Pep talk needed - GF cheated

[Barrister]

Not even them... They can take that information and use it against you. Get a therepist. Most corporations cover several visits per year, FREE. It'll keep you from blabbing your sh1t, so you can stand up more sturdy.

I wish I could say you’re wrong but you aren’t. During my last breakup had a couple of family members actually take surprising stances towards me regarding my decisions with the ex and how I felt. Looking back I shouldn’t have mentioned to them at all. I guess situations can vary but I’d agree with you overall and going back wouldn’t have involved my family at all.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I wish I could say you’re wrong but you aren’t. During my last breakup had a couple of family members actually take surprising stances towards me regarding my decisions with the ex and how I felt. Looking back I shouldn’t have mentioned to them at all. I guess situations can vary but I’d agree with you overall and going back wouldn’t have involved my family at all.

YES! Folks can literally attack you for getting fvcking attacked! People have narcissism too, even in your family. So let you come outside of the "zone" they allow your image into, they will get PISSED and try to correct it.

No lie, I got an awesome therapist and she is an awesome foundation and support, i'm empowered everytime I come from those meetings.

ANd I see her when there's nothing even WRONG, because she is really good and a PRO at being supportive so if i have strong ideas and a strong direction she ADDS to it. Just like a unicorn woman might do, because in the world they really aren't able to help us like that today.

 

[Barrister]

YES! Folks can literally attack you for getting fvcking attacked! People have narcissism too, even in your family. So let you come outside of the "zone" they allow your image into, they will get PISSED and try to correct it.

No lie, I got an awesome therapist and she is an awesome foundation and support, i'm empowered everytime I come from those meetings.

ANd I see her when there's nothing even WRONG, because she is really good and a PRO at being supportive so if i have strong ideas and a strong direction she ADDS to it. Just like a unicorn woman might do, because in the world they really aren't able to help us like that today.

I also stayed friends with my old marriage counselor from years ago. We joke about how bad a job she did since my ex-wife and I obviously got divorced, but it wasn’t the counselor’s fault. I still talk to her about life in general and she’s actually much better for this type of thing than family because she has such a detached, non-biased outlook on it and she can be brutally honest with me. You’re spot on.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A counselor trying to negotiate a woman out of her dualistic sexual strategy is like a man negotiating desire. Waste of time and/or money.

One of the female dating coaches mentioned an 80/20 rule. The 80/20 rule means the man or female your with usually has around 80% of what you need. Others have the 20% but not the 80%. So the 80/20 rule came about to explain that there is usually some extra that is nice to have. But if you have the 80 you should be grateful. On the show they joked and preaching to the females to date the 80 and the 20 at the same time. So the 80 is the one guy who cares about her, more emotionally supportive, more stable, will help financially and consistent. And the 20 is unreliable. Doesn't care just there for sex. Fun to party with but toxic overall. Wont help her.

 

[Grinderman]

and you will despise her

Indifference. She will be indifferent to you. Irrelevant. Insignificant.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is a common situation. We know the sane and advisable advice is to leave. Has anyone successfully flipped one of these situations reestablishing interest and respect into the situation?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I truly believe that once a girl's attraction has terminally fallen to the point where she is taking other d!cks, or she has dumped you, it can't be saved. The reason for this is that women hamster their decision making and they must devalue their boyfriend in order to move on. They achieve this devaluation by painting their boyfriend as an abusive loser, and erasing all the positive memories. Whether this is re-write of history is a true portrayal of the guy or not doesn't matter, women are experts are editing reality to justify their decisions. This is the Heart of the Hamster.

I think the Ex Back industry is a scam for broken hearted men.

In general the "ex back" industry is a SCAM. But we never gave DJ dating advice on it. Say you get cheated and your advised to break up with her. Move on with your life. Get several new females. Your not allowed to deal with ( no calls, texts ) her unless shes coming thru for sex. They always come back sniffing around later after you got yourself into a good situation.

 

[manfrombelow]

The problem with all these "marriage counselors" is the fact that these professionals always try to apply LOGIC to women & firmly believe that women too can digest LOGIC, and finally, these people basically believe that LOGIC can outsmart human sexual and mating strategy.

But we all know that isn't true.

 

[Glassguy]

When a girl cheats it's simple. She's out. I haven't experienced this personally, but I'd imagine that it would be quite a simple decision for me to walk away. I'm sure it would be painful, but there's only one decision to make.

