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28 YO Man Getting Player by 23 yo Female?

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Hey guys,

I am a beta who found game. I used this game to acquire a solid 8/9 out of 10. It was what you would call a oneitis nice guys dream. We are dating over a month now. Right from the start it was complete transparency about how we felt for one another. We agreed there was the potential for something serious and we texted incessantly.

During our dates I felt in control and showed leadership but also my soft and vulnerable side. I let her in and also expressed I was conscious of getting hurt but would go for it anyway.

In any case, we see each other on weekends and right since the beginning there were constant **** tests. One after the other it was kind of exhausting. And now she is playing hot and cold with me. She went from constant texting to short and not getting back to me as well as leaving me on 'seen'. I gave her the same treatment when she first began being cold and it resulted in an angry voice message calling me out.

We had sex on date number 3 and it was great. I brought her out for valentiness weekend two weeks ago as she said she never really had guys treat her right. The above all followed me treating her well with flowers and chocolates and all of that.

I have really strong feelings for this girl but it feels like she is trying to emotionally manipulate me. She is literally doing to me what she called me for doing (even though I just attempted to give her space as I picked up on low interest cues).

We had an argument on Sunday as she cancelled plans so I said I would hang with friends, she called me petty for including that in my reply and said I "must be afraid of being alone".

Am I just being a oneitis beta here? Can I recover my frame? What would you do?
 

7onriverI f

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Just tell her your mom is afraid of being alone. That's how you recover frames. I would only say that if her mother has a partner however.

You don't want to take much seriously but at the same time don't go overboard and insult people.

Take her less seriously.
 
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Just tell her your mom is afraid of being alone. That's how you recover frames. I would only say that if her mother has a partner however.

You don't want to take much seriously but at the same time don't go overboard and insult people. Just being a bit of a troll is going to insult some people anyways.
Thank you.

Its actually more so the game playing that is getting me. She keeps ghosting me and has now started ghosting me but posting gym (ass) pictures on instagram. I guess I am starting to see how this is going to play out.

I imagine my only play here is to block and ignore or back off completely?
Its starting to make me feel pretty insecure I must admit, another thing I will surely need to face.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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The best thing you can do is maintain your self respect. Even though you like this girl you need to maintain perspective on the sexual marketplace. Talk with girls(platonically, if you're in a relationship), keep your body and mind sharp and sexy, work on hobbies, etc.

When you're happy with yourself one person won't have so much weight on your emotions. Remember as a woman she will try to get your attention and as a man your attention is on the horizon. You can give her some time but your intentions maintain on the horizon, looking for the next big thing that comes into your life. When you're well rounded the girl stuff becomes really easy and it hardly ever upsets you because you feel your value, that you can easily walk. Let her feel that.
 
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Sounds like you are beginner redpill, still a lot of blue pill going on.

First off, never attribute your thoughts or feelings onto her. In short, you do not know how she feels so stop assigning that stuff to her (I am referring to your comment about great sex).

Second, ALL women say they have never been "treated right". Sure some haven't, but look what happens when you "treat them right".

Third, what do you mean transparent about how you felt regarding eachother? This is not game. Yes you can open up a very tiny bit but she has to earn that over months and years. How you feel is supposed to be a mystery to her.

Fourth, you did well on giving her space and she likely wanted you to chase her. So kudos there.

Why did she cancel plans on Sunday and what for?

How long have you been dating?

With the limited information you have given, I would try to hang out during the week (reserving weekends for her and her only will tell her you have no life, save a day here and there just for you, but give her a weeknight in its place).

If she rejects hanging out a weeknight with no counter offer, go radio silence. Otherwise, when you are together during the week just ask her if something is going on because she is becoming distant. Give her an out, but damn fix your frame and start addressing these little mistakes.
I am very new to the red pill and have made countless mistakes. In fact listenting to red pill book is painful as I am spotting more blunders I have made whilst reading /listening. Yes there is a lot of blue pill in me and a beta that must die.

Ive been dating this girl for nearly two months and it was pretty intense. I was open about how I felt (which was a mistake), I was quick to reply to messages and to arrange dates (both mistakes too).

She said on saturday night that the weather was really bad so she didnt wanna drive down to me (she lives like 40 mins away). The next day I asked if we were on and she said she thought she had made it clear werent hanging.

