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Pep talk needed - GF cheated

manfrombelow

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The problem with all these "marriage counselors" is the fact that these professionals always try to apply LOGIC to women & firmly believe that women too can digest LOGIC, and finally, these people basically believe that LOGIC can outsmart human sexual and mating strategy.

But we all know that isn't true.
 

Glassguy

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When a girl cheats it's simple. She's out. I haven't experienced this personally, but I'd imagine that it would be quite a simple decision for me to walk away. I'm sure it would be painful, but there's only one decision to make.

I think it's more far more complicated when a girl loses attraction, distances and then dumps a guy, and I have experienced this once. At least with cheating there's a bit of closure. When it's a case of fallen attraction, then you try to spike the attraction and turn it around (men are fixers and we want to fix stuff). It can take some time to break through the denial and realise that the relationship is dead.
Agree 100%. Woman does something very disrespectful (especially cheating), she's gone. Not even having a conversation with her about it.

The loss of attraction and monkey branching plays into the hot/cold treatment, etc. That's why pulling back is so important if a chick starts showing signs of losing attraction. Men shouldn't wait for her to dump him and he should instead pull the rug out from her and start lining up new chicks.

Respect comes when it is earned. When a woman starts losing attraction it is more a loss of respect towards the man. At that point there are no rules besides take care of #1 (ourselves) first and foremost.
 

Epimanes

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Maybe tell her you would consider it... only if it's just sex now and very likely one day fvk someone new just for the heck of it.. and that if you continued together it means absolutely nothing since she's a big girl and had an opportunity to say no but decided that sex was OK with someone else other than your committed partner..... what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Seriously..... leave her at the curb... adults need real world consequences. Give them to her.
 

mrgoodstuff

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The problem with all these "marriage counselors" is the fact that these professionals always try to apply LOGIC to women & firmly believe that women too can digest LOGIC, and finally, these people basically believe that LOGIC can outsmart human sexual and mating strategy.

But we all know that isn't true.
There is a sort of "logic" involved. The logic of emotions. And the logic of situations and manipulation.
 

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Georgepithyou

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This is a great learning experience and your only going to grow stronger from this, make sure you take the VERY GOOD advice given in this thread and apply it.

If you can meet one good girl, you can meet a thousand others.
 

metalwater

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The ability to do so represents an incredible amount of focus and power which may be immediately used for another purpose. It's really hard to do... The key is recognizing when those thoughts are creeping in, and being vigilent about it.
yes, for the howto part I found the book recommend "practicing the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle to provide a mechanism to be able to do it. it was a recommended title from this formum.
 

ThisIsSparta

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The reason for this is that women hamster their decision making and they must devalue their boyfriend in order to move on. They achieve this devaluation by painting their boyfriend as an abusive loser, and erasing all the positive memories. Whether this re-write of history is a true portrayal of the guy or not doesn't matter, women are experts are editing reality to justify their decisions.
This exactly!

They not only re-write history, they will turn present reality upside-down to convince themselves they are doing the right thing.

If you are bluepilled beta enough and let her work on it, she will gaslight you up to the point where you believe that you are indeed the abusive loser and its all your fault that this magnificent woman cheated on you.
 

Ricky

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This exactly!

They not only re-write history, they will turn present reality upside-down to convince themselves they are doing the right thing.

If you are bluepilled beta enough and let her work on it, she will gaslight you up to the point where you believe that you are indeed the abusive loser and its all your fault that this magnificent woman cheated on you.
This is so true
 

mrgoodstuff

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This exactly!

They not only re-write history, they will turn present reality upside-down to convince themselves they are doing the right thing.

If you are bluepilled beta enough and let her work on it, she will gaslight you up to the point where you believe that you are indeed the abusive loser and its all your fault that this magnificent woman cheated on you.
You'll learn their social fabric will allow the "sky is cyan" viewpoint and they saw a UFO right after the sun set. They usually have people outside of themselves which help to maintain this rewritten history.
 

TheNewStyle123

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I'm with @manfrombelow marriage and relationship counselors hardly seem helpful to me (been there done that myself with my past marriage). Not to mention I have a friend right now that is doing relationship counseling with his GF of 1.5 years..... this man is WHIPPED. But I have offered him all of the advice I can and he continues to take back this psycho biitch with BPD. If he wants to stay unhappy then that's his prerogative.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I'm with @manfrombelow marriage and relationship counselors hardly seem helpful to me (been there done that myself with my past marriage). Not to mention I have a friend right now that is doing relationship counseling with his GF of 1.5 years..... this man is WHIPPED. But I have offered him all of the advice I can and he continues to take back this psycho biitch with BPD. If he wants to stay unhappy then that's his prerogative.
Unhappy is one thing, those situations can become dangerous.
 

TheNewStyle123

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Unhappy is one thing, those situations can become dangerous.
Oh dude.. it's BAD. That just scratches the surface. Objectively, from what he has described, this girl is clearly manipulating him and he is beginning to believe it was HIS fault. My friend did nothing. She suspected he was cheating on her (he wasn't' and proved he wasn't) after kicking him out of her apartment (where he was living) on Christmas eve. My friend's mother also passed away 1 month prior to this.

This woman is a cold biitch. If I continued to describe the things she has said and done to him your head would explode with anger for him. I don't want to detract from OPs post though.
 

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mrgoodstuff

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Oh dude.. it's BAD. That just scratches the surface. Objectively, from what he has described, this girl is clearly manipulating him and he is beginning to believe it was HIS fault. My friend did nothing. She suspected he was cheating on her (he wasn't' and proved he wasn't) after kicking him out of her apartment (where he was living) on Christmas eve. My friend's mother also passed away 1 month prior to this.

This woman is a cold biitch. If I continued to describe the things she has said and done to him your head would explode with anger for him. I don't want to detract from OPs post though.
He should leave. It sounds like a high tension environment. Some men end up hurting someone or themselves. Also because SHE CURRENTLY DOES NOT CARE ABOUT HIM she could end up hurting him. In the least she will be damaging his life as much as she can without killing him.
 

Roober

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You are weak.

I've been with my lady over four years, and I would be neither devastated nor heartbroken if she did stupid $hit like this.

Identify where you ****ed up (cause you did) and learn from it.
 

TheNewStyle123

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He should leave. It sounds like a high tension environment. Some men end up hurting someone or themselves. Also because SHE CURRENTLY DOES NOT CARE ABOUT HIM she could end up hurting him. In the least she will be damaging his life as much as she can without killing him.
I agree man. When he talks about her to me he openly admits to knowing she's being hot/cold and he will even call her a biitch and other names. I literally asked him "____, are you happy? If not, why the fuuck are you still with her?"
 

mrgoodstuff

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I agree man. When he talks about her to me he openly admits to knowing she's being hot/cold and he will even call her a biitch and other names. I literally asked him "____, are you happy? If not, why the fuuck are you still with her?"
Yea we know better. Any of us guys who hung around in similar situations backed ourselves up more and more the longer we stayed.
 
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