Did your wife/ex-wife change after kids?

R

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Your responses have been super interesting, thanks everyone.

What is most interesting to me is that when I asked about "personality change" I really had "sex drive" in the back of my head but I didn't actually say it. And yet, that is what most of you have concentrated on. This is of particular concern for me because, even though I haven't been married, I had a 2 year relationship with an extremely religious woman who felt guilt for having sex. As a result, over time the sex greatly diminished, and I was having it maybe once per week even though we were practically living together (college dorm). It was extremely frustrating. She made me feel like she was doing something FOR me, not that it's something we shared together. I remember days where I was out to dinner with her and had a creeping anxiety about whether or not I was getting laid that night. Any argument meant no sex for days. I was completely under her control. Thank God it was just a gf and I wasn't tied down by kids or a legal contract, but I got a look into what that could be like, and it was horrible. High sex drive is now the absolute most important thing in screening for potential LTRs, but I'm scared about that drive disappearing as soon as a kid or two come out.

Also, old joke (usually told in Spanish):
Husband comes home from work and calls out to his wife.
Husband: "Honey, I brought you the aspirin!"
Wife: "What? I don't have a headache."
Husband: "Great. Let's fvck!"
“Sex Drive” as a cause hides the true concept behind the programming. “No Desire” would be correct and thus can lead to understanding.
A woman can feel absolutely nothing for you and you call it “low sex drive”, whereas she is off banging like a banshee out of hell with someone she feels DESIRE for.
Two completely different concepts.
 
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fanatic22

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“Sex Drive” as a cause hides the true concept behind the programming. “No Desire” would be correct and thus can lead to understanding.
A woman can feel absolutely nothing for you and you call it “low sex drive”, whereas she is off dangling like a banshee out of hell with someone she feels DESIRE for.
Two completely different concepts.
If it's "no desire" that sounds easier to deal with by maintaining frame, no?
 
R

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If it's "no desire" that sounds easier to deal with by maintaining frame, no?
This is a daunting task in the LTR/marriage frame. Pharmaceutical companies have spent billions trying to find a female “viagra” and have failed.

There is a very obvious reason for this. In men it’s a physical response to certain markers. A woman feels sexual based on a particular man’s displayed traits. Her desire is based on genetic markers of approximation. If you “approximate” a serviceable Male for breeding with your displayed traits, she turns on. She has no control over it. Boom!

A “viagra” drug will not do this. Viagra is based on physiology. Chemical optimization. Her genetics are already set.

This is why it’s been said that agreeing to be exclusive or to enter an LTR/marriage, in itself, displays “provider” genome in you. Thus she shapes to what you present.

Real desire can not be negotiated, reasoned with or bargained with. IMO, there is no reviving that burning desire.
 

AttackFormation

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This is a daunting task in the LTR/marriage frame. Pharmaceutical companies have spent billions trying to find a female “viagra” and have failed.

There is a very obvious reason for this. In men it’s a physical response to certain markers. A woman feels sexual based on a particular man’s displayed traits. Her desire is based on genetic markers of approximation. If you “approximate” a serviceable Male for breeding with your displayed traits, she turns on. She has no control over it. Boom!

A “viagra” drug will not do this. Viagra is based on physiology. Chemical optimization. Her genetics are already set.

This is why it’s been said that agreeing to be exclusive or to enter an LTR/marriage, in itself, displays “provider” genome in you. Thus she shapes to what you present.

Real desire can not be negotiated, reasoned with or bargained with. IMO, there is no reviving that burning desire.
There's got to be a way to induce a permanent state of ovulation, but then again, their hormonal cycle doesn't just influence their sex drive but influences what kind of guy they're attracted to. If a guy snuck a pill of that into her morning tea, sure her desire may be revived.... for the husband's hot friend, hahaha.
 
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highSpeed

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You have tools:
1. Attention
2. Self image and appearance
3. Be social
4. Female competition
5. CHEAT - many times the energy draws them back. You dont throw it in their face.
6. Leave
7. Can spend time around other couples who are having sex
8. Social proofing

Theres alot that can be done before pulling the plug. Our DJ and "game" and communication comes into play.
Those are great suggestions and I'm going to start working on them. I will create a new thread soon to keep track of progress. 2019 is the year that I regain my frame. No more b*tching and whining like I'm hannah montanah.
 

