When Your Wife Lies to You...

[Bigpapa]

Dude, in all fairness you exaggerate things

It was not a problem till now the name change and then it is? Or the instagram thing?

To me it sounds like a petty “ she asks me this so I will ask her that so she does not think that I am an 1d1ot”

I think that you are on your way to auto sabotage your marriage over a stupid thing

If she had something to hide she would not have given her phone to begin with

Basic “ I act like alpha but in reality I am omega as f8ck”

Instead of doing a sh1t show for nothing, better try to do introspection in order to actually find why you feel the need to “act alpha”

Actually, the only thing I get and feel when going through the thread is that you would cheat on your wife but you are not that successful, and project on her what you would do if you were her. The thief screams after other thieves for being thieves

Sorry bro, just giving you a reality check

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP this stuff unfortunately has to be sorted out before the marriage. It can’t be done retroactively.

The lies here are indistinguishable between nefarious and precedent. If these boundaries aren’t weren’t initially agreed upon, she may very well just lying to placate you on this new precedent.

You have to either eat it or get the divorce. Sorry to say…

 

[Money & Muscle]

Dude, in all fairness you exaggerate things

It was not a problem till now the name change and then it is? Or the instagram thing?

To me it sounds like a petty “ she asks me this so I will ask her that so she does not think that I am an 1d1ot”

I think that you are on your way to auto sabotage your marriage over a stupid thing

If she had something to hide she would not have given her phone to begin with

Basic “ I act like alpha but in reality I am omega as f8ck”

Instead of doing a sh1t show for nothing, better try to do introspection in order to actually find why you feel the need to “act alpha”

Actually, the only thing I get and feel when going through the thread is that you would try to cheat on your wife but you are not that successful, and project on her what you would do if you were her. The thief screams after other thieves for being thieves

Sorry bro, just giving you a reality check

I think your perception is incorrect but it doesn't matter.

She lied to me and that's a problem. If you don't see that as an issue, that's fine.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Sorry man but I think you are not reading this correctly. Hell yes woman don't act like this. If I had a dollar for everytime a guy said this to me to find out later...I would have a bit a cash from it.

And if she has cheated, then I move on.

 

[Bigpapa]

I think your perception is incorrect but it doesn't matter.

She lied to me and that's a problem. If you don't see that as an issue, that's fine.

So what you would have expected her to do when you started acting needy? Tell you “ you are such a great husband and then have wild sex?”

When you start losing frame, women little by little will not follow you till they will give you a boot in your a$$

Making a fuss over things that you accepted till now, and even taken as a bundle mean nothing… just is perceived as desperation by women

But again, if you feel that she lied to you then boot her out of your life… but we both know that you will not do it. You are Just creating drama for no reason

I am quite sure that the reason of all this sh1t show is that she is not really sleeping with you anymore so you started panicking, but only after you tried to cheat and did not really worked out ( and that is the real story of the ring - this bullsh1t that you go to the gym and can not train with it is pure bullsh1t )

And like @stringpuller mentioned she knew long time ago that she has you by the balls and that is why she did not made drama out you not wearing your wedding ring, because she was quite sure that even if you try you will not be able to cheat

When women are not jealous at all it means that they are not that synched with you anymore

Sorry bro, again… reality check. Not trying to be a d1ck

If you want to be a wise man, just do introspection and stay alone for a while so you have time to do it properly, and hopefully by the end of it you will be a better man. In the meantime just stop being a b1tch, you will only shoot your self in the foot

 

[soulforge]

So what you would have expected her to do when you started acting needy? Tell you “ you are such a great husband and then have wild sex?”

