Why Good Men Are Giving Up on Dating : The Relationship Struggle No One Wants to Talk About

[CoolWave1331]

^ High interest is when you are a priority and games are kept to a minimum (not completely eliminated - there is always initial element of push & pull to show she's high value / "in demand")

The reality is men that women don't like: they tend to stay away from/avoid. They don't want to give those men the impression there is a chance. They don't want their time wasted and groan whenever these kinds of guys come talk to them.

So what does that tell you? I'm not going to say 100% of the time but if you have a woman trying to get your attention, tryin to start conversations, asking to hang out in any way (even if it's minor stuff like grabbing coffee ---- which some of you guys dismiss LOL), these are generally good signs. You just hav to play along. She wants it just as bad as you do an wants you to understand that but there is a certain dance that takes place ("dating stuff" to vet whether you are trustworthy and not a compete weirdo).

When I have dealt with "highly interested" women, a lot of times they did the bulk of the leg work ie ask to hang out, etc. You can easily tell - it's the complete opposite of when you deal with uninterested women which shows in the following manner: Difficult conversations, ignored, always "busy", hard to get a hold of and so on.

Forget to giev examples: --- I once found myself in a cafe (a starbucks). I was by myself sitting at a table. A woman came over and she said "Hey I want to know if you want to sit with me and my friend?" So I went with her to her table and I talked to this two chicks. It didn't take me long to figure out what the deal was - she eventually outed her friend when during the convesation she made a joke about how "single she was". Anothe time I was in a bar for some themed thing, was like a Cinco de Mayo type thing something to this effect. This guy came up to me he seemd a bit drunk and goes "Dude I know some hot girls you're going to meet them" and he walked away. Stunned, I said ok and thought what an odd guy. Sure enough after some time he came back with two really good looking girls. Apparently they had used him to make the introduction. I don't know the exact details but they for some reason thought me and this guy knew each other. He then walked away leaving me to talk to these two girls.

I'm not mentioning the above to stroke myself or anything, these are not regular occurrences. Most of the time will be a lot more indirect bu the point is it happens. women aren't completely helpless and are "go getters" in their own way.

 

[jhonny9546]

It’s about women actually practicing what they preach. If you say you want a serious relationship, your actions should reflect that. If you claim you don’t have time for games, stop playing them. If you meet a good man—one who treats you with respect, communicates openly, and genuinely wants to get to know you—don’t sabotage it by overthinking, doubting, or testing him

1)Men dont get anything that matches in value the effort/work they put

One thing that still tightens my heart, and makes me feel an intense emotion that I would define as blood boiling, is when you always hear the same situations and sometimes you have the chance to live them.
The woman who always complains about him, how he is an *******, careless, unpleasant, smelly, violent, aggressive, and yet, not even that he makes a change to improve himself, because he is objectively a terrible man, she is always there to take care of him like a child (my mother and father).

Then as OP, you hear online about healthy relationships, where if one of the two raises their voice because she forgot to put salt in the pasta, then they divorce.

But you find one with high interest, and all that goes out the window.

That's exactly what I'm describing above I assume. Can you define "high interest" better? Could be codependency, unresolved trauma, etc.

 

[Mike32ct]

I think the stereotypical “choosing signal” of her looking at a guy from across the room and smiling at him is quite rare, unless the guy is Chadlite minimum and she has super high interest.

More commonly, she’ll stare for a few seconds, not smile and then look away.

 

[SW15]

I think the stereotypical “choosing signal” of her looking at a guy from across the room and smiling at him is quite rare, unless the guy is Chadlite minimum and she has super high interest.

More commonly, she’ll stare for a few seconds, not smile and then look away.

That's not a choosing signal and that's not any indicator of interest. That behavior would give a male approacher no information on interest.

 

[Mike32ct]

That's not a choosing signal and that's not any indicator of interest. That behavior would give a male approacher no information on interest.

