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Pep talk needed - GF cheated

Maxinulm

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I was in the same situation last summer: found out my then gf cheated three times with two different dudes in the first 3 Months of our "relationship". And that were only the guys i know of. I am sure, what i know is just the tip of the iceberg.

And she also told me, that i am her dream man and that she wants to have children with me. Blablabla. This only means, that maybe you have the characteristics to be a father for her offspring. But this doesnt say in any way, that she doesnt enjoy other mens c*ck!!! Please keep that in mind.

The thing is:
You now know that she was "f*cked by", "s*cked his d*ick and b*alls" and maybe even swallow*d at least another guys c*m!
Just think about male friends who cheated on their girlfriend and she found out. There were WAYYY more nasty things than the girlfriend really found out! You only found out about these two incidents, but there surely were more. So your GF wasnt loyal and lied this time. Please name me one reason why she shouldnt have done this at other times.

I also went no contact for one month and after that we saw each other in lockdown. Some cuddling, some ****ing, but no relationship. It was okay sometime, but i always had to think about the things i knew she did, the things she 100% did, that i dont know about and that everything she tells met ATM could be a lie (and yes, this girl was a BIG LIAR). And she stole from me then... so i broke contact 100% after this incident.

There simply are humans, that are toxic, lying and want to have their cake and eat it too.
So please go no contact with her. Do your thing, workout, go on dates again.
If you cant let it maybe talk to her again after a few months/weeks. But be sure, there will be lies and lies.
"We met up and there was no sex", "We only kissed". 100% sure that she wont admit: "This guy f*ucked my brains out/ i loved the way he tied my to the chair and spanked my ass/ I loved how he differently ate my p*ssy..." "it simply happened", when she was the one, that opened his pants and began s*cking... Theres ALWAYS major downplaying things. The worst thing about this isnt the sex, its always the lying and she taking you for a fool.

Sorry for the direct and harsh words, but from someone, who experienced the same thing only months ago I can only tell you: Thats the way it is.

Please keep us updated and i wish you a lot of strength to get through this.
 
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deadmasterx

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What is hard for me is the following: even though she lied to me, then tried so hard to lie even when I found out, I still love her. I still care for her. In a f***** up way, I still want her to be happy. All of this despite her doing what I consider “unforgivable”...
It's understandable. Remember that feelings doesn't disappear all of sudden, relationships are a investiment that you make. It's not your fault that she decided to break the rules of the deal you had (nothing justifies cheating, no matter how much of a Nice Guy or dumbass you are). You will keep on feeling like this for a while, I won't lie. First because you loved her and the relationship wasn't a **** (which would prepare you for a breakup); second because it was sudden, and it's about something that she did that completely broke your trust (if just broke up with you, you could even consider getting back together, but there's no forgiveness for cheating).

Keep in mind, and that's for life, that you can't control other people's actions. No matter how alpha and a good boyfriend you are, if the "*****" (I'll say it like this because I don't even consider cheaters as human beings to begin with) is willing to cheat on you, she will do that. Most things aren't up to you, but you can control something. Yourself, your reactions. If you accept, you're inviting her to do more. Follow your way, your path, be true to it.

Remember, there's no cure for that. There's no gym, no "focus on your life" that will save you. What you can do is simply keep yourself busy to not catch yourself think about it too much, which will surely make you feel down. It's a feeling you get used to, until eventually it stops being something new and you just don't care about it anymore.

But now, what about putting a positive spin on things? She cheated on you, which is an awful thing to do. But, think about that, what if you married her? What if you didn't find it out and she kept (she probably would) on doing that as long as you were together? It's an even worse situation.

Breakups are, in a way or another, a way to set you free of something that was either hurting you or her. Take the opportunity to learn about the things you did (there's always something to get better) and to analyse her too. Was she a good girlfriend? The kind of girl that you'd want to build a life together? What kind of aspects she had that you couldn't stand and absolutely don't want to deal with when you get a new girlfriend? Write it down. Memories are made for us to learn with the past. Don't ignore them.

Stay strong.
 

Maxinulm

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And one thing i want to add here:
You surely are and will feel very sh*tty the next few days. I couldnt really eat or sleep for maybe five days after i found out.
Whats important: Your REAL friends! Mine took me out, even placed a dish infront of me when they were cooking...
Thats one very positive thing i found out after that: Who are my REAL friends! You should really appreciate them and give something back (if they feel bad sometime).
 

LARaiders85

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If you weren't beta you wouldn't even be asking for advice on this. You'd just disappear and ghost her.

