1st date with Ex. Need advice.

[Dr.Suave]

Im sorry I cant give advise. Getting back with an ex is like breaking an Iron Rule for me.

 

[Pedrito0906]

I’ve been keeping her at a distance for months now

This is a covert contract, you've been staying away hoping she checks on you, you never moved on.

She actually messaged me last night about how to fix her shower head that sucks. Fishing prob about if I’m out on a date on a Fri night before the Sat of our meet up. Didn’t take the bait to come running lol I told her pliers and Teflon tape she can do it easily, no prob.

She messaged you, but instead of you being busy with friends or other dates, you took the time to reply, she knows she has you hooked.

While we dated we were best friends

You never make your girl your best friend, don't you have male friends? That's a huge mistake.

I’m swapping her SUV rims to winter 20’s and studded tires which she needs.

Why? She left you, she saw you crying, she saw you begging, she told you she was fvcking other guys, but you being the easy guy, the fool, will take the time to do that for her, pathetic.

So there’s an opportunity for her to stay the night.

Another cover contract, you'll do this for her to stay the night, you're full of expectation and so outcome dependent that it will be a mess bro.

She needs to feel safe

Does this sound like a guy who sees himself as a prize? "Oh her highness needs to feel safe, even though she left me, she saw me crying, she saw me begging, she told me she was fvcking other guys, she needs to feel safe because she's the prize to be won"

Bro we all here know how hard is to leave a onitis, but this is crazy.

Keep us posted to see how everything ends.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Many men mistake genuine female interest/attraction for the tendency women have to not want a guy they dumped to be happy, successful, and move-on, and their reaching out to him just to check and see if that's the case. Women constantly question themselves because their decisions are emotion-based. When women probe an ex, it is for this reason. They want to see the guy struggle because it provides firm validation of their emotion-based decision to dump him. Seeing him successful won't recreate the attraction, it will just hit her ego and confuse her but she will move past it quickly because women have many options with men.

It is telling that you have already committed to installing the wheels on her car, yet she is already dropping hints she wants you to fix her shower too. While I'm glad you didn't take the bait and offer to fix it, it doesn't paint her in a very good light, nor does it speak highly of what she thinks of you. A girl who's really into a guy won't ask him for a bunch of favors - she will DO him a bunch of favors.

 

[corsica]

If you really banged Tinder 9's, It means you're Chad Thundercock. Are you having feelings for a 31yo woman? By being +30, no woman will be above 7.

Let me tell you what's happening:
- She's banging dudes but nobody better than you want to commit. She's just being present to make sure you're still available in case she can't find somebody.

I bet if you tell her you found somebody and that you're happy, will go on with your life, etc. She will go bonkers!

She's a goner. The only way to really stop missing her is for you to actually bang better girls than her.

 

[Young OG]

From reading all of your posts on this thread, it sounds like you already have everything figured out. At least you think you do. Good luck with this. Please come back and update us after you crash and burn.

 

[Gamisch]

So you ask for advice , even ask us to " soak it up" and then reply with such a b1tchy attitude? Disregarding well written posts and acting entitled like a spoiled kid that doesnt get his way. That's disrespectful at best...

40 y.o with tattoos and riding bikes. All cap. Look, I am tattooed up myself and I also have this " rough guy image ". But when it was about dealing with women I was ( maybe still am ) a bluepilled beta b1tch. No shame in admitting that. You can be strong like Hulk and lift 300 pounds with a menacing mean mugg; internally you are a weak man. And I say this to wake you TF up.

There is only 1 thing a man can do in this situation. Just 1. That is to take the L, and walk away. Any thing other then that is weak wrong pssy shyt.

You are probably poster number 1 million with such a story. And because these things always end the same ,people advice you what to do( which is walk away).

By the way, you are 40, been with her 3 month's. She banged another dude in that short period what means she's been talking to him at least couple weeks while bein with you, reducing the amount of " sincere " time she spend with you to max a fee weeks. Why are you so hung up on her while you " bang 9 "s. She has your balls , using you as provider/handyman. After the shower you can probably do her garden and clean her basement. Smh.