Ok. Years ago, I had good luck approaching after receiving a deliberate stare of a few seconds (not accidental eye contact). The late Player Supreme also mentioned this before. I also had a woman therapist tell me that “Women only look at guys they are attracted to.”

Is there a specific IOI or choosing signal that you look for? Or you typically just approach cold?

 

[SW15]

Is there a specific IOI or choosing signal that you look for? Or you typically just approach cold?

I look for the combination of direct eye contact and a smile. I smile at women upon direct eye contact and look to see if a smile gets returned.

I will sometimes approach without an IOI but those are even lower probability than the eye contact and smile combination signal.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Ok. Years ago, I had good luck approaching after receiving a deliberate stare of a few seconds (not accidental eye contact). The late Player Supreme also mentioned this before. I also had a woman therapist tell me that “Women only look at guys they are attracted to.”

Is there a specific IOI or choosing signal that you look for? Or you typically just approach cold?

I kid you not, sometime I have the impression of women noticing my presence and using their full willpower not to look at me, not even by mistake.

No connection with their L level, could be anything from top stacy to a sink with makeups.

Me personally, the signal that works best is proximity wheter it's them getting close to you (imagine at the gym) or you getting close to them and them not minding it or even showing an open body language.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The issue for a lot of men is: “What is high interest”? They can’t recognize it. Or maybe they can and I can‘t.

When I young, an older female friend introduced me a Filipino Maxim cover model at a big event. I couldn't believe my luck and was so excited. At an event we exchanged phone numbers. I asked her out by text and she said yes, and then she would often text me late at night from University, saying “I just got off work, getting home in 20 min, how are you doing?”

You know what I was thinking? ”Ah, she’s probably with her 6’1 boyfriend going to sleep with him tonight, and just texting me to see how desperate I am for a girl.”

A while ago, I went with a hot woman a few times and really wanted to sleep with her. One Saturday night she texted me “Hi BB89, how are you doing?“. I was pumped, I was thinking “sweet, she’s going to come over and finally it’s going to happen”. I texted her back “Good, what are you doing?” Her <Silence> Again, I’m thinking “What, her boyfriend is sleeping with her at the time and he told her to text me that to see how desperate I am for a woman?”

So many more examples like that. So what is “high interest“ from a woman?

You don't need to be able to recognize high interest, you simply filter out what you know is low interest, and everyone knows what low interest involves.

Whatever is left is at least more than low interest.

 

[The Duke]

You don't need to be able to recognize high interest, you simply filter out what you know is low interest, and everyone knows what low interest involves.

Whatever is left is at least more than low interest.

I think some of the signs women display are too subtle for some to determine as high or low interest.

I've observed my own friend hit on a girl and I could tell from 25' away by her negative body language during the first few minutes that he was wasting his time. 30min later he had wasted his time and money buying her a drink. This is an experienced guy that just doesn't pickup on the signs. He is too busy talking to notice her behavior.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think some of the signs women display are too subtle for some to determine as high or low interest.

I've observed my own friend hit on a girl and I could tell from 25' away by her negative body language during the first few minutes that he was wasting his time. 30min later he had wasted his time and money buying her a drink. This is an experienced guy that just doesn't pickup on the signs. He is too busy talking to notice her behavior.

That's already a losing proposition with buying her a drink in exchange for her talking with him.

 

[Smok1nAce]

Modern young women don’t have the social skills/ grace older women have had.

You have to be able to read her. Once you do it’s easy to see what girls might be serious to what girl aren’t.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Then as OP, you hear online about healthy relationships, where if one of the two raises their voice because she forgot to put salt in the pasta, then they divorce.

Such instances are merely the final sticks which break the backs of a camel

 

[jhonny9546]

Such instances are merely the final sticks which break the backs of a camel

Hmm I don't mean that they are people who carry grudges or past arguments as accumulation and look for a scapegoat to end the relationship.

But people who really if they see you getting too pissed off, tell you "darling, you are totally out of control, next time thank you"