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28 YO Man Getting Player by 23 yo Female?

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Ok so she has chosen, for now, to leave the door open.

I would avoid giving details on why you think things (like escalating emotionally), it is another form of sharing your feelings. Best to keep thing vague with a "I don't know, your quietness gave me the sense you needed space". The added bonus is that this will spin her hamster as she thinks about what exactly she did.

Ok so now you can wait to hear from her. Did your Good Morning text really come off as cold and shutting her down? Or do you think she was retreating to that position as she had nothing else to blame?
I think there is an element of truth that she felt I was being unresponsive.

She obviously didn't like feeling that lack of control my short response made her feel and tried to have me chase. This did not work and she is upset.

The sadness she feels may be genuine but my interpretation when I remove emotion as best I can is that I played her at her own game. And she didn't like it.

Of course there is the potential for this being emotionally charged miscommunication. But that's my emotional side speaking.
 
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You could definitely be right, and that would be why the funny image you texted last night worked.

If your "good morning" was purposefully cold then you should generally try to avoid that as well, at least if it's a passive aggressive response to something she did which she may not be aware about.

Passive aggressive responses are generally a female trait and is they are the butt of the "I'm FINE!" jokes.
I was literally just saying good morning, there was no hidden agenda.

Last night she said "thank you for the message ill text you later". Still radio silence other then looking at my Instagram stories. Maybe that confirms a game was being played. Im starting to look forward to this ending at this stage, whatever way it goes.

Im honestly hurting man, but I wont let my emotions get the best of me, if anything it is now more important that I dont double text, the ball is in her court. Unfortunately my emotions want me to do that which is not the right move. My last message to her was "no worries ill talk to you soon".
 
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You could definitely be right, and that would be why the funny image you texted last night worked.

If your "good morning" was purposefully cold then you should generally try to avoid that as well, at least if it's a passive aggressive response to something she did which she may not be aware about.

Passive aggressive responses are generally a female trait and is they are the butt of the "I'm FINE!" jokes.
Update 2. She has said she will be going out tonight with her friends, that they would like to meet me and she would like to see me. Im just so confused.
 

lamath

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Her being upset is a good sign.

You see how she will twist things and make you the bad guy.


Seriously man, things are quite simple.
She know she still have you, this give her a sense of security in what she is doing. So there is no reason for her to change the way she is acting.
She need to feel like she is losing you, why do you think she called you?
It got her upset because she felt the security of you being there was taken away, obv she turn it around on you and made it sound like its pushing her away from you. ITS NOT!!!

Here is what i predict will happen, after that conversation she got her sense of security back so now she will be distant until she feels that security is fading once again.
Then she will reach out again to get it back and it will repeat until she find that security with someone else.
That sense of security she will get by trying to engage you in anyway possible and by getting an emotional reaction from you ( good or bad does not matter she know any reaction means you still care)
What you need to do is completely disengage her for a while ( more than a few days) and with short txt anwser, dont react to her in any way.
She will try to have a reaction by being a complete biatch and emotional wreck then when she see its not working she will try the im sorry mode, Dont play her game and ignore those temper tantrum.
She will then start to feel like she lost you, it is then that maybe you will fix things.
This might work or not, but its only way to handle this.

Imo she is not Gf material and should be discarded but i know that its not possible right now in your state of mind

Telling you NC and not a fake NC is the way to go here. And it need to be for a few weeks because if its not she will see thru the game.
Its only playing game if she thinks your doing it for that reason, do it for a long time and then she will think you are getting over her.
 

lamath

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Update 2. She has said she will be going out tonight with her friends, that they would like to meet me and she would like to see me. Im just so confused.
Dont go man.
Why meet her friend things are really bad between you too right now., nothing good will come out of this.
 

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jaymbrs

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The problem here is while she's playing games, she also knows that you're playing games by trying to seem uninterested. Your cover has been blown and she knows it and is why she knows she has you. The only thing you can do now is meet other women. Fortunately you're not in a committed relationship with this woman so you have every right to do so. And you SHOULD.
 

Baibars

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Do you have kids with her? No. Do you have been together for 20 years? Even then it wouldnt be smart to give this thing that much of a meaning/attention.
You think to much about her and the only solution is to detach from her completely. You shouldnt even be with her if she would text you 24/7 from now on because she got too important for you. Look how you much you think about her.
You even signed in here because of her.
Imo your focus should be to change your attitude and the way you think so you never get in such a situation again.
 
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Took your advice guys, said no to going out to her and her friend.

Instead she came out to me just us. Things were quite normal which I didnt expect. She explained her point of view and how she thought I was not in the mood to talk based on my initial reply. Maybe you are right @Danger that I came across as saying "Im fine". When she didnt hear from me for that day she though I was ghosting her. WHich I also thought. She claimed she was really upset and that when she saw me posting on Instagram like life was as usual it really upset her etc. and that thought we were done.

Of course this could also be that we were in a standoff in terms of frame. That she initially decided to withdraw to see me chase and when I didn't, that is when she was upset and concerned. I believe this to be more likely, I think there is an element of truth to both.

Thanks for everyones advice, especially @Danger and @Iamath.