My advice is 1st of all to be more humble when you want something from people. You'd be better of showing this bratty attitude to people(this woman) who treat you like shyt under your shoes, instead to some strangers on the internet who trying to help you.

If you want more " balanced " advice try r/relationship. There are mainly beta boys and feminists there , and they'll advice you to bring flowers, install her rims and shower and sniff her farts and inhale really deep when you at it (assuming her farts smell like Dolce and Gabbana parfum).

 

[Gamisch]

Can someone experienced explain how a woman can still want a man after all that betaness? I’m not trying to insult the guy, I’m thinking about myself and how I never did any of this yet exes rarely
Come back to me. The last one I had came back 5 different times but that is a rarity for me. So yeah, I’m curious

Numberof possible reasons.

- OP chasing her. So she is like F it why not give him a chance and make him work for me in the process.

- she rarely meets beta men like this. She probably falls for " alpha " types of guys , so when you have Alpha image you can lure her in. But when she finds out how beta you are she'll react like..how a predator reacts to someone running away scared. Suddenly a opportunity shows up.

- she is used to being pumped and dumped. You (oP in this case) is the rare one who doesnt wanna let her go kinda resembles my previous point.

-she really ain't that fine. You might think she is an 8 , but in reality she is a 6 at best. This pedalstalizing of her might also lure her back every now and then.

 

[ColdTony]

Numberof possible reasons.

- OP chasing her. So she is like F it why not give him a chance and make him work for me in the process.

- she rarely meets beta men like this. She probably falls for " alpha " types of guys , so when you have Alpha image you can lure her in. But when she finds out how beta you are she'll react like..how a predator reacts to someone running away scared. Suddenly a opportunity shows up.

- she is used to being pumped and dumped. You (oP in this case) is the rare one who doesnt wanna let her go kinda resembles my previous point.

-she really ain't that fine. You might think she is an 8 , but in reality she is a 6 at best. This pedalstalizing of her might also lure her back every now and then.

I think it’s likely number two. She’s a fatherless girl who dated drug dealers and HA till she got beat too bad and then we met. Thought we had a thing.

Well you guys were right. She had to ‘work late’, on a Sat. When she works from her laptop and sets her own hours. I didn’t ask questions. I told her no problem, you can come grab your rims tomorrow.

I’m done and feel good about it.

For everyone mocking the legitimacy of how I feel or the length of the relationship, idc.

For anyone ****ting on me personally I doubt you’d say a word if you saw me on the street.

Came for advice. Received it. Followed through as I said I would.

 

[Gamisch]

I think it’s likely number two. She’s a fatherless girl who dated drug dealers and HA till she got beat too bad and then we met. Thought we had a thing.

Well you guys were right. She had to ‘work late’, on a Sat. When she works from her laptop and sets her own hours. I didn’t ask questions. I told her no problem, you can come grab your rims tomorrow.

I’m done and feel good about it.

For everyone mocking the legitimacy of how I feel or the length of the relationship, idc.

For anyone ****ting on me personally I doubt you’d say a word if you saw me on the street.

Came for advice. Received it. Followed through as I said I would.

Typical " I dont wanna say I told you so " situation .

Well, we are all here to learn. No shame in taking an L. Also you've learned to never underestimate the knowledge and experience from your fellow men. We all been there multiple times.

What stands out to me is the fact you say" For anyone ****ting on me personally I doubt you’d say a word if you saw me on the street.

I doubt if you would ask me for mister lovah lovah advice when we meet on dem streets.

This might be true amongst men, women definitely don't think this way. A 5.1 ft Woman wont be afraid of a 6.7 man. The small and fragile woman will even dominate and disrespect a 6.7 man in ways he never experienced before. Because you can be a physical giant, but a mental dwarf at the same time. That's why I advice aggressive men to use this" agression " to improve situations, or act decisive when needed. Never hit women, but at least have the power to walk AS SOON as you gotta walk.

You're better off shifting that anger towards those who deserve it( women who play you), and be kind to those who earned it. Intimidating other men while getting dominated by women ..is not a good look and a sign you need to recalibrate your mind completly.

