Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

1st date with Ex. Need advice.

ColdTony

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View attachment 9134
With that said, @ColdTony isn't completely hopeless. Apparently, he has slammed some promiscuous women from both Tinder and the bars. You need some game in order to do that.
I do have some game. I’m good looking, work out and have my **** mostly together. A lot of it is residual stuff from reading Mystery Method and the Game well over a decade ago, a lot of it has worn off. I’ve gotten by on looks and charm so I’m glad I found this forum
 

The Duke

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A few thoughts related to scenarios like this:

-If you are a guy that has some skills(mechanic, computers, handy man, etc) never offer to help a woman you aren't fuhking. She is simply using you as free labor. You will also never win her over by offering to help and hoping you get pu$$y out of it. Only thing you will get is more requests for free help and she'll keep dangling the carrott in front of you. Not only does she get free help, but she gets validation. Meanwhile you get nothing. She will also brag to her friends about what she got you to do for nothing. Its all a power play. Women don't respect dudes that make it easy.

Also, all of the "tricks" based on ignoring her, banging other chics to make the one you really want jealous, spiking her emotions, etc, can work but the wheels always come back off. You've just delayed the inevitable. The girls that are most responsive to these "tricks" are always the most emotionally unstable(the crazy ones that fuhk real good).
 

oldmanofthesea

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Sounds like you are thinking about things in the right way now Tony.

The only thing I would say is that oneitis doesn't mean staying with one person - it means overvaluing one person beyond their actual value, putting them on a pedestal, and thinking there will never be another girl as good for you as her (or worse, that you'll never be ABLE to get another girl as good as her). I think what you are trying to say is just that you want an LTR with someone and would like to see it last as long as possible. Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't require oneitis. It does require you to be less attached to the outcome of an LTR though - and acceptance of the fact that a relationship requires two people to make decisions and no matter what you do, no matter how perfectly you operate - even if you apply red-pill 100% - you never have total control over the situation and you could end up being dumped again. Following RP gives you the best possible odds at keeping a good girl around, but nothing is a sure thing. This is why a lot of RP guys around here say, "She is never truly yours - it's just your turn". That is a bit of a jaded way of looking at it, but there is a lot of truth in that as well. Think about the Eastern wisdom that tells you to focus on being in the moment and enjoying what you have as opposed to attaching yourself to a thing or outcome. That is truly the key to happiness. It is the same for a relationship.
 
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k I’m gonna grenade this thread pretty quick. I’m not trying to be a tough guy. Everything I’ve said is in response to someone’s comments. I ain’t angry. Nobody is angry. I just don’t have the patience to link my replies to specific comments.

Anyways. You guys can all pat yourselves on the back.
You got the best outcome other than ignoring her
 

BackInTheGame78

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This is likely.

Yes, this is oneitis. But is that so wrong? The age I grew up in, watching my mother and father stick together through life despite hardships, that age is over. Those days are gone. Instagram ruined the world. Games are life now. Oneitis is fine with me as long as I maintain the balance of power tipped slightly in my favor. I did not do that with her. I forgot the rules over the years. And it cost me.

I froze her out over the last few days and she reached out to get her rims out on. Sent me her new home address, which for her is an indication of trust. I’ve been answering texts with gaps. Being aloof but polite. I’ve been ‘busy’ which I have been. I’ll go there this evening, follow through with the wheels. Be confident, happy, content. Read her IOIs. And then leave with a time constraint.

This moment has been a long time coming I’ve only prolonged it with my beta behaviour. No matter the outcome I will survive. And thrive. Im not going to give her a free W.

I know my value and if im offering it to someone and they don’t accept I’ll listen. Im also talking to a few other girls atm, keeping options open. But until I reach a conclusion with this situation, I don’t have my full self to give to any of em besides a good lay (no one can make me ***.. it sucks). Im still too emotionally invest in this one girl. I dunno any other way to explain it. Maybe im addicted to the rush and to pain. My therapist seems to think so. But again. I will live. With closure. Im ready to disconnect for good this time.

thanks for all the tough love all you guys, and I read every reply and take them to heart. Today will be a deciding day and I’ll report back in detail.
Sounds like a nice story, but if you truly viewed yourself as valuable you wouldn't be trying to convince someone who doesn't see it. You would simply stop wasting your time and go find someone who does.

