"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Vacation girl: keeping in touch or not?

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Gary Goldman

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I've tried to find similar thread but no luck. So I was out of town on vacation and met this girl, we had a fling. The thing is, we live in different cities, but I have relatives in her city that I visit once or twice a year. So if we're both single it'd be cool to have a girl to hang out when going there. My question is, to make the job easier, should I keep in touch with her (how often?) or should I invite her for a coffee out of the blue once I'm there? This could be applied for other girls from now on.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Gary Goldman

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Roober said:
I would say only reach out a couple days in advance before you go. If there is interest, she will make time to see you.
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That's a valuable advice. But don't you think I should text her once in a while to keep myself on her to do list?
 
El Payaso

El Payaso

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Don't you have girls in your city?
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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El Payaso

El Payaso

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Gary Goldman said:
Why not spinning plates everywhere you go? New and old ones...
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Spinning plates is when you're seeing them regularly. At least on a weekly or bi-weekly basis if not days.

You're only going to be seeing this girl once, if you're lucky, twice a year. What is the guarantee that she will be single or available those times you visit?

Accept it for what it was. A fling.

If you start texting her and chatting her up from long distance, you risk becoming her emotional tampon and entering an LDR without any real benefits.

All you can do now is, forget about her and focus on where you are right now. On the times when you do visit, hit her up and tell her you're in her city and want to take her out or whatever.

Don't waste any more time texting her unless you're trying to get into a relationship with her or something.
 
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Gary Goldman

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You're totally right. It'll change my mindset when dealing with this kind of situation. Thanks.
 
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