Friendship with women

[mrgoodstuff]

Sorry, old man, but social life is way different than it was back in your day. Now you're just coming at me sideways. I hope you go back to the initial post where you gave me some terrible advice about how I'd never get the girl back to see she replied to me today and apologized for ignoring me. The hilarity of how wrong you are in every one of your assumptions is ridiculous. I can't recall a SINGLE time ive even been friendzoned. I can't even tell if you're projecting your past or current insecurities on me or what

As to answer the personal question, 6-7. Majority of which was in the winter/spring before corona hit. My life revolves around music festivals ,night life, business, fitness. I have 3 "plates" currently, Have been seeing one mostly though just due to covid and being busy with work.

I don't see why youg uys are so harsh about having female friends? We have a huge friend group (around 14-15 people). Which is expecially dope when we go on our routine camping trips every summer. Some of you sound like you get pu$sy, but whats pu$sy if you have no social life? lol

and p.s. our friend group is as so that a few of us guys already slept with our friends before lol, but we try not to let it happen anymore. because it just feels weird.

I'm starting to remember exactly why I stopped visiting this forum. Everyone wants to act like a Don Juan, T hey want to make assumptions like their psychics, They think they know it all, but in essence just prove a lot more about themselves and their scarcity/pessimistic mindset than anything else. Sorry it took some of you 20-30 years to stop being a guy that you think everyone who joins this forum is. But you clearly have me wrong.

There was a reason our generation didn't have too Many female friends. Females tend to be competitive and they'll get into your affairs and damage you. Some friends will actively block you from females who would like you. How do you all deal with new female interests? Who gets the priority? Your female "friend" or whats been your "girlfriend" for a year? What if "friend" keeps meddling? Being part of a group how would you cut her off? What about your own personal power and motives and you are part of the web of such a large group?

 

[Trojan3000]

There was a reason our generation didn't have too Many female friends. Females tend to be competitive and they'll get into your affairs and damage you. Some friends will actively block you from females who would like you. How do you all deal with new female interests? Who gets the priority? Your female "friend" or whats been your "girlfriend" for a year? What if "friend" keeps meddling? Being part of a group how would you cut her off? What about your own personal power and motives and you are part of the web of such a large group?

To be completely honest man, these questions were never major issues for me. Some of the more jealous girls ive dated had a problem with me having soem female friends. But once they realize that we're all apart of a bigger group, it didn't bother them so much. The rest, I haven'thad too mcuh of an issue with, minus one of my friends sabotaging something I had with another girl who was new in our friend group at the time. She did it out of jealousy/being mad that that girl was getting more attention by guys in our friend group. To be fair, shes a friend who at the time needed alot of validation and stuff. Thats old stuff man and we've grown from all that. I've known these friends for 6-7 years and we all understand each other real well now.

But to be fair, a lot of the women I sleep with, never meet many of my friends at all. And I usually don't meet their friends either, unless we're dating and not just fvcking.

I seriously suggest everyone who wants to be a real Don Juan, stop spending time on the net and reading books about women and actually gain experience by taking their own path. Times change, and very frequently.Every few years, things change.. and as I mentioned before, women can be vastly different. I really was looking forward to coming back to this forum but its honestly a disappointment. I remember back when I would frequent here, a lot of people were leaving as well for alot of the same reasons. I don't want to toot my own horn here, but I've dated 13-14 women in my life. Just imagine how much understanding comes with that. And that not even counting girls i just had flings with or situations that didnt last more than a week or two.