I understand that being cheated on sucks, but an alpha would realize this chick showed her true colors before any more time waste on her and go find 4 more chicks to bang.
this is more autistic than alpha
 

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Bigpapa

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Kicking a cheating bytch to the curb is autistic? Thats funny.

And crying around and deciding to take back a chick who has been fvcking and sucking another dude is beta AF.
I think it is normal to feel like vitali klitsko hit you in the stomach after a thing like this happened , no matter how alpha you think you are
 

LARaiders85

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Kicking a cheating bytch to the curb is autistic? Thats funny.

And crying around and deciding to take back a chick who has been fvcking and sucking another dude is beta AF.
"being sad your GF cheated is beta" - I, Robot
 

Glassguy

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I think it is normal to feel like vitali klitsko hit you in the stomach after a thing like this happened , no matter how alpha you think you are
I never said it didnt. In fact I said that the situation sucks. Does getting cheated on and other forms of getting knocked down by life hurt? Yes.

How long you lay there in the fetal position crying about it is up to you.
 

Atom Smasher

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I hope he comes back to this thread and reads it.

OP, you said you still feel like you love her. This is not so. You are addicted to her. Women are a drug. You are actually in love with the idealized, imaginary version of this woman, who she is not and who can never be. You love what you wish she actually was.

This woman is trash, and you need to kick her to the curb completely. Destroy or put away every single remembrance of her and walk away. You will never be able to salvage a relationship with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Being a deceiving cheater is what constitutes her core. Don't let her feminine affectations seduce you into trying again with her. You will lose big-time.
 

Glassguy

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I hope he comes back to this thread and reads it.

OP, you said you still feel like you love her. This is not so. You are addicted to her. Women are a drug. You are actually in love with the idealized, imaginary version of this woman, who she is not and who can never be. You love what you wish she actually was.

This woman is trash, and you need to kick her to the curb completely. Destroy or put away every single remembrance of her and walk away. You will never be able to salvage a relationship with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Being a deceiving cheater is what constitutes her core. Don't let her feminine affectations seduce you into trying again with her. You will lose big-time.
You are correct. Its not the WOMAN that the man misses after a break up, its the having someone there and the HABIT of the daily texting, sex, etc. Another reason why rotations work so well. Toss one to the side that isnt fitting the bill, next one up. Never upset because of the constant flow or both pvssy and attention.

It takes 17 days to create a habit. It also takes 17 days to abolish a habit.

And I bet OP doesnt come back to the thread.
 

BJP1991

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Not sure if anyone has realized this or not, but OP has not responded back to the thread since starting it.
Sorry, I’ve been busy but have been reading responses.

I appreciate you all so much. Your words are inspirational and help me see more clearly what I already know needs to be done.

Full NC. Blocked on all formats, including email which was how she was trying to communicate. I knew this was the right thing.

I love you all
 

Lookatu

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Sorry, I’ve been busy but have been reading responses.

I appreciate you all so much. Your words are inspirational and help me see more clearly what I already know needs to be done.

Full NC. Blocked on all formats, including email which was how she was trying to communicate. I knew this was the right thing.

I love you all
Like others said, it's going to be hard brother but just keep your head up and keep looking forward. Don't be afraid to post your feelings if you need positive reinforcements here from your SS brothers to help you get through it. :up:
 

mrgoodstuff

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Like others said, it's going to be hard brother but just keep your head up and keep looking forward. Don't be afraid to post your feelings if you need positive reinforcements here from your SS brothers to help you get through it. :up:
Continuing to talk about the negative feelings and bad situations serve to keep them ALIVE in your mind. One can choose to focus on something beneficial and to remove thus distraction.
 

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Barrister

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Continuing to talk about the negative feelings and bad situations serve to keep them ALIVE in your mind. One can choose to focus on something beneficial and to remove thus distraction.
I think when you first breakup that talking about it for a limited amount of time is not only beneficial but necessary. However, I agree 100% with you that after you have discussed it once with your closest people it's time to stop talking about it at that point. Dwelling and continuing to bring it up only amplifies the negativity.
 

Lookatu

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I think when you first breakup that talking about it for a limited amount of time is not only beneficial but necessary. However, I agree 100% with you that after you have discussed it once with your closest people it's time to stop talking about it at that point. Dwelling and continuing to bring it up only amplifies the negativity.
Fully agree with both of you, @Barrister and @mrgoodstuff. Initially is good but you can't harbor on it too long and eventually have to move forward.
The biggest thing that separates out real men from feminists is that feminists always lives in the past crying and playing victim role.

OP, as I've said before in other threads, you can let a bad situation like this defeat you, define you, or strengthen you. Don't be like a feminist and let it defeat and define you. Let this strengthen you and move forward.
 
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