Did your wife/ex-wife change after kids?

Ranger

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This in turn exposes how women are sublimely unaware of the damage she causes in a marriage.
Oh completely clueless. Zero remorse.
 

Ranger

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Terrible way to go through life. What a terrible f*cking way to grind out your days, with a woman who despises your touch.
Can’t resist it but hates that I have that power over her. This is a power thing. For some women, for a man to be powerful is to assume she has none.
It’s an either/or binary if he is harder to manipulate.
To this day she says I was never made to be married. “Adventures like you were never made for that.”
Despite doing my part superbly.
 
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highSpeed

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My sex drive in a relationship goes way down too, I mean I view that as normal. It does not however go to zero and I am not going to mistreat a woman just because of the inevitable result of time (absurd entitlement and delusion to punish someone for a natural consequence of life).
But guys aren't like women. I've never seen more vindictiveness from a group than when women are involved
 

Ranger

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But guys aren't like women. I've never seen more vindictiveness from a group than when women are involved
Men are surprised when the love they expected wasn’t anything like the love that their mother’s expressed.
 

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LARaiders85

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But guys aren't like women. I've never seen more vindictiveness from a group than when women are involved
Yes they will punish you mercilessly for the crime of boring them. Its the only unforgivable sin in this Game.

By the way this is a narcissistic trait(devaluation), so the more narcissistic a woman is the more vicious she will be in this regard. The more you understand narcissism the better you understand ego-maniacal women in my opinion.

Women, says Langley, enter marriage assuming they are naturally monogamous. “Trying to be faithful doesn’t seem natural to them.” They recite the wedding vow in much the same spirit as they wear “something borrowed, something blue”—it is simply what one does at a wedding. Of course, a vow is no very serious undertaking to one who assumes she will never feel any temptation to break it.

Accordingly, over time, most women begin to rationalize their extramarital erotic interests. If women simply want to be married and are not naturally inclined to be attracted to other men, “any unhappiness or infidelity on the part of the women is assumed to be due to the men they married.” This seems to me a critically important and easily overlooked finding: the widely propagated notion that women are naturally monogamous is helping to nourish the contemporary “blame the man for everything” mentality. Hence, odd as this sounds, in order to reestablish the actual practice of monogamy, it may be necessary to discredit the notion that woman are naturally inclined to it.

Once women start believing their wayward desires can be blamed upon their husbands’ failures, they become “negative and sarcastic when speaking about their husbands and their marriages.” It is then usually just a matter of time and opportunity before the wives proceed to actual adultery.

(3) Women involved in extramarital affairs speak of “feelings unlike anything they’d experienced before. They felt ‘alive’ again.” This euphoria was, however, combined with pain and guilt. Often before a tryst, they would vow that ‘this would be the last time,’ but were unable to keep their resolutions. The author interprets this as addictive behavior related to the brain chemistry of erotic attachment. She conjectures that the “high” produced by adultery is more intense than that of lawful courtship because of its association with shame, guilt and secrecy: a plausible hypothesis, and possible topic for future research.

Usually the women did not act decisively to end their marriages, which gave them a sense of security in spite of everything. Divorce produces separation anxiety, which is a sort of chemical withdrawal. Habitual attachments produce a safe, comfortable feeling, like a sedative; and loss of a person to whom we are bonded produces a panicky feeling like that of a child lost in a department store, Langley writes. So these women often lived in a “state of limbo” for years, unable to decide whether to remain married or seek a divorce. Most expected they would eventually achieve clarity about their own desires, but this seldom happened. The author’s hypothesis is that “clarity never comes, because what they are really trying to do is avoid pain. They are hoping that one day it won’t hurt to leave their spouse, or that one day they’ll no longer desire to be with someone else and will want to return to their spouse.” (She neglects to mention that it may “hurt” many women to renounce their husbands’ financial support as well.)

Sometimes the paramour breaks off relations with the adulterous wife, for any number of reasons. In these cases, the women “experienced extreme grief, became deeply depressed and expressed tremendous anger toward their husbands” (my emphasis).
 

LARaiders85

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Men are surprised when the love they expected wasn’t anything like the love that their mother’s expressed.
My theory is this:

Men learn about gender dynamics from two sources:

1) they EXPERIENCE(strongest imprint) the unconditional love they feel from their Mother
2) They OBSERVE(weaker imprint but important) the aloof and masculine way their Father treats their Mother.

Subtract one and you are left solely with the other. So a man with a beta father/dysfunctional parental marriage will be left solely with the love he feels from mom(if he's lucky). Hence, his expectation for mommy gf.

Likewise, with women:

1)EXPERIENCE unconditional love and protection from Father
2)OBSERVE feminine way the Mother treats the Father, as caring and supporting.

