Wife doing 180 to save marriage

[mrgoodstuff]

****. All true. Thank you for pointing it out. I guess I’ll tell myself whatever it takes to keep the blue pill dream alive. But why keep a mistress? Why not leave, get divorce raped once and move on and rebuild?

As long as you cant be further robbed by tsking the mistress do it. It's an interim action. Your job is on some bullshyt so your taking outside offers.

 

[highSpeed]

****. All true. Thank you for pointing it out. I guess I’ll tell myself whatever it takes to keep the blue pill dream alive. But why keep a mistress? Why not leave, get divorce raped once and move on and rebuild?

Why should you give up your relationship with your kids because she's a f*cking a$$hole? Seems unfair for you to continue to have to pay for everything and only get to see your kids on the weekends at best. I know guys that get to see their kids only 4 f*cking lousy days a month. Are you really a father at 4 f*cking days a month? Or are you just a wage slave who has to give to the government and to your master to dole out as she sees fit? At least if you can drag out a mistress for a few years, that's a few more years that you get to be with your kids.

 

[AttackFormation]

You can't ignite desire by pressuring and negotiating someone into feeling it... her fear of losing her provider might cause some slight bursts of duty sex, but if she doesn't feel it anymore and doesn't care, it's over.

I personally would divorce, not cheat. I don't like lying, it might hurt your relationship with your children if they find out, and I also think rather than making your situation even more precarious that it's better for your own life to get out of the bad environment entirely so you can be fresh and free.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You can't ignite desire by pressuring and negotiating someone into feeling it... her fear of losing her provider might cause some slight bursts of duty sex, but if she doesn't feel it anymore and doesn't care, it's over.

I personally would divorce, not cheat. I don't like lying, it might hurt your relationship with your children if they find out, and I also think rather than making your situation even more precarious that it's better for your own life to get out of the bad environment entirely so you can be fresh and free.

Alot of times knowing the sex is happening without her triggers her lizard mind. So its not pressure at all. Its more along the lines of SOCIAL PROOFING. You old friends didnt know you were treated like this and they can see it for themselves. It affects how they see you and how they feel.

 

[highSpeed]

You can't ignite desire by pressuring and negotiating someone into feeling it... her fear of losing her provider might cause some slight bursts of duty sex, but if she doesn't feel it anymore and doesn't care, it's over.

I personally would divorce, not cheat. I don't like lying, it might hurt your relationship with your children if they find out, and I also think rather than making your situation even more precarious that it's better for your own life to get out of the bad environment entirely so you can be fresh and free.

Don't like cheating at all but it's not like this is a marriage with no kids that didn't work out. If you don't have kids and haven't seen family courts in action, you have no idea what you're counseling him to do. Guaranteed, in most situations his best case scenario is getting his kids on the weekends. That's if she actually follows the court order, which many times, females don't because they know there's no negative repercussions if she doesn't.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Don't like cheating at all but it's not like this is a marriage with no kids that didn't work out. If you don't have kids and haven't seen family courts in action, you have no idea what you're counseling him to do. Guaranteed, in most situations his best case scenario is getting his kids on the weekends. That's if she actually follows the court order, which many times, females don't because they know there's no negative repercussions if she doesn't.

She cheated by being as azzhole and starving you.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Guys. I believe with all the posters her a BETTER reference than MMSLP can be put together featuring more attractive masculine males and some of the real world info we have including black magic and GAME.

 

[StayOrGo?]

Don't like cheating at all but it's not like this is a marriage with no kids that didn't work out. If you don't have kids and haven't seen family courts in action, you have no idea what you're counseling him to do. Guaranteed, in most situations his best case scenario is getting his kids on the weekends. That's if she actually follows the court order, which many times, females don't because they know there's no negative repercussions if she doesn't.

My situation is actually more complicated. We are expats living outside the US. If we got divorced she would likely take our daughter back to the US. So realistically I’d only get to see my daughter once a month for 2 or 3 days.

 

[StillSearching]

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. EVER.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Although I don't suffer from the lust/hate of women (as demonstrated within some of the postings) my advice still may seem abrasive.

I'd advise you to take some personal evaluation. It sounds like in the past six months, you've made a conscious effort toward self-improvement. This of course, is good. However, think back for a moment. Prior to this self-improvement, how was your appearance, your attitude etc... ?

It's not a fun pill to swallow, but we (self included) can sometimes be enablers to bad behavior. One member said that her attentiveness will not be for long and she'll go back to her old ways. The thing he didn't mention is that we can also be prone to return to being lazy, once things seem good. We also go back to our old ways.

This isn't to place blame on you or anything. My point is that no one is 100% victim in a relationship. Personally, when things go bad in a relationship (girl becomes smug, unattentive etc...) it is usually because our behavior has 'dictated' that this behavior is acceptable and so, the spiral continues until we have finally had enough.