That's actually the opposite of you having value...it's saying SHE has more value than you do.

This is basically you trying to logically justify what you are doing.
 
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Kudos to OP and all the posters here, this thread was wholesome and what SS is all about.
 

ColdTony

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Sounds like you are thinking about things in the right way now Tony.

The only thing I would say is that oneitis doesn't mean staying with one person - it means overvaluing one person beyond their actual value, putting them on a pedestal, and thinking there will never be another girl as good for you as her (or worse, that you'll never be ABLE to get another girl as good as her). I think what you are trying to say is just that you want an LTR with someone and would like to see it last as long as possible. Nothing wrong with that. But it doesn't require oneitis. It does require you to be less attached to the outcome of an LTR though - and acceptance of the fact that a relationship requires two people to make decisions and no matter what you do, no matter how perfectly you operate - even if you apply red-pill 100% - you never have total control over the situation and you could end up being dumped again. Following RP gives you the best possible odds at keeping a good girl around, but nothing is a sure thing. This is why a lot of RP guys around here say, "She is never truly yours - it's just your turn". That is a bit of a jaded way of looking at it, but there is a lot of truth in that as well. Think about the Eastern wisdom that tells you to focus on being in the moment and enjoying what you have as opposed to attaching yourself to a thing or outcome. That is truly the key to happiness. It is the same for a relationship.
I like that philosophy. I’ve fluctuated between jaded and eager for years. Trying to find a balance.
Her and I were on track for an LTR till one righteous fight and the aftermath. I’m not defending her. But this is her way of seeing if a spark still exists. My following through is my way of finding out the same.

We won’t know till we see each other again. That’s all this is. I’ll know infinitely more tonight and in the hours after.

Whatever the outcome. I accept.
 

Pedrito0906

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I froze her out over the last few days and she reached out to get her rims out on. Sent me her new home address, which for her is an indication of trust
This is the 2nd time she tells you when to put the rims on and you comply. You don't have the courage to tell her you can't when she asks, that's been too available.

If you wanna gain some respect, I would tell her that can't tonight, something came up at work, without rescheduling, if she asks when, you tell her this week is crazy at work, you'll call her next week to arrange, but never do it, she needs to chase you hard

She needs to feel you're not available for her whenever she wants it, you gotta play the game well to win man.
 

SW15

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I do have some game. I’m good looking, work out and have my **** mostly together. A lot of it is residual stuff from reading Mystery Method and the Game well over a decade ago, a lot of it has worn off. I’ve gotten by on looks and charm so I’m glad I found this forum
I'm glad you read The Game and Mystery Method in the past. That's better than a lot of blue pill men. I read both Mystery Method and Roosh V's Bang. I have read other Manosphere articles, watched YouTuve videos, and read books from other authors besides Roosh and Mystery. I'm currently reading Rollo Tomassi's Players Handbook from The Rational Male series. I read the original Rational Male in the past.
 

ColdTony

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I'm glad you read The Game and Mystery Method in the past. That's better than a lot of blue pill men. I read both Mystery Method and Roosh V's Bang. I have read other Manosphere articles, watched YouTuve videos, and read books from other authors besides Roosh and Mystery. I'm currently reading Rollo Tomassi's Players Handbook from The Rational Male series. I read the original Rational Male in the past.
I’ve never heard of a few of those, thanks for the tip.

As for last night, it went well. Not how I dreamed it would. Was our first time seeing each other since the fight and breakup. We hugged. I did the work. Her animals she adopted loved me. We sat and talked. She volunteered that she had cut things off with that guy a while back and hadn’t seen or ****ed anyone before or since. Asked if I was seeing anyone

We picked up where we left off friendship wise which did my heart some good.It took no effort to reconnect and we laughed and caught up.I could tell her walls were still up (a lot of this has to do with the fight and our past). I held eye contact, was confide and funny. Casual.

There was little in the way of flirting. I can tell she’s still emotionally **** off from everyone, something she’s very good at and always has been. I could tell she misses me.

She came up with a number of reasons to see me again. I used my time constraint and left around 9.