Same thing, subtract one and you are left with only the other( or neither, or horribly negative examples of either). The less you have of this the more you will default to pure biology or copycat negative experiences and observations.
 

fanatic22

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Fvck that selfish ho. Id say on date nights with an azzhole female bang out your side piece before coming home. She will see it in your vibe
I mentioned this earlier in the thread but she was ultra religious and felt guilty but pretended that wasn’t the case. I was 19 at the time and I know enough now that I would never let that sh1t fly again.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I mentioned this earlier in the thread but she was ultra religious and felt guilty but pretended that wasn’t the case. I was 19 at the time and I know enough now that I would never let that sh1t fly again.
I want to state for the record that i do not hate women. I do not respect a woman not liking her own husband to touch her or a woman who refuses to have sex with her man. Its not too hard to please someone you give two shyts about.
 
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Ranger

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A man needs to learn that he really is alone and to his own devices at the base level.
Just giving away your best for so little return is a degraded idea.
If you want children get a surrogate. It’s really funny how the LGBT crowd can get a surrogate and it’s supported. But if a man does it...it’s damn near a crime and a lot of shaming will come your way.
We are free agents. We are beholding to no one. You do not owe your love or intimacy. Nor do you owe your support, respect, labor production or your thoughts and ideas.
A woman gets to experience you through your good graces. There are some things more important than your life.
The most important lesson there is. Better to be dead than surrender your identity.

If they give you too much trouble? There’s and old saying us marine grunts have. “Fvck’m and feed them fish heads.”
 

glass half full

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When you guys discuss topics here, you never do a deep dive. It's always selfish surface b1tching.
Because many times this is all we have to go on...women tend to just clam up and "don't want to talk about it".
If we go along with this, well, that's really bad. And usually that's the only option.
So, they remain quiet, continue to hold us accountable via silent treatment + head games, etc. until we lose our cool, which then validates the woman to give up on the relationship and start seeing other men (or a woman) behind our back, thus leading to divorce.
They like to get us in a pizzed off, silent quandry, and keep us there. It's a no-win situation for a man.
If they really care about the kids' mental health as much as their own emotional needs (?)...
 

Mauser96

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Like the thread title asks, did her personality change after she had kids? My dad sometimes talks about how my mom became less of a wife and more of a mother after she had me. It's a bit scary to think that you could marry a woman expecting one thing and get a radically different product post-children. I don't have an LTR right now but I'd be interested in any advice for someone who is eventually interested in being married.

Of course women change......their priority is now taking care of YOUR children together. Having said that, all too often they forget that they are a WIFE as well, and they have obligations to YOU.

There is SOOO much truth in that once you are married, the "hook is set", meaning you now have lost power and she has gained it. Your ability to see other women and keep her on her toes and taking care of your needs is gone. When you were dating, she KNEW she had to meet your needs or you would simply stop calling and see other women. Marriage takes that away. The longer you are married, the deeper that hook is set due to the family courts and the financial shaat kicking YOU will take.

Once you have kids, THE HOOK SETTING IS COMPLETE - although it is natural for all her energy to turn towards the kids, it SHOULD eventually turn back to you, to maintain the marriage, but it often doesn't. The problem, in my view, is that women get "lazy" towards keeping their husbands need for affection and sex met - the attitude seems to be "So what if he doesn't like it? What is he going to do, leave? " (insert laughter amongst other women here) "The kids and I come first, if he doesn't like it lump it"

As a man who was married, then two kids, then divorced...……….I don't regret it. My kids mean the world to me. But that doesn't change the fact that EVERYTHING I wrote above is true, in my experience.
 

Von

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Of course women change......their priority is now taking care of YOUR children together. Having said that, all too often they forget that they are a WIFE as well, and they have obligations to YOU.

There is SOOO much truth in that once you are married, the "hook is set", meaning you now have lost power and she has gained it. Your ability to see other women and keep her on her toes and taking care of your needs is gone. When you were dating, she KNEW she had to meet your needs or you would simply stop calling and see other women. Marriage takes that away. The longer you are married, the deeper that hook is set due to the family courts and the financial shaat kicking YOU will take.

Once you have kids, THE HOOK SETTING IS COMPLETE - although it is natural for all her energy to turn towards the kids, it SHOULD eventually turn back to you, to maintain the marriage, but it often doesn't. The problem, in my view, is that women get "lazy" towards keeping their husbands need for affection and sex met - the attitude seems to be "So what if he doesn't like it? What is he going to do, leave? " (insert laughter amongst other women here) "The kids and I come first, if he doesn't like it lump it"

As a man who was married, then two kids, then divorced...……….I don't regret it. My kids mean the world to me. But that doesn't change the fact that EVERYTHING I wrote above is true, in my experience.
I think alot of women forget the rôle of " women, wife, mother".

The traditional view of it. Alot of "we can be anything you want" definitely impacted the social dynamic. The focus changes.

Women are free. (Just like men were/are)

Men are free.

Both have challenges.

When kids arrive a whole new life émerge and something that is totally out of your control

I've come to see there are many phase to dating/relationships.

Alot of couples break Appart when kids arrive or leave.

When kids arrive: it shows all the lackness between the 2 partners about compatibility, will etc.

