The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

Thank you bro. Knowing your story personally I am confident that you really dodged a bullet. I been dealing with some ridiculous EE girls recently you should check out my thread on it. EE girls are so combative that I rather not deal with that crap. Nothing is worth our dignity!

I don't know if I mentioned but my ex was EE.. Luthuainin.. Super combative & masculine!

I read your thread & yeh dude she was strong arming you into an expensive meal.

She was trying to dominate & control the frame.

 

[Glassguy]

Dating & Sex As A Fix
Over the past 3 months, I jumped into dating and sex almost immediately after the break up. I have been out with many girls. Ranging from 8s to 10s. Young chicks, models and influencers. I have made out with most of them and slept with some of them. Surprisingly but maybe not surprisingly (since I have experienced NC before and tried this tactic) as much as you convince yourself that new girls and new sex will help you, it doesn't. The sex hasn't been very enjoyable beyond the moment of sex itself. The chicks and dating can also feel repetitive. But this may also be down to the fact that the break up is still fresh and has a hold over me. I may have the expectations that sex and girls are the keys to get over my ex. Putting my ex on some pedestal that I benchmark all my interactions. But the key maybe is to rid myself of these expectations because they lead to disappointment. I think the key also is to realize that girls and sex are not the true antidote to a breakup or even happiness in life. But with that said, just with my past NC experience, at some point maybe when you least expect it you might encounter some chick who truly blows your mind away and takes away all the concerns on your ex. Hopefully at that moment which usually is when you least expect it, you are ready for her.

First of all, way to remain strong and not break NC.

The above that you said is true, although sex with new chicks shouldnt be to heal old wounds but to just get back out there and get your mojo back.

100% spot on. It is not a "fix" and after my last LTR ended, I didnt enjoy a second with several new women other that the sex itself.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I am currently in no contact.

Emotional infidelity is tough to deal with.

Yesterday I sent my girlfriend packing a week before our anniversary.

I had a strong suspicion that something happened in the spring when she was on a trip, fueled really just by shady behavior over the course of the relationship (odd reactions from the female colleague she traveled with, message silencing, attention seeking behavior on Instagram, trying to display social dominance in her friend group, to name a few).

Any time I hit a year in anything I reflect a bit. I did a little digging. I noticed a like on her social media post in that city by someone who was in the town she traveled to and who was a long time follower of hers, as deduced by how long back he was liking her posts.

I confronted her, she said it was nothing and that he was a creep, who did reach out while she was there, that she ignored and there was never any history. (Creep with no history so he’s on your instagram for 6 years?) I would think at that point she would show me the DM, show me it was nothing and move on. I would look silly and insecure but that would put the issue to rest. Except she didn’t make that offer.

I asked to see the DM, she had deleted it. I know from prior conversations she had texts from someone she hooked up with before me that wished her a happy birthday, so there was precedent that she kept texts. I said let’s look down your DM history, there are DM’s going back years.

I said you need to go. You have 30 minutes to pack your stuff, and call an Uber. That’s all I said until she left and I did it as calm as a cucumber.

She called me twice yesterday and once this evening. Sent me a text saying ‘I love you and us, and I want to work through this together. Let me know when we can speak.’

 

[Divorced w 3]

5:30am text:

‘The texts you saw that night Mary and I went out. We were just sitting at the hotel bar just chatting with the people around us making conversation. We were both very clear about the fact we were in relationships. I spoke about our trip to boston and how I have the best guy and you made me so happy. When we were leaving to go to our rooms to bed the Brazilian guy asked for Mary’s Instagram and she denied him. That was what that text thread was about. Mary said that other guy was low key cute and I wrote he wasn’t my type and he’s not. I wrote that the Brazilian looked good for 42 and our friend would have been interested in him and she would have been. I was and always have been 100 percent faithful to you in this relationship.

