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Basis of Strong LTRs

XThrax

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I've been in my thought cabinet lately thinking about what makes a strong LTR. Recently some of my distant family members who I thought had good LTR / marriages really has it turned out was on shaky ground. And I thought to myself "What makes a good LTR?" The kind that lasts 50 years to a lifetime. Especially in an age where men and women can live on their own, and LTR / marriages have such high expectation.

Eventually my brain came up with these three points for LTRs. I'm not going to focus on marriage.

1. A relationship cannot only be formed around love/fun/sex which are all fleeting; it must have a timeless practical element. The other person has to add to your life in a way no other person can. The relationship has to be symbiotic.

2. Together both people should socialize with other couples also in an LTR. Double dates, traveling, taking classes, church. If one person only has friends who are single, it is or will be a problem.

3. Both need to be pursing their calling. Self actualization. Each individual should help the other with their pursuits. If one person does not have a known calling, find it. It could be a moonshot scientific endeavor or could be volunteering abroad. Whatever it is, it must be bigger than ones self and it must be fulfilling.

I'm sure there are more I have not thought of. Post your thoughts and comments.
 

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XThrax

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I also omitted anything that that a female must submit to a man's absolute authority. Its pretty clear(at least in western civilization) that the current zeitgeist drifts towards gender equality. Even if someone did find someone willing to to complete submit, you could hardly this would last decades let alone forever.
 

Plinco

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I also omitted anything that that a female must submit to a man's absolute authority.
I think this is 99.9% true, but hypothetically it is possible (although unlikely) for a woman to be able to direct herself rationally and control her own impulses.
 

bcude

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All strong, long lasting relationships have one thing in common and that is respect. She must see the man as a form of hero almost. That's the most important element according to all successful couples who made it 10+ years together.
How? By respecting yourself always, you never stop working on yourself, you keep the abundance mentality.
That and of course starting out with 'good stock' so to speak (Good relationship with parents, especially father, parents not divorced, not too many sexual partners).
 
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Who Dares Win

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There are so many things necessary to make a LTR work that even minor disturbance like her dumb divorced friends could pose a potential threat.

It needs physical attraction, mutual respect, a common goal and complicity to begin with.

A common goal is needed for friendships let alone relationships.
 

Plinco

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Honesty is the basis of trust, and to a great extent communication
 

Focal core

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Strong LTR are base on love.

Love is an ever-expanding sense of trust in another, along with admiration and respect for their talents, character, attributes and qualities.

You would want a playful, loving interplay between two adults who admired and respected each other, never settle for less.

Whats trust?

Is a result you get from admiration and respect to each other, it comes naturally.

You are right, A relationship cannot only be formed around love/fun/sex which are all fleeting.

Marriages are based on A partnership of two individuals committed to enhancing each other's strengths, and balancing each other's weaknesses. A stronger, more highly functioning unit than only one, which thrives on mutual support and protection, and encourages/celebrates autonomous growth. Healthy marriage must continually work to solidify and enhance the marital bond, so partners may continue to grow alongside each other, and their union reflects these developmental changes. Intimacy that stops growing, has started dying.

And dating are seriously overrated
, it isnt natural part of processes in attraction.. Partners should gravitates to each other due to their same wavelength and build something solid from there.. Its the foundation of the relationships that makes it grows, Those who are looking others than above will always failed miserablebly.
 

XThrax

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And dating are seriously overrated, it isnt natural part of processes in attraction.. Partners should gravitates to each other due to their same wavelength and build something solid from there..
So you dont date anyone?
 

stringpuller

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I've been in my thought cabinet lately thinking about what makes a strong LTR. Recently some of my distant family members who I thought had good LTR / marriages really has it turned out was on shaky ground. And I thought to myself "What makes a good LTR?" The kind that lasts 50 years to a lifetime. Especially in an age where men and women can live on their own, and LTR / marriages have such high expectation.

Eventually my brain came up with these three points for LTRs. I'm not going to focus on marriage.

1. A relationship cannot only be formed around love/fun/sex which are all fleeting; it must have a timeless practical element. The other person has to add to your life in a way no other person can. The relationship has to be symbiotic.

2. Together both people should socialize with other couples also in an LTR. Double dates, traveling, taking classes, church. If one person only has friends who are single, it is or will be a problem.

3. Both need to be pursing their calling. Self actualization. Each individual should help the other with their pursuits. If one person does not have a known calling, find it. It could be a moonshot scientific endeavor or could be volunteering abroad. Whatever it is, it must be bigger than ones self and it must be fulfilling.

I'm sure there are more I have not thought of. Post your thoughts and comments.
I would put fun in there somewhere. Common theme around me. Couples stop having fun together. Just plain ole fun.
Travel getaways are always good. Not so much long ones but the 2 or 3 day couples retreats are good.
 
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stringpuller

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Honesty is the basis of trust, and to a great extent communication
I no longer see women as being overtly honest. I wouldn't count on it. It may not be the serious little lies but she will not be direct always. Better off always looking and feeling great no matter what.
 

Plinco

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I no longer see women as being overtly honest. I wouldn't count on it. It may not be the serious little lies but she will not be direct always. Better off always looking and feeling great no matter what.
Dishonesty is something I always point out, and how she handles that determines whether I keep her or not. I should not have to second guess her because I have a too many other things to worry about.
 

stringpuller

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Dishonesty is something I always point out, and how she handles that determines whether I keep her or not. I should not have to second guess her because I have a too many other things to worry about.
Well friend you have a long road to hoe. Woman are as moral as you are.

And this idea of the ultimate ltr partner is not only BS its not realistic.
In order to last in an ltr you first have to expect some rocky terrain a long the way.
Whats important is her ability to get over it and respect the family.
And this plays into her upbringing.

But she will still lie to you. That's just the nature of the human female. Human in general.
Girls will run through a leech infested swamp before they tell you something they don't want to. Hahaha
 
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LARaiders85

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I’m actually not so sure about #4. It sounds plausible in theory but I’ve met both nice women and cooks who had good and awful relationships with their father.
How long was your relationship with each of them? Sometimes it takes time to show up.
 

LARaiders85

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[QU
Current one, no animosity but was raised without father. Currently 5 months. Last 2 were raised with fathers. 5 months and 15 months. Both fathers seemed kinda weird.
Give it more time. One of mine showed no red flags for a good year then when the mask came off was beyond nuts. They are notorious for treating you BETTER than healthy women at first.
 

Plinco

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Well friend you have a long road to hoe. Woman are as moral as you are.

And this idea of the ultimate ltr partner is not only BS its not realistic.
In order to last in an ltr you first have to expect some rocky terrain a long the way.
Whats important is her ability to get over it and respect the family.
And this plays into her upbringing.

But she will still lie to you. That's just the nature of the human female. Human in general.
Girls will run through a leech infested swamp before they tell you something they don't want to. Hahaha
That's true for 99.9% of women. Honesty, like everything else, has to be trained, and it first starts with training yourself.
 
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