 

[Tdawg]

That’s great advice. Maybe I’m too excited about 1 night of attention. Its just been a long time. I will give her this opportunity and then cut my loses.

Dude, you can just cut your losses after 20 years? That's crazy man. You've got a lot invested in this so my best advice to you would be to try and figure out "why" your girl is not putting out or affectionate in any way. Cause it would be a crying shame if you were to throw her to the curb and she ended up having a medical issue (hormonal, etc) or something out of her control.

I would sit down and talk with her and explain that you did not sign up to have a best friend, which apparently she is now. You signed up to have a lover first, companion second (this is how my wife and I see each other and have talked about it). Tell her this is a problem for you and she needs to go get herself checked, or tell you why she doesn't like or want the intimacy with you.

If she doesn't do anything to solve the problem, then you have every right to get out of the relationship or take on a mistress.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Genuine desire cannot be negotiated. EVER.

Never. The lizard brain is real though.

 

[samspade]

Although I don't suffer from the lust/hate of women (as demonstrated within some of the postings) my advice still may seem abrasive.

I'd advise you to take some personal evaluation. It sounds like in the past six months, you've made a conscious effort toward self-improvement. This of course, is good. However, think back for a moment. Prior to this self-improvement, how was your appearance, your attitude etc... ?

It's not a fun pill to swallow, but we (self included) can sometimes be enablers to bad behavior. One member said that her attentiveness will not be for long and she'll go back to her old ways. The thing he didn't mention is that we can also be prone to return to being lazy, once things seem good. We also go back to our old ways.

This isn't to place blame on you or anything. My point is that no one is 100% victim in a relationship. Personally, when things go bad in a relationship (girl becomes smug, unattentive etc...) it is usually because our behavior has 'dictated' that this behavior is acceptable and so, the spiral continues until we have finally had enough.

I was going to ask similar questions. OP, how much did you backslide? You've gotten yourself into better shape and taken the red pill and confronted her, so good for you. But as someone said earlier, never stop dating your wife. Besides telling her what's what, what are you doing to get her competing for you again? E.g. have you taken her out to dinner and acted flirty with the waitress, led your wife, surprised her, talked dirty to her. Those are just brainstorms. I'm not blaming you either, just curious because these things are usually a two-way street.

 

[StayOrGo?]

I was going to ask similar questions. OP, how much did you backslide? You've gotten yourself into better shape and taken the red pill and confronted her, so good for you. But as someone said earlier, never stop dating your wife. Besides telling her what's what, what are you doing to get her competing for you again? E.g. have you taken her out to dinner and acted flirty with the waitress, led your wife, surprised her, talked dirty to her. Those are just brainstorms. I'm not blaming you either, just curious because these things are usually a two-way street.

So I know this sounds unlikely coming from a friggin incel, but I've always had a decent SMV. I've been with my wife since our early 20's so if she saw me as higher SMV then, I must be 2 or 3x higher than her now. Once I "awoke", I lost 15lbs of fat, gained some muscle (nothing transformational), and started updating my wardrobe, but my wife was always dreadful. There are plenty of women that show me interest because I have decent looks for my age, lots of status and money. I don't think the lack of sex was from lack of attraction per se. Again...I know I sound like I'm in denial (I'm an incel) so don't blast me. IMO we made huge parenting mistakes and basically abandoned our relationship in exchange for 100% attention to our daughter. We don't sleep in the same bed (she sleeps with our daughter). We don't have 1 on 1 time. I think its been a slow decline for 10 years and I just noticed it 6 months ago when I found RP.

 

[Glassguy]

None for 6 months. Last night, after the confrontation, she cuddled with me on the couch as we watched a movie. First physical contact in ages.

Shame on you for allowing this shytty behavior from her but glad you're taking steps to better yourself because you'll need it to attract women.

If it were me, I'd get TF outta there. You've allowed her to he this way once. When she sees that you've changed but still not going anywhere, she will go back to the way she was before.

I've been divorced 6 years and went from an unhappy and sexless marriage to I could literally fvck chicks as much as I wanted now.

The grass is greener on the other side once your grass is dead. And yours is dead.

Put some feelers out to see what you can attract women wise and go from there.

She quit on you so you're free to go shopping.

 

[Kotaix]

The grass is greener on the other side once your grass is dead. And yours is dead.

that's pretty good right there...

You're in a hard spot, I doubt it's possible to revive the grass after it's been dead so long, but you should at least give it a shot. I'd recommend a vacation with just the two of you and see if you still actually like eachother and beware of transactional sex vs actual passionate sex. I doubt many relationships actually survive the test of time, but don't think that you're going to find anything better out there other than just sex with younger women that you won't want to commit to.

Red Pill rage is a normal part of the journey of the red pill, but don't mistake it with something that is wrong with your wife. ALL women are like that and hypergamy is always on.

