Starting to see some distance, or it could just be my thinking

[flowtheory]

Do you often overthink and jump to conclusions which can be detrimental, Toad?

 

[RickTheToad]

Do you often overthink and jump to conclusions which can be detrimental, Toad?

No. I go by actions. I do admit, I could be wrong, but I am just laying out the facts. I would just think a partner would show more action and inaction. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't hear from her in a while. Then, out of no where, are you okay? Have not heard from you. IMO, when you tell someone labs are done and the prognosis, if you care a little about them, you'd be more active. Not be silent for hours and then suggest drinking more water. Then if you can believe it, tell me about her kitchen flooded and go into detail about it. Do you think anyone who's fighting kidney stones in both kidneys wants to hear about a small flood, (pipe at dishwasher wasn't closed correctly, so there's water all over the kitchen) when they are trying to clear kidney stones? It just seems insensitive. Again, as one of the other posters said, it could be the pain killers talking, but I wouldn't of handled it that way. But that is just me.

 

[sazc]

Dude, I'm really sorry you're dealing with all of this, ugh

 

[guru1000]

Simple and straightforward.

IF a girl gives you distance, reward her with more distance.

IF she gives you time and attention, reward her with your time and attention.

Men have a tendency to forcefit their objectives upon women. This doesn't work well especially when her desire is not a constant and women are naturally whimsical directed by emotion.

Instead, be fluid, in accordance with the operating dynamic. That dynamic can change day to day, so a man of fluid intent and awareness, will act accordingly to effect the greatest advantage to any context brought before him.

 

[RickTheToad]

To add more stress to me, I just received a message from the Urologist and wants to submit the request to the insurance company for possible surgery next week if the stones do not pass. Of course, I was told to inform immediately of blocked or reduced flow of urine.

When the sh!t hits the fan... So, if/when she reaches out and says are you okay, I'll have a great update for her. Then, I'll get the why didn't you let me know line, I will simply say, you seemed preoccupied with your life, and your plate was full to the brim. She'll then say, that's not true. I will then respond with, then why did you ever not stop by to check on me instead of sending a text (she lives 10 minutes away - 7.4 miles)? Silence...

I will bet 100 bucks on it. Any takers?

 

[RickTheToad]

Simple and straightforward.

IF a girl gives you distance, reward her with more distance.

IF she gives you time and attention, reward her with your time and attention.

Men have a tendency to forcefit their objectives upon women. This doesn't work well especially when her desire is not a constant and women are naturally whimsical directed by emotion.

Instead, be fluid, in accordance with the operating dynamic. That dynamic can change day to day, so a man of fluid intent and awareness, will act accordingly to effect the greatest advantage to any context brought before him.

That's what I am doing. Loyalty is a thing long past these days.

 

[guru1000]

When the sh!t hits the fan... So, if/when she reaches out and says are you okay ...

<<==This is where you create silence and distance.

Never engage a woman's (serious) banter. You speak with actions, not words. Your ensuing answer is silence.

Until you stop the bickering and start engaging Silence and Distance when necessary, you will continue to struggle with women.

Nature made the rules. Conform or face a love life replete with challenges. Women are easy when you understand this concept of "challenge" and how to employ it when called upon.

 

[lamath]

To add more stress to me, I just received a message from the Urologist and wants to submit the request to the insurance company for possible surgery next week if the stones do not pass. Of course, I was told to inform immediately of blocked or reduced flow of urine.

When the sh!t hits the fan... So, if/when she reaches out and says are you okay, I'll have a great update for her. Then, I'll get the why didn't you let me know line, I will simply say, you seemed preoccupied with your life, and your plate was full to the brim. She'll then say, that's not true. I will then respond with, then why did you ever not stop by to check on me instead of sending a text (she lives 10 minutes away - 7.4 miles)? Silence...

I will bet 100 bucks on it. Any takers?

Dont do that.

 

[RickTheToad]

<<==This is where you create silence and distance.

Never engage a woman's (serious) banter. You speak with actions, not words. Your ensuing answer is silence.

Until you stop the bickering and start engaging Silence and Distance when necessary, you will continue to struggle with women.

Nature made the rules. Conform or face a love life replete with challenges.

