Pep talk needed - GF cheated

[Gstring]

@BJP1991 bro you always expect them to be with another guy. It’s okey. I am on the phone right now, but when I’ll be on computer I promise I’ll post you I will post a video and link to youtube chanell that will clarify things and change you internally.

 

[lost_blackbird]

this is more autistic than alpha

 

[Mauser96]

Hi Everyone,

Before getting into it. Please save any “you were being a beta male/no frame, etc” comments. I’ve thought about those enough and I promise you, I’m not that person. Im not Mr Niceguy. I’ve been around long enough and dated long enough to know better...

Long story short, my girlfriend of 1 year cheated on me two weekends in a row last month with a former guy she used to be on/off with before she met me.
I am heartbroken - devastated. Broke up with her that day and told her off for lying to me and I didn’t want to see her again. She had been living out of state for a short term job via school and returns next month. She wants to talk and see what she can do (if anything) to salvage a future for us.

I am so hurt. Mad, angry, harrowing depression at times. Trying to focus on my awesome job and friends. Even been on a couple first dates that didn’t really go anywhere.

What is hard for me is the following: even though she lied to me, then tried so hard to lie even when I found out, I still love her. I still care for her. In a f***** up way, I still want her to be happy. All of this despite her doing what I consider “unforgivable”...

This girl was telling me she wanted babies with me, loved me so much, spent the holidays with my family. Then two short months later she cheated on me. I was visiting her out of state when I found out - being the best boyfriend I could be and giving in the relationship.

She comes home in a couple weeks. She’s been trying to email me and setup times to meet and talk (I blocked her on all other forms of communication). Part of me (the weak part, the denial part) thinks I could be rid of the awful sadness im feeling if she PROVES to me she can change and be better and EARN my trust back. But, I feel like this is the wrong mindset - even though it hurts to admit.

The other part of me, the part of me that has been through this before, thinks I should prevent her from seeing me at all and vanish from her life in ghost-like fashion and let her live with her choice.

Can I please get some advice or recommendations on how to get my mind right and do what is best? I think seeing her will just trigger more pain for me. But the denial in me says it could be helpful...

Completely cut her out of your life.

in 3 months, once you work through the emotions, you will realize this was the right path, you will have perspective, and you will despise her, as you should.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@BJP1991 bro you always expect them to be with another guy. It’s okey. I am on the phone right now, but when I’ll be on computer I promise I’ll post you I will post a video and link to youtube chanell that will clarify things and change you internally.

Yes that'll be an interesting look.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I think when you first breakup that talking about it for a limited amount of time is not only beneficial but necessary. However, I agree 100% with you that after you have discussed it once with your closest people it's time to stop talking about it at that point. Dwelling and continuing to bring it up only amplifies the negativity.

Occasionally it is wise to not even speak on it to your closest people. Because if you have several other stories like this it could affect how they deal with you.

 

[Gstring]

@BJP1991 relax buddy, she was cheating on you all along, you just now caught her.

 

[Barrister]

Occasionally it is wise to not even speak on it to your closest people. Because if you have several other stories like this it could affect how they deal with you.

True - when I say close I mean only family and maybe your best friends. I wouldn’t mention it to anyone outside of that though. You’ll come off dramatic, unstable, and easily flustered. Not how you want to be perceived even if it’s understandable right after it happens.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Or tell her since our relationship is now trashy to bring a cute friend and a pizza.

This is actually the only right answer. Strong-ass frame and she may oblige because she's looking for forgiveness.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

True - when I say close I mean only family and maybe your best friends. I wouldn’t mention it to anyone outside of that though. You’ll come off dramatic, unstable, and easily flustered. Not how you want to be perceived even if it’s understandable right after it happens.

Not even them... They can take that information and use it against you. Get a therepist. Most corporations cover several visits per year, FREE. It'll keep you from blabbing your sh1t, so you can stand up more sturdy.

 

[Barrister]

Not even them... They can take that information and use it against you. Get a therepist. Most corporations cover several visits per year, FREE. It'll keep you from blabbing your sh1t, so you can stand up more sturdy.

I wish I could say you’re wrong but you aren’t. During my last breakup had a couple of family members actually take surprising stances towards me regarding my decisions with the ex and how I felt. Looking back I shouldn’t have mentioned to them at all. I guess situations can vary but I’d agree with you overall and going back wouldn’t have involved my family at all.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I wish I could say you’re wrong but you aren’t. During my last breakup had a couple of family members actually take surprising stances towards me regarding my decisions with the ex and how I felt. Looking back I shouldn’t have mentioned to them at all. I guess situations can vary but I’d agree with you overall and going back wouldn’t have involved my family at all.

YES! Folks can literally attack you for getting fvcking attacked! People have narcissism too, even in your family. So let you come outside of the "zone" they allow your image into, they will get PISSED and try to correct it.

No lie, I got an awesome therapist and she is an awesome foundation and support, i'm empowered everytime I come from those meetings.

ANd I see her when there's nothing even WRONG, because she is really good and a PRO at being supportive so if i have strong ideas and a strong direction she ADDS to it. Just like a unicorn woman might do, because in the world they really aren't able to help us like that today.

