The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[SW15]

Interview these gals, and ask them what aspects of your behavior, speech, dress, etc etc, led them to conclude: "This guy is a dic-wad".

There's limited value in doing that. What women say they want and what women actually want aren't the same thing.

Old school PUA Ross Jeffries mentioned this on a talk show in 1992. Ross had the perfect attitude in 1992. He didn't care what women wanted. He only cared what women sexually responded to.

Women respond most enthusiastically to a fit/muscular physique. The top tier guy in the USA and most Western cultures is a 6'0"+ man who is fit/muscular. While height can't be fixed (for the most part), a guy can get shredded from lifting weights at the gym and sports participation.

I think a better use of time instead of doing these interviews is to get on a dedicated weight lifting program.

He could get something out of interviews if he did his interviews the right way (also a challenge). I don't see any reality where those interviews would be as good as lifting progressively heavier weights and possibly supplementing with an enjoyable sport.

 

[GoodMan32]

If you were 100% getting laid off soon, would that change the dynamic with you? Last week/few days/day on your job...would you ask her out?

Totally.

If I knew I was about to get laid off, I'd then lose the phobia of having to run into any woman in my work building ever again.

Possible strategy, GM:

Interview these gals, and ask them what aspects of your behavior, speech, dress, etc etc, led them to conclude: "This guy is a dic-wad". Then either modify all that sh-t, or/and adopt more adaptive behaviors

Last time I asked a woman what I did to make her lose interest in me before our planned first date even happened, she threatened to rat me out to the cops if I say even one more word to her.

 

[GoodMan32]

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's inherently a bad idea to ask what I'm doing wrong.

All I'm saying is I'm a tad reluctant, seeing as I came close to getting a criminal record last time I did that.

 

[SW15]

I don't think it's inherently a bad idea to ask what I'm doing wrong.

All I'm saying is I'm a tad reluctant, seeing as I came close to getting a criminal record last time I did that.

That happened because you did it improperly and gave off creepster vibes.

I don't even get harsh blowouts on my rejections. My rejections are mainly polite because I have above average looks and moderate-above average charisma. I haven't gotten IHAB'ed since the 2000s. I actually thought the IHAB was dead because it hadn't happened to me in so long but I saw some videos online of approachers getting IHAB'ed in recent years.

The severity of one's rejections on in-person approaches depends on their perceived looks tier and perceived charisma tier. That's a part of the personalization of rejections.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's inherently a bad idea to ask what I'm doing wrong.

All I'm saying is I'm a tad reluctant, seeing as I came close to getting a criminal record last time I did that.

That was then, this is now... I'm fairly certain you've peed yourself slightly when going to john at some point, yet I'm also banking that you didn't then resolve to go through life wetting your pants, just because of these occasional mishaps

 

[GoodMan32]

That happened because you did it improperly and gave off creepster vibes.

I don't even get harsh blowouts on my rejections. My rejections are mainly polite because I have above average looks and moderate-above average charisma. I haven't gotten IHAB'ed since the 2000s. I actually thought the IHAB was dead because it hadn't happened to me in so long but I saw some videos online of approachers getting IHAB'ed in recent years.

The severity of one's rejections on in-person approaches depends on their perceived looks tier and perceived charisma tier. That's a part of the personalization of rejections.

No matter what's been said on this forum about my looks, I remain adamant I'm above-average.

My charisma is what's holding me back moreso than looks.

As for IHAB, I've shared a story on the forum about a college classmate insisting I share an office chair with her in the computer lab, yet ultimately turning me down when I shot my shot. What I don't think I've mentioned on the forum is that her excuse was IHAB.

How strange to insist on sharing a single person seat with a guy who was about to pull up his own chair, yet then giving him IHAB when he shoots his shot.

That was then, this is now... I'm fairly certain you've peed yourself slightly when going to john at some point, yet I'm also banking that you didn't then resolve to go through life wetting your pants, just because of these occasional mishaps

Faulty analogy.

Wetting yourself leads to temporary embarrassment. A criminal record, on the other hand, is for life.

 

[BPH]

I see this thread is still going somehow.

Can someone give me a TL;DR on what's changed/what he's doing different?