When you start losing frame, women little by little will not follow you till they will give you a boot in your a$$

Making a fuss over things that you accepted till now, and even taken as a bundle mean nothing… just is perceived as desperation by women

But again, if you feel that she lied to you then boot her out of your life… but we both know that you will not do it. You are Just creating drama for no reason

I am quite sure that the reason of all this sh1t show is that she is not really sleeping with you anymore so you started panicking, but only after you tried to cheat and did not really worked out ( and that is the real story of the ring - this bullsh1t that you go to the gym and can not train with it is pure bullsh1t )

And like @stringpuller mentioned she knew long time ago that she has you by the balls and that is why she did not made drama out you not wearing your wedding ring, because she was quite sure that even if you try you will not be able to cheat

When women are not jealous at all it means that they are not that synched with you anymore

Sorry bro, again… reality check. Not trying to be a d1ck

If you want to be a wise man, just do introspection and stay alone for a while so you have time to do it properly, and hopefully by the end of it you will be a better man

I don't think OP acted needy.

He set a Boundarie about her deleting her Instagram in exchange for him to get the ring tattoo.

How the fuk is that needy!

I don't think OP needs to check/view her Instagram history though, because most likely he will not like what he sees.

Never once ever have I felt the need to check a girls messages or history online.

The only issue I see here is this.. These type of boundaries should be set at the very beginning of the relationship, when she asks you, what are we?

It's in that moment OP should be asking her to delete Instagram in order to become exclusive with her. She will either accept or refuse to do so, which is a good guage of her interest level.

Honestly man some of you guys take this alpha alpha, lost frame, needy, her vagina dried up, your princess is in another castle to whole new level.

Literally everything is lost frame to you guys.

 

[Bigpapa]

I don't think OP acted needy.

He set a Boundarie about her deleting her Instagram in exchange for him to get the ring tattoo.

How the fuk is that needy!

So if you were a girl and a guy would tell you this out of nowhere, you would have the exact same line of thinking?

One thing is to tell this to a girl at the beginning the “rules” - even though personally I think is stupid -, and a totally different thing to come up with this sh1t after you got married

“ you know what hun, I actually I am not ok with you having an instagram or not having my last name “ . This does not sound weird at all, no? + the jealousy about some random dude ( like if she would have liked him she would have been so transparent about him )

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Talk to her as rationally as you can.

"I'm thinking about getting a divorce. Here's why."

And make your case.

Game out her responses before hand so you'll have an idea how to counter.

If you are calm enough during the discussion, you can feel her out to see if she thinks the relationship is worth saving or if she's already mentally abandoned ship.

Be willing to negotiate to save the marriage.

Getting divorced in California will be a horrible experience, depending on how vindictive she might become.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Boundaries and limitations before your in the thick of it, she needs to be aware "This action will have this consequence" because when you spring it on her, she's going to feel attacked.

In lieu of boundaries and limitations, you have opted to negotiate when you have nothing to negotiate with, if she's violating every boundary you set its because she knows she's in a winning position.

These things like no social media and such need to be set before marriage, so she has an out, if you would of told her "No Instagram" before you got married, she likely would of left, as most women would, but now that you've set the boundary, it's kind of unfair for her because her only option is to either violate the boundary or divorce.

It sounds like you rushed into this marriage without setting the proper boundaries for yourself to feel comfortable which means she held frame and talked you into it, the lack of a ring is the last hold out of frame you have left, you know it and we know it, but it's already gone, your trying to catch the grains of sand falling out the hour glass, it's never gonna work.

At this point, you can't go from negotiating to dictation, your gonna need to fulfill her boundaries if she's gonna fulfill yours, AT THAT POINT if it's still not working then it's done.

Better men than you and me have also gotten themselves into this trap, it is what it is, but your stuck negotiating whether you like it or not, if you plan to just dictate to her at this point it is definitely over, her resentment is already building, so is yours. You've grown to resent each other as many married couples do.