I think it's more far more complicated when a girl loses attraction, distances and then dumps a guy, and I have experienced this once. At least with cheating there's a bit of closure. When it's a case of fallen attraction, then you try to spike the attraction and turn it around (men are fixers and we want to fix stuff). It can take some time to break through the denial and realise that the relationship is dead.

Agree 100%. Woman does something very disrespectful (especially cheating), she's gone. Not even having a conversation with her about it.

The loss of attraction and monkey branching plays into the hot/cold treatment, etc. That's why pulling back is so important if a chick starts showing signs of losing attraction. Men shouldn't wait for her to dump him and he should instead pull the rug out from her and start lining up new chicks.

Respect comes when it is earned. When a woman starts losing attraction it is more a loss of respect towards the man. At that point there are no rules besides take care of #1 (ourselves) first and foremost.

 

[Epimanes]

Maybe tell her you would consider it... only if it's just sex now and very likely one day fvk someone new just for the heck of it.. and that if you continued together it means absolutely nothing since she's a big girl and had an opportunity to say no but decided that sex was OK with someone else other than your committed partner..... what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Seriously..... leave her at the curb... adults need real world consequences. Give them to her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

The problem with all these "marriage counselors" is the fact that these professionals always try to apply LOGIC to women & firmly believe that women too can digest LOGIC, and finally, these people basically believe that LOGIC can outsmart human sexual and mating strategy.

But we all know that isn't true.

There is a sort of "logic" involved. The logic of emotions. And the logic of situations and manipulation.

 

[manfrombelow]

There is a sort of "logic" involved. The logic of emotions. And the logic of situations and manipulation.

Not the kind of logic these marriage counselors knew, and were trained for.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Not the kind of logic these marriage counselors knew, and were trained for.

My counselor had street smarts. She knows.

 

[Georgepithyou]

This is a great learning experience and your only going to grow stronger from this, make sure you take the VERY GOOD advice given in this thread and apply it.

If you can meet one good girl, you can meet a thousand others.

 

[metalwater]

The ability to do so represents an incredible amount of focus and power which may be immediately used for another purpose. It's really hard to do... The key is recognizing when those thoughts are creeping in, and being vigilent about it.

yes, for the howto part I found the book recommend "practicing the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle to provide a mechanism to be able to do it. it was a recommended title from this formum.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

The reason for this is that women hamster their decision making and they must devalue their boyfriend in order to move on. They achieve this devaluation by painting their boyfriend as an abusive loser, and erasing all the positive memories. Whether this re-write of history is a true portrayal of the guy or not doesn't matter, women are experts are editing reality to justify their decisions.

This exactly!

They not only re-write history, they will turn present reality upside-down to convince themselves they are doing the right thing.

If you are bluepilled beta enough and let her work on it, she will gaslight you up to the point where you believe that you are indeed the abusive loser and its all your fault that this magnificent woman cheated on you.

 

[Ricky]

This exactly!

They not only re-write history, they will turn present reality upside-down to convince themselves they are doing the right thing.

If you are bluepilled beta enough and let her work on it, she will gaslight you up to the point where you believe that you are indeed the abusive loser and its all your fault that this magnificent woman cheated on you.

This is so true

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This exactly!

They not only re-write history, they will turn present reality upside-down to convince themselves they are doing the right thing.

If you are bluepilled beta enough and let her work on it, she will gaslight you up to the point where you believe that you are indeed the abusive loser and its all your fault that this magnificent woman cheated on you.

You'll learn their social fabric will allow the "sky is cyan" viewpoint and they saw a UFO right after the sun set. They usually have people outside of themselves which help to maintain this rewritten history.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You'll learn their social fabric will allow the "sky is cyan" viewpoint and they saw a UFO right after the sun set. They usually have people outside of themselves which help to maintain this rewritten history.

They lie and twist so much.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

I'm with @manfrombelow marriage and relationship counselors hardly seem helpful to me (been there done that myself with my past marriage). Not to mention I have a friend right now that is doing relationship counseling with his GF of 1.5 years..... this man is WHIPPED. But I have offered him all of the advice I can and he continues to take back this psycho biitch with BPD. If he wants to stay unhappy then that's his prerogative.