The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[SW15]

My charisma is what's holding me back moreso than looks.

It is both your looks and your lack of charisma holding you back. You have also mentioned a lack of money too in the thread below.

Looks, money, status, personality.

Mindset is also an issue here.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

Bill Gates got laid with money and status despite a lack of looks and charisma.

As for IHAB, I've shared a story on the forum about a college classmate insisting I share an office chair with her in the computer lab, yet ultimately turning me down when I shot my shot. What I don't think I've mentioned on the forum is that her excuse was IHAB.

How strange to insist on sharing a single person seat with a guy who was about to pull up his own chair, yet then giving him IHAB when he shoots his shot.

How did you shoot your shot? Perhaps she was giving a mild interest signal and you overvalued the signal.

I haven't gotten an IHAB in a long time. I think I know when to duck out of conversations before the ask out and not get IHAB'ed. People who read signals well can avoid the IHAB, even if the interaction doesn't result in a date or sex.

 

[GoodMan32]

OP wants a magic potion as if that exists in any other area of life.

A magic potion (if you want to call it that) most certainly exists in certain areas of life.

For example, there are certain tasks at my workplace with step-by-step directions. If you follow the directions step-by-step, you will successfully complete the task.

As another example, if you're building an office chair, and follow the step-by-step directions, you will successfully have a fully built chair when all is said and done.

Autists excel at following step-by-step directions (which is why I'm superb at stuff like workplace tasks or building an office chair)

 

[GoodMan32]

It is both your looks and your lack of charisma holding you back. You have also mentioned a lack of money too in the thread below.

Looks, money, status, personality.

Mindset is also an issue here.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

Bill Gates got laid with money and status despite a lack of looks and charisma.



How did you shoot your shot? Perhaps she was giving a mild interest signal and you overvalued the signal.

I haven't gotten an IHAB in a long time. I think I know when to duck out of conversations before the ask out and not get IHAB'ed. People who read signals well can avoid the IHAB, even if the interaction doesn't result in a date or sex.

Since this was way back in 2012, I don't recall my exact wording. I wanna say I said something like "I suspect you have a thing for me. Any truth to that?"

To which I then got the IHAB excuse.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

A magic potion (if you want to call it that) most certainly exists in certain areas of life.

For example, there are certain tasks at my workplace with step-by-step directions. If you follow the directions step-by-step, you will successfully complete the task.

As another example, if you're building an office chair, and follow the step-by-step directions, you will successfully have a fully built chair when all is said and done.

Autists excel at following step-by-step directions (which is why I'm superb at stuff like workplace tasks or building an office chair)

Nobody is talking about building a chair. I am talking about life situations.

Leave it to you to come up with most contrived examples you possibly can to protect your fragile ego from accepting reality.

 

[SW15]

Since this was way back in 2012, I don't recall my exact wording. I wanna say I said something like "I suspect you have a thing for me. Any truth to that?"

To which I then got the IHAB excuse.

The passage of time makes this analysis difficult.

I don't think your verbal game/charisma/persuasiveness was high there.

There should have been some pleasant chat in between the chair offering and what you said. Maybe even structured chat like Roosh's GALNUC model or the London Daygame Model.

You should have asked her at a minimum for drinks at X place at Y time. That's a better ask.

You might still have gotten IHAB'ed on that.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Faulty analogy.

Wetting yourself leads to temporary embarrassment .

It CAN, or it can be the source of riotous entertainment, for both yourself and everyone else in the vicinity. Similar to "problems" with women, at least 90% of this is in the way you handle it, hoss



"A criminal record, on the other hand, is for life"

IF every woman reacts exactly the way this ONE chick did... Last anyone heard, your name ain't Karnak, much less Nostradamus, so these prophecies of yours hold less water than a 99 year old's bladder

 

[BaronOfHair]

OP wants a magic potion as if that exists in any other area of life.

20, going on 30 years now of "Ultimate Dating Systems" which swear they can transform The King Of Dweebs into The Greatest Panty Peeler Who's Ever Lived overnight + The delusion that some Pill(Red, Gold, White, Green... I lose track)out there can give a fella The Keys To The Kingdom have wrecked our love lives in ways meth could never dream of wrecking Lindsay Lohan's staying power

 

[BaronOfHair]

There's limited value in doing that

There's limited value in what ANYONE has to say about ANYTHING. The point here is for OP to go start collecting field intell, then using that field intell to increase his prospects for success, assuming of course his professed goals(Snagging cooter, enhancing his social life more generally)are ones he's serious about

 

[GoodMan32]

Nobody is talking about building a chair. I am talking about life situations.

Leave it to you to come up with most contrived examples you possibly can to protect your fragile ego from accepting reality.

I'm aware that in the context of pursuing a woman, there is no magic potion. That's why I struggle.

The passage of time makes this analysis difficult.

I don't think your verbal game/charisma/persuasiveness was high there.

There should have been some pleasant chat in between the chair offering and what you said. Maybe even structured chat like Roosh's GALNUC model or the London Daygame Model.

You should have asked her at a minimum for drinks at X place at Y time. That's a better ask.