You might as well go to marriage counselling, learn how to communicate through the resentment. Know that the counsellor is gonna take her side on this, your gonna have to justify every boundary and limitation.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

I;m going to ask you a couple of questions, to have some background, but you have to honest, don't matter how bad it is.

she needs to delete her instagram

Why is this a big deal about her having instagram? Did you ever see her messaging back & forth with another dude? Women need some kind of distraction, so if she's not anyhting suspicious, why were you asking to delete her instagram?

change her last name

Why now and not talked before getting married? I know a friend had his wife change last name because it was easier for them to have bank accounts, pick their kid from school, etc.

cut contact with someone I know was on her backup roster

Women always have somebody on back up, it is normal, but did you ever see her talking to that guy more than normal? Texting too much? You know something more...

I want to ask for her phone, check her IG messages, download her activity usage, and send it to my phone. I'm very seriously considering divorce at this time.

Have you ever had any reason to do that? Did she change with you? I know you were getting all the enthusiastic sex you want and whenever you want, so this come as a surprise.

 

[The Duke]

Would you have left her if she had only lied, but not cheated?

Yes. I would find it hard to trust. You have two types of people in the world. Liars and honest folks. You see there is no in between.

Some can accept and forgive, but it goes against my personal constitution. I'm a little like John Wayne.

You have a kid with her and I think you need to do what's right for your kid whatever that means to you.

 

[soulforge]

So if you were a girl and a guy would tell you this out of nowhere, you would have the exact same line of thinking?

One thing is to tell this to a girl at the beginning the “rules” - even though personally I think is stupid -, and a totally different thing to come up with this sh1t after you got married

“ you know what hun, I actually I am not ok with you having an instagram or not having my last name “ . This does not sound weird at all, no? + the jealousy about some random dude ( like if she would have liked him she would have been so transparent about him )

Bro stop eating those Alpha Chad pills all day long. FFS

OP wasn't needy at all... Should he have laid this boundary down at the beginning of the relationship? Absolutely yes.

I agree the timing is off... However guess fvking what? Life isn't a Disney Fairytale where everything goes according to plan all of the time.

This Instagram issue, was a problem for op, and he had the balls to speak on it. He let her know what he expects.

Needy/weak/beta is when a dude is super afraid to let her know what his Expectations are, because he fears her reaction.

Some of you dudes on this Alpha/Chad trip so much, anything and everything is needy to you guys.

Your so afraid of voicing your boundaries, from fear that she won't see you as the Alpha Chad Superman anymore.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Lot of guys making good points in here. I feel a little of myself in the OP.

I would be interested to hear about how some distance and silence would do in this situation.

Distance can be applied in the home- you refrain from being retarded in front of your children but then you simply leave her alone when they aren’t observing it.

Don’t attend things together that aren’t absolutely critical. Critical is defined as where skipping the event would be detrimental to you or your children.

Learn, in whatever way you can, how it feels to be more comfortable by yourself, how it feels to send an obvious message to her through quiet self-confidence, and what the results of that activity bears out.

Also, look hard honestly on what your role was in this situation.You did not act like a perfect human being. Figure out where that is, and why you feel the need to make grand gestures like a tattoo instead of wearing a removable wedding ring.

I feel as if something is seriously missing here: if your wife knows you’re in a job that can’t wear a wedding ring, then her giving you a hard time about it does not make sense.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Why is this a big deal about her having instagram? Did you ever see her messaging back & forth with another dude? Women need some kind of distraction, so if she's not anyhting suspicious, why were you asking to delete her instagram?

For the same reason I would ask her to delete Tinder if it were on her phone. I didn't see instagram that way until about 6 months ago.
She never really sent much for messages from what I saw. If she sent any - they were to her female friends.

Why now and not talked before getting married?

We both wanted her to change her last name before we got married. Some family stuff happened with my dad and she wanted nothing to do with the name... she was also a crazy pregnant lady so that didn't help. Shortly afterwards, I had completely adopted her frame and was an abolute happy wife happy life beta turd. Took 3-4 years for that to start changing, but during that time I was too beta to push the issue. I mentioned the last name thing before I brought up the ring agreement; she was okay with doing it but we'd already been married like 6 years at that point so the tingles for it were long gone (for her).