Couldn’t have played any different or better. And I’m leaving it at that. Anything that happens going forward will be a slow play. And let her take initiative. She has to want me. The amount of guys who are after her who she doesn’t give the time of day to, gives me a bit of hope.

But I’m not hinging my future on it or have any expectations now past this point.

I feel a bit more free this morning.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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I’ve never heard of a few of those, thanks for the tip.

As for last night, it went well. Not how I dreamed it would. Was our first time seeing each other since the fight and breakup. We hugged. I did the work. Her animals she adopted loved me. We sat and talked. She volunteered that she had cut things off with that guy a while back and hadn’t seen or ****ed anyone before or since. Asked if I was seeing anyone

We picked up where we left off friendship wise which did my heart some good.It took no effort to reconnect and we laughed and caught up.I could tell her walls were still up (a lot of this has to do with the fight and our past). I held eye contact, was confide and funny. Casual.

There was little in the way of flirting. I can tell she’s still emotionally **** off from everyone, something she’s very good at and always has been. I could tell she mis

She came up with a number of reasons to see me again. I used my time constraint and left around 9.

Couldn’t have played any different or better. And I’m leaving it at that. Anything that happens going forward will be a slow play. And let her take initiative. She has to want me. The amount of guys who are after her who she doesn’t give the time of day to, gives me a bit of hope.

But I’m not hinging my future on it or have any expectations now past this point.

I feel a bit more free this morning.
She TELLS you that. What she says and what the truth is are usually two different things.
 

ColdTony

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She TELLS you that. What she says and what the truth is are usually two different things.
It’s true. I’ll never truly know and it doesn’t matter really. But from her personality and her approach to life, I’d be inclined to believe her. She’s the type to just speak the truth and let the person hearing it take it how they want.

but eh. Like I said I’ll never know.
 

Pedrito0906

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It’s true. I’ll never truly know and it doesn’t matter really. But from her personality and her approach to life, I’d be inclined to believe her. She’s the type to just speak the truth and let the person hearing it take it how they want.

but eh. Like I said I’ll never know.
 

BackInTheGame78

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It’s true. I’ll never truly know and it doesn’t matter really. But from her personality and her approach to life, I’d be inclined to believe her. She’s the type to just speak the truth and let the person hearing it take it how they want.

but eh. Like I said I’ll never know.
I am interested to see how this plays out...I am definitely hooked into this thread for the results haha
 

Glassguy

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Eh....she should have been sucking your dic before you left if you ask me. Then you pat her in the a$$ and tell her you'll hit her up later and let her sweat it for a few days.
I think she just wanted to see if you are still on her hook with no intentions of more. But thats just me and my perspective.
 

Pedrito0906

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Eh....she should have been sucking your dic before you left if you ask me. Then you pat her in the a$$ and tell her you'll hit her up later and let her sweat it for a few days.
I think she just wanted to see if you are still on her hook with no intentions of more. But thats just me and my perspective.
Of course you're right, can you imagine his ex thinking she in the "replaceable" category and no longer that important for him? After everything she did and said to him? That would have devastated her even more, and she would be crawling through broken glass to get that man again. But unfortunately OP didn't play his cards right, and now in her monkey brain she knowns if he took the time to do all of that for her, she has him hooked for good.
 

Glassguy

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Of course you're right, can you imagine his ex thinking she in the "replaceable" category? After everything she did and said to him? That would have devastated her even more, and she would be crawling through broken glass to get that man again. But unfortunately OP didn't play his cards right, and now in her monkey brain she knowns if he took the time to do all of that for her, she has him hooked for good.
Cucks will be cucks.
 
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OP,
Are you looking to win her back or keep her as a FwB?
 

ColdTony

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Of course you're right, can you imagine his ex thinking she in the "replaceable" category and no longer that important for him? After everything she did and said to him? That would have devastated her even more, and she would be crawling through broken glass to get that man again. But unfortunately OP didn't play his cards right, and now in her monkey brain she knowns if he took the time to do all of that for her, she has him hooked for good.
Likely right. There’s past **** I can’t share with you guys. But I’ll say this. When she shuts off she shuts off. To everyone. There’s ten layers of unavailability on top of how she really feels.

If I play hard game. She’s gone. If I stick around and kiss her ass, I’m a sucker.

There’s no play here but to move on.
 
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