Anyway the games have progressed and now she is ghosting me but posting some pics to instagram and stuff which are definitely to keep her orbiters happy / get attention.

Im not entirely sure how to proceed given my emotional investment which seems to have been another mistake.

At least I am learning, ill make sure to actually adopt some game next time. From my own introspection, it looks like the beta in me is alive and well and jumped at an opportunity for something serious.

Thank you for your insights man.
 

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You are far and above most, so don't beat yourself up too much. Self-reflection is powerful though and it will do you well here. Stick with it.

Based on your latest information, if she doesn't drive to you because of weather or safety, never argue, just say ok. Also, before you take any further action....Have you talked since Sunday when she said she wasn't coming down to visit?

If so, who initiated? Was she cold and cordial or was she herself and pretending nothing happened?
On sunday I played it cool and said "its Honestly no sweat, I think the guys are doing something so Ill meet up with them"

She reacted very poorly to this and said I was "petty and afraid to be alone". We had an argument and I was about to call it, until she rang me. We talked for a while and she went back to being normal. Then yesterday she ghosted me again, all day. I bit and messaged her and she replied only to ghost me again.
I said to myself, ok I wont chase and she texted me first this morning. I replied and AGAIN, she ghosts me. Shes on instagram posting some pretty suggestive photos so I think I have developed feelings for a a toxic game player to be honest. But the guy in me that has oneitis doesnt want to let go / thinks "maybe she is just insecure or is not able to process her feelings".

Bearing in mind she called me out for not replying to her and said "I was full of bull****" for leaving her on seen for a couple hours. Is she just crazy / gaming me?
 

lamath

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You know you have onitis when your post look more like a romance novel than a request for advice.

Therefore our advice might be harder to apply because there is alot of emotion in play.


Start by punishing bad behavoir with silence and distance and reward her good behavior from time to time with attention

If she try to give you **** because of the s and d give her even more of it.

VERY IMPORTANT
Dont engage her when she start conflict or argument.
Engaging her in those is giving her exactly what she want attention......
You dont anwser her txt when she start that, you hang up when on the phone and if in person you stand up and leave in a idgaf way.

Do this and when she notice that being a ***** gives her nothing she will try other more gentle way.
 
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You know you have onitis when your post look more like a romance novel than a request for advice.

Therefore our advice might be harder to apply because there is alot of emotion in play.


Start by punishing bad behavoir with silence and distance and reward her good behavior from time to time with attention

If she try to give you **** because of the s and d give her even more of it.

VERY IMPORTANT
Dont engage her when she start conflict or argument.
Engaging her in those is giving her exactly what she want attention......
You dont anwser her txt when she start that, you hang up when on the phone and if in person you stand up and leave in a idgaf way.

Do this and when she notice that being a ***** gives her nothing she will try other more gentle way.
I think you are right man. I do have oneitis. I do have blue pill traits but I am trying and thats what I am here for. She is ghosting me right now so I will simply leave her to it. I should have been spinning plates anyway not getting into puppy love with someone who clearly does not care or treat me as the prize (not that she should, I have made many mistakes as I have said).

Anyway, appreciate your advice, I will make sure to domesticate my emotions and start being less tolerant of bad behavior.
 

lamath

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I think you are right man. I do have oneitis. I do have blue pill traits but I am trying and thats what I am here for. She is ghosting me right now so I will simply leave her to it. I should have been spinning plates anyway not getting into puppy love with someone who clearly does not care or treat me as the prize (not that she should, I have made many mistakes as I have said).

Anyway, appreciate your advice, I will make sure to domesticate my emotions and start being less tolerant of bad behavior.
If she is ghosting you, ghost her back.

Dont reach out first and dont anwser her when she reach out at first make her sweat
 
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Just think about it this way. You got to tap that a$$, now you can look for another one.
There is a blue v red pill war going on in me between "tapped that ****" vs "I have feelings for her". But thank you man I appreciate that.
 
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So she saw that you had seen her text messages and didn't reply.

So now she is treating you the same.

Am I off base here?
I may not have explained myself effectively.

She began showing me signals of wanting me to back off. So i did.

She had already began not replying, being short, "seeing" my messages, removing emotion and flaking on plans.

