Anyone pull off LTR without marriage??

[SW15]

For my friend with the 7 years with the same woman with no marriage, the sex frequency has dropped a lot.

When I think about my social sphere, I'm seeing that it is difficult to go beyond 3-5 years in a relationship and not have at least an engagement in place.

The guy who has gone 7 years in a relationship with no marriage and no immediate indication of marriage is somewhat unusual. They moved in together around the 3 year mark. He wanted to do it sooner, but she postponed it about a year or so. They are renters though so it would be less complicated if things ended now. She's more unconventional about marriage and family than he is. I don't think that's a situation that most men can duplicate. That relationship has also gone down in quality since they moved in together. I often wonder why that's still going on. Inertia and laziness have something to do with it.

I know another man who got to 5 years in his relationship with no marriage. He moved in with her at the 5 year mark, proposed marriage 6 months after moving in, and then got married around their 7 year point in the relationship. They've been together 10 years and married 3 at this point. The most fun points of that relationship are long in the past. I think part of the reason he was able to go as long as he did without moving in or proposing is that they met around their junior-senior years of college, which is roughly age 21. Once they got to the 2nd half of their 20s, it was all about marriage, dogs, and planning to start a family (hasn't happened yet).

There's something I noticed that has happened with couples around ages 26-32 in bigger metro area when they are childless and the participants have a BA/BS degree or higher. Weddings start happening in flurries. There's other anxiety and unnerved feelings around those who aren't married when the marriages start piling up, which can often lead to those on the later end of the timing spectrum on marriages to get into bad marriages due to feelings of immense social pressure.

 

[Zontyy]

Sex, food, companionship, loyalty, respect, all while building equity. So what’s your alternative?

I was thinking about going the Islam approach to be fair. If I can be married to 2 or more women, I basically keep them in competition for my time and feelings etc.. Only one of the marriages is legally recognized in the US while she still needs to follow all the penchants of her home countries culture.

I can understand though from your line of reasoning you have the best for what you want.

 

[kingvavy]

Haha, marriage to two women? That would be a a challenge...I gave up alcohol almost 12 years ago. I’m Catholic, but sometimes I think I would have been a good Muslim. Good luck with your marriage(s). As-salamu alaykum.

 

[RickTheToad]

If we break up and she does not pay, I can evict her. She’s my tenant, not my wife. Like I said, she knows the rent would be 4x what it is if we broke up, so she plays ball. That’s why I don’t charge her above and beyond my costs—leverage. That’s why there is a dinner on my table every night, and more sex than I can handle. That’s why there’s respect. When you get married, you lose the leverage, and with it, the respect.

Re: “piss up a tree”:

You know there's a moratorium on evictions until the end of this year, will most likely be extended through mid-next year. Tread carefully my friend. She has more control over you than you think.

 

[kingvavy]

Thanks for the concern. Even with the moratorium I’m still making money off the appreciation of the condo as condo prices are soaring where I live for some weird reason.

There is no perfect solution. There is no perfect woman. Living and loving life is all about risk management.

 

[RickTheToad]

Thanks for the concern. Even with the moratorium I’m still making money off the appreciation of the condo as condo prices are soaring where I live for some weird reason.

There is no perfect solution. There is no perfect woman. Living and loving life is all about risk management.

I can agree to that.

 

[Reyaj]

There's something I noticed that has happened with couples around ages 26-32 in bigger metro area when they are childless and the participants have a BA/BS degree or higher. Weddings start happening in flurries. There's other anxiety and unnerved feelings around those who aren't married when the marriages start piling up, which can often lead to those on the later end of the timing spectrum on marriages to get into bad marriages due to feelings of immense social pressure.

I wouldn't limit it to metro areas... although this probably does happen a lot earlier in place more rural. My feeling on marriage is basically that it can be useful and a good foundation for those that want a family. It basically creates one unit for lawful purposes which lead to tax incentives. Obviously makes it harder for either party to cease the agreement thus the level of commitment needed behind it.

If one doesn't have a desire to have a family I don't feel it is necessary other than potential health insurance purposes.

I was thinking about going the Islam approach to be fair. If I can be married to 2 or more women, I basically keep them in competition for my time and feelings etc.. Only one of the marriages is legally recognized in the US while she still needs to follow all the penchants of her home countries culture.

If only these were feasible lol

Naturally, no. But I think if u can pull it off, its worth it.

That sounds kind of like an oxymoron though.. Why would something not natural to males be worth it?

 

[The Don]

Already posted my thoughts dude. Buying two apts in a building is just an unreal suggestion.

Hmm I think it's not a bad idea, bit over the top. You could just get a large house with extra bedrooms and sleep separated in your own room. You have your alone time and then you see each other on weekends or whenever you have your relax days to have together time.

Just an idea!

 

[RickTheToad]

Hmm I think it's not a bad idea, bit over the top. You could just get a large house with extra bedrooms and sleep separated in your own room. You have your alone time and then you see each other on weekends or whenever you have your relax days to have together time.

Just an idea!

Been there, done that. Trust when I say it becomes an issue if/when the relationship fails. Regardless, if you want to move a partner in, for the love of the heavens, have her sign a cohabitation agreement. If she refuses, then at least you know you've dodged a potentially huge headache.