In life, you reap what you sow, so based on whatever "philosophy" you're following, thats going to be your experience and reality.. That's why you some of you guys have such a different perspective and lifestyle than I do. and trust me, I'd take my lifestyle over seem of yours any day, BELIEVE ME. I like balance, i like fulfillment, excitement, I like experimenting, learning, exploring. Not following cookie cutter roadmaps and blueprints some other dudes made or philosophies that categorize all women as some type of secular product with a few diff variations. I've experienced the vast psychological variability of women, the vast personability, financial variability, etc. Women are quite different and so are men. Which is why what works for some men doesnt work for others.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

To be completely honest man, these questions were never major issues for me. Some of the more jealous girls ive dated had a problem with me having soem female friends. But once they realize that we're all apart of a bigger group, it didn't bother them so much. The rest, I haven'thad too mcuh of an issue with, minus one of my friends sabotaging something I had with another girl who was new in our friend group at the time. She did it out of jealousy/being mad that that girl was getting more attention by guys in our friend group. To be fair, shes a friend who at the time needed alot of validation and stuff. Thats old stuff man and we've grown from all that. I've known these friends for 6-7 years and we all understand each other real well now.

But to be fair, a lot of the women I sleep with, never meet many of my friends at all. And I usually don't meet their friends either, unless we're dating and not just fvcking.

I seriously suggest everyone who wants to be a real Don Juan, stop spending time on the net and reading books about women and actually gain experience by taking their own path. Times change, and very frequently.Every few years, things change.. and as I mentioned before, women can be vastly different. I really was looking forward to coming back to this forum but its honestly a disappointment. I remember back when I would frequent here, a lot of people were leaving as well for alot of the same reasons. I don't want to toot my own horn here, but I've dated 13-14 women in my life. Just imagine how much understanding comes with that. And that not even counting girls i just had flings with or situations that didnt last more than a week or two.

In life, you reap what you sow, so based on whatever "philosophy" you're following, thats going to be your experience and reality.. That's why you some of you guys have such a different perspective and lifestyle than I do. and trust me, I'd take my lifestyle over seem of yours any day, BELIEVE ME. I like balance, i like fulfillment, excitement, I like experimenting, learning, exploring. Not following cookie cutter roadmaps and blueprints some other dudes made or philosophies that categorize all women as some type of secular product with a few diff variations.

Your right. Being in the net and complaining about it is not good and keeps your view a cynical one. The game changes about every 7-10 yrs. Things that were cool now arent. And some things that werent cool become cool. Good deal on The social circle. I was just curious if occasionally your group fvcks up stuff you do with others outside that group.

 

[Lookatu]

Sorry, old man, but social life is way different than it was back in your day. Now you're just coming at me sideways. I hope you go back to the initial post where you gave me some terrible advice about how I'd never get the girl back to see she replied to me today and apologized for ignoring me. The hilarity of how wrong you are in every one of your assumptions is ridiculous. I can't recall a SINGLE time ive even been friendzoned. I can't even tell if you're projecting your past or current insecurities on me or what

As to answer the personal question, 6-7. Majority of which was in the winter/spring before corona hit. My life revolves around music festivals ,night life, business, fitness. I have 3 "plates" currently, Have been seeing one mostly though just due to covid and being busy with work.

I don't see why youg uys are so harsh about having female friends? We have a huge friend group (around 14-15 people). Which is expecially dope when we go on our routine camping trips every summer. Some of you sound like you get pu$sy, but whats pu$sy if you have no social life? lol

and p.s. our friend group is as so that a few of us guys already slept with our friends before lol, but we try not to let it happen anymore. because it just feels weird.

I'm starting to remember exactly why I stopped visiting this forum. Everyone wants to act like a Don Juan, T hey want to make assumptions like their psychics, They think they know it all, but in essence just prove a lot more about themselves and their scarcity/pessimistic mindset than anything else. Sorry it took some of you 20-30 years to stop being a guy that you think everyone who joins this forum is. But you clearly have me wrong.

Lol, I clearly hit a nerve with you and someone got butt hurt which is clear in the way you have changed your tone with me. You do what works best for you but I have gone out with a spectrum of gals including ones younger than you so I know the dynamics, but I also know how much in the dark half these guys are too at that age. Like I said before, I was there at one point too. Ignorance is bliss but glad you posted here. Maybe one day you can come back and read your old posts and see if you end up with a different mindset.

And BTW, the true DJ's listen and learn more than they speak. I've definitely learned a lot and continue learning. Forever student of life.

