why is showing emotion unattractive?

[PlatoPacks23]

whenever I talk too much or just start talking how I (honestly) feel, it seems to turn people off esp woman... or "overly sharing"

And yet when I feel "Fake" and just pretend everything is great without getting overtly excited and act kinda "stoic" it seems to work better.

WHY is this? showing emotion and being more upfront w my guy friends doesn't seem to be an issue, I just don't understand the reasoning behind it.

obviously it's not great to feel "stoic and fake" all the time, but it seems like that's what works better w woman I just don't enjoy feeling like I'm faking it.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Cringy emotion is unattractive. A guy who owns himself is the hottest guy in the room.

To add a more fair response: an emotional guy seems like a woman. And women don't like other women. Us men are superheroes. We have the ability to shut off our emotions and that makes girls admire us and feel like we can protect them. Put a bearded manchild in the same room as a bearded army soldier, and the women 9 times out of 10 will keep near the soldier, especially in less secure situations.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If your emotions are positive, uplifting, self confident, filled with agency, contagious = attractive

If your emotions are negative, weak, "poor me," lacking any agency, etc. = unattractive

Slim, young, low body count, feminine women = attractive

Old, angry, fat, tatted up, ran through = unattractive

Not really all that complicated.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not. Lack of control over your emotions is.

 

[BPH]

It's not. Lack of control over your emotions is.

@PlatoPacks23 this.

Women want a man. You don't have to pretend not to have problems - just know the woman you're talking to doesn't have the solution for them. In which case, why share?

 

[PlatoPacks23]

@PlatoPacks23 this.

Women want a man. You don't have to pretend not to have problems - just know the woman you're talking to doesn't have the solution for them. In which case, why share?

I wouldn't say its complaining, id say I find when I get too excited or "happy", it can maybe come across reactive or not manly?

basically I find being stoic and kinda on 1 level no matte what (which is boring and annoying and "fake" to me) is only thing that kinda works.

 

[BPH]

I wouldn't say its complaining, id say I find when I get too excited or "happy", it can maybe come across reactive or not manly?

basically I find being stoic and kinda on 1 level no matte what (which is boring and annoying and "fake" to me) is only thing that kinda works.

Either mirror her energy level, or find someone who's already at yours.

Lower energy = Boring, shy, uninteresting

Higher energy = Overeager, hyper, exhausting

Just try to keep an even keel.

 

[BaronOfHair]

whenever I talk too much or just start talking how I (honestly) feel, it seems to turn people off...

Start writing them a check for being your shrink, '23.... These folks will become enamored with you in record time

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Either mirror her energy level, or find someone who's already at yours.

Lower energy = Boring, shy, uninteresting

Higher energy = Overeager, hyper, exhausting

Just try to keep an even keel.

It also really makes them wonder about you because they can't get a good read on you and you come across as somewhat aloof and mysterious...

And women love to try and solve mysteries...

 

[jhonny9546]

women love to try and solve mysteries

Good for ons, not a relationship.
These types of women want a man to "understand" because they want to "fix" him.
Healthy women are focused on their life, not their man's

 

[New_Journey]

whenever I talk too much or just start talking how I (honestly) feel, it seems to turn people off esp woman... or "overly sharing"

You seem to gasp it, but not quite yet. You need to ask you this, why do you share those vulnerable moments with her? You want sympathy? Comprehension? A word of advice? Validation?

Everything that you share is a gift, specially your vulnerability, nobody has the right to get that gift for free, you choose her wisely and very sporadically or you keep your feelings to yourself, everybody has problems.

And yet when I feel "Fake" and just pretend everything is great without getting overtly excited and act kinda "stoic" it seems to work better.

It seems fake because you've always done the opposite. You give your emotions for free.

but it seems like that's what works better w woman I just don't enjoy feeling like I'm faking it.

It is not something that works, it human nature, it is how we are hardwired.

Imagine if a guy you just met starts telling you about his problems, how he is so excited to see you, how happy he is when he is with you, how he misses you when you are not around, wouldn't you feel weird because you feel you haven't earned his trust? Because men who open themselves that quickly to us, feels that you can't trust them, why is he acting this way when he just met me?

Now imagine putting all that pressure into a woman, she will ask why is he acting that way when we've only gone only a few dates? It is the exact thing the guy you just met is doing to you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Good for ons, not a relationship.
These types of women want a man to "understand" because they want to "fix" him.
Healthy women are focused on their life, not their man's

Nah, that's a bunch of nonsense, that's how they get drawn in deeper and deeper.

 

[zekko]

Emotion is the feminine polarity, Stoicism is the masculine polarity.
Women want men to be in control of their emotions, so they can act as a reliable rock in a storm.
To fall prey to emotion is a sign of weakness, and a a weak man is unattractive.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I don’t know if it’s universally ‘unatractive’.
I had a GF who would get horny when I became angry and started swearing. I rarely get angry and rarely swear.

 

[BaronOfHair]

And women love to try and solve mysteries...

They're still trying to discover why there were all entranced by Pretty Little Liars

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don’t know if it’s universally ‘unatractive’.
I had a GF who would get horny when I became angry and started swearing. I rarely get angry and rarely swear.

Yes because it was out of the norm. If that was your normal it would have had the opposite effect

 

[Sega Genesis]

I had a GF who would get horny when I became angry and started swearing. I rarely get angry and rarely swear.

Not sure about swearing (personally I dislike it), but was your anger justified?

Many women do get turned on when their boyfriends/husbands "call them on their shyt"
when warranted.

It's a sign of strength and masculinity..

That's different from "spilling your feels" in an overly expressive and emotional way or otherwise whining and complaining. Which is a huge turn off for many women, myself included.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Not sure about swearing (personally I dislike it), but was your anger justified?

Many women do get turned on when their boyfriends/husbands "call them on their shyt"
when warranted.

It's a sign of strength and masculinity..

I wasn’t mad at her.