 

[ColdTony]

Typical " I dont wanna say I told you so " situation .

Well, we are all here to learn. No shame in taking an L. Also you've learned to never underestimate the knowledge and experience from your fellow men. We all been there multiple times.

What stands out to me is the fact you say" For anyone ****ting on me personally I doubt you’d say a word if you saw me on the street.

I doubt if you would ask me for mister lovah lovah advice when we meet on dem streets.

This might be true amongst men, women definitely don't think this way. A 5.1 ft Woman wont be afraid of a 6.7 man. The small and fragile woman will even dominate and disrespect a 6.7 man in ways he never experienced before. Because you can be a physical giant, but a mental dwarf at the same time. That's why I advice aggressive men to use this" agression " to improve situations, or act decisive when needed. Never hit women, but at least have the power to walk AS SOON as you gotta walk.

You're better off shifting that anger towards those who deserve it( women who play you), and be kind to those who earned it. Intimidating other men while getting dominated by women ..is not a good look and a sign you need to recalibrate your mind completly.

k I’m gonna grenade this thread pretty quick. I’m not trying to be a tough guy. Everything I’ve said is in response to someone’s comments. I ain’t angry. Nobody is angry. I just don’t have the patience to link my replies to specific comments.

Anyways. You guys can all pat yourselves on the back.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

I would have dropped that b!tch like a bad habit as soon as she told me that she fvcked another dude. She is a bench on a sidewalk as in no good. Disregard status.
But then again it takes a solid pair and a stoic heart to have the dignity to hit the road and not look back

 

[Scars]

Stuck around for the happy ending before replying to this thread. I hope you learned your lesson OP.

 

[CoandaEffect]

Sorry that happened, you must be hurting a little, but you had it coming.

What do you suppose she was really doing last night?

She will probably come back again and hopefully you now know what to do.

Stop fixing showers and cars for these women. Believe me I’ve done it all, never again. These women laugh at us when we do these things.

No hurt on you OP, best wishes to you.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

I’ll TL/DR it as much as I can. But please soak it all up.

I’m meeting my ex for the first time in 3 months. Bad breakup. She ran. I panicked. I chased. Everything I knew about Attraction and Masculinity
went out the window. Calls. Texts. Tears. Begging. Pathetic. Cue depression.

Found Coach Lee a bit too late and went radio silent. A month later she touched base. Was going to meet but she kept putting it off last minute. I pushed. She bolted again.

She touched base again while drunk and admitted she was ****ing some guy from high school (I’m 40 she’s 31). Was downtown and asked to stay at my place. I said ok. We texted all night. Said she still loved me, missed me, hated that we weren’t together. (She’s only a feelings person when she’s drunk - trauma) She got off in my bed, told me no one can make her ***, missed my apartment, my **** and my friendshipborrowed my hoodie and left the next morning.

I went back to radio silence.

I had agreed to put rims on her SUV (I didn’t not buy them) and that was the last anchor we have besides the key fob she has to my place. Which she seems to be hanging onto. I said I’d do them this Sun. And on a whim, I invited her to come to Steveo Live on Sat night. She agreed. As friends. But was coy.

I think she’s gaming me, but naturally. Because she’s lost respect and attraction for me, but there is a tiny bit there still.

I have this singular opportunity to take her out, be the same guy but better and regain her attraction and respect, or at least start.

What are some things I can say or do. How should I be. She’s used to bikers and tattooed dudes, which I am. And a bit of ******* will go a long way. But I don’t want to turn her off.

-CT

ps. I blazed through a handful of bar sluts and tinder 9’s so I’m not innocent myself. Although I was much more heartbroken than her.

pps. Our last few texts, I’ve been Push Pull and confident and funny and aloof. She’s been friendly and cheerful but feelingsless. So she’s of the mindset at the moment that shehas More value and can have me if she wants. I need to flip the table.

thanks in advance

You're making the same mistakes again. If you want a call about this, let me know because I'll go through exactly why you're making the wrong decision.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I’m not trying to be a tough guy.

Then why say?

For anyone ****ting on me personally I doubt you’d say a word if you saw me on the street.

