why is showing emotion unattractive?

[PlatoPacks23]

whenever I talk too much or just start talking how I (honestly) feel, it seems to turn people off esp woman... or "overly sharing"

And yet when I feel "Fake" and just pretend everything is great without getting overtly excited and act kinda "stoic" it seems to work better.

WHY is this? showing emotion and being more upfront w my guy friends doesn't seem to be an issue, I just don't understand the reasoning behind it.

obviously it's not great to feel "stoic and fake" all the time, but it seems like that's what works better w woman I just don't enjoy feeling like I'm faking it.

 

[HaleyBaron]

Cringy emotion is unattractive. A guy who owns himself is the hottest guy in the room.

To add a more fair response: an emotional guy seems like a woman. And women don't like other women. Us men are superheroes. We have the ability to shut off our emotions and that makes girls admire us and feel like we can protect them. Put a bearded manchild in the same room as a bearded army soldier, and the women 9 times out of 10 will keep near the soldier, especially in less secure situations.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If your emotions are positive, uplifting, self confident, filled with agency, contagious = attractive

If your emotions are negative, weak, "poor me," lacking any agency, etc. = unattractive

Slim, young, low body count, feminine women = attractive

Old, angry, fat, tatted up, ran through = unattractive

Not really all that complicated.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not. Lack of control over your emotions is.

 

[BPH]

It's not. Lack of control over your emotions is.

@PlatoPacks23 this.

Women want a man. You don't have to pretend not to have problems - just know the woman you're talking to doesn't have the solution for them. In which case, why share?

 

[PlatoPacks23]

@PlatoPacks23 this.

Women want a man. You don't have to pretend not to have problems - just know the woman you're talking to doesn't have the solution for them. In which case, why share?

I wouldn't say its complaining, id say I find when I get too excited or "happy", it can maybe come across reactive or not manly?

basically I find being stoic and kinda on 1 level no matte what (which is boring and annoying and "fake" to me) is only thing that kinda works.

 

[BPH]

I wouldn't say its complaining, id say I find when I get too excited or "happy", it can maybe come across reactive or not manly?

basically I find being stoic and kinda on 1 level no matte what (which is boring and annoying and "fake" to me) is only thing that kinda works.

Either mirror her energy level, or find someone who's already at yours.

Lower energy = Boring, shy, uninteresting

Higher energy = Overeager, hyper, exhausting

Just try to keep an even keel.

 

[BaronOfHair]

whenever I talk too much or just start talking how I (honestly) feel, it seems to turn people off...

Start writing them a check for being your shrink, '23.... These folks will become enamored with you in record time

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Either mirror her energy level, or find someone who's already at yours.

Lower energy = Boring, shy, uninteresting

Higher energy = Overeager, hyper, exhausting

Just try to keep an even keel.

It also really makes them wonder about you because they can't get a good read on you and you come across as somewhat aloof and mysterious...

And women love to try and solve mysteries...

 

[jhonny9546]

women love to try and solve mysteries

Good for ons, not a relationship.
These types of women want a man to "understand" because they want to "fix" him.
Healthy women are focused on their life, not their man's

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Good for ons, not a relationship.
These types of women want a man to "understand" because they want to "fix" him.
Healthy women are focused on their life, not their man's

Nah, that's a bunch of nonsense, that's how they get drawn in deeper and deeper.

 

[zekko]

Emotion is the feminine polarity, Stoicism is the masculine polarity.
Women want men to be in control of their emotions, so they can act as a reliable rock in a storm.
To fall prey to emotion is a sign of weakness, and a a weak man is unattractive.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I don’t know if it’s universally ‘unatractive’.
I had a GF who would get horny when I became angry and started swearing. I rarely get angry and rarely swear.

 

[BaronOfHair]

And women love to try and solve mysteries...

They're still trying to discover why there were all entranced by Pretty Little Liars

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don’t know if it’s universally ‘unatractive’.
I had a GF who would get horny when I became angry and started swearing. I rarely get angry and rarely swear.

Yes because it was out of the norm. If that was your normal it would have had the opposite effect

 

[Sega Genesis]

I had a GF who would get horny when I became angry and started swearing. I rarely get angry and rarely swear.

Not sure about swearing (personally I dislike it), but was your anger justified?

Many women do get turned on when their boyfriends/husbands "call them on their shyt"
when warranted.

It's a sign of strength and masculinity..

That's different from "spilling your feels" in an overly expressive and emotional way or otherwise whining and complaining. Which is a huge turn off for many women, myself included.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Not sure about swearing (personally I dislike it), but was your anger justified?

Many women do get turned on when their boyfriends/husbands "call them on their shyt"
when warranted.

It's a sign of strength and masculinity..

I wasn’t mad at her.

 

[jhonny9546]

Nah, that's a bunch of nonsense, that's how they get drawn in deeper and deeper.

What do you mean?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Its because of their upbringing, ger brain was wired to seek the hormone of happiness, when you got angry it was familiar, because her brain thinks, well if he gets mad and start swearing, at least he cares just like my dad/mom.


It literally has nothing to do with him.

Sure it does...if he acted like this all the time she likely wouldn't be with him

 

[Bokanovsky]

whenever I talk too much or just start talking how I (honestly) feel, it seems to turn people off esp woman... or "overly sharing"

And yet when I feel "Fake" and just pretend everything is great without getting overtly excited and act kinda "stoic" it seems to work better.

WHY is this? showing emotion and being more upfront w my guy friends doesn't seem to be an issue, I just don't understand the reasoning behind it.

obviously it's not great to feel "stoic and fake" all the time, but it seems like that's what works better w woman I just don't enjoy feeling like I'm faking it.

I wouldn't say that showing emotion is inherently unattractive. It depends on what emotions you show and how you show them. Display of positive emotions, such as being upbeat, confident and optimistic is very attractive. On the other hand, constant negativity, whining, and portraying yourself as a victim can make you look stupid and/or weak.