When the kids leave (grow up): the parents are now a couple again, and they find out if they really cares about each other or were just parents.

Dating is different than LTR/Wife
LTR/Wife is different than parenting
Than parenting goes back to LTR/Wife.

A stages need to be build for each scene.

When the women has kids, the husband become secondairy. If the husband cant "date" this wife... It will fall Appart... Like a LTR, you need to date your partner again and again and again like at the begining of the relationship.

Also, the parents need to learn to let go of the kids.

If the dynamic is 100% kids.. Than you'll fail at the LTR part.

Alot of people put 100% on the kids because they have their own life insatisfaction, insecurities, think it will save their relations, trap the husband etc etc.

Yes, women always try to bring the men into her frame. The men must resist for ever... Pretty hard stuff.


I liked the thread since i am heading that route :p
 

lamath

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I think alot of women forget the rôle of " women, wife, mother".

The traditional view of it. Alot of "we can be anything you want" definitely impacted the social dynamic. The focus changes.

Women are free. (Just like men were/are)

Men are free.

Both have challenges.

When kids arrive a whole new life émerge and something that is totally out of your control

I've come to see there are many phase to dating/relationships.

Alot of couples break Appart when kids arrive or leave.

When kids arrive: it shows all the lackness between the 2 partners about compatibility, will etc.

When the kids leave (grow up): the parents are now a couple again, and they find out if they really cares about each other or were just parents.

Dating is different than LTR/Wife
LTR/Wife is different than parenting
Than parenting goes back to LTR/Wife.

A stages need to be build for each scene.

When the women has kids, the husband become secondairy. If the husband cant "date" this wife... It will fall Appart... Like a LTR, you need to date your partner again and again and again like at the begining of the relationship.

Also, the parents need to learn to let go of the kids.

If the dynamic is 100% kids.. Than you'll fail at the LTR part.

Alot of people put 100% on the kids because they have their own life insatisfaction, insecurities, think it will save their relations, trap the husband etc etc.

Yes, women always try to bring the men into her frame. The men must resist for ever... Pretty hard stuff.


I liked the thread since i am heading that route :p
incoming baby my friend?

Very hard to balance kids, work and relationship. Doable but hard.

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo
 
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Roober

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incoming baby my friend?

Very hard to balance kids, work and relationship. Doable but hard.

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo
Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Wish I had the energy to post this 1000 times. Many many men let the women take control (primarily because they are lazy), respect is lost, and the snowball starts rolling...
 

lamath

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Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Never let the women take charge of everything that has to do with the kids, this is how you lose frame after kids imo

Wish I had the energy to post this 1000 times. Many many men let the women take control (primarily because they are lazy), respect is lost, and the snowball starts rolling...
I think that was my biggest mistake.
This gave her too much power in the relationship.
 

Ranger

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I think that was my biggest mistake.
This gave her too much power in the relationship.
I fought it tooth and nail. I busted my way into my kid’s life and assumed the role. Especially with my son. My daughters love me for my strength and straight forward persona.

There is some sort of instinct to deny certain forms of intimacy from the father in the form of influencing the raising. As if she is the all knowing diety of child raising. It’s important to bust through this barrier.
Present day woman is impregnated by the feminine imperative to the degree that somewhere internally, men are the demise of children. Of course it’s completely misguided but it’s there.
 

glass half full

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Some good points here. Guessing I was guilty of this, after my hard days work I wanted to come home, have a few cold beers and relax with the family. Which made me passive. I noticed a couple of the older men I worked with joked @ me about this, but looking back I heard them say in other convo they had done that too.

Women on the other hand, wanted to go out and party with friends on the weekends, and the guys sometimes just wanted to stay home and do things.

Apparently the men learned the hard way too, but didn't share the reasoning with me so I would learn. I think this is what irritated me with them, they didn't share their "hard knocks" with me so I could grow as a man. I don't think they saw it appropriate to be that way, for whatever reason. Just the way it was.

I hope that makes some kind of sense.
 

Roober

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I fought it tooth and nail. I busted my way into my kid’s life and assumed the role. Especially with my son. My daughters love me for my strength and straight forward persona.

There is some sort of instinct to deny certain forms of intimacy from the father in the form of influencing the raising. As if she is the all knowing diety of child raising. It’s important to bust through this barrier.
Present day woman is impregnated by the feminine imperative to the degree that somewhere internally, men are the demise of children. Of course it’s completely misguided but it’s there.
It actually goes back to the 60s, when NOW (National Organization for Women) changed their stance. I was horrified when I learned this, but it makes sense with the current state of our society. They changed from...

"Let's do what's best for the children"

To

"Mom knows what's best for the children"

Unfortunately, it is so embedded now in our society that almost all relationships default to this. While men on average are spending a significant amount more time with their children, the gap is still wide and large. We must understand that the men are the primary source of the problem. Does a general blame his soldiers for losing the war?

Even your words, "I had to bust my way into my kids life.." suggest that at one point... you were not in their lives, to some extent. Once more men recognize the problem, we can move towards correcting it.
 
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