 

[Trojan3000]

Your right. Being in the net and complaining about it is not good and keeps your view a cynical one. The game changes about every 7-10 yrs. Things that were cool now arent. And some things that werent cool become cool. Good deal on The social circle. I was just curious if occasionally your group fvcks up stuff you do with others outside that group.

No problem, I definitely appreciate questions more than assumptions.

Lol, I clearly hit a nerve with you and someone got butt hurt which is clear in the way you have changed your tone with me. You do what works best for you but I have gone out with a spectrum of gals including ones younger than you so I know the dynamics, but I also know how much in the dark half these guys are too at that age. Like I said before, I was there at one point too. Ignorance is bliss but glad you posted here. Maybe one day you can come back and read your old posts and see if you end up with a different mindset.

And BTW, the true DJ's listen and learn more than they speak. I've definitely learned a lot and continue learning. Forever student of life.

Well you really missed the target way to many times so it felt like a bit of an insult. I think that based on the way you've made a lot of assumptions without knowing a lick about me, I don't really care for your advice. But thanks for it anyways. I mean, when you tell me something that resonates, I'll definitely respect it. And I hope you realize, I never claimed to be anything.. Just told you guys the facts. I understand that I'm constantly learning and progressing and that there will certainly be things I learn down the line that I don't know now. I can be a bit hardheaded at times, admittedly. But I am more receptive to people who give me a fair shake and get to know me rather than treat me like I'm less because of my age or the way I think.

I'm sure if I peruse through some of your posts, you have some good wisdom however. Probably many great tales to tell.

 

[Lookatu]

Well you really missed the target way to many times so it felt like a bit of an insult. I think that based on the way you've made a lot of assumptions without knowing a lick about me, I don't really care for your advice. But thanks for it anyways. I mean, when you tell me something that resonates, I'll definitely respect it. And I hope you realize, I never claimed to be anything.. Just told you guys the facts. I understand that I'm constantly learning and progressing and that there will certainly be things I learn down the line that I don't know now. I can be a bit hardheaded at times, admittedly. But I am more receptive to people who give me a fair shake and get to know me rather than treat me like I'm less because of my age or the way I think.

I'm sure if I peruse through some of your posts, you have some good wisdom however. Probably many great tales to tell.

We do our best to try and guide guys to not make similar mistakes we made based on the info that we're given. So yes we may or may not get the entire picture always but it's all with good intent. If I offended you, it wasn't meant as a malicious act.
Social circle game is definitely popular amongst the younger generation and if it works for you then cool and glad you're able to make it work. That's the best possible position to be in, in your 20's as it's a lot more easier to have a social circle. Just know when you're being duped/played and don't get feminized by the mere thought of pvssy. Lead and condition girls rather than have them condition you. That's the phenomenon I'm seeing these days from an outside in perspective.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This does happen. You just have to keep balance.

Yep. When "old folks" say "dont argue with women" this was one reason why. Talking to them and hanging with them too much also causes transference of emotions.

 

[bat soup]

I'm starting to remember exactly why I stopped visiting this forum. Everyone wants to act like a Don Juan, T hey want to make assumptions like their psychics, They think they know it all, but in essence just prove a lot more about themselves and their scarcity/pessimistic mindset than anything else. Sorry it took some of you 20-30 years to stop being a guy that you think everyone who joins this forum is. But you clearly have me wrong.

There are some guys that are on here just to brag and to pose as "alphas". Since I find those type of guys boring and their comments unhelpful, I just hit the ignore button and they're gone forever, just like flushing the toilet.

I think there's a lot of dogma and groupthink in pickup. It's almost like people are reciting lines to each other, rather than actually thinking about what they're saying. People say online is dead and you should meet girls in real life through social circle, but what kind of social circle are you going to have if you don't have any female friends?

