The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

Dude i don’t want to be the devils advocate here but since you were the one who dumped her , why would you expect to reach back to you ? That would be extremely low for her and it would also seem low value to you as well .
As for the money , forget it , no woman has enough honor to do something like that and i got plenty of examples myself , thank god i make enough money to not even care about . Usually i used to do it to check the waters and measure esch woman’s value . Considering that you’re stuck there , why don’t you reach out ? Most likely she’s gonna reject you but i guess that’s what you want . It’s your ego that it’s talking right now and not your emotions . Get a rebound at least. I believe it’s not too early to backfire on you . Do something to move on .

I didn't dump her officially, I simply told her to leave my house, after creating drama & arguments repeatedly. She left, & we never spoke to eachother again.

I didn't take this step lightly, I took this step after months of poor behaviour, bad attitude, combative behaviour, and even disrespect a couple of times.

Reaching out to her isn't something I even consider now, as the dynamic with her was toxic.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I didn't take this step lightly, I took this step after months of poor behaviour, bad attitude, combative behaviour, and even disrespect a couple of times.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like you should have asserted your boundaries way sooner. If one of my kittens misbehaves, I give her a reminder that she's close to crossing one of my boundaries (that she already knows). If she persists in her behaviour, I freeze her out for time, denying her my attention, making her feel what it would be like to actually lose me. Most, if not all, kittens will stop misbehaving or the temporary freeze out becomes a permanent one.

 

[soulforge]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that sounds like you should have asserted your boundaries way sooner. If one of my kittens misbehaves, I give her a reminder that she's close to crossing one of my boundaries (that she already knows). If she persists in her behaviour, I freeze her out for time, denying her my attention, making her feel what it would be like to actually lose me. Most, if not all, kittens will stop misbehaving or the temporary freeze out becomes a permanent one.

Oh yeh.. I am not the type to shy away from asserting boundaries, in-fact I insist on boundaries from day one.

Those boundaries where over stepped by her a couple of times, I responded by walk away from her & removing attention (she gave chase and pleaded for another chance)

The second time it happened, I called her an Uber and sent her home from my house. (Again she asked for another chance to work things out, with the promise she will control her agressive/Combative attitude)

The third time it happened, I sent her home & removed her from my life completely.

You can't fix crazy.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Oh yeh.. I am not the type to shy away from asserting boundaries, in-fact I insist on boundaries from day one.

Those boundaries where over stepped by her a couple of times, I responded by walk away from her & removing attention (she gave chase and pleaded for another chance)

The second time it happened, I called her an Uber and sent her home from my house. (Again she asked for another chance to work things out, with the promise she will control her agressive/Combative attitude)

The third time it happened, I sent her home & removed her from my life completely.

You can't fix crazy.

I misunderstood, thought she had been misbehaving for months, which is something I don't think should be tolerated.

 

[NSX-R]

I didn't dump her officially, I simply told her to leave my house, after creating drama & arguments repeatedly. She left, & we never spoke to eachother again.

I didn't take this step lightly, I took this step after months of poor behaviour, bad attitude, combative behaviour, and even disrespect a couple of times.

Reaching out to her isn't something I even consider now, as the dynamic with her was toxic.

Technically ,when you throw someone out of your house ,it is dumping. What were you expecting her to do ? Cry and bang your door back till you open ? You are posting the whole time about her . That’s enough indication that you’re still considering her back . It’s not bad to admit . It’s good that you understand the bad things about her but unfortunately you’re hooked. Stop being delusional by telling yourself otherwise. We’ve all been there , it ain’t bad to admit it .
Have you considered to make a compromise? No human is perfect and maybe some qualities deserve to make a compromise for.

 

[soulforge]

Technically ,when you throw someone out of your house ,it is dumping. What were you expecting her to do ? Cry and bang your door back till you open ? You are posting the whole time about her . That’s enough indication that you’re still considering her back . It’s not bad to admit . It’s good that you understand the bad things about her but unfortunately you’re hooked. Stop being delusional by telling yourself otherwise. We’ve all been there , it ain’t bad to admit it .
Have you considered to make a compromise? No human is perfect and maybe some qualities deserve to make a compromise for.

