Rate my appearence

[nicksaiz65]

I know that this is probably not what you want to hear but there are no simple improvements that you can make to drastically increase your cold approach outcomes. The reason why you only got one date out of 96 approaches is due to a combination of multiple factors:

1. Cold approaches have low odds of success to begin with.
2. Cold approaches have become less socially acceptable in recent years.
3. You are approaching much younger women.
4. You are not a natural (most of us aren't), so there is probably some awkwardness to how you initiate conversation with women.

Have you considered abandoning the cold approach in favour of a more targeted strategy?

I think if he lived in say, New York for example he could hit really high volume right? Even at that success rate, if one continues to do it and improve over time…

That could even be done in tandem with a targeted approach in theory. Sniping and chaingunning lol.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I know what I want, I know why I want it, and I'll do whatever it takes to get it if it's important enough.

^Fair but what BE was saying (if I read her words correctly) was that when you're too focused on a particular outcome, it impacts your vibe, your energy, it can be perceived by others as desperate or too thirsty.

As such, it can actually work against what you're trying to obtain or achieve... a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

Re nihilism being distinguished from outcome independence, is there not a happy medium between those two things, a balance? As per the example BE gave about the flight attendant and one's dad not showing up.

 

[Plinco]

^Fair but what BE was saying (if I read her words correctly) was that when you're too focused on a particular outcome, it impacts your vibe, your energy, it can be perceived by others as desperate or too thirsty.

As such, it can actually work against what you're trying to obtain or achieve... a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

yeah she's 100% correct there.

Re nihilism being distinguished from outcome independence, is there not a happy medium between those two things, a balance? As per the example BE gave about the flight attendant and one's dad not showing up.

You differentiate the two be using reason. That means you have to think about what your convictions are and why.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Am I entitled to my customers? Of course not, but that doesn't stop me from advertising, or getting frustrated if my work doesn't pan out the way I planned. I'm I entitled to women? No, but that doesn't mean I won't approach or get frustrated at myself for failure.

I know that this is probably not what you want to hear but there are no simple improvements that you can make to drastically increase your cold approach outcomes. The reason why you only got one date out of 96 approaches is due to a combination of multiple factors:

1. Cold approaches have low odds of success to begin with.
2. Cold approaches have become less socially acceptable in recent years.
3. You are approaching much younger women. Most of them are not into much older guys.
4. You are not a natural (most of us aren't), so there is probably some awkwardness to how you initiate conversations with women.

You can change you haircut, get more sleep, or do any of the other things some people there are recommending. It won't make a huge difference. Have you considered abandoning the cold approach in favour of a more targeted strategy?

 

[Plinco]

Outcome dependence or independence really gets to core belief systems about self. Some interactions do not affect concept of self at all. So the self is impermeable to those rejections.

In my case I'm hyper competitive combined with low emotional intelligence.

 

[BeExcellent]

Yes. I still want to do a lot of cold approaches as to leave no stone left unturned.


@BeExcellent

I just finished making dozens of corrections of trees from this site

iNaturalist

www.inaturalist.org

if I get really angry and want to spank someone who keeps marking trees in the wrong category, am I being outcome dependent?

Most instructive. At least you are honest. Here is my question for you.

Why do you care?

You see, anger is an inappropriate resonse in the example you gave.

Its like getting angry at some idiot who cuts you off in traffic. Complete waste of your emotional bandwidth & destroyer of your peace as well as the peace of those around you. The person cuttng you off in traffic (or mis-categorizing trees in your example) doesn't know you or give two flips about you. Furthermore you can't get mad at them....unless you are going to "road rage" which is immature, inappropriate and dangerous.

Chalk stuff like that up to dip shjts are everywhere & never let it destroy your peace & emotional equilibrium.

Women do not like men who throw tantrums like a 3 year old.

 

[sevbucmash]

Go for Asian chicks I reckon.
They age very well.
Like they say with “black don’t crack”….
“Asian Don’t Raisin”
Intellectual Asian chicks in the late 20s to early 30s bracket.., my vote. Theyll look younger than their age.

I'd stick to OLD actually. Because cold approaching sucks nowadays. Ai approaching is better, that's when you get a smile, or a hi or something. Something positive. An approach invitation. Then person is open for an approach. Chances of positive interaction are that much higher. OLD is similar. If someone swipes on you, they are interested.

 

[sevbucmash]

- Your game is weak
- You have no social skills
- You radiate creepy energy
- You have a conflicted frame
- You are unsure of yourself
- You are not confident
- You are socially uncalibrated
- You can't read the room to save your life
- You can't read her body language to save your life
- You are overly dependent on outcome
- It's clear you are overly dependent on outcome
- She can smell your desperation
- You are approaching the wrong people
- You are dressing like a hobo
- You smell like a hobo
- You have a clearly visible erection
- You sound like Marty McFly from "Back To The Future"
- You think memorized openers = game
- You can't read her emotions
- You have dirty fingernails
- Your shoes look like you got them from a dumpster
- You have a horrible sense of style
- You trust the fistfvckers on SoSuave to honestly judge your looks

Opposite of all of this gets you approach invitations.