I agree that it tends to be a bad idea to play the friend to a girl that you actually want to date, but I don't think it's always bad to be friends with women. As an example last time I was in Dubai I met a friend that works for Emirates and she showed me around and we had a great time. I saw places I would never have seen if I didn't know her. Plus most of her friends are Emirates cabin crew. Another friend that I like to hang out with in London (that I don't find attractive) often talks about the men she meets on dating apps and I find it hilarious - it's funny to see the other side of the coin and see what kind of experience women are having.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I mean I am pretty sure she has a bunch of hot friends that you will likely meet and be able to flirt with/bang....just don't act like a friend, continue doing what you feel like.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Not on the level of male friends. Longest "friendship" with a woman is one I've known since I was a child. I was one of only a few invited to her wedding, yet I don't even have her phone number. Probably talk once a year.
I have a couple of female cousins that like to keep contact and invite me to parties.

I'm sure some on here would accuse me of saying not to have female friends. They would be wrong. I simply point out not to expect the same dynamic you would with male friends. Certainly won't be what comedy movies and shows (Friends) potrays.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Totally. My friendships with women have given me tons of insight on women and not only that, but about what other men are doing/are like. Girls are awesome to have as friends. Now, depends on your friendship too. I've had chick friends that trust me enough to tell me everything lol. I feel bad for some of their boyfriends since man some of the **** they've told me, quite embarrassing.

I should mention though that, when I was younger, I never had a chicks as friends. If we or If I were hanging with girls, I was messing wit them as well. Back when my simple caveman brain looked at all women as dumb compared to men, and objectified the hell out of them. I must say, when I used to think that way, it tended to be a bit easier.. But sometimes I'd get caught off gaurd by the chicks who werent easy and were very witty, mean or cunning.

What made me change is I had reality hit me many times, smack across the face. It's almost like an unseen spiritual force tried to get me to change.. probably because I hurt too many feelings or something, not sure. Not saying I was a major playa but I know for sure I let down or hurt many girls.

Wtf

 

[redskinsfan92]

Lol, I clearly hit a nerve with you and someone got butt hurt which is clear in the way you have changed your tone with me. You do what works best for you but I have gone out with a spectrum of gals including ones younger than you so I know the dynamics, but I also know how much in the dark half these guys are too at that age. Like I said before, I was there at one point too. Ignorance is bliss but glad you posted here. Maybe one day you can come back and read your old posts and see if you end up with a different mindset.

And BTW, the true DJ's listen and learn more than they speak. I've definitely learned a lot and continue learning. Forever student of life.

He'll learn the hard way. I did.

 

[metalwater]

Im not a fan of it. Even if you think she is your friend lets see how well her husband likes you hanging out with your "friend" when he is not around. I mean consistently as in so called real friends.
Im sure you can figure that one out.

right, exactly right!!


nothing good of this will come. no one is a mind reader, I like the idea of an adopted sister, but who knows what is in the mind of another. I have seen and heard of women tell that they will not give up a male friend to comply with the NEEDS of a partner. I translate that to mean she is not interested enough in that partner or prospect. This is exactly why we don't really like other men in close friendship with our woman. NO man likes to have his woman priority another man, in ANY way. This requirement from women will drive off any man that otherwise would be great. Many men do get jealous when our woman is attention to another man. The exception is her immediate family, father, and brothers. I guess there is a girl that likes being only a plate because that is the result of that behavior. the only man that will accept that behavior is one that doesn't care, he doesn't care so much if she is one of many.

not weakness, it is nature. how we deal with it is the measure.

 

[metalwater]

In life, you reap what you sow, so based on whatever "philosophy" you're following, thats going to be your experience and reality.. That's why you some of you guys have such a different perspective and lifestyle than I do. and trust me, I'd take my lifestyle over seem of yours any day, BELIEVE ME. I like balance, i like fulfillment, excitement, I like experimenting, learning, exploring. Not following cookie cutter roadmaps and blueprints some other dudes made or philosophies that categorize all women as some type of secular product with a few diff variations. I've experienced the vast psychological variability of women, the vast personability, financial variability, etc. Women are quite different and so are men. Which is why what works for some men doesnt work for others.

I understand what you tell.

have you read and been exposed to all the red pill readings. it is really impossible to discount it after understanding it and applying that lens to what is and has occurred.

hang around and keep thinking about what is being said, and what possible motivations other men could have to tell this stuff. think about why you asked in the first place.