 

[Barrister]

YES! Folks can literally attack you for getting fvcking attacked! People have narcissism too, even in your family. So let you come outside of the "zone" they allow your image into, they will get PISSED and try to correct it.

No lie, I got an awesome therapist and she is an awesome foundation and support, i'm empowered everytime I come from those meetings.

ANd I see her when there's nothing even WRONG, because she is really good and a PRO at being supportive so if i have strong ideas and a strong direction she ADDS to it. Just like a unicorn woman might do, because in the world they really aren't able to help us like that today.

I also stayed friends with my old marriage counselor from years ago. We joke about how bad a job she did since my ex-wife and I obviously got divorced, but it wasn’t the counselor’s fault. I still talk to her about life in general and she’s actually much better for this type of thing than family because she has such a detached, non-biased outlook on it and she can be brutally honest with me. You’re spot on.

 

[TheFinalLine]

Hi Everyone,

Before getting into it. Please save any “you were being a beta male/no frame, etc” comments. I’ve thought about those enough and I promise you, I’m not that person. Im not Mr Niceguy. I’ve been around long enough and dated long enough to know better...

I believe you. Completely. This is why none of that stuff matters. True, if you are a door mat it’s virtually assured.

What hasn’t been taught is correct biology and a dualistic sexual strategy. True as well that the social climate enhances and makes her dualistic sexual strategy more socially accepted and even supported.

Of course she wants to repair it and smooth things over. She could not help herself and she even knew this when she went off to wherever she was going. She was fully cognizant and even initiated it.

 

[TheFinalLine]

I also stayed friends with my old marriage counselor from years ago. We joke about how bad a job she did since my ex-wife and I obviously got divorced, but it wasn’t the counselor’s fault. I still talk to her about life in general and she’s actually much better for this type of thing than family because she has such a detached, non-biased outlook on it and she can be brutally honest with me. You’re spot on.

A counselor trying to negotiate a woman out of her dualistic sexual strategy is like a man negotiating desire. Waste of time and/or money.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A counselor trying to negotiate a woman out of her dualistic sexual strategy is like a man negotiating desire. Waste of time and/or money.

One of the female dating coaches mentioned an 80/20 rule. The 80/20 rule means the man or female your with usually has around 80% of what you need. Others have the 20% but not the 80%. So the 80/20 rule came about to explain that there is usually some extra that is nice to have. But if you have the 80 you should be grateful. On the show they joked and preaching to the females to date the 80 and the 20 at the same time. So the 80 is the one guy who cares about her, more emotionally supportive, more stable, will help financially and consistent. And the 20 is unreliable. Doesn't care just there for sex. Fun to party with but toxic overall. Wont help her.

 

[Grinderman]

and you will despise her

Indifference. She will be indifferent to you. Irrelevant. Insignificant.

 

[Pan87]

Kicking a cheating bytch to the curb is autistic? Thats funny.

And crying around and deciding to take back a chick who has been fvcking and sucking another dude is beta AF.

When a girl cheats it's simple. She's out. I haven't experienced this personally, but I'd imagine that it would be quite a simple decision for me to walk away. I'm sure it would be painful, but there's only one decision to make.

I think it's more far more complicated when a girl loses attraction, distances and then dumps a guy, and I have experienced this once. At least with cheating there's a bit of closure. When it's a case of fallen attraction, then you try to spike the attraction and turn it around (men are fixers and we want to fix stuff). It can take some time to break through the denial and realise that the relationship is dead.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is a common situation. We know the sane and advisable advice is to leave. Has anyone successfully flipped one of these situations reestablishing interest and respect into the situation?

 

[Pan87]

This is a common situation. We know the sane and advisable advice is to leave. Has anyone successfully flipped one of these situations reestablishing interest and respect into the situation?

I truly believe that once a girl's attraction has terminally fallen to the point where she is taking other d!cks, or she has dumped you, it can't be saved. The reason for this is that women hamster their decision making and they must devalue their boyfriend in order to move on. They achieve this devaluation by painting their boyfriend as an abusive loser, and erasing all the positive memories. Whether this re-write of history is a true portrayal of the guy or not doesn't matter, women are experts are editing reality to justify their decisions. This is the Heart of the Hamster.

I think the Ex Back industry is a scam for broken hearted men.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I truly believe that once a girl's attraction has terminally fallen to the point where she is taking other d!cks, or she has dumped you, it can't be saved. The reason for this is that women hamster their decision making and they must devalue their boyfriend in order to move on. They achieve this devaluation by painting their boyfriend as an abusive loser, and erasing all the positive memories. Whether this is re-write of history is a true portrayal of the guy or not doesn't matter, women are experts are editing reality to justify their decisions. This is the Heart of the Hamster.

I think the Ex Back industry is a scam for broken hearted men.

In general the "ex back" industry is a SCAM. But we never gave DJ dating advice on it. Say you get cheated and your advised to break up with her. Move on with your life. Get several new females. Your not allowed to deal with ( no calls, texts ) her unless shes coming thru for sex. They always come back sniffing around later after you got yourself into a good situation.