So i backed off. In my mind it was to provide space, i wasnt applying game but rather just hoping that would fix things. When i did that she reacted pretty aggressively and said that leaving her "seen" was unacceptable and was bull**** as she "could see i was online".(she had already done this to me)

Now i am being ghosted again. I know i sound rather pathetic but i feel quite hurt. I saw something serious with her and it has been the first time in years for that to happen.

Currently where i stand is she had planned a thank you for me this weekend for when i took her out. But she is not texting me back now, for the second time in as many days.
 

rart

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I may not have explained myself effectively.

She began showing me signals of wanting me to back off. So i did.

She had already began not replying, being short, "seeing" my messages, removing emotion and flaking on plans.

So i backed off. In my mind it was to provide space, i wasnt applying game but rather just hoping that would fix things. When i did that she reacted pretty aggressively and said that leaving her "seen" was unacceptable and was bull**** as she "could see i was online".(she had already done this to me)

Now i am being ghosted again. I know i sound rather pathetic but i feel quite hurt. I saw something serious with her and it has been the first time in years for that to happen.

Currently where i stand is she had planned a thank you for me this weekend for when i took her out. But she is not texting me back now, for the second time in as many days.
Your fist mistake was seeing "something serious with her" one month in. You give the "serious" thing to a woman who already has proven to you that she is serious about you. You do not give it out for free.
 
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Your fist mistake was seeing "something serious with her" one month in. You give the "serious" thing to a woman who already has proven to you that she is serious about you. You do not give it out for free.
Agreed. Im very new to the red pill and am still working on swallowing it.
So i appreciate your brutal honesty. This is what i need to hear.

It leaves the question. Do i move on or do i allow her to come back, if, she does? In fact maybe that is the oneitis talking.
 

rart

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Those silly texting games tell me that this is not going to work out. In my experience women who were interested in me would book face to face time, even if it's just a few minutes. I would not text other then convey necessary information.

Treat it like an opportunity for sex and that's it.
 

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She will use your lack of chasing her as a reason to not have a "thank you".

If she has ghosted you in this situation just go out and find more girls.

If she comes back don't ask for anything and don't mention the "thank you". Let her setup the next event, she has to earn you.

Don't avoid the convo with her though if things cone up. If she gets testy just come out and say "You seemed to be growing distant and I interpreted that as you wanting me to give you space, so I did. I still get that sense from you now. If so that's cool, have some space and I'll stay backed off. If you're mad at me for giving you space then I don't know how else to respond to your ghosting."

Then just let her talk and choose her path. But DO NOT argue or chase, or engage any drama.

If she chooses your little speech as an opportunity to makeup then cool, but you definitely need to control yourself and your neediness. If she chooses space then it is already far too late. It may already be even if she doesn't choose space.
The hard truth i know i needed to hear.

This was a learning excercise. At least i got to have sex with a beautiful woman.

Is there hope for a guy like me that gets attached and hurt like this?. Im hoping that my awareness of the problem is a start.


I literally started thinking this girl was special and that this might go somewhere. My mistake.

The lessons i have learned:
Dont commit
Dont blurt out my feelings they must be earned.
Spin plates.
Slow down.
Focus on me not her, she should compliment my life not become a focus.

I really appreciate your time man.
 

lamath

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Will do. The urge to ask her why ahe is playing games is so strong. Trying to resist and remember this is not how someone treats you if they respect you.

Appreciate all of your valuable insights !
Resist...
Danget got some good insight, but i fear the oneitis is gonna get the best of you.
Act a little bit more like you dont give a **** if you can.
You need to control your emotion, ik its not easy but if you dont you shoot yourself in the foot.
 

Mauser96

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she said she never really had guys treat her right.

This could be seen as a red flag. She has dated men in the past who treated her poorly. You have to ask yourself WHY
 

Mauser96

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Thank you.

Its actually more so the game playing that is getting me. She keeps ghosting me and has now started ghosting me but posting gym (ass) pictures on instagram. I guess I am starting to see how this is going to play out.

I imagine my only play here is to block and ignore or back off completely?
Its starting to make me feel pretty insecure I must admit, another thing I will surely need to face.
Withdraw 90% of your attention until she stops with the games. Again, games this early and this much are a huge red flag.
 
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