Who "enjoys" approaching women?

[SW15]

I am impressed that @Borknagar and @Ricky were both participating on the forum in 2001-2002 and are still here today.

In October 2001, when the thread first started, I was a college freshman and I was doing some approaches then.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Who actually "enjoys" approaching some girl you've never met before and hitting on her?

I ever enjoyed “approaching” women, though I didn’t mind if spontaneous conversation came up from social interaction or introduction.

I’ve concluded approaching women with no introduction or IOI is anti-social.

Additionally, most women, likely nearly all, are not interesting. So approaching isn’t fun.

 

[pipeman84]

No you aren't. You are believing they'd love to meet an awesome guy like yourself.

There are a couple of issues with that line of thinking to justify approaching women without IOIs.
1. Illusion of grandeur comes to mind
2. If you're really awesome, then you have standards, consequently a woman has to prove she meets those standards in order for you to interact with her. How does she do that if she's just standing there in line at the coffeehouse or walking past you in a mall?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There are a couple of issues with that line of thinking to justify approaching women without IOIs.
1. Illusion of grandeur comes to mind
2. If you're really awesome, then you have standards, consequently a woman has to prove she meets those standards in order for you to interact with her. How does she do that if she's just standing there in line at the coffeehouse or walking past you in a mall?

This is simply a misapplication of principles. It's YOUR JOB to find out if she qualifies. That means you have to BE THE MAN and LEAD the interaction, not sit around hoping she jumps through hula hoops for you.

Based on what you said you would never do anything since you are waiting for them to prove they are worth interacting with. This makes no sense since without having any interaction with her you would have no clue if she is worth it or not. That requires both action AND interaction to find out.

 

[pipeman84]

This is simply a misapplication of principles. It's YOUR JOB to find out if she qualifies. That means you have to BE THE MAN and LEAD the interaction, not sit around hoping she jumps through hula hoops for you.

Good jobs or places at an university have pre selection criteria. They don't waste their time trying to find out if a guy who studied art qualifies for an orthopedic surgeon position or convince a high-school dropout how great an investment banking job is. It's the same with a guy who has standards ... he doesn't just go to any woman he finds attractive based on a cursory look.

Based on what you said you would never do anything since you are waiting for them to prove they are worth interacting with. This makes no sense since without having any interaction with her you would have no clue if she is worth it or not. That requires both action AND interaction to find out.

All the proof required is a situation where you actually have time to look her over and her showing she's open for interaction (IOIs). Going up to her without that doesn't show you're awesome but a man with FOMO and little standards.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Good jobs or places at an university have pre selection criteria. They don't waste their time trying to find out if a guy who studied art qualifies for an orthopedic surgeon position or convince a high-school dropout how great an investment banking job is. It's the same with a guy who has standards ... he doesn't just go to any woman he finds attractive based on a cursory look.


All the proof required is a situation where you actually have time to look her over and her showing she's open for interaction (IOIs). Going up to her without that doesn't show you're awesome but a man with FOMO and little standards.

Or you simply don't care and go for what you want like a real man would and aren't worried about trying to shield your ego to a level that you only approach slam dunks?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Bars/clubs after s couple of drinks. It’s fine.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Good jobs or places at an university have pre selection criteria. They don't waste their time trying to find out if a guy who studied art qualifies for an orthopedic surgeon position or convince a high-school dropout how great an investment banking job is. It's the same with a guy who has standards ... he doesn't just go to any woman he finds attractive based on a cursory look.


All the proof required is a situation where you actually have time to look her over and her showing she's open for interaction (IOIs). Going up to her without that doesn't show you're awesome but a man with FOMO and little standards.

I agree with your posts. I’ve also concluded if a man is relegated to doing cold approaches to get a woman, he did something wrong, or something went wrong for him in life. Unfortunately modern society has the latter occurring with increasing frequency.

 

[IKO69]

I wouldn’t do that personally, it shows that you lack social skills. I’d rather approach women who give iois, I believe women don’t like it anyways to be cold approached due to the pressure, that’s why they give often fake numbers I guess, because that’s what I read in some threads here

Problem is IOI's aren't always clear cut and will be ambiguous a large number of times. Most women aren't going to be so bold as to openly look at a guy and flash him a huge smile, letting him know it's safe to proceed. The guys that talk to women know they feel very UNCOMFORTABLE about taking on this role (being direct & initiating) and unanimously believe & will tell you it is the man's job to approach.

You're really going to have no choice but to take action with a lot of beautiful women you come across, as many soon realize unless they want to be left by the wayside.

 

[Manure Spherian]

You're really going to have no choice but to take action with a lot of beautiful women you come across,

Do you think men of low to moderate SMV should approach stranger beautiful women?

 

[IKO69]

Do you think men of low to moderate SMV should approach stranger beautiful women?

They are already doing it anyway. There are lots of guys out there who are successful with women and don't have all advantages some guys are lucky to have. Fact of the matter is any guy worth his salt is gonna go for what he wants and not hope it pray it falls into his lap.

 

[IKO69]

Iois are actually pretty clear, dont know where you get that from tbh. Usually If its ambigious she sees you only as Option, but if she sees you as option it is still an invitation to see whether you are her top option, your chance. In my personal experience I usually get pretty clear IOIs, so cant help much with that

If they are so clear, why do you get alot of posts on here of guys misinterpreting them and getting shot down? Why do you have guys in general saying they suck at reading women's signals? Why do women also express men are poor at picking them up? These are commonly expressed things - clearly not so clear cut then.