I didn’t delete the dm last week. I checked last week after you dropped me off for it and couldn’t find it. Which is why I said I don’t have it before I even looked for it when we were sitting on the couch. I finally remembered why i didn’t have the message, I never even opened the dm I blocked him from my story (which is why I thought I originally had him gone in the first place) and deleted the thread bc I didn’t want the notification there.I never opened it or acknowledged it. I literally forgot he existed. Never did I think I would need that to show you however many months later. I’m sorry I don’t have it to show you now.

I’m sorry that my actions created suspicion where there didn’t need to be. You’ve asked me to be Open and honest with you and I am. I believe we can work through this if you still want to but I couldn’t just let things end without you at least hearing that. ‘

 

[Mertz09]

"Upgrade and it will fade. Don’t be surprised if she reaches out randomly in the future when you are totally over her."
True that! This has happened to my more than once. I never cared that much at that point to take them back.

 

[soulforge]

"Upgrade and it will fade. Don’t be surprised if she reaches out randomly in the future when you are totally over her."
True that! This has happened to my more than once. I never cared that much at that point to take them back.

Sometimes it's hard to upgrade, when you already got the hottest chick you could possibly get.. call it a fluke lol

However you are right. They do reach out again, especially when the dating game is beating them down.

 

[DreamAgain]

5:30am text:

‘The texts you saw that night Mary and I went out. We were just sitting at the hotel bar just chatting with the people around us making conversation. We were both very clear about the fact we were in relationships. I spoke about our trip to boston and how I have the best guy and you made me so happy. When we were leaving to go to our rooms to bed the Brazilian guy asked for Mary’s Instagram and she denied him. That was what that text thread was about. Mary said that other guy was low key cute and I wrote he wasn’t my type and he’s not. I wrote that the Brazilian looked good for 42 and our friend would have been interested in him and she would have been. I was and always have been 100 percent faithful to you in this relationship.

I didn’t delete the dm last week. I checked last week after you dropped me off for it and couldn’t find it. Which is why I said I don’t have it before I even looked for it when we were sitting on the couch. I finally remembered why i didn’t have the message, I never even opened the dm I blocked him from my story (which is why I thought I originally had him gone in the first place) and deleted the thread bc I didn’t want the notification there.I never opened it or acknowledged it. I literally forgot he existed. Never did I think I would need that to show you however many months later. I’m sorry I don’t have it to show you now.

I’m sorry that my actions created suspicion where there didn’t need to be. You’ve asked me to be Open and honest with you and I am. I believe we can work through this if you still want to but I couldn’t just let things end without you at least hearing that. ‘

Ah, you can see this one has a fair amount of skill in the dark arts. You aren't dealing with a rookie here.

Please, for the love of god, do not fall for this bait. Do not respond, and move on with your life.

 

[Lotus Effect]

113 Days

Deleted and blocked her from instagram, alongside with all her family members.
After that, I decided deleting my instagram altogether, since it has not helped me in any way whatsover for this past almost 4 months.

All I did was posting some eventual cool story to see if she would see it. She did. She saw all of my stories. Nothing more.
Pretty lame move, AFC as F.

So, with a push from my roomate, I cut the evil by it's source.

It is not that I was checking her page, or anything like that, but it was like a ghost, always lurking about.

It was a hard move, since I've know her since forever, and cutting she and her family off my life like that made me sad, knowing that I will never see and hear from them again, and most importantly, vice versa, since I had a desire of her seeing my progress (ultimate AFC desire).

 

[soulforge]

113 Days

Deleted and blocked her from instagram, alongside with all her family members.
After that, I decided deleting my instagram altogether, since it has not helped me in any way whatsover for this past almost 4 months.

All I did was posting some eventual cool story to see if she would see it. She did. She saw all of my stories. Nothing more.
Pretty lame move, AFC as F.

So, with a push from my roomate, I cut the evil by it's source.

It is not that I was checking her page, or anything like that, but it was like a ghost, always lurking about.

It was a hard move, since I've know her since forever, and cutting she and her family off my life like that made me sad, knowing that I will never see and hear from them again, and most importantly, vice versa, since I had a desire of her seeing my progress (ultimate AFC desire).

Cutting them off social media should be the very first thing you do, immediately after a break up.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Cutting them off social media should be the very first thing you do, immediately after a break up.

