Is it ever appropriate to mention or refer to your ex during sex? In what cases would be okay if at all? What about if your partner doesn't like you to do something because their ex liked to that thing? How would that make you feel?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Mentioning an ex during sex
- Thread starter mango
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
It means that if some chick said that to you, she's a sick biotch and needs to be dumped.
Do you even need to ask this question, man? I think you know what to do.
Do you even need to ask this question, man? I think you know what to do.
TillTheEndOfTime
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2004
- Messages
- 1,930
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I feel you should not mention your ex while dating, during the relationship and especially during sex. Your ex is the past and the past is the past. Focus on your present and future.
Life-Trainee
Master Don Juan
Maybe she just wanted to prolong sex, and buy you another 10 minutes?
Jus_LikeCandy
Banned
Why would her ex be on her mind during sex!!!!!!!!!! That is an insult, whether she is mentioning something she likes or dislikes. This is highly inappropiate!!!
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Have you done this or has your partner?
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
I just needed to know who needed a bit of assistance on this. No, it's not appropriate to do this type of thing at such an intimate moment. However, the concern should not be the appropriateness of the action, the question should be why it was done at all.
I could list all of the possible speculations on why she would have done that but again, it would just be speculation. Go to her about this, tell her that it is upsetting to do such a thing; however refrain from accusations or anything that could make her defensive.
Approach her in a manner of wanting to understand why she would do this. It doesn't mean that you need to accept her reason, but you do need to know why.
I could list all of the possible speculations on why she would have done that but again, it would just be speculation. Go to her about this, tell her that it is upsetting to do such a thing; however refrain from accusations or anything that could make her defensive.
Approach her in a manner of wanting to understand why she would do this. It doesn't mean that you need to accept her reason, but you do need to know why.
Unregistered
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 9, 2003
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- 546
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Not unless she is saying how much bigger your reproductive organ is.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Alright, so there is an exception...
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
Never, and I mean NEVER go into any detail about past sexual encounters or relationships or flings or anything even remotely close to disclosing who, what, where, when or how you got after it with someone other than the woman you're involved with at the moment.
This is a rookie mistake and will ruin you with any woman you have even an inkling to becoming involved with long term.
This is a rookie mistake and will ruin you with any woman you have even an inkling to becoming involved with long term.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
It means that they are not yet over their ex. Tread lightly.