Also, I see @New_Journey is banned. When/how did that happen?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Whether it or it isn’t doesn’t matter. The result is the same: the woman rejected the man.

OP wants a magic potion as if that exists in any other area of life.

 

[SW15]

My charisma is what's holding me back moreso than looks.

It is both your looks and your lack of charisma holding you back. You have also mentioned a lack of money too in the thread below.

Looks, money, status, personality.

Mindset is also an issue here.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

Bill Gates got laid with money and status despite a lack of looks and charisma.

As for IHAB, I've shared a story on the forum about a college classmate insisting I share an office chair with her in the computer lab, yet ultimately turning me down when I shot my shot. What I don't think I've mentioned on the forum is that her excuse was IHAB.

How strange to insist on sharing a single person seat with a guy who was about to pull up his own chair, yet then giving him IHAB when he shoots his shot.

How did you shoot your shot? Perhaps she was giving a mild interest signal and you overvalued the signal.

I haven't gotten an IHAB in a long time. I think I know when to duck out of conversations before the ask out and not get IHAB'ed. People who read signals well can avoid the IHAB, even if the interaction doesn't result in a date or sex.

 

[GoodMan32]

OP wants a magic potion as if that exists in any other area of life.

A magic potion (if you want to call it that) most certainly exists in certain areas of life.

For example, there are certain tasks at my workplace with step-by-step directions. If you follow the directions step-by-step, you will successfully complete the task.

As another example, if you're building an office chair, and follow the step-by-step directions, you will successfully have a fully built chair when all is said and done.

Autists excel at following step-by-step directions (which is why I'm superb at stuff like workplace tasks or building an office chair)

 

[GoodMan32]

It is both your looks and your lack of charisma holding you back. You have also mentioned a lack of money too in the thread below.

Looks, money, status, personality.

Mindset is also an issue here.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

Bill Gates got laid with money and status despite a lack of looks and charisma.



How did you shoot your shot? Perhaps she was giving a mild interest signal and you overvalued the signal.

I haven't gotten an IHAB in a long time. I think I know when to duck out of conversations before the ask out and not get IHAB'ed. People who read signals well can avoid the IHAB, even if the interaction doesn't result in a date or sex.

Since this was way back in 2012, I don't recall my exact wording. I wanna say I said something like "I suspect you have a thing for me. Any truth to that?"

To which I then got the IHAB excuse.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

A magic potion (if you want to call it that) most certainly exists in certain areas of life.

For example, there are certain tasks at my workplace with step-by-step directions. If you follow the directions step-by-step, you will successfully complete the task.

As another example, if you're building an office chair, and follow the step-by-step directions, you will successfully have a fully built chair when all is said and done.

Autists excel at following step-by-step directions (which is why I'm superb at stuff like workplace tasks or building an office chair)

Nobody is talking about building a chair. I am talking about life situations.

Leave it to you to come up with most contrived examples you possibly can to protect your fragile ego from accepting reality.

 

[SW15]

Since this was way back in 2012, I don't recall my exact wording. I wanna say I said something like "I suspect you have a thing for me. Any truth to that?"

To which I then got the IHAB excuse.

The passage of time makes this analysis difficult.

I don't think your verbal game/charisma/persuasiveness was high there.

There should have been some pleasant chat in between the chair offering and what you said. Maybe even structured chat like Roosh's GALNUC model or the London Daygame Model.

You should have asked her at a minimum for drinks at X place at Y time. That's a better ask.

You might still have gotten IHAB'ed on that.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Faulty analogy.

Wetting yourself leads to temporary embarrassment .

It CAN, or it can be the source of riotous entertainment, for both yourself and everyone else in the vicinity. Similar to "problems" with women, at least 90% of this is in the way you handle it, hoss



"A criminal record, on the other hand, is for life"

IF every woman reacts exactly the way this ONE chick did... Last anyone heard, your name ain't Karnak, much less Nostradamus, so these prophecies of yours hold less water than a 99 year old's bladder

 

[BaronOfHair]

OP wants a magic potion as if that exists in any other area of life.