I know...

i kept her there in order for her to see my ascend .................
(which still hasn't happened, since I've only began walking without crutches this week)

In fact, I didn't want to loose the opportunity for one day she regret and come back crawling

aka, the ultimate AFC.

Anyway, now it's done, and now I have to face the fact that whatever I do, won't affect her (it wasnt affecting anyway)

And since I've know her since we are kids, cutting ties hurt a different kind of hurt, 'cause now I know I've lost contact with that person for the rest of my life.

I know this is extreme loser mindset, so, in the end, it is good that I've finally done it. Now I have space to actually move on.

Im only giving myself a break, because of the motorbike accident, that got me 4 months in bed, in an alien country, with zero friends, poor diet and no exercise.

Now I have friends, I started swiming and Im living with a flatmate... So things are improving.

But it is too much sh?t for a single dude to bear alone

 

[tightgrp]

I know...

i kept her there in order for her to see my ascend .................
(which still hasn't happened, since I've only began walking without crutches this week)

In fact, I didn't want to loose the opportunity for one day she regret and come back crawling

aka, the ultimate AFC.

Anyway, now it's done, and now I have to face the fact that whatever I do, won't affect her (it wasnt affecting anyway)

And since I've know her since we are kids, cutting ties hurt a different kind of hurt, 'cause now I know I've lost contact with that person for the rest of my life.

I know this is extreme loser mindset, so, in the end, it is good that I've finally done it. Now I have space to actually move on.

Im only giving myself a break, because of the motorbike accident, that got me 4 months in bed, in an alien country, with zero friends, poor diet and no exercise.

Now I have friends, I started swiming and Im living with a flatmate... So things are improving.

But it is too much sh?t for a single dude to bear alone

That which does not kill you ... Find a way to make yourself independently resilient. Eliminate weakness. Bear as much as you can alone. It will make you stronger.

 

[Mertz09]

I know...

i kept her there in order for her to see my ascend .................
(which still hasn't happened, since I've only began walking without crutches this week)

In fact, I didn't want to loose the opportunity for one day she regret and come back crawling

aka, the ultimate AFC.

Anyway, now it's done, and now I have to face the fact that whatever I do, won't affect her (it wasnt affecting anyway)

And since I've know her since we are kids, cutting ties hurt a different kind of hurt, 'cause now I know I've lost contact with that person for the rest of my life.

I know this is extreme loser mindset, so, in the end, it is good that I've finally done it. Now I have space to actually move on.

Im only giving myself a break, because of the motorbike accident, that got me 4 months in bed, in an alien country, with zero friends, poor diet and no exercise.

Now I have friends, I started swiming and Im living with a flatmate... So things are improving.

But it is too much sh?t for a single dude to bear alone

Hey Dude. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Take it from an old-timer. This same thing has happened to me several times and they always came back. Only thing is... I was over them and didn't care enough to take them back (Including my ex-wife a few years ago) I HAD MOVED ON. and remember what the Great Yogi Berra said "IT ANINT OVER TILL IT'S OVER".

I was doing No Contact back in the 80's

 

[Lotus Effect]

Thanks mate.

And I gotta tell you, I did beared way too damn much by myself.

I got in Portugal in August, broke with the chick in September, same day I crashed against a tree.

Got surgery on my collar bone, the girl never showed up to see if I was alive. Called someday just to check. Last time we spoke.

After that, I found that the my femur died, got another surgery, which incapacitaded me. I wasnt able to get up from the bed because of the pain, but I had to eventually to use the bathroom or to cook. So I starved for a long while. Lost 12 pounds.

Had to pay for the bike, which was a rental, 3k Euros.
And was cut off payment from my company because Im in medical leave. So no money as well

All of this, with no friends, family or girl.
In a place where I did not know a single person.
At winter.

I have never ever in my entire life felt so sh(tty and so damn lonely.

Tought sh(t.

Only now things are falling into place, now that the doc allowed me swimming and I moved to a new house, with a flatmate, proper fellow.

What doesnt kill you, can almost kill you. I know people that took their lifes for less.