Nah dude this NO CONTACT section is purposely here for us to vent if need to, rather than to go ahead and break NC

I come on here like most people and update once a while, about how I feel about the NC journey.

Also this. At no point did I suggest I would or even should contact her.. I simply stated some reasons why she is very unlikely to contact me, which makes sense because indirectly I did instigate the break up.

Also this.. there is a reason I did not get screwed over in my relationship like you got screwed over in yours.

The reason for that is, I am not willing to compromise when it comes to disrespect and overall poor behaviour (behaviour that is problematic and self sabotaging to the relationship)

If a woman is showing signs of emotional instability, agression, straight up disrespect, you don't compromise on that. You give her some opportunities to do better, if that fails, you be a man and dump her or walk away.

Why? Because in the long run she will lie, cheat, and monkey branch to another man.

There is a lesson for you to learn in this. Walk Away before the worst things happen, just like they happened to you.

 

[soulforge]

I misunderstood, thought she had been misbehaving for months, which is something I don't think should be tolerated.

Yes she had been misbehaving for months, some small acts of bad behaviour, then bigger acts of bad behaviour.. One time she could have nearly cost me my job by going public on social media without my permission (we spoke about this)

I believe in being patient and giving a girl chances, I don't want to be too harsh, but after 3 chances and several conversations, if nothing changes, by remaining in that situation (we are actually lowering ourselves in her eyes)

 

[Baibars]

Day 17.

Today I stayed in bed for a long time after waking up and thought about her and all the bs that happened.
I was blaming myself, then justifying why I did the mistakes in the relationship and then thinking about why I did it on purpose.
Then I thought fck her I did so many things for her and she just didn’t want to work things out.

I thought about her good sides and bad sides.
My brain works non stop. I can’t watch a fcking movie without overthinking.

Other than that this week was mostly ok. Went to work and gym, the usual stuff. Sometimes I feel good, sometimes bad.
One day I’m thinking everything’s fine, the other day I get all these what if’s in my mind.

im still not ready for other girls and I will take my time. Dating doesn’t feel good. A girl blocked me this week because she said I only want sex and she’s right.
I wanted to get rid of her as soon as I had sex. I didn’t feel good in her presence. I think I need more time to heal.

 

[soulforge]

Day 17.

Today I stayed in bed for a long time after waking up and thought about her and all the bs that happened.
I was blaming myself, then justifying why I did the mistakes in the relationship and then thinking about why I did it on purpose.
Then I thought fck her I did so many things for her and she just didn’t want to work things out.

I thought about her good sides and bad sides.
My brain works non stop. I can’t watch a fcking movie without overthinking.

Other than that this week was mostly ok. Went to work and gym, the usual stuff. Sometimes I feel good, sometimes bad.
One day I’m thinking everything’s fine, the other day I get all these what if’s in my mind.

im still not ready for other girls and I will take my time. Dating doesn’t feel good. A girl blocked me this week because she said I only want sex and she’s right.
I wanted to get rid of her as soon as I had sex. I didn’t feel good in her presence. I think I need more time to heal.

Take your time to heal.

Time is your best friend. It gets better guaranteed.

 

[Foe]

2 weeks:

Been broken up since July but she reached out to a friends gf and got her to ask my mate for me to call her. So I did. She really f'ed her life up since she ended it with me and it gives me no satisfaction whatsoever. The self delusion with this girl is next level, so weird to see her justify her actions with other peoples reactions, like she wasn't the root cause. I try and shed some light on her responsibility to her outcome but she's too invested in the fantasy she has done nothing wrong and life is "just against her".

She wanted to come over, I said no and Im happy about that. Would have been a rinse and repeat of the last 50 thousand breakups that much I know for a fact. You get so wedded to the fantasy that "what if" that it clouds your ability to see "what is".

I'm thankful to this new girl I'm seeing, she's well and truly "in my frame" and its a nice holiday from what I have been dealing with. Without her I doubt I could have turned down the booty call.

On another note the ice wall is starting to melt and Im starting to feel more comfortable with this new girl. Showed my mate some photos of her and he couldnt believe I was downplaying her. Funny how you cant see the forest through the trees when you have a girl in your head.

