When Your Wife Lies to You...

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Many women want their man to be awesome. If they cannot feel awe for their man once in a while, they start thinking the bad thoughts.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Talk to her as rationally as you can.

"I'm thinking about getting a divorce. Here's why."

And make your case.

Game out her responses before hand so you'll have an idea how to counter.

If you are calm enough during the discussion, you can feel her out to see if she thinks the relationship is worth saving or if she's already mentally abandoned ship.

Be willing to negotiate to save the marriage.

Getting divorced in California will be a horrible experience, depending on how vindictive she might become.

Good advice though I would avoid the D-word. Tell her that you are contemplating where your relationship is going and that you are concerned about a few things.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Here's the hard truth about women. And this is not some "red pill" dogma or "guru" wisdom. It's based on years of life experience and observing the experiences of other people.

A woman will only respect you if she's afraid of losing you. Full stop, end of story. The moment she senses she has the upper hand in the relationship, respect goes out the window never to return again. This is why marriage is a bad idea in general. It's a financial trap (unless you're a deadbeat with nothing to lose).

 

[soulforge]

I've read through the entirety of the thread. The relationship between @Money & Muscle and his wife is not salvageable in any way. There are too many issues of mistrust.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7: It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has

Here's the hard truth about women. And this is not some "red pill" dogma or "guru" wisdom. It's based on years of life experience and observing the experiences of other people.

A woman will only respect you if she's afraid of losing you. Full stop, end of story. The moment she senses she has the upper hand in the relationship, respect goes out the window never to return again. This is why marriage is a bad idea in general. It's a financial trap (unless you're a deadbeat with nothing to lose).

This is why, it's essential to Walk Away atleast once in the relationship, so you knows/understands that you mean business and one foot is out of the door.

 

[The Duke]

Here is one thing to consider going forward.... telling a woman you would consider divorcing her, kicking her out, etc. will shake her foundation. There will be cracks. It will improve her behavior for the short term but also cause some mental instability and anxiety. Her (half logical at best) hamster brain won't convince herself that she needs to be accountable for her issues. She will question your commitment and try and put this on you and make it something it's not. Standard female operating procedure.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Here is one thing to consider going forward.... telling a woman you would consider divorcing her, kicking her out, etc. will shake her foundation. There will be cracks. It will improve her behavior for the short term but also cause some mental instability and anxiety. Her (half logical at best) hamster brain won't convince herself that she needs to be accountable for her issues. She will question your commitment and try and put this on you and make it something it's not. Standard female operating procedure.

She's the one who is responsible for earning/keeping my commitment. I've made that clear.

So she may question it all she wants, but if she wants to continue being a part of my life - she knows what is required.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Here is one thing to consider going forward.... telling a woman you would consider divorcing her, kicking her out, etc. will shake her foundation. There will be cracks. It will improve her behavior for the short term but also cause some mental instability and anxiety. Her (half logical at best) hamster brain won't convince herself that she needs to be accountable for her issues. She will question your commitment and try and put this on you and make it something it's not. Standard female operating procedure.

Pretty much the same thing I said in different words.

 

[Solomon]

Okay so time to update.


W: (in tears) Did you come home to find reasons to divorce me?
MM: No. I came home with hopes you were going to give me reasons to stay.
W: (with more tears) Are you seeing/looking for anyone else?
MM: No, but it would be nice. The way you're handling these things makes me want to.
W: (not as many tears) IDK how to make you want to stay. You only tell me I'm pretty when I'm blowing you or we're f*cking.
MM: ...
MM: It's when you look prettiest. I need to be able to trust you.
W: Do you want me to delete my IG?
MM: Do what you want with it. I don't care about your IG, I care that you didn't follow through on your promise and left me to find out on my own. (true)
W: ...
MM: ...
MM: *walks into office to do school*

NO shade to OP but Why does this sound like the beginning to a cuck scene that you would read reddit on R/cuck? lol

 

[Solomon]

I used to have these convos. Not anymore. These conversations don't work.
You are a logical man trying to negotiate with an action based female.
She just proved to you that her words mean little.
Here we are SS back to the very basics. Actions. Always actions.
OP marriage counseling is just the funeral. Take control of your own life and I would really suggest stop pedastalizing this woman.
The fear of losing her to Dr. Goodlove is going make you crazy.
It may work out but your trajectory is not good. If I were you I would take action now and prepare.
California will roast you. Maybe move? More divorce friendly state?

You bring up a great point so my question to you is how does a husband or a guy in an LTR argue or better yet convey his points? I'm not saying that we should be dormats but OP has a valid argument and wifey breached his trust so how do you reconcile that? I think we forget that no one is perfect in a relationship not giving wifey a past but we know that if you give a woman inch they will try to take a foot

 

[The Duke]

She's the one who is responsible for earning/keeping my commitment. I've made that clear.

So she may question it all she wants, but if she wants to continue being a part of my life - she knows what is required.

Stay firm and consistent.

She's the one who is responsible for earning/keeping my commitment. I've made that clear.