 

[Cheeky_James]

View attachment 15360


I'd stick to OLD actually. Because cold approaching sucks nowadays. Ai approaching is better, that's when you get a smile, or a hi or something. Something positive. An approach invitation. Then person is open for an approach. Chances of positive interaction are that much higher. OLD is similar. If someone swipes on you, they are interested.

we can use AI to do approaches now?
Cool!

-Take photo of chick
-Upload to AI tool.
-AI calculates your odds and generates the highest value, super sexy opener.
-Open and Lay.
simples

 

[Cheeky_James]

Just look for the signs Plinco …

 

[Plinco]

Most instructive. At least you are honest. Here is my question for you.

Why do you care?

You see, anger is an inappropriate resonse in the example you gave.

Its like getting angry at some idiot who cuts you off in traffic. Complete waste of your emotional bandwidth & destroyer of your peace as well as the peace of those around you. The person cuttng you off in traffic (or mis-categorizing trees in your example) doesn't know you or give two flips about you. Furthermore you can't get mad at them....unless you are going to "road rage" which is immature, inappropriate and dangerous.

Chalk stuff like that up to dip shjts are everywhere & never let it destroy your peace & emotional equilibrium.

Women do not like men who throw tantrums like a 3 year old.

I'm not ignoring you. I'm thinking about my response

 

[BPH]

I'm not ignoring you. I'm thinking about my response

Is one required?

We're at 5, almost 6 pages now. Do you have clarity?

Really, this just boils down to making improvements in how you present yourself and approaching more women. You already know this, and we've been over this.

What YOU have to decide is whether you're willing to do things differently. Because I'll tell you what...approaching 2-3 girls per week and leaving the bar 30 minutes after getting there is NOT how you will achieve your goals.

You must decide whether doing things in a way that might make you uncomfortable is worth getting your desired result.

This thread is a testament to the fact that you would rather raise arguments and make points than take the necessary action and return with results to get further feedback on...you are responding to @BeExcellent just to let her know you're still planning your response...

Go out and DO something.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Is one required?

We're at 5, almost 6 pages now. Do you have clarity?

Really, this just boils down to making improvements in how you present yourself and approaching more women. You already know this, and we've been over this.

What YOU have to decide is whether you're willing to do things differently. Because I'll tell you what...approaching 2-3 girls per week and leaving the bar 30 minutes after getting there is NOT how you will achieve your goals.

You must decide whether doing things in a way that might make you uncomfortable is worth getting your desired result.

This thread is a testament to the fact that you would rather raise arguments and make points than take the necessary action and return with results to get further feedback on...you are responding to @BeExcellent just to let her know you're still planning your response...

Go out and DO something.

As I have said numerous times before, the human brain is not built to help you thrive, it is there to help you survive.

The easiest way it knows to help you survive is to only allow the known to occur and prevent as much unknown from occuring as possible.

It doesn't matter if it's a life or death situation or just trying to get better with women, it treats it the same.

So effectively, your brain is actively working against you by trying to force you to NOT go outside of your comfort zone and to be uncomfortable. It simply wants you to continue doing what you always have since it knows that's the "safest" thing for you.

It's up to each person to make a conscious decision to override this, and it is damn hard because your brain will try everything in its power to get you to stop for a while. Until you end up incorporating this into your lifestyle/routine and then it accepts this as the "new way" and it stops treating it as something that is a threat to your survival.

It's up to a person to willingly go out and decide to thrive, their brain will not assist them in this area and will actively work against them.

 

[nicksaiz65]

As I have said numerous times before, the human brain is not built to help you thrive, it is there to help you survive.

The easiest way it knows to help you survive is to only allow the known to occur and prevent as much unknown from occuring as possible.

It doesn't matter if it's a life or death situation or just trying to get better with women, it treats it the same.

So effectively, your brain is actively working against you by trying to force you to NOT go outside of your comfort zone and to be uncomfortable. It simply wants you to continue doing what you always have since it knows that's the "safest" thing for you.

It's up to each person to make a conscious decision to override this, and it is damn hard because your brain will try everything in its power to get you to stop for a while. Until you end up incorporating this into your lifestyle/routine and then it accepts this as the "new way" and it stops treating it as something that is a threat to your survival.

It's up to a person to willingly go out and decide to thrive, their brain will not assist them in this area and will actively work against them.

Similar to desensitizing approach anxiety, right? You keep going out and then eventually your brain stops screaming at you that talking to people from "other tribes" and getting rejected and "exiled" is a threat to your life because you prove to it that it's not a dangerous situation? That's how I interpreted it.

 

[Plinco]

Is one required?

We're at 5, almost 6 pages now. Do you have clarity?

Really, this just boils down to making improvements in how you present yourself and approaching more women. You already know this, and we've been over this.

What YOU have to decide is whether you're willing to do things differently. Because I'll tell you what...approaching 2-3 girls per week and leaving the bar 30 minutes after getting there is NOT how you will achieve your goals.

You must decide whether doing things in a way that might make you uncomfortable is worth getting your desired result.