 

[soulforge]

2 weeks:

Been broken up since July but she reached out to a friends gf and got her to ask my mate for me to call her. So I did. She really f'ed her life up since she ended it with me and it gives me no satisfaction whatsoever. The self delusion with this girl is next level, so weird to see her justify her actions with other peoples reactions, like she wasn't the root cause. I try and shed some light on her responsibility to her outcome but she's too invested in the fantasy she has done nothing wrong and life is "just against her".

She wanted to come over, I said no and Im happy about that. Would have been a rinse and repeat of the last 50 thousand breakups that much I know for a fact. You get so wedded to the fantasy that "what if" that it clouds your ability to see "what is".

I'm thankful to this new girl I'm seeing, she's well and truly "in my frame" and its a nice holiday from what I have been dealing with. Without her I doubt I could have turned down the booty call.

On another note the ice wall is starting to melt and Im starting to feel more comfortable with this new girl. Showed my mate some photos of her and he couldnt believe I was downplaying her. Funny how you cant see the forest through the trees when you have a girl in your head.

Good job man.. She sounds broken and on the path to self destruction.

Stay away from toxic situations.. Ignore her from here on, and build something with your current girl if she is worth it.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 60.

Right after we broke up, I left her place, crashed my bike, got a broken collar bone.
She called me the next day I picked, we chat, I said everything she wanted to hear, and puff, gone. This was friday.

I got the surgery on monday, and only tuesday she texted me saying 'if I wanted, she could try to visit me' ........ f off
I said I was leaving the hospital thatday so it wasnt needed.

Called me 2 days later asking how I was. This time I was brief, and asked if she wanted anything, she said no, just want to know if you are allright. I said I was, than said I had to work, and hung up.

A few hours later, she texted me saying that she wished that I recovered soon enough, and that I forgot my glasses at her place, for me to tell her when I wanted to visit her to get them. I replied, o k .

That was the last time I spoke to her. That's 60 days ago.

Fkd 2 chicks along the way. Hooked up with 5.

I did some low frame sh!t reposting some stories from chicks that posted me, in order to get to her nerves.
She saw them all, to no effect.

But aside from that, absolutely no contact. I've also now decided to completely vanish from social networks.
Looking back, I regret reposting the stories, because even if it was other chicks posting, which show some value, it gave light to her of where I was, and what I was doing, where the best course of action is actually vanish.

Anyway, I am now a seasoned expert of handling NC (and crying alone in the WC hahaha), so not calling, texting and cheking her medias is easy peasy.

Now, here I am again at the hospital, writing in bed, after the second surgery I just had 2 days ago, because the damage from the bike acident affected the leg as well.

But, despite being hospitalized again, going NC, I actually feel good about my self.

Still miss the b(tch evey now and them. But got my sh(t back together, and the pain is not as excruciating pain as before

Just to give you guys a brief backstory, I'm from Brazil, and moved to portugal this August, mainly because of the chick (Dydy).
I wanted to live in Europe, and I landed a job while I was vacationing here in Portugal at her place.

So, having the job, and dating my high school crush felt like the right thing to do.

I got here 90 days ago. Me and her lasted less then a month.

Its been though 3 months.

I spent more than €10k, got a broken wallet, a broken collar bone, broken femur, and a broken heart. And had 2 surgeries.
All of this alone, away from my friends and family.

Anyway, I had this message with a forum member, but decided to share with all of you guys in here:

---

DAY 62:
We are keeping it strong mate!

Got out of the hospital saturday, a chick (Tilde) friend turn plate turn friend again of mine went to get me.

Took me to a bar, had a drink with me, took me home, did pharmacy and groceries for me, cooked me dinner, went out again to a bar. Slept over, but we were too wasted to do anything, and nothing happened.

Sunday my sister came from Paris to visit me, we had lunch with some friends. Incredible food, great people. Fun times!

After that, the chick (Tilde) from saturday came over to my place, said she didn't know what she was feeling for me, so I've wore my big boy pants made a move, hooked up! Awesome sh(t. It felt so good man!

no s&x, but no problem, I'm not in a rush. As pook said, Patience is the Refined Sense of Confidence.
And besides I've got 17 stitches in my legs, so its actually better not too.