No one is sh*tting on you personally here. The name of the game on this forum is tough, honest, brotherly love. Your close guy friends in real life should be real with you and flip you sh*t for doing dumb things. We have all done dumb things. If you are a tough guy you should be tough not just physically but emotionally, and be secure enough to take the criticism about your actions without being defensive or wanting to lash out physically. Gamisch summed that up nicely.

Like I said in my original post, we have all been through the same sh*t before just like you. It took us a few times to learn the lesson as well. The reason the love is tough here is because we get guys with your exact story coming in here on a weekly basis. They all want the same thing: magic tricks to "get a girl back." 99% of them ask for help but when the answers they receive aren't what they wanted to hear, they ignore the advice, push back on the advice, and it always turns out with the woman doing exactly what we said. Over time, we have all lost patience and just cut right to the chase by being brutally honest, especially when the guy pushes back on our advice.

I would suggest you stick around and invest in learning more about women and game. It helps you to better screen women, better play the dating game, and once things turn serious with a given girl, how to manage the relationship in a way that doesn't ultimately drive the woman away. Men have been brainwashed for decades about how to date and how to treat a woman in a relationship; this forum helps break down that brainwashing and let's you learn some of the very counterintuitive things that will greatly help you in relationships. You are welcome here.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Numberof possible reasons.

- OP chasing her. So she is like F it why not give him a chance and make him work for me in the process.

- she rarely meets beta men like this. She probably falls for " alpha " types of guys , so when you have Alpha image you can lure her in. But when she finds out how beta you are she'll react like..how a predator reacts to someone running away scared. Suddenly a opportunity shows up.

- she is used to being pumped and dumped. You (oP in this case) is the rare one who doesnt wanna let her go kinda resembles my previous point.

-she really ain't that fine. You might think she is an 8 , but in reality she is a 6 at best. This pedalstalizing of her might also lure her back every now and then.

I see, thank you for the insight

 

[Pedrito0906]

For anyone ****ting on me personally I doubt you’d say a word if you saw me on the street.

We don't need to, a woman turned you into her b!tch. Don't feel bad, we all been there, I hope you learned something.

Keep us posted in case something happens.

 

[SW15]

With that said, @ColdTony isn't completely hopeless. Apparently, he has slammed some promiscuous women from both Tinder and the bars. You need some game in order to do that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She is going to get back with you, things will be great for like two weeks and you'll have your hopes up and just like that she will end things.

Why? Because she wants the power back and to "win"...and because it's a huge ego boost for her if she can get you to start acting desperate.

 

[ColdTony]

She is going to get back with you, things will be great for like two weeks and you'll have your hopes up and just like that she will end things.

Why? Because she wants the power back and to "win"...and because it's a huge ego boost for her if she can get you to start acting desperate.

This is likely.

Yes, this is oneitis. But is that so wrong? The age I grew up in, watching my mother and father stick together through life despite hardships, that age is over. Those days are gone. Instagram ruined the world. Games are life now. Oneitis is fine with me as long as I maintain the balance of power tipped slightly in my favor. I did not do that with her. I forgot the rules over the years. And it cost me.

I froze her out over the last few days and she reached out to get her rims out on. Sent me her new home address, which for her is an indication of trust. I’ve been answering texts with gaps. Being aloof but polite. I’ve been ‘busy’ which I have been. I’ll go there this evening, follow through with the wheels. Be confident, happy, content. Read her IOIs. And then leave with a time constraint.

This moment has been a long time coming I’ve only prolonged it with my beta behaviour. No matter the outcome I will survive. And thrive. Im not going to give her a free W.

I know my value and if im offering it to someone and they don’t accept I’ll listen. Im also talking to a few other girls atm, keeping options open. But until I reach a conclusion with this situation, I don’t have my full self to give to any of em besides a good lay (no one can make me ***.. it sucks). Im still too emotionally invest in this one girl. I dunno any other way to explain it. Maybe im addicted to the rush and to pain. My therapist seems to think so. But again. I will live. With closure. Im ready to disconnect for good this time.

thanks for all the tough love all you guys, and I read every reply and take them to heart. Today will be a deciding day and I’ll report back in detail.