This thread is a testament to the fact that you would rather raise arguments and make points than take the necessary action and return with results to get further feedback on...you are responding to @BeExcellent just to let her know you're still planning your response...

Go out and DO something.

When @BeExcellent mentioned outcome dependence with my anger, I knew that was a juicy detail that I had to play around with in my head. It's not perfectionism or insecurity, the root of my anger is from entitlement. My conclusion is to outproduce the situation.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Men will go to great lengths and world class hamster spinning to avoid acknowledging that your looks are only a SMALL piece of the puzzle.

Looks mean absolutely nothing if:

- Your game is weak
- You have no social skills
- You radiate creepy energy
- You have a conflicted frame
- You are unsure of yourself
- You are not confident
- You are socially uncalibrated
- You can't read the room to save your life
- You can't read her body language to save your life
- You are overly dependent on outcome
- It's clear you are overly dependent on outcome
- She can smell your desperation
- You are approaching the wrong people
- You are dressing like a hobo
- You smell like a hobo
- You have a clearly visible erection
- You sound like Marty McFly from "Back To The Future"
- You think memorized openers = game
- You can't read her emotions
- You have dirty fingernails
- Your shoes look like you got them from a dumpster
- You have a horrible sense of style
- You trust the fistfvckers on SoSuave to honestly judge your looks

A bit late to the "party" on this one, but I just HAD to say "Thanks for making me second guess the cleanliness of my fingernails!"

 

[Plinco]

Is one required?

We're at 5, almost 6 pages now. Do you have clarity?

Go out and DO something.

Oh and by the way. You remember this six page thread

Help me understand this girl's BS

Last night I went out for drinks with my friends and spent most of my night hanging out with this girl I'd met back in September. Let me give some background: Matched with this girl on Hinge who lives out near West Chester, made plans to hang out when she got back from a NY trip Got drinks...

www.sosuave.net

Or that thread about moving out?

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

We've all got stuff we have to work on. If I find myself lacking and it isn't in an existing forum, guess what? I'll probably be inclined to make a post! Hopefully, I'll be dignified enough to not appear like a sappy bag of cope mope, but I've been there before too.

Point is, I don't see him being dishonest or ingenuine. He doesn't even need defense, I'm just trying to be a peacekeeper here.

We come here each for our own reasons. I feel I owe this place something and want to give back for browsing over the decades. You as well as BPH are here for your own reasons. That's not for me or anyone else to put ya'll to task for. Who is to say those reasons for being here won't change?

A dojo or a gym is similar. Maybe I want to win a trophy? Maybe I'm just tired of getting my butt kicked! Maybe I want to lower my blood pressure, be able to eat whatever I want and balance it out in the house of pain gain or heck! Maybe I just want to look better naked and fvck better... hehehe (Seriously that DOES get better too after getting serious about fitness). Our goals there can change too. Is that disingenuous to have new goals or to say something doesn't matter to us as much as it did before?

Maybe that didn't need to be said at all, I just think that's something we could all stand to remember when we feel inclined to say something like that? After all, most of the people on here genuinely try to help each other out for not so much as a thank you. I know for a fact I don't have to say to any of you how hard a place like this is to find. Especially for newer generations of young men. Let's keep it that way?

Cheers, -Johnny

 

[BPH]

Oh and by the way. You remember this six page thread

Help me understand this girl's BS

Last night I went out for drinks with my friends and spent most of my night hanging out with this girl I'd met back in September. Let me give some background: Matched with this girl on Hinge who lives out near West Chester, made plans to hang out when she got back from a NY trip Got drinks...

www.sosuave.net

Or that thread about moving out?

What's your point?

Do you see what you're doing here? You're creating an argument just for the sake of having something to argue about and distract yourself from taking action.

We'd been working together for several months, so I feel uniquely qualified to call you out on your BS...

Back around September and October, when your business started winding down for the season, you reasoned that you wanted to spend as much time on the business so you could make as much money before you mostly lost that income. That was your reason for not being able to take more action THEN.

What is your reason NOW?

Because lawn care season is back in full effect. So you're gonna be busy again and not have time, again. What are you gonna do differently? Because I have told you, and am continuing to tell you, what you need to do to achieve this goal you have:

1. Approach more women
2. Figure out your presentation (style)

I know I keep coming back to this guy, but do you know why @nicksaiz65 was so damn successful during our time together? He simply took advice and did it. In this case, that meant going out and approaching dozens of women every weekend, and reporting back with his experiences so we could fine-tune his approach.

He didn't let his biases get in the way of making progress, and didn't alter my suggestions so he could do things "his way" - he just did the obvious f***ing thing that I told him he needed to do.

And how'd that turn out for him? He f***ed 3 new women within 3 months. I think 2 of them were back-to-back weekends.

Decide whether it's more important to convince people that you're "right", and a victim of your circumstances (which is meaningless, since that just means you assign power to external factors beyond your control, and blame them for your position), or whether you'd rather be happy by doing something uncomfortable that would help you achieve your goals.

 

[Plinco]

What's your point?

Do you see what you're doing here? You're creating an argument just for the sake of having something to argue about and distract yourself from taking action.

I'm messing with you. Relax