This situation has made me realize I have a lot of work to do on myself. I am needy, insecure and still blue pill. My only goal right now is to begin seeing myself as the prize. I will be moving forward with extreme caution and making sure my focus is on my personal goals and not on any one female. I will likely have further questions as I move through the DJ bible which is awesome.

Thank you all so much guys.
 

sosousage

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Thank you.

Its actually more so the game playing that is getting me. She keeps ghosting me and has now started ghosting me but posting gym (ass) pictures on instagram. I guess I am starting to see how this is going to play out.

I imagine my only play here is to block and ignore or back off completely?
Its starting to make me feel pretty insecure I must admit, another thing I will surely need to face.
she doesnt care about you and keeps increasing her options with ass pics
 

lamath

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Sounds like you are both together again.

It can be very easy to overdo it when breaking free from your bluepill conditioning. You can overcorrect and see everything as a "test". It's not like that. But also it can be easy to fall back into blue-pill thinking. So it will be extra hard for you right now.

Also, there is the possibility that lamath was right regarding bpd, but it's just too early to know that for sure yet. Yet another "watchout".

Good luck and glad it turned out well.
Im not the bpd throwing kind of poster.
I dont remember saying bpd, but either way there is some red flag.

But the fact that she explain herself in what seems like a calm and rational way is a good sign

Gl man
Just dont chase or give attention when she exibit bad behavior.
That will make a big difference
 

lamath

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You didn't say it, but the link I think you supplied earlier had classic bpd characteristics.

I have dated one one before and personally cannot rule this one out as she is potentially mirroring OPs behaviors.
Red flags for sure, that women likes to play games and the emotional swing that comes with it.

This is going to be a painful experience if OP cant get that oneitis out of his head.
 

Mauser96

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Uh
I haven't yet ruled out that the OP may have caused a lot of this himself either.

Now that the ship is "righted", we can see what happens.
I was certainly partly to blame.

Always available via text and to hang out.

Overly emotive, needy also.

I feel this debacle has reset things and i will move forward more aware.

My girl said this made her realise a couple things. We will see if her actions support that statement as i will not be looking at words any longer.
 
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Red flags for sure, that women likes to play games and the emotional swing that comes with it.

This is going to be a painful experience if OP cant get that oneitis out of his head.
I completely agree.

I'm looking at it this way. It's eaither a success and I become the one evaluating her, I become the prize. Or I am burned and learn some valuable lessons. Not to go to blue pill on you but I do have some feelings for this girl. She has some red flags for sure. Ill be keeping an eye on them and will avail of the expertise from guys like you to guide me during the inevitable shyt tests I encounter.

It's 50/50 which way this one goes. Firstly I need to give her the gift of missing me.
 

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MrWood

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expressed I was conscious of getting hurt
and you wonder why you got sh1t tested...

she needed to see just how for she could push your gamefull manhood to "getting hurt" from a small woman
she could see that there was a point... that point was too little in assuring her that you can handle anything, in any future with her

in a way, your confession was a "red flag" to her.

At least i got to have sex with a beautiful woman.
bravo, put a notch in your belt
 
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I haven't yet ruled out that the OP may have caused a lot of this himself either.

Now that the ship is "righted", we can see what happens.
Spinning this thread back up.

The games have begun again. She is playing it cold and going on two weeks now. When I go cold back, mirroring her she calls me out and starts trying to argue. She consistently tries to make me jealous by hinting at "her snapchat followers", "guys in her dm's".

I have changed how I react, at first I was asking what was going ad getting drawn into emotional responsed and it led to arguments. It got to the point where I ended up saying some hard truths she needed to hear and she finished things with me, only to ring me back crying moments later when I did not react.

Yesterday I communicated with her openly and said can we stop these silly texting games, it is a waste of both our time and her response was "I am not being any different what are you talking about lol". So I dropped it, just made a joke out of the fact I asked so as not to engage. For context she keeps asking me to download snapchat because she is on it all day and her posts are "juicy" yet she can't message me back or have a convo. I didnt bite.

What are my options here?

I imagine I just withdraw attention?

She gave me a lame ass reply to a message I sent her so as we stand I just said "Ok that's cool :)". I don't expect a message back.
If we finish things my prediction is we start the cycle again, my guess is she has attachment avoidance issues.
I'm no longer upset just pissed off :)
 

MrWood

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next time she contacts you, answer any and all questions with:
"sex?"
"we can have sex"
"we can stop these silly games, right.. lets try sex"
etc
or stop responding
 
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How long have you been together again?

I would just consider walking away. If she is trying to get you jealous then she will never be worth anything.
Just a few months.

She sent me a voice recording of her friend talking about all of the guys trying it on since she posted a picture of us online. I ignored it.

She said she has a particular guy trying it on with her all the time and never confirmed she has shut it down.

My head is fried at this point. Things were good for a while then she just changed one day.
 
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What does "trying it on" mean?
Flirting with her. Asking her out. Basically active orbiters.

I get the feeling she is entertaining their advances. At least she has eluded to that.

One of her statement when we hadn't talked for a while "when me and you don't talk it doesn't mean I stop talking to the whole world"

That particular comment really annoyed me.
 
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