20, going on 30 years now of "Ultimate Dating Systems" which swear they can transform The King Of Dweebs into The Greatest Panty Peeler Who's Ever Lived overnight + The delusion that some Pill(Red, Gold, White, Green... I lose track)out there can give a fella The Keys To The Kingdom have wrecked our love lives in ways meth could never dream of wrecking Lindsay Lohan's staying power

 

[BaronOfHair]

There's limited value in doing that

There's limited value in what ANYONE has to say about ANYTHING. The point here is for OP to go start collecting field intell, then using that field intell to increase his prospects for success, assuming of course his professed goals(Snagging cooter, enhancing his social life more generally)are ones he's serious about

 

[GoodMan32]

Nobody is talking about building a chair. I am talking about life situations.

Leave it to you to come up with most contrived examples you possibly can to protect your fragile ego from accepting reality.

I'm aware that in the context of pursuing a woman, there is no magic potion. That's why I struggle.

The passage of time makes this analysis difficult.

I don't think your verbal game/charisma/persuasiveness was high there.

There should have been some pleasant chat in between the chair offering and what you said. Maybe even structured chat like Roosh's GALNUC model or the London Daygame Model.

You should have asked her at a minimum for drinks at X place at Y time. That's a better ask.

You might still have gotten IHAB'ed on that.

Here's another area where my summer birthday held me back socially: She was 21; I was still 20 (in other words, I couldn't have invited her to grab a drink)

For that matter, the summer baby/drinking age thing goes beyond just this one story. There were all sorts of scenarios my 3rd year of college where my peers could already drink at a bar, yet I couldn't.

There's limited value in what ANYONE has to say about ANYTHING. The point here is for OP to go star collecting field intell, then using that field intell to increase his prospects for success, assuming of course his professed goals(Snagging cooter, enhancing his social life more generally)are ones he's serious about

I've collected various field intel from organized singles events. Organized singles events have made me more comfortable talking to the opposite sex outside of the organized singles events too.

 

[SW15]

Here's another area where my summer birthday held me back socially: She was 21; I was still 20 (in other words, I couldn't have invited her to grab a drink)

For that matter, the summer baby/drinking age thing goes beyond just this one story. There were all sorts of scenarios my 3rd year of college where my peers could already drink at a bar, yet I couldn't.

Yes, junior year might have sucked. You weren't flexible enough back then to find a solution. You could have done other forms of dates back then. As a 20 year old, you could have been dating the 18-19 year old freshmen and sophomores.

However, your verbal game stunk with everyone. You didn't learn a good conversational model to drop panties. Those existed on the internet priot to 2012.

Can't live in the past. Move forward.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I've collected various field intel from organized singles events. Organized singles events have made me more comfortable talking to the opposite sex outside of the organized singles events too.

That beats no effort at all(so I commend you for attending them), AND this is also the equivalent of networking in business via network events alone... It ain't nearly enough

Practice being social more on your own(I.E. Not in events organized by someone else) in small ways each and every day. Same way successful people in business, law, entertainment, and politics pounce on every opportunity to schmooze and rub elbows with those who can open windows for them

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

I've seen the idea bounced around on the internet that it's nothing personal when a woman rejects a guy.

That's the biggest bull$hit ever.

Are there some instances where a woman's rejection of a guy is nothing personal? Absolutely.

There are many instances, however, where the rejection is personal. Many times, a rejection happens because of something the guy said or did (and the rejection wouldn't have happened if he didn't say/do whatever thing drove her to reject him). It's been discussed in length on the forum about how all it takes to get rejected (or to make the woman quickly lose interest) is for the guy to say/do even one thing that gives her the ick factor.

Now for some examples of a rejection that isn't personal: If a woman rejects a guy for his looks, height, ethnicity, etc.

If she's not into your looks, height, or ethnicity, there is absolutely nothing you can say or do to make her want to be with you (except maybe becoming extremely wealthy)

As for me, I'd much rather get rejected for my looks, height, or ethnicity than get rejected for saying or doing the "wrong" thing. At least with a looks/height/ethnic rejection, it doesn't mean the woman thinks there's anything flawed with me personally. Alas though, I'd venture to guess way more of my rejections (as well as instances where the woman quickly loses interest) have been of the personal variety.

Sometimes the rejection ACTUALLY isnt personal .She may be in a bad mood, had too many bad interactions with dudes at a bar, or got out of a breakup. However with the right dude he can do anything and make it right so theres that....