You might still have gotten IHAB'ed on that.

Here's another area where my summer birthday held me back socially: She was 21; I was still 20 (in other words, I couldn't have invited her to grab a drink)

For that matter, the summer baby/drinking age thing goes beyond just this one story. There were all sorts of scenarios my 3rd year of college where my peers could already drink at a bar, yet I couldn't.

There's limited value in what ANYONE has to say about ANYTHING. The point here is for OP to go star collecting field intell, then using that field intell to increase his prospects for success, assuming of course his professed goals(Snagging cooter, enhancing his social life more generally)are ones he's serious about

I've collected various field intel from organized singles events. Organized singles events have made me more comfortable talking to the opposite sex outside of the organized singles events too.

 

[SW15]

Here's another area where my summer birthday held me back socially: She was 21; I was still 20 (in other words, I couldn't have invited her to grab a drink)

For that matter, the summer baby/drinking age thing goes beyond just this one story. There were all sorts of scenarios my 3rd year of college where my peers could already drink at a bar, yet I couldn't.

Yes, junior year might have sucked. You weren't flexible enough back then to find a solution. You could have done other forms of dates back then. As a 20 year old, you could have been dating the 18-19 year old freshmen and sophomores.

However, your verbal game stunk with everyone. You didn't learn a good conversational model to drop panties. Those existed on the internet priot to 2012.

Can't live in the past. Move forward.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I've collected various field intel from organized singles events. Organized singles events have made me more comfortable talking to the opposite sex outside of the organized singles events too.

That beats no effort at all(so I commend you for attending them), AND this is also the equivalent of networking in business via network events alone... It ain't nearly enough

Practice being social more on your own(I.E. Not in events organized by someone else) in small ways each and every day. Same way successful people in business, law, entertainment, and politics pounce on every opportunity to schmooze and rub elbows with those who can open windows for them

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

I've seen the idea bounced around on the internet that it's nothing personal when a woman rejects a guy.

That's the biggest bull$hit ever.

Are there some instances where a woman's rejection of a guy is nothing personal? Absolutely.

There are many instances, however, where the rejection is personal. Many times, a rejection happens because of something the guy said or did (and the rejection wouldn't have happened if he didn't say/do whatever thing drove her to reject him). It's been discussed in length on the forum about how all it takes to get rejected (or to make the woman quickly lose interest) is for the guy to say/do even one thing that gives her the ick factor.

Now for some examples of a rejection that isn't personal: If a woman rejects a guy for his looks, height, ethnicity, etc.

If she's not into your looks, height, or ethnicity, there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to make her want to be with you (except maybe becoming extremely wealthy)

As for me, I'd much rather get rejected for my looks, height, or ethnicity than get rejected for saying or doing the "wrong" thing. At least with a looks/height/ethnic rejection, it doesn't mean the woman thinks there's anything flawed with me personally. Alas though, I'd venture to guess way more of my rejections (as well as instances where the woman quickly loses interest) have been of the personal variety.

Sometimes the rejection ACTUALLY isnt personal .She may be in a bad mood, had too many bad interactions with dudes at a bar, or got out of a breakup. However with the right dude he can do anything and make it right so theres that....

 

[BaronOfHair]

A magic potion (if you want to call it that) most certainly exists in certain areas of life.

For example, there are certain tasks at my workplace with step-by-step directions. If you follow the directions step-by-step, you will successfully complete the task.

As another example, if you're building an office chair, and follow the step-by-step directions, you will successfully have a fully built chair when all is said and done.

Autists excel at following step-by-step directions (which is why I'm superb at stuff like workplace tasks or building an office chair)

Think about it like this, GM:

In ONE sense, dating and mating hasn't been this easy in decades. Between the lingering effects of lockdown(lots of men simply decided to remain shut in) and the fact that so many guys today fit the stereotype described here

9:00-the end

5:56-6:40

More snugly than a string bikini hugs Rachel Pizzolato's rear end, folks(women are especially)are astonished, whenever they meet a man who doesn't seem like a basement dwelling neckbeard. Public opinion on men being piss poor at the moment can actually work in one's favor

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Think about it like this, GM:

In ONE sense, dating and mating hasn't been this easy in decades. Between the lingering effects of lockdown(lots of men simply decided to remain shut in) and the fact that so many guys today fit the stereotype described here

9:00-the end

5:56-6:40

More snugly than a string bikini hugs Rachel Pizzolato's rear end, folks(women are especially)are astonished, whenever they meet a man who doesn't seem like a basement dwelling neckbeard. Public opinion on men being piss poor at the moment can actually work in one's favor

It is desirable, and not all too difficult, for a skilled seducer to be considered "refreshing" in today's zeitgeist, much like those much-vaunted Rachel Pizzolato's string bikinis straight out of the dryer with a double helping of dryer sheets, Snuggle Blue Sparkle Fresh Scent of course.