Well, not me! I'm growing stronger

 

[Mertz09]

Thanks mate.

And I gotta tell you, I did beared way too damn much by myself.

I got in Portugal in August, broke with the chick in September, same day I crashed against a tree.

Got surgery on my collar bone, the girl never showed up to see if I was alive. Called someday just to check. Last time we spoke.

After that, I found that the my femur died, got another surgery, which incapacitaded me. I wasnt able to get up from the bed because of the pain, but I had to eventually to use the bathroom or to cook. So I starved for a long while. Lost 12 pounds.

Had to pay for the bike, which was a rental, 3k Euros.
And was cut off payment from my company because Im in medical leave. So no money as well

All of this, with no friends, family or girl.
In a place where I did not know a single person.
At winter.

I have never ever in my entire life felt so sh(tty and so damn lonely.

Tought sh(t.

Only now things are falling into place, now that the doc allowed me swimming and I moved to a new house, with a flatmate, proper fellow.

What doesnt kill you, can almost kill you. I know people that took their lifes for less.

Well, not me! I'm growing stronger

Mate... You must be an Aussie or from S Africa? Hang in there Bro! Im new on here but really like this IT!

 

[Lotus Effect]

You got the hemisphere right!

But nope, I'm from Brazil!

 

[soulforge]

I know...

i kept her there in order for her to see my ascend .................
(which still hasn't happened, since I've only began walking without crutches this week)

In fact, I didn't want to loose the opportunity for one day she regret and come back crawling

aka, the ultimate AFC.

Anyway, now it's done, and now I have to face the fact that whatever I do, won't affect her (it wasnt affecting anyway)

And since I've know her since we are kids, cutting ties hurt a different kind of hurt, 'cause now I know I've lost contact with that person for the rest of my life.

I know this is extreme loser mindset, so, in the end, it is good that I've finally done it. Now I have space to actually move on.

Im only giving myself a break, because of the motorbike accident, that got me 4 months in bed, in an alien country, with zero friends, poor diet and no exercise.

Now I have friends, I started swiming and Im living with a flatmate... So things are improving.

But it is too much sh?t for a single dude to bear alone

Understandable.. You wanted her to see that you are doing better without her.

However it's unlikely she would care only a couple of weeks after the break up. Girls usually experience a change of feelings, months or even years down the line.

Do you think your reaction was mostly rooted in the loss of power?

I mean she ended it with you right.. Would you be compeled to try and prove anything to her, through social media if in-fact you had dumped her?

I suppose when you have been dumped/discarded you are put in a powerless position and the ego takes a hit.

 

[Lotus Effect]

yeah, i agree.

and i know that they only change their hearts down the line.

the thing that is hurting me, is that now that ive deleted her, there is no way for her to have a change of heart, since she will not see anything, cause im off grid.

so those long years, are off limits now, and i have to live with that.

might be good though

 

[Mertz09]

It is. Try not to dwell on what has been. Look forward my friend.

 

[soulforge]

yeah, i agree.

and i know that they only change their hearts down the line.

the thing that is hurting me, is that now that ive deleted her, there is no way for her to have a change of heart, since she will not see anything, cause im off grid.

so those long years, are off limits now, and i have to live with that.

might be good though

It's actually going off the grid completely that will likely more prompt her to reach out.

 

[DreamAgain]

yeah, i agree.

and i know that they only change their hearts down the line.

the thing that is hurting me, is that now that ive deleted her, there is no way for her to have a change of heart, since she will not see anything, cause im off grid.

so those long years, are off limits now, and i have to live with that.

might be good though

Think about it like this. When you are sick, there is a virus in your body. What is the only way to get better? All traces of the virus need to be eliminated.

By not blocking her, you leave traces of the virus in you, which can multiply and spread, affecting you physically and mentally. The body is directly tied to the mind. The anxiety that starts in the mind will manifest physically in your body, and her presence in your life, even through digital means, is enough to do this.

You did the right thing, I was in your shoes before and blocking was the correct decision. It allowed me to move on, meet other women, improve my life.