flowtheory
Master Don Juan
Do you often overthink and jump to conclusions which can be detrimental, Toad?
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Starting to see some distance, or it could just be my thinking
- Thread starter RickTheToad
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"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
RickTheToad
Moderator
No. I go by actions. I do admit, I could be wrong, but I am just laying out the facts. I would just think a partner would show more action and inaction. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't hear from her in a while. Then, out of no where, are you okay? Have not heard from you. IMO, when you tell someone labs are done and the prognosis, if you care a little about them, you'd be more active. Not be silent for hours and then suggest drinking more water. Then if you can believe it, tell me about her kitchen flooded and go into detail about it. Do you think anyone who's fighting kidney stones in both kidneys wants to hear about a small flood, (pipe at dishwasher wasn't closed correctly, so there's water all over the kitchen) when they are trying to clear kidney stones? It just seems insensitive. Again, as one of the other posters said, it could be the pain killers talking, but I wouldn't of handled it that way. But that is just me.
guru1000
Master Don Juan
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Simple and straightforward.
IF a girl gives you distance, reward her with more distance.
IF she gives you time and attention, reward her with your time and attention.
Men have a tendency to forcefit their objectives upon women. This doesn't work well especially when her desire is not a constant and women are naturally whimsical directed by emotion.
Instead, be fluid, in accordance with the operating dynamic. That dynamic can change day to day, so a man of fluid intent and awareness, will act accordingly to effect the greatest advantage to any context brought before him.
IF a girl gives you distance, reward her with more distance.
IF she gives you time and attention, reward her with your time and attention.
Men have a tendency to forcefit their objectives upon women. This doesn't work well especially when her desire is not a constant and women are naturally whimsical directed by emotion.
Instead, be fluid, in accordance with the operating dynamic. That dynamic can change day to day, so a man of fluid intent and awareness, will act accordingly to effect the greatest advantage to any context brought before him.
RickTheToad
Moderator
To add more stress to me, I just received a message from the Urologist and wants to submit the request to the insurance company for possible surgery next week if the stones do not pass. Of course, I was told to inform immediately of blocked or reduced flow of urine.
When the sh!t hits the fan... So, if/when she reaches out and says are you okay, I'll have a great update for her. Then, I'll get the why didn't you let me know line, I will simply say, you seemed preoccupied with your life, and your plate was full to the brim. She'll then say, that's not true. I will then respond with, then why did you ever not stop by to check on me instead of sending a text (she lives 10 minutes away - 7.4 miles)? Silence...
I will bet 100 bucks on it. Any takers?
When the sh!t hits the fan... So, if/when she reaches out and says are you okay, I'll have a great update for her. Then, I'll get the why didn't you let me know line, I will simply say, you seemed preoccupied with your life, and your plate was full to the brim. She'll then say, that's not true. I will then respond with, then why did you ever not stop by to check on me instead of sending a text (she lives 10 minutes away - 7.4 miles)? Silence...
I will bet 100 bucks on it. Any takers?
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
RickTheToad
Moderator
That's what I am doing. Loyalty is a thing long past these days.
guru1000
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2007
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<<==This is where you create silence and distance.
Never engage a woman's (serious) banter. You speak with actions, not words. Your ensuing answer is silence.
Until you stop the bickering and start engaging Silence and Distance when necessary, you will continue to struggle with women.
Nature made the rules. Conform or face a love life replete with challenges. Women are easy when you understand this concept of "challenge" and how to employ it when called upon.
lamath
Master Don Juan
Dont do that.
RickTheToad
Moderator
Yes, I didn't respond to her BS questions last night and just replied this morning that I am drinking a lot of water. She then sent me a voice message telling me to do the same. Silence since then.
RickTheToad
Moderator
Two urologists concur. I cannot risk having kidney disease. I have little choice. The stones are over 10MM. To say I am concerned would be an understatement.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
RickTheToad
Moderator
Not local. I'll be fine. Just, a lot at once. Just goes back to the old saying when sh!t hits the fan, you see who stands with you. As for me, well, no one local. I am sure some of the guys I work with will visit, but recently moved. There's the issue at hand.
lamath
Master Don Juan
lamath
Master Don Juan
Be positive things will end up good with your health
flowtheory
Master Don Juan
So what is keeping you interested?
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
RickTheToad
Moderator
Okay.
Just preparing myself mentally for the flight. Of course, I can be wrong too. Just going by her actions so far
lamath
Master Don Juan
flowtheory
Master Don Juan
A
AJ84
Guest
I’m seeing you not communicating effectively with your gf and blaming her for that.
If you want something from her, communicate it. She should do the same for you. This pull away, complain, then wait for her to come back, then if she pulls away and you pull away stuff is the opposite of effective communication, which is kind of necessary in a successful relationship, if that’s your goal.
I’m not trying be difficult and I know you are dealing with some physically painful stuff that I can’t even imagine but try to see how your thought process and potential actions may make this worse than it has to be.
RickTheToad
Moderator
Understood and that is what I'm going to do.
I did say twice I'd like to see you, once this week and once last. She said she's busy last week for the assignment she's doing. I've told you already this week what she said so far. How many times can I say, I'd like to see you? I feel like a fool in doing in repeating on and on. I shouldn't have to ask to see a lady I am dating. If you cannot fit 1 hour or 2 in a week when you're 15 minutes away, then something is wrong. Now, obviously, I am not going to ask, is something wrong? As we all know, the response and it's a means to an end.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.