AttackFormation

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Those are great suggestions and I'm going to start working on them. I will create a new thread soon to keep track of progress. 2019 is the year that I regain my frame. No more b*tching and whining like I'm hannah montanah.
Honestly I think you've been making up excuses to stay where you are. What I'm referring to specifically, is you not seeing other women. You say she could use it as ammunition in the courts if she found out.... but to me that just sounds like a baseless excuse for not rocking the status quo of misery you're used to. Imo, you should start seeing other women and find someone who likes you that you can spend time with. Stop doing anything for your wife in the meantime, no more freaking "dates"... get yourself in shape if you aren't, and then let it roll. This marriage is unsustainable.
 
R

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Those are great suggestions and I'm going to start working on them. I will create a new thread soon to keep track of progress. 2019 is the year that I regain my frame. No more b*tching and whining like I'm hannah montanah.
Very nice.

Because of how this stuff works and your need to approximate breeder status, the true goal is to remove the imperative inside you as much as possible.
Here is something you can take to the bank. Don’t take my word for it go look.

Guru and Amante agree completely with @Spaz ’s frame philosophy. In every single post there is agreement. At times all will modify or expand a little more in a counter comment.
But the thought processes are the same. Each presents it in their own fashion but it’s all about what you think deep inside.

1st. Identify everything that is the feminine imperative and not fall into spin doctor reasoning.

2nd build on you and pay the prices it requires.

That’s all. Nothing else exists. Nothing. Reject everything else. Even the psychiatrictric field is feminized beyond comprehension. It’s all a lie.
The only truth that exists for you is your own truth. If you can’t see the Imperative in all these things, you can never escape. You will die like you are now.
 

highSpeed

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Honestly I think you've been making up excuses to stay where you are. What I'm referring to specifically, is you not seeing other women. You say she could use it as ammunition in the courts if she found out.... but to me that just sounds like a baseless excuse for not rocking the status quo of misery you're used to. Imo, you should start seeing other women and find someone who likes you that you can spend time with. Stop doing anything for your wife in the meantime, no more freaking "dates"... get yourself in shape if you aren't, and then let it roll. This marriage is unsustainable.
They are excuses to some degree but it is reality. I want a day-to-day relationship with my kids. Can't have that if I'm not in the house. I don't want to continue to pay for a house that I don't live in and still try to maintain my current lifestyle. It's a b*tch, no doubt, but I'm going to start making some changes.
 

AJ84

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Those are great suggestions and I'm going to start working on them. I will create a new thread soon to keep track of progress. 2019 is the year that I regain my frame. No more b*tching and whining like I'm hannah montanah.
That cheating thing = bringing her back only works if she cares enough and sees that she is driving you to have to do it because of her actions.

Doesn’t seem to be the case here. She doesn’t seem to care. Didn’t you say she told you she doesn’t care if you sleep with other women? That’s the official end of your relationship when she says that.
Go sleep with other women, because even if you don’t it’s over anyway, and sticking around is just pulling the bandaid off slowly and delaying the inevitable divorce. Get out now and deal with the mess before you’re 65+, old and tired (with much less options for hot women) and having to deal with the mess.
 
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highSpeed

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Very nice.

Because of how this stuff works and your need to approximate breeder status, the true goal is to remove the imperative inside you as much as possible.
Here is something you can take to the bank. Don’t take my word for it go look.

Guru and Amante agree completely with @Spaz ’s frame philosophy. In every single post there is agreement. At times all will modify or expand a little more in a counter comment.
But the thought processes are the same. Each presents it in their own fashion but it’s all about what you think deep inside.

1st. Identify everything that is the feminine imperative and not fall into spin doctor reasoning.

2nd build on you and pay the prices it requires.

That’s all. Nothing else exists. Nothing. Reject everything else. Even the psychiatrictric field is feminized beyond comprehension. It’s all a lie.
The only truth that exists for you is your own truth. If you can’t see the Imperative in all these things, you can never escape. You will die like you are now.
Well I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'm tired of no sex. I'm tired of fighting for every square inch of ground I get/have. It's exhausting to try and argue out logic with a woman, there is literally no winning. I somehow have logic in every other area in my life and she agrees with me but in relation to her and the kids, I don't know jack sh*t, tired of the stupidity. If you don't want to come along with me, fine, I'll find someone who does, period. Not walking out the door but starting to do things that will satisfy me and me alone.
 
R

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That cheating thing = bringing her back only works if she cares enough and sees that she is driving you to have to do it because of her actions.