Anyhow, It was great! Seriously! I have the hots for this chick, and it was really good to win one, you know what I mean.
I've been taking so many punches since I've got here in Portugal, it was good to win one round.

Then it was my mom 70's y/o bday, I had a video call with her, and I cried of happiness an gratitude of having both my parents alive, thanked them for everything, and told them:

That after 3 months, that was the first day that I was actually trully happy.

And that is it. I had an excellent weekend, and as we know, life is tough, but it has its moments. Yesterday was one of these!

----

That's it guys.
Keep strong, keep your head up, own your sh/t, reclaim your balls, and never lock back!

Cheers

 

[Baibars]

Day 18

Today I went to the gym and later i realized how I lost my self respect and dignity and no woman is worth losing that. I
lost my manhood trying to get her back.
I looked back and realized how weak I acted..
I would never act in such a way now.

All this guilt, regret and attachment made me act in a very idiotic way.
My thoughts fluctuate a lot these days. I just hope I don’t think different tomorrow.

 

[soulforge]

Day 18

Today I went to the gym and later i realized how I lost my self respect and dignity and no woman is worth losing that. I
lost my manhood trying to get her back.
I looked back and realized how weak I acted..
I would never act in such a way now.

All this guilt, regret and attachment made me act in a very idiotic way.
My thoughts fluctuate a lot these days. I just hope I don’t think different tomorrow.

How old are you bro?

Don't worry about it, we all made these mistakes in the past.

With experience you will reach a point, where you will never sacrifice self respect for Vagina.

I rather sacrifice a relationship, than allow my self respect to be compromised.

 

[Baibars]

How old are you bro?

Don't worry about it, we all made these mistakes in the past.

With experience you will reach a point, where you will never sacrifice self respect for Vagina.

I rather sacrifice a relationship, than allow my self respect to be compromised.

im 29. do I make the impression that I’m younger?

 

[DJProtégèEB]

This would be Day 4.

I wouldn't consider this a breakup, only had a few dates, light kissing and thats it. Chemistry was good, no blow up or argument to make her go distant. Still sucks like a breakup, so I'm gonna treat it as one.

I still think NC is the way to go although my logical brain can't piece together why I got ghosted. Posting here because I'm torn between picking up where we left off if she does text or just moving on and going NC.

 

[soulforge]

im 29. do I make the impression that I’m younger?

Your still quite young, years ahead of you to meet a variety of women, your at a good age to increase your SMV more money, fitness, social circles etc

 

[soulforge]

This would be Day 4.

I wouldn't consider this a breakup, only had a few dates, light kissing and thats it. Chemistry was good, no blow up or argument to make her go distant. Still sucks like a breakup, so I'm gonna treat it as one.

I still think NC is the way to go although my logical brain can't piece together why I got ghosted. Posting here because I'm torn between picking up where we left off if she does text or just moving on and going NC.

How old are you? If you haven't even smashed yet, and your making NC threads, that's a little worrying.

 

[Baibars]

Your still quite young, years ahead of you to meet a variety of women, your at a good age to increase your SMV more money, fitness, social circles etc

i have a decent profession and job where I can increase my salary if I keep getting better.
im going to gym, thinking about joining some boxing/mma gym.
My biggest problem is that I have no social circle. I have 2 friends I know since childhood and we don’t hang out much anymore since they have their own lives.

I have weak thoughts about my ex today again. She doesn’t care and I know that. I can’t entertain any woman that isn’t interested I know that but it still hurts sometimes.

 

[soulforge]

i have a decent profession and job where I can increase my salary if I keep getting better.
im going to gym, thinking about joining some boxing/mma gym.
My biggest problem is that I have no social circle. I have 2 friends I know since childhood and we don’t hang out much anymore since they have their own lives.

I have weak thoughts about my ex today again. She doesn’t care and I know that. I can’t entertain any woman that isn’t interested I know that but it still hurts sometimes.

That's understandable. Nobody likes or enjoys rejection. Ask any of the older guys, we have all been in the same situation as you, however over a period of time, you will reach a place where you will look back and laugh at this situation. I mean it.

Not only that, you will meet better chicks, hotter or just much more compatible.

You have to play your part too, and appreciate the new girl, if she is a good chick. You can't treat her bad and expect her to stick around forever.