by this. There is an overall sense of loneliness and worthlessness at times. I went from someone who used to go out with plates every week. Now I am literally stuck with Instagram and OLD, waiting for the lockdown to be over. Yet I have also been reading more into RP material and SS, this has also made me want to change my ways and become more independent. Maybe, I rely my self worth, entertainment and sense of fulfillment too much on women. Perhaps this period and relocation is a challenge for me to become an independent man. Can't deny though, this feeling is a beetch.
I have been giving a lot of thoughts to the RP materials I have been immersing myself into. It seriously feels like an awakening. It is all still very new to me, there is still a lack of understanding, sometimes doubts, but I can see how much more RP I have been. I can also see how truthful the RP really is. I notice significant mental shifts in me; reviewing who I was before the break up and NC, I was seriously so beta and BP. Yet the transformation is difficult, there is still much that feels alien to me. There is also a lot that I got used to that was second nature to me and now I am fighting agaisnt my own instincts and nature to behave in certain ways. E.g. giving girls attention, or being a chat buddy. Yet this is what growth is about. I don't know how much value RP will bring to me as with recent lockdowns I don't have much opportunity to really see more interaction with girls, but I will integrate it into my life and wait for the opportunities to experience life again in its fullest ways with RP clarity once the situation allows.
I'll end with this. Although my life is going great, there isn't much action in terms of the girls. I desperately want some sexual adventure; especially one of the same proportion of the girl I began NC with, yet I am also aware, much of this is neediness and the current circumstances and great lays and people come in time. I am definitely in a much better place in life and in handling my emotions over the NC and breakup I've experienced. I am a different man!
See you guys in the next 30 days.