Doesn’t seem to be the case here. She doesn’t seem to care. Didn’t you say she told you she doesn’t care if you sleep with other women? That’s the official end of your relationship when she says that.
Go sleep with other women, because even if you don’t it’s over anyway, and sticking around is just pulling the bandaid off slowly and delaying the inevitable divorce. Get out now and deal with the mess before you’re 65+, old and tired (with much less options for hot women) and having to deal with the mess.
I’m going to agree with AJ here. She’s right.
 

highSpeed

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That cheating thing = bringing her back only works if she cares enough and sees that she is driving you to have to do it because of her actions.

Doesn’t seem to be the case here. She doesn’t seem to care. Didn’t you say she told you she doesn’t care if you sleep with other women? That’s the official end of your relationship when she says that.
Go sleep with other women, because even if you don’t it’s over anyway, and sticking around is just pulling the bandaid off slowly and delaying the inevitable divorce. Get out now and deal with the mess before you’re 65+, old and tired (with much less options for hot women) and having to deal with the mess.
It's not that simple when finances are involved. I'm around 250k a year in income but once you split that in 2, pay taxes, it's not that great. I'm working on more but I'm not there yet.
 
R

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Well I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'm tired of no sex. I'm tired of fighting for every square inch of ground I get/have. It's exhausting to try and argue out logic with a woman, there is literally no winning. I somehow have logic in every other area in my life and she agrees with me but in relation to her and the kids, I don't know jack sh*t, tired of the stupidity. If you don't want to come along with me, fine, I'll find someone who does, period. Not walking out the door but starting to do things that will satisfy me and me alone.
These things are impossible. Arguing with biological and solipsistic thought processes are impossible. Would a warrior caveman argue with his woman? Smirk and do what you have to do. At least she will respect that.
 

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It's not that simple when finances are involved. I'm around 250k a year in income but once you split that in 2, pay taxes, it's not that great. I'm working on more but I'm not there yet.
Make hiding that sh!t your new hobby. Research how to protect your finances to the extent you can in these situations. There is a way, other men have done it.
 
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R

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It's not that simple when finances are involved. I'm around 250k a year in income but once you split that in 2, pay taxes, it's not that great. I'm working on more but I'm not there yet.
Oh I get it. Trust me on this...you will not be in a good enough position ever. With taxes and how much she will get will be a zero sum prospect.
 

highSpeed

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Oh I get it. Trust me on this...you will not be in a good enough position ever. With taxes and how much she will get will be a zero sum prospect.
Perhaps but I figure around 400K+, I'm good enough. 200k a year may hurt but it's a small price to pay for my self respect and sex with hot and willing women. 200 would at least let me have a pretty decent lifestyle where I'm @
 

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It's not that simple when finances are involved. I'm around 250k a year in income but once you split that in 2, pay taxes, it's not that great. I'm working on more but I'm not there yet.
I know what it’s like to be in a crappy marriage. If you can’t get out now, find things to do away from the house and with the kids (without her) so you can keep your spirits up. Being around her has to be bumming you out a bit and if you take the kids out you can frame it like you’re giving her a ‘break’ when really you are giving yourself a break away from her.
And meet other women, seeing as she basically gave you a hall pass to do that.
 
R

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Well I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'm tired of no sex. I'm tired of fighting for every square inch of ground I get/have. It's exhausting to try and argue out logic with a woman, there is literally no winning. I somehow have logic in every other area in my life and she agrees with me but in relation to her and the kids, I don't know jack sh*t, tired of the stupidity. If you don't want to come along with me, fine, I'll find someone who does, period. Not walking out the door but starting to do things that will satisfy me and me alone.
Let me say something here. Just a guess in my part but I would lay a year’s wages on this.

What you miss is her feminine desire for you. How she just wanted to be with you. You remember how her femininity felt. There’s no bigger feeling than feeling a woman’s feminine desire.
It’s gone.
 

highSpeed

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Let me say something here. Just a guess in my part but I would lay a year’s wages on this.

What you miss is her feminine desire for you. How she just wanted to be with you. You remember how her femininity felt. There’s no bigger feeling than feeling a woman’s feminine desire.
It’s gone.
Amen brother, amen. You can't schedule desire and you can't force affection. I fear it was a sham to get me into the marriage but I hope not. Either way, it leaves me with little to no contact in that way. Most of my adult life, I've focused on career and family. In my world, not much time for anything else. Sprinkle in some working out here and there, that's most of my days. Time for me to start working on me and forget the nonsense. Perhaps she will wake up at some point but I'm still going to get mine.
 
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