Disagree on this. At a deep physical level, I don't think a guy likes it. A strong one can hide it better, or if he is less committed internally it will not matter as much. By strong, I mean the ability to endure something not wanted. It also is not socially ok, for the man to not like it because the response is "not secure".
Not picking on you at all, I like the stuff you write. It looks like you are able to over and over beat the men players at the game. You're a strong one. Maybe you can chew them up at will.
I know the players and the playboys, true. They amuse me, challenge me, intrigue me, etc., but I’m only rarely sexually interested in them, even if handsome. And the reverse is true too. We each have our own individual alchemy that excites us. It’s best to hold out for that alchemy in my view.
It comes down to character as far as ability to be friends. Character is important. I don’t chew people up. I can...but I don’t. If anything I’m too nice with the occasional thorn here or there. I have standards and I value trust.
I’m going to tell a story and get a little philosophical...
Last year I spent Labor Day in Las Vegas. My recent ex had spun out and we were in a rough break. He was seeing others and so on. I was upset but keeping a lid on it.
My old lover from years ago lived in Vegas. We dated when I was 22. Steadfast friend of almost 30 years now. I went to stay there for the weekend. Told BF that’s where I was going (he did raise an eyebrow about that)...but what could he say after all?
I got to the house, met my friend’s 10 year old son & the dog and my buddy took one look at me & said “You are too skinny.” He then made me a wonderful Italian dish & made me eat (I lose my appetite under stress)...showed me the guest room, put his son to bed & retired to the master.
We never left the house. In Las Vegas! The boyfriend thought I was partying it up on the town but it was a relaxed weekend with my friend, his kid, the dog, lots of sleeping in...no kissing, no sex, lots of football watching, some cards & cooking & conversation. It grounded me & recharged me. I worked some on the computer even. Our one outing was to the grocery store. Blissfully boring that weekend.
Not a single inkling of sex. Just comfort. He looked after me and checks on me even now after the final break up, even though he’s on the East coast now with a new business to grow & navigate and a son to raise on his own. He will be my friend when we are 80...and I’ve been his sounding board too through two divorces and his love life & family life and tough times.
We love each other. But in a I want the best life that makes you happy kind of way. It is selfless.
Pragma not Eros.
That’s actually what my ex BF misses most. I know how to be a great friend. He would always ask if things fell apart between us would I still be his friend...and I always said no, I cannot with you. Not for a long time. Maybe not ever.
Why?
Eros, not Pragma
You have to know the difference, and once in a while the love you feel toward someone can change in a profound way.
Long ago it was Eros with my friend from Vegas. Now it’s Pragma. I’m happy to see him happy...irrespective of me. Truly. And the reverse is also true. He wants the best for me.