Arguments with family. Was I wrong?

GoodOne123

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I currently live in my mother's house. I am doing this to save a bit of money before I move out.

I contribute to bills and taxes already. But I do also give lifts with my car if I'm needed.

Yesterday I gave a lift to my mother to a store.

She said I should drive her back home from there too, and walk in the store with her to help her with groceries.

She first complained about how I don't drive smooth enough. She then complained how the music I play is not good and I shouldn't listen to it since I'm not black. I was listening to some generic rap at low volume.

I knew where I was going, and didn't need her input. But on two occasion she almost confused me into going the wrong way. I told her not to tell me to go the wrong way all the time and not to confuse me, but she never apologised and instead criticized me for being too judgemental.

When we got there there was a tight parking spot in a street. Since I only started driving recently I didn't quite park my car well into the space.

As I tried to correct it, she got out of the car and started shouting at me calling me stupid and and idiot in front of people in the street. She then slammed the door.

I hit breaking point and drove off, and told her she can get back home by bus.

She has been calling me an assholle for leaving her there.

Was I wrong for doing that? I felt like I was pushed to breaking point, and I felt so emasculated shouted at in front of the people in the street...if I walked into the store and did as she said I would have felt like such a bittch. So I drove off.

Your thoughts?
 

sazc

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Wow, your mom sounds difficult and stressful to deal with. I can't image the chip on your self esteem if she's been that way the whole time you've been growing up.

Your guns have to rise above it. Realize she's in the wrong, it's an attack on you but her words have nothing to do with you, she's a nag.

Move out as soon as you can. You need to get your life started.

Make sure you positively reinforce yourself.
 

Spaz

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Nothing wrong for standing up.

Even if it's ur mother.

You should move out ASAP.

However do not get into verbal arguments with your mother. It's rude and she is after all still your mother. Be polite, just simply state ur stand and walk away each time she puts you down.
 

Murk

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You did the right thing.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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lol u gotta stand up to your parents sometimes. I notice with my mom that I was the nicest one to her out of my 3 other siblings and she treated them all better than me. I got sick of it and eventually blew the **** up (I was 13 at the time) and we had a major clash. She was super sweet to me like never before. Until I started being nicer to her again that is. Then another clash and I realized that I pretty much had to just not listen to her. Now she is just a lot more calm and nice because she reached menopause (dunno how that makes any sense, thought it's supposed to be the opposite, but hormones and stuff). But yeah. Gotta stand up for yourself no matter who you are.
 

Von

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You did good.

However, avoid to repeat that behaviour.

My mom the same like yours. She can't stop making complains and comment about everything until she make you depressive.

It took me 2 years to standup... and since... wow it's so much easier to live and drive her. I put her back in her place politely and she stops lol.

1)
Make a joke "if you don't like it, you can always take the bus" or "well I am driving so I own the music, it calms me down" etc.

Learn to have a 2nd brain where you can hide (like you sing to yourself) so you voice her out.

2)
You need to move out ASAP.
Moving out for me was such a stress relief.

3)
Avoid any interaction outside of what you forced to do with her

4)
Move out

Stand firm about yourself and the interactions. She might attack you if she feels you are weak and she can own you.. Stand strong. When you stand strong and see you won't take ****/frame test/**** test from her... she will be "nicer-submissive"
 
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skinnyguy

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Your Mom will continue to abuse you as long as you’re living in her house. If you move out she will respect you.
 

wifehunter

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She's garbage. I'd rather be homeless.
 

ohrein

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Sounds like you are failing **** tests with your mom! I know this is going to sound like a joke but I am being serious. Women shouldn't be able to emotionally effect you like that. You should always be leading (ignoring directions to do things), problem solving and just rolling your eyes and laughing at the nagging or criticisms (obviously if it was a woman you were dating you should be considering nexting if it becomes regular). Your mindset in these moments should be "it's cute she thinks I give a damn about her thoughts on driving". A fly buzzing around should register higher on the annoyance scale than a chick.

That said, just because she's your mother doesn't mean you shouldn't put your foot down like you did. I'd have probably done the same thing. The best way to deal with women you are forced to interact with like family is to use their own emotional manipulation on them, rather than anger. You want them to think (or realize) they are hurting your feelings. If that doesn't work they're probably toxic people who you want to distance yourself from completely.
 
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