Yes, I'm well aware of all my f*ck ups in this area. Don't get married young when you have an ultra blue pill dad as your only adult role model.

Women always have somebody on back up, it is normal, but did you ever see her talking to that guy more than normal? Texting too much? You know something more...

My wife and I were best friends for years before we started dating. Distance played a significant factor, but once we were close - we couldn't NOT be together so I came back from deployment and we got married near immediately.
The only friend she still has that she met before me was this guy. Now, don't get me wrong - I like the dude, and he's actually been on my side in previous arguments when he and I aren't really friends, but he's one of the very few men who I think could effectively replace me. Smart, funny, handsome, hard working, has 2 doctor parents and is about to be a doctor himself.... you see where I'm going. I make ~150k yearly and have the exact physique in my profile picture, but I know if she and I split - he's right there and I wouldn't blame my wife one bit.

They spoke semi frequently, but the conversations were literally always friendly and never flirty. I just don't believe men and women can just be friends if both are attractive, and both of them are. It's bad math.

Have you ever had any reason to do that? Did she change with you? I know you were getting all the enthusiastic sex you want and whenever you want, so this come as a surprise.

No. I've never had any reasons to snoop or keep tabs on her outside of safety reasons (coming home late with a long drive through the mountains kind of thing).
We were and still are f*cking 5+ times weekly with frequent BJs.

 

[Money & Muscle]

OP wasn't needy at all... Should he have laid this boundary down at the beginning of the relationship? Absolutely yes.

This.
I was young, dumb, and extremely blue pill. Not a great combo for starting a marriage.

 

[Rainrain]

Men cheat when they want sex.
Women cheat when they want out of the relationship.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Women cheat when they want out of the relationship.

Or when they want a baby with badboy genes.

 

[Bigpapa]

For the same reason I would ask her to delete Tinder if it were on her phone. I didn't see instagram that way until about 6 months ago.
She never really sent much for messages from what I saw. If she sent any - they were to her female friends.


We both wanted her to change her last name before we got married. Some family stuff happened with my dad and she wanted nothing to do with the name... she was also a crazy pregnant lady so that didn't help. Shortly afterwards, I had completely adopted her frame and was an abolute happy wife happy life beta turd. Took 3-4 years for that to start changing, but during that time I was too beta to push the issue. I mentioned the last name thing before I brought up the ring agreement; she was okay with doing it but we'd already been married like 6 years at that point so the tingles for it were long gone (for her).

Yes, I'm well aware of all my f*ck ups in this area. Don't get married young when you have an ultra blue pill dad as your only adult role model.


My wife and I were best friends for years before we started dating. Distance played a significant factor, but once we were close - we couldn't NOT be together so I came back from deployment and we got married near immediately.
The only friend she still has that she met before me was this guy. Now, don't get me wrong - I like the dude, and he's actually been on my side in previous arguments when he and I aren't really friends, but he's one of the very few men who I think could effectively replace me. Smart, funny, handsome, hard working, has 2 doctor parents and is about to be a doctor himself.... you see where I'm going. I make ~150k yearly and have the exact physique in my profile picture, but I know if she and I split - he's right there and I wouldn't blame my wife one bit.

They spoke semi frequently, but the conversations were literally always friendly and never flirty. I just don't believe men and women can just be friends if both are attractive, and both of them are. It's bad math.


No. I've never had any reasons to snoop or keep tabs on her outside of safety reasons (coming home late with a long drive through the mountains kind of thing).
We were and still are f*cking 5+ times weekly with frequent BJs.

Dude, stop reading red pill bullsh1t and enjoy your marriage and children

 

[Bigpapa]

Or when they want a baby with badboy genes.

Only if she feels she settles, but even then

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Only if she feels she settles, but even then

Over the years, I had sex with three married women who wanted me to impregnate them.