No one is saying an IOI can't be meaningful. I'm not some schlub who never got a "choosin' signal', I know what they are. Short of a woman directly locking eyes with and smiling at you (you would be foolish not to do something in this situation), that **** is vague af. A woman walking by you or looking your way once or twice is sometimes nothing more than that - she was just getting by or looking around the room.

Women in general won't be direct even if they are interested - they expect the man to take charge. That leaves one option: everyone knows what that one option is.

 

[ManlyMan]

Well I actually enjoyed approaching women. When I become too results oriented I do my worst. I do my best when I actually don't care much about the outcome. Outcome Independence is a good attitude to acquire.

 

[Manure Spherian]

They are already doing it anyway. There are lots of guys out there who are successful with women and don't have all advantages some guys are lucky to have. Fact of the matter is any guy worth his salt is gonna go for what he wants and not hope it pray it falls into his lap.

I agree with Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, a book recommended on this forum: approaching women out men’s leagues makes them look desperate. Women who are even mildly socialized are well aware of what is going on and what men they can pull. However men who want to guarantee much rejection can try as they may.

And as I said before, I believe men who must resort to cold approaching, which many women consider a public nuisance if done by awkward or lower-status men, had something go wrong in their lives. Either they made poor decisions, had bad luck, or mental issues that didn’t allow them to be around women and form relationships with them organically. This is what many boomers and Gen Xer’s cannot relate to because they had lives in which women were just there.

Just my perspective.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

I really like it a lot. I think myself out of doing it usually because im not reallya take action guy. The odd time I get nervous but not often, pretty rare. But if I get a good reaction then I'm happy and feel great. And if I get a bad reaction (1 in 40 times or less) then it just makes me feel awesome. And if it goes nowhere and she doesn't stop or something then I still feel awesome.

I think it's because when I was younger I did exposure therapy for rejection. I just tried for a long time to just go up2 a whole lot of women and get purposely rejected. So after a while it just made me feel good.

If you get nervous or feel bad after then you have a fear of abandonment with that person. So u just gotta purposely get rejected and then build yourself back up and just keep doing that and the pain slowly goes away until it no longer exists. And after a while you will be like iron. But if your not willing to purposely get rejected and face your fears head on then you just won't get past it. And if you don't then you can't be your real self. And when you ask for her number you won't be chill because your emotions will own you.

There used to be a dj boot camp on here that said to do this. I took that hardcore. So yeah one time out of like 800 approach I got asked to leave the mall by security and I actually just didn't care. The girls were too young but I didn't know that and it was my first approach in a while so my charisma was turned off. But just go back a few months later. They don't remember you.

Your responsible for your character. How you respond to stuff happening is you. Your character. The other person shows their character and mostly you can just learn from things that happen. Even if she says I have a boyfriend... that means nothing unless he is standing beside her. So who cares? Sh t test passed

Sh t tests are all over women's interactions. Some stuff I hear guys leaving the interaction about are just sh t tests that the guy failed.

Just an an under the radar approach. Goto the mall and ask a girl if she has any ideas for a birthday present for a girl. Or if you have ice cream on your face from an ice cream your eating.

Also if your at the mall... getting ice cream and approaching is awesome. It's a source of happiness

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Women in general won't be direct even if they are interested - they expect the man to take charge. That leaves one option: everyone knows what that one option is.

Living in a less Catholic-heavy environment than Miami would be option #2

Would Socal girls insist on ambiguity? Girls in Vegas? Manhattan? Women in Houston or Scottsdale?

Perhaps, but less frequently imo.

 

[IKO69]

Living in a less Catholic-heavy environment than Miami would be option #2

Would Socal girls insist on ambiguity? Girls in Vegas? Manhattan? Women in Houston or Scottsdale?

Perhaps, but less frequently imo.

I lived in San Diego for many years Billy P, grew up in Boston - i'm going to be honest I didn't notice much of a difference between the two (mia & san d. in terms of approach). All women largely do the same thing, it's hardwired into them. Yes, you can pick up on certain behavioral things here and there and sometimes the woman will be more forward (I know i've made posts on here with examples where the woman pretty much initiated) but there are also cases when you just have to say **** it and go for it. I don't necessarily fault guys for not being brazen enough to want to do it, but being 40 years old and having been in the game for quite a while now, i've come to realize sometimes you simply won't have a choice but to grab your balls and step over. If you see an ultra hot babe, the type you don't encounter often, you might as well take a shot. If your mentality is of someone that is willing to do whatever it takes and wants to win, rather than just watch from the sidelines, it will make sense. Some will say "But what if I get rejected?" Ok you got rejected, who cares, you'll forget it by tomorrow. At least you know you demonstrated courage and did something probably 90% of the other guys around you wished they had the balls to do. It is also not a reflection of your worth in any way, it's just one woman.

By not acting you are essentially rejecting yourself - you take yourself out of the game and then have to deal with the regret of not knowing one way or another. I know i've done that before, been a number of times years ago where I felt bad for not having tried to make a move with a particular woman. Would've preferred the rejection because then could've moved on faster.

 

[Apone]

Rejection has become less painful for me as my wins increase. For instance, being rejected by a group of 3 girls used to be my worst nightmare. When it actually happened, I literally laughed and moved on. Didn't ruin my night at all.

Approaching is like swimming in a cold pool. You just have to step all the way in and let the coldness envelop you until you no longer feel the sting of the cold. It's the only way.

 

[MtmVaott]

A man can give IOIs, too...

 

[corrector]

Good to remind ourselves that guys hated cold approach pre internet, pre Me too, pre dating apps,.pre social media, etc.... Less guys are upset today either using swipe apps or giving up altogether.