 

[BeExcellent]

A lot "feels" in there
The primary thing that is a fact is men and women think entirely differently then women do.
I noticed the part were you say when 1 gets in a relationship the others give way or backs off.
But why the need? Very telling

Not at all. It’s out of the respect for the partner of the friend and their role in the friend’s life. Spouses should be each other’s primary relationship, including friendship in each other’s lives. Sometimes I’ve had male friends marry a woman for example who is insecure and can’t fathom a platonic friendship...and that’s fine. She’s the wife. That’s her role (to be his bestie) in addition to being his lover. I get that. My male friends get that about me as well. My ex husband was not jealous or insecure. He was fine with my long-standing male friends and didn’t worry about it at all...but in a good marriage or LTR the spouse is the primary opposite gender relationship/friend. I’ve done couples things with close male buddies and their significant other plenty. That’s the natural shift when platonic friends respect their friend’s partner.

My very jealous recent ex BF was also cool with my long-standing buddies, and he understood it was strictly platonic once he met them. We used to hang out with my male friends at times, no issues. If he had jealousy it was more arising out of the fact that he had more exes in orbit than you can imagine. So he at first thought my buddies were orbiters. They aren’t. He saw that. He also saw (as did my ex husband) that he came first way ahead of any male friends. Again out of my respect for him & our relationship.

My father’s best friend for 60 years was a woman he met while he was in law school. She’s been happily married for 58 years and her husband also became a dear friend of my dad’s. She gave a beautiful and funny eulogy at my dad’s funeral.

So I grew up around perfectly healthy platonic male/female friendships that endured decades. And I too have decades long friendships like that.

So it’s possible. Absolutely

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Not at all. It’s out of the respect for the partner of the friend and their role in the friend’s life. Spouses should be each other’s primary relationship, including friendship in each other’s lives. Sometimes I’ve had male friends marry a woman for example who is insecure and can’t fathom a platonic friendship...and that’s fine. She’s the wife. That’s her role (to be his bestie) in addition to being his lover. I get that. My male friends get that about me as well. My ex husband was not jealous or insecure. He was fine with my long-standing male friends and didn’t worry about it at all...but in a good marriage or LTR the spouse is the primary opposite gender relationship/friend. I’ve done couples things with close male buddies and their significant other plenty. That’s the natural shift when platonic friends respect their friend’s partner.

My very jealous recent ex BF was also cool with my long-standing buddies, and he understood it was strictly platonic once he met them. We used to hang out with my male friends at times, no issues. If he had jealousy it was more arising out of the fact that he had more exes in orbit than you can imagine. So he at first thought my buddies were orbiters. They aren’t. He saw that. He also saw (as did my ex husband) that he came first way ahead of any male friends. Again out of my respect for him & our relationship.

My father’s best friend for 60 years was a woman he met while he was in law school. She’s been happily married for 58 years and her husband also became a dear friend of my dad’s. She gave a beautiful and funny eulogy at my dad’s funeral.

So I grew up around perfectly healthy platonic male/female friendships that endured decades. And I too have decades long friendships like that.

So it’s possible. Absolutely

Sounds ideal.

May I ask if you ever tried not contacting a single one of your male friends during either your marriage or recent exboyfriend relationship?

For example, did you ever say "ok Honey, I won't be in any contact with any male friends out of respect to your wishes"

To submit, so-to-speak.

If you tried this honestly, did you last longer than 1 month?

Ignore my questions if it seems too prying....its just that we talk about everything here on sosuave.




Personally, I did. I made the statement that I wouldn't contact any male friend.
But when one contacted me,(not me contacting them) I weighed whether my boyfriend had been trying to make me jealous lately and thought I should match what he's doing to me.

Erroneous thinking as that is not the female's role.

It should never be a competition between me and my boyfriend to see who's "the better player". I didn't know/admit this until this last boyfriend taught me red pill stuff.