What's more difficult, but perhaps still doable, is to conduct a successful seduction @BaronOfHair style, ponderously and preternaturally pontificating on esoteric and disparate subjects, weaving together a rich mosaic of something vaguely warm and weird and utterly indescribable, all the while maintaining direct eye contact and smoothly escalating kino-wise; with a strong mindset deftly dominating the dualism of juggling the random tangents while vividly visualizing a bl0wjob under the table, the chances of a successful outcome does rise above 0.1% but without the Winning Mindset the chances would sadly remain at zero.

 

[BaronOfHair]

....much like those much-vaunted Rachel Pizzolato's string bikinis...

You said it, my ninja

"What's more difficult, but perhaps still doable, is to conduct a successful seduction @BaronOfHair style, ponderously and preternaturally pontificating on esoteric and disparate subjects, weaving together a rich mosaic of something vaguely warm and weird and utterly indescribable, all the while maintaining direct eye contact and smoothly escalating kino-wise..."

It's a cinch compared to the multitudes of truly complex tasks human beings regularly attempt, with varying degrees of success, each and every day, such as neurosurgery and getting 500 pounds of ammonium nitrate fuel oil into q federal building's parking garage...


Folks remain skittish, this many years after Oklahoma City

 

[GoodMan32]

Yes, junior year might have sucked. You weren't flexible enough back then to find a solution. You could have done other forms of dates back then. As a 20 year old, you could have been dating the 18-19 year old freshmen and sophomores.

However, your verbal game stunk with everyone. You didn't learn a good conversational model to drop panties. Those existed on the internet priot to 2012.

Can't live in the past. Move forward.

When I was still 20, I briefly dated a freshman girl in an introductory gen ed class I was taking as a filler (seeing as I entered college with a major already declared, I eventually reached the point where I ended up needing filler classes, as I was running out of classes in my major department)

I've posted about her on the forum before. I ended up having to break it off after about a week and a half because she was unbearable to be with.

That beats no effort at all(so I commend you for attending them), AND this is also the equivalent of networking in business via network events alone... It ain't nearly enough

Practice being social more on your own(I.E. Not in events organized by someone else) in small ways each and every day. Same way successful people in business, law, entertainment, and politics pounce on every opportunity to schmooze and rub elbows with those who can open windows for them

Speaking of rubbing elbows with those who can open windows for me, the story where I told my next door neighbor I prefer 45+ is a prime example.

Chances are (being a woman in her 50s), she has contact with many a woman in the 45+ demographic. Even though my next door neighbor personally thinks I'm too young for her, she could have at least offered to fix me up with an older woman who is open to getting with a man my age.

The fact she never offered to fix me up would suggest she doesn't think I'm a worthy partner even for another woman.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You said it, my ninja

"What's more difficult, but perhaps still doable, is to conduct a successful seduction @BaronOfHair style, ponderously and preternaturally pontificating on esoteric and disparate subjects, weaving together a rich mosaic of something vaguely warm and weird and utterly indescribable, all the while maintaining direct eye contact and smoothly escalating kino-wise..."

It's a cinch compared to the multitudes of truly complex tasks human beings regularly attempt, with varying degrees of success, each and every day, such as neurosurgery and getting 500 pounds of ammonium nitrate fuel oil into q federal building's parking garage...


Folks remain skittish, this many years after Oklahoma City

If only Timothy would've been banging a curly haired, bespectacled brunette girl named Patsy, the circle would've been complete.


© oddlyspecificproductions2025

 

[BaronOfHair]

Speaking of rubbing elbows with those who can open windows for me, the story where I told my next door neighbor I prefer 45+ is a prime example.

A prime example of you continuing a quest that, as has already been discussed in several prior threads(Older women, by and large, ain't interested in much younger men. They've often birthed and raised kids of their own already and want a lover/companion, not another boy to look after), is all but guaranteed to be fruitless

Refusing to get off that kick rivals The Men's Rights Movement's refusal to clean themselves up for the cameras + Stop using the word "men's rights" altogether, given that it results in nothing but doors being slammed in their faces, in terms of sheer moronicism

 

[GoodMan32]

A prime example of you continuing a quest that, as has already been discussed in several prior threads(Older women, by and large, ain't interested in much younger men. They've often birthed and raised kids of their own already and want a lover/companion, not another boy to look after), is all but guaranteed to be fruitless

Refusing to get off that kick rivals The Men's Rights Movement's refusal to clean themselves up for the cameras + Stop using the word "men's rights" altogether, given that it results in nothing but doors being slammed in their faces, in terms of sheer moronicism

I don't dispute the fact a lot of older gals don't want a significantly younger man.

The fact I nailed a few 45+ year olds for free when I was 20-23, however, shows that it is possible, especially now that the age gap has narrowed.

And to dispute the claim that's been made on this forum that an early 20s guy serves as a boytoy, while a 30-something man serves no purpose for an older woman: The last woman I had free sex with, a few months before I turned 30 (so even though I technically wasn't a 30-something yet, I was pretty close), was born in 1978.

See, even after outgrowing boytoy territory, I was able to get cooch from a woman born in the 70s.

 

[BPH]

Seriously, can somebody bring me up to speed on how this thread reached 16 pages?