It's up to you to lead in life. If you still like her, use your new strength, throw your wife on the bed and bang her brains out and see what happens. Her libido is about to go thru the roof as menopause kicks in. Ignore what I said if your wife has gotten too fat to lift off the ground.

 

[stovepipe]

Love is the most powerful of all emotions. That doesn't mean you hold onto to that person you love "for the sake of love". That's where so many people make mistakes in life. They hold on thinking that the love they have for that person is an accuse to stay in an unhappy, sexless, non emotional relationship or marriage. We've been conditioned since childhood to look at love in the wrong way.

It's ok to love her with all your heart but at the end of the day you have to worry about your own happiness. At the end of the day no one "truly" cares about you the way we are conditioned to believe. Keep reminding yourself daily to be selfish! Whenever someone sacrifices their own happiness and life for the sake of love, that is when you've failed. For a man to do this is like being neutered.


The foundation of your marriage is long gone and you know that. We all know with no foundation the structure collapses. At this point you cannot rebuild a foundation that has crumbled to the ground. You would be wasting more of your precious time trying to do so.

Everything you've described it's crystal clear you have sacrificed yourself and your happiness in the name of love. If it were me, I would figure out my exit strategy asap. I would definitely start trying to see other women to boost your confidence in order to wake your a$$ up even more than you have in the past 6 months.

Another thing to be cautious of is if, or when you have sex with your wife again, you could potentially put yourself right back where you were. We all know makeup sex is amazing but it also opens the door to all kinds of emotions. Being it's been so long since you two had sex, the odds are greater that door opens wide.

Another important thing to mention is in relationships like this your hormones change. Your testosterone levels usually drop as a result which causes you to forgot who has the balls in the marriage/relationship. Might have taken you many years but props on your balls finally falling. Take your wife's hand, walk her to the bedroom, and release all that testosterone! When you're done call a divorce lawyer.

 

[StayOrGo?]

Shame on you for allowing this shytty behavior from her but glad you're taking steps to better yourself because you'll need it to attract women.

If it were me, I'd get TF outta there. You've allowed her to he this way once. When she sees that you've changed but still not going anywhere, she will go back to the way she was before.

I've been divorced 6 years and went from an unhappy and sexless marriage to I could literally fvck chicks as much as I wanted now.

The grass is greener on the other side once your grass is dead. And yours is dead.

Put some feelers out to see what you can attract women wise and go from there.

She quit on you so you're free to go shopping.

My feelers are out and I know I can attract better on the other side. But I feel bad about leaving....probably just more blue pill conditioning.

 

[StayOrGo?]

Love is the most powerful of all emotions. That doesn't mean you hold onto to that person you love "for the sake of love". That's where so many people make mistakes in life. They hold on thinking that the love they have for that person is an accuse to stay in an unhappy, sexless, non emotional relationship or marriage. We've been conditioned since childhood to look at love in the wrong way.

It's ok to love her with all your heart but at the end of the day you have to worry about your own happiness. At the end of the day no one "truly" cares about you the way we are conditioned to believe. Keep reminding yourself daily to be selfish! Whenever someone sacrifices their own happiness and life for the sake of love, that is when you've failed. For a man to do this is like being neutered.


The foundation of your marriage is long gone and you know that. We all know with no foundation the structure collapses. At this point you cannot rebuild a foundation that has crumbled to the ground. You would be wasting more of your precious time trying to do so.

Everything you've described it's crystal clear you have sacrificed yourself and your happiness in the name of love. If it were me, I would figure out my exit strategy asap. I would definitely start trying to see other women to boost your confidence in order to wake your a$$ up even more than you have in the past 6 months.

Another thing to be cautious of is if, or when you have sex with your wife again, you could potentially put yourself right back where you were. We all know makeup sex is amazing but it also opens the door to all kinds of emotions. Being it's been so long since you two had sex, the odds are greater that door opens wide.

Another important thing to mention is in relationships like this your hormones change. Your testosterone levels usually drop as a result which causes you to forgot who has the balls in the marriage/relationship. Might have taken you many years but props on your balls finally falling. Take your wife's hand, walk her to the bedroom, and release all that testosterone! When you're done call a divorce lawyer.

Great advice. You nailed it. I feel neutered. I am NOT selfish enough.

 

[Black Widow Void]

StayOrGo,

I'd really suggest that you sleep on this first. Although none of us have been in your exact situation, we've all been in similar situations.

After feeling a sense of 'awakening' it's easy to feel a new sense of strength and just feel an impulse to plow forward. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with this, but at the same time... how many times have any of us acted out of impulse or strong emotion and later had some regret.

Men are not immune to emotions or strong impulses. I'd really suggest that you allow these to dissipate first because they can sometimes cloud good judgment. This isn't to suggest that you should stay or that you should leave. It's a suggestion that you'll have a better grip on things - once emotions and impulses have subsided. In some way or another, we've all been in your shoes.

I think it's safe to say that those that have ... were able to better navigate a situation once the 'haze' dissipated.