 

[metalwater]

Not at all. It’s out of the respect for the partner of the friend and their role in the friend’s life. Spouses should be each other’s primary relationship, including friendship in each other’s lives. Sometimes I’ve had male friends marry a woman for example who is insecure and can’t fathom a platonic friendship...and that’s fine. She’s the wife. That’s her role (to be his bestie) in addition to being his lover. I get that. My male friends get that about me as well. My ex husband was not jealous or insecure. He was fine with my long-standing male friends and didn’t worry about it at all...but in a good marriage or LTR the spouse is the primary opposite gender relationship/friend. I’ve done couples things with close male buddies and their significant other plenty. That’s the natural shift when platonic friends respect their friend’s partner.

My very jealous recent ex BF was also cool with my long-standing buddies, and he understood it was strictly platonic once he met them. We used to hang out with my male friends at times, no issues. If he had jealousy it was more arising out of the fact that he had more exes in orbit than you can imagine. So he at first thought my buddies were orbiters. They aren’t. He saw that. He also saw (as did my ex husband) that he came first way ahead of any male friends. Again out of my respect for him & our relationship.

My father’s best friend for 60 years was a woman he met while he was in law school. She’s been happily married for 58 years and her husband also became a dear friend of my dad’s. She gave a beautiful and funny eulogy at my dad’s funeral.

So I grew up around perfectly healthy platonic male/female friendships that endured decades. And I too have decades long friendships like that.

So it’s possible. Absolutely

Disagree on this. At a deep physical level, I don't think a guy likes it. A strong one can hide it better, or if he is less committed internally it will not matter as much. By strong, I mean the ability to endure something not wanted. It also is not socially ok, for the man to not like it because the response is "not secure".

Not picking on you at all, I like the stuff you write. It looks like you are able to over and over beat the men players at the game. You're a strong one. Maybe you can chew them up at will.

 

[BeExcellent]

Sounds ideal.

May I ask if you ever tried not contacting a single one of your male friends during either your marriage or recent exboyfriend relationship?

For example, did you ever say "ok Honey, I won't be in any contact with any male friends out of respect to your wishes"

To submit, so-to-speak.

If you tried this honestly, did you last longer than 1 month?

Ignore my questions if it seems too prying....its just that we talk about everything here on sosuave.

It never came up really so I’ve never been asked by a man not to. Men observe what I do and how I behave. And I’ve always been transparent about male friends. So I’ve never had a man put his foot down about it.

About dating other guys/exploring other dating options? Yes. And on that issue I don’t tolerate double standards, and am fine dropping others so long as he will too...but my friends are friends, not potential dating partners.

That’s where the fundamental argument is. Some people don’t think any male/female dynamic can be non sexually charged, especially if the people are objectively attractive. Others think platonic male/female friendships are possible without sexual energy. I’m in the latter camp.

My submission is in putting my man as top priority and treating him well & deferring to him. My male friends (actually ALL my friends) know my man comes first...just as their partner comes first if they have a wife or girlfriend. Mutual respect there.

My ex BF used to say “call so and so (male friend) and see what they got going tonight. Maybe we can meet up out...” just cool people hanging out together.

I’m not going to jettison friendships with people who have been solid friends, true friends, in my life, male or female, because some new beau of 2 or 3 months says so. These are people who were there when the chips were down and the shjt hit the fan in my life. I’ve had some of these friends longer than my children and longer than any romantic relationship. They are friends for life.

Most people have relatively few lifelong friends. They are blessings. I’m not ditching my most loyal, true, no BS friends. I’m delighted for serious romantic partners to meet them, they are like family and they have my back.

But really I don’t find it to be an issue and I gravitate to men who a.) don’t have insecurity about it and don’t become worried based on my behavior and b.) have female friends of long standing nature of their own who aren’t romantic prospects.

 

[BeExcellent]

Disagree on this. At a deep physical level, I don't think a guy likes it. A strong one can hide it better, or if he is less committed internally it will not matter as much. By strong, I mean the ability to endure something not wanted. It also is not socially ok, for the man to not like it because the response is "not secure".

Not picking on you at all, I like the stuff you write. It looks like you are able to over and over beat the men players at the game. You're a strong one. Maybe you can chew them up at will.