Yes, I didn't respond to her BS questions last night and just replied this morning that I am drinking a lot of water. She then sent me a voice message telling me to do the same. Silence since then.

 

[RickTheToad]

Dont do that.

Two urologists concur. I cannot risk having kidney disease. I have little choice. The stones are over 10MM. To say I am concerned would be an understatement.

 

[sazc]

What a stressful nightmare.

Do you have anyone else who can be with you? Family members? Good friends?

 

[RickTheToad]

What a stressful nightmare.

Do you have anyone else who can be with you? Family members? Good friends?

Not local. I'll be fine. Just, a lot at once. Just goes back to the old saying when sh!t hits the fan, you see who stands with you. As for me, well, no one local. I am sure some of the guys I work with will visit, but recently moved. There's the issue at hand.

 

[lamath]

Two urologists concur. I cannot risk having kidney disease. I have little choice. The stones are over 10MM. To say I am concerned would be an understatement.

I dont mean this

When the sh!t hits the fan... So, if/when she reaches out and says are you okay, I'll have a great update for her. Then, I'll get the why didn't you let me know line, I will simply say, you seemed preoccupied with your life, and your plate was full to the brim. She'll then say, that's not true. I will then respond with, then why did you ever not stop by to check on me instead of sending a text (she lives 10 minutes away - 7.4 miles)? Silence...

This
I mean getting in her face will not help

 

[lamath]

I dont mean this



This
I mean getting in her face will not help

Be positive things will end up good with your health

 

[flowtheory]

No. I go by actions. I do admit, I could be wrong, but I am just laying out the facts. I would just think a partner would show more action and inaction. I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't hear from her in a while. Then, out of no where, are you okay? Have not heard from you. IMO, when you tell someone labs are done and the prognosis, if you care a little about them, you'd be more active. Not be silent for hours and then suggest drinking more water. Then if you can believe it, tell me about her kitchen flooded and go into detail about it. Do you think anyone who's fighting kidney stones in both kidneys wants to hear about a small flood, (pipe at dishwasher wasn't closed correctly, so there's water all over the kitchen) when they are trying to clear kidney stones? It just seems insensitive. Again, as one of the other posters said, it could be the pain killers talking, but I wouldn't of handled it that way. But that is just me.

So what is keeping you interested?

 

[RickTheToad]

I dont mean this



This
I mean getting in her face will not help

Okay.

So what is keeping you interested?

Just preparing myself mentally for the flight. Of course, I can be wrong too. Just going by her actions so far

 

[lamath]

Okay.



Just preparing myself mentally for the flight. Of course, I can be wrong too. Just going by her actions so far

Fight the kidney stones
But dont fight GF

Do what guru said
Ita great advice

 

[flowtheory]

@guru1000 when are you writing your book?

 

[AJ84]

Yes, that's it... Please...

I’m seeing you not communicating effectively with your gf and blaming her for that.

If you want something from her, communicate it. She should do the same for you. This pull away, complain, then wait for her to come back, then if she pulls away and you pull away stuff is the opposite of effective communication, which is kind of necessary in a successful relationship, if that’s your goal.

I’m not trying be difficult and I know you are dealing with some physically painful stuff that I can’t even imagine but try to see how your thought process and potential actions may make this worse than it has to be.

 

[RickTheToad]

Fight the kidney stones
But dont fight GF

Do what guru said
Ita great advice

Understood and that is what I'm going to do.

I’m seeing you not communicating effectively with your gf and blaming her for that.

If you want something from her, communicate it. She should do the same for you. This pull away, complain, then wait for her to come back, then if she pulls away and you pull away stuff is the opposite of effective communication, which is kind of necessary in a successful relationship, if that’s your goal.

I’m not trying be difficult and I know you are dealing with some physically painful stuff that I can’t even imagine but try to see how your thought process and potential actions may make this worse than it has to be.

I did say twice I'd like to see you, once this week and once last. She said she's busy last week for the assignment she's doing. I've told you already this week what she said so far. How many times can I say, I'd like to see you? I feel like a fool in doing in repeating on and on. I shouldn't have to ask to see a lady I am dating. If you cannot fit 1 hour or 2 in a week when you're 15 minutes away, then something is wrong. Now, obviously, I am not going to ask, is something wrong? As we all know, the response and it's a means to an end.