I know the players and the playboys, true. They amuse me, challenge me, intrigue me, etc., but I’m only rarely sexually interested in them, even if handsome. And the reverse is true too. We each have our own individual alchemy that excites us. It’s best to hold out for that alchemy in my view.

It comes down to character as far as ability to be friends. Character is important. I don’t chew people up. I can...but I don’t. If anything I’m too nice with the occasional thorn here or there. I have standards and I value trust.

I’m going to tell a story and get a little philosophical...

Last year I spent Labor Day in Las Vegas. My recent ex had spun out and we were in a rough break. He was seeing others and so on. I was upset but keeping a lid on it.

My old lover from years ago lived in Vegas. We dated when I was 22. Steadfast friend of almost 30 years now. I went to stay there for the weekend. Told BF that’s where I was going (he did raise an eyebrow about that)...but what could he say after all?

I got to the house, met my friend’s 10 year old son & the dog and my buddy took one look at me & said “You are too skinny.” He then made me a wonderful Italian dish & made me eat (I lose my appetite under stress)...showed me the guest room, put his son to bed & retired to the master.

We never left the house. In Las Vegas! The boyfriend thought I was partying it up on the town but it was a relaxed weekend with my friend, his kid, the dog, lots of sleeping in...no kissing, no sex, lots of football watching, some cards & cooking & conversation. It grounded me & recharged me. I worked some on the computer even. Our one outing was to the grocery store. Blissfully boring that weekend.

Not a single inkling of sex. Just comfort. He looked after me and checks on me even now after the final break up, even though he’s on the East coast now with a new business to grow & navigate and a son to raise on his own. He will be my friend when we are 80...and I’ve been his sounding board too through two divorces and his love life & family life and tough times.

We love each other. But in a I want the best life that makes you happy kind of way. It is selfless.

Pragma not Eros.

That’s actually what my ex BF misses most. I know how to be a great friend. He would always ask if things fell apart between us would I still be his friend...and I always said no, I cannot with you. Not for a long time. Maybe not ever.

Why?

Eros, not Pragma

You have to know the difference, and once in a while the love you feel toward someone can change in a profound way.

Long ago it was Eros with my friend from Vegas. Now it’s Pragma. I’m happy to see him happy...irrespective of me. Truly. And the reverse is also true. He wants the best for me.

 

[metalwater]

Eros, not Pragma

You have to know the difference, and once in a while the love you feel toward someone can change in a profound way.

Long ago it was Eros with my friend from Vegas. Now it’s Pragma. I’m happy to see him happy...irrespective of me. Truly. And the reverse is also true. He wants the best for me.

I get what your telling, you're a tuff character I share this not to nag, but it is something I think you might not perceive.

I assume your guy friends are manly but even if not, there doesn't have to be any sex going on to break or prevent the tie. The fact that a woman that is supposed to submit needs to keep another dude as an intimate friend and will choose to do so against the silent wishes and would spend time with them in a different compartment in there mind that is separate is not ok. Not saying your wrong, saying it does not work for some guys. Arguments come some times, then you go to the dude to talk about it. Now there is another man in the house that you respect and or admire more in some ways or in many ways. Doesn't work. Another man is always the safety net, this erodes from the current one even if physically it is really clean, the spirit is divided and the man will sense it and sometimes not understand himself, or he is brainwashed that it is ok and if not must be because insecure. A guy can not feel submission, as long as he knows or feels that another man has a higher value perception. He will try because it looks clean but the spirit will cry and he will not know why. It can come out as insecurity, jealousy, anger, even laziness. The power that a woman can give her man is huge, if there is another man in the mix(even clean) it stops and even reverses that.

If ok with another man (in spirit) in their house, would expect and assume the reverse in that they have women on the side also either spoken or unspoken. If they want to be monogamous, they want that same in return in both body and spirit.

but maybe the right way is the way you tell it as competition on each side seems to have value and most of the guys tell that if they have a side bet that the primary girl will behave better.

thanks for the perspective and insight.