So she may question it all she wants, but if she wants to continue being a part of my life - she knows what is required.

I understand, and thats how it should be. Just remember what I said. Don't cut her slack on what you expect and appropriate behavior. But do try to understand there will be some insecurities in her. Be patient and remind her you prefer to work thru it and are supportive of a healthy relationship. And tell the poor girl she is pretty more often, other than when she is naked! ;-)

 

[stringpuller]

You bring up a great point so my question to you is how does a husband or a guy in an LTR argue or better yet convey his points? I'm not saying that we should be dormats but OP has a valid argument and wifey breached his trust so how do you reconcile that? I think we forget that no one is perfect in a relationship not giving wifey a past but we know that if you give a woman inch they will try to take a foot

Your concern is valid. First thing is first. Stop keeping score.
You treat this just like you would a girlfriend. You withdrawal attention.
There are breaches and bad things that can be overcome for sure. BUT that amount of remorse is very rare and must be backed up by ACTION. Her actions.

In OPs case and here we are again talking about from the beginning.
Dont keep score. In LTRs you hit the ball back and forth and focus on technique.

You are right about certain things but fixing something from behind is very challenging.
It can be done though. But in OPs case he has to renew his mind. First things first was her being upset about the ring.
To her maybe but he could of played it differently.
If it were me I would have said.
"Come to think of it I do get more attention when they know I am all yours"

Being s hard-line jealous D bag in LTR is not the way. But being stupid also is not.
You have to be cunning af to be honest

 

[BadBoy89]

Okay so time to update.

MM: do you have anything you want me to know?
Wife(W): I dont know what you're getting at.
MM: Have you deleted your Instagram?
W: (looking semi-caught) No.
MM: When is the last time you logged in?
W: Earlier today.
MM: What were you on there for?
W: I needed school resources (our daughter is homeschooled by her) and found one or two things that I could use for the gym.
MM: How often are you going on IG?
W: not very much, but when I need things for T's(daughter's) school.
MM: Why did you not delete your IG when I asked you to? You said it would take a month to transfer information and it's been 4.
W: I needed more information for this year.
MM: And you didn't think telling me that up front would land better than me finding out on my own..?

(insert argument here)

W: (in tears) Did you come home to find reasons to divorce me?
MM: No. I came home with hopes you were going to give me reasons to stay.
W: (with more tears) Are you seeing/looking for anyone else?
MM: No, but it would be nice. The way you're handling these things makes me want to.
W: (not as many tears) IDK how to make you want to stay. You only tell me I'm pretty when I'm blowing you or we're f*cking.
MM: ...
MM: It's when you look prettiest. I need to be able to trust you.
W: Do you want me to delete my IG?
MM: Do what you want with it. I don't care about your IG, I care that you didn't follow through on your promise and left me to find out on my own. (true)
W: ...
MM: ...
MM: *walks into office to do school*

(15 minutes go by)

W: *comes in and kisses me on the forehead before taking our daughter to gymnastics* (she rarely does this).
W: Goodbye.
MM: Bye.

We'll see what happens when they get back in like 5 hours.

How do you remember word-for-word what your wife said? I can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday.

It amazes me how some of Sosuave‘s users memories are good.

 

[Money & Muscle]

How do you remember word-for-word what your wife said? I can’t remember what I had for breakfast yesterday.

It amazes me how some of Sosuave‘s users memories are good.

I was far more calm going into this than I ever have been before. Probably because I was ready to leave if she answered in a way that would make me think something else is going on. Surprisingly, being calm walking into an argument that will determine what your future looks like - is quite a good way to remember things.

I was getting signals of an impending main event (rapidly escalating sh*t tests the likes of which she's NEVER done before) and I had already pre planned what I was going to say. I knew what I wanted and all I had to do was say it.

At any rate, the words aren't exact - but close to.

 

[Money & Muscle]

NO shade to OP but Why does this sound like the beginning to a cuck scene that you would read reddit on R/cuck? lol

No shade to you, but why are you familiar with cuck scenes on reddit?

 

[Murk]

I give it 6 months before she’s pregnant with black kids with green eyes.

You will of course raise them as your own, little De’quan and Javontae. Asking father why his ring finger is disfigured and why uncle Tyrone is always around when your at work.

Do keep us posted on this one.

 

[Money & Muscle]

I give it 6 months before she’s pregnant with black kids with green eyes.

You will of course raise them as your own, little De’quan and Javontae. Asking father why his ring finger is disfigured and why uncle Tyrone is always around when your at work.

Do keep us posted on this one.

It would be very hard to tell what color the baby is in 6 months when she's not pregnant now.

But hey, maybe you're right! If a black baby pops out of that woman - i hope she can find the father because I'll be gone before they cut the umbilical cord.

Ill admit that black skin and green eyes would be cool though.

 

[Murk]

It would be very hard to tell what color the baby is in 6 months when she's not pregnant now.

But hey, maybe you're right! If a black baby pops out of that woman - i hope she can find the father because I'll be gone before they cut the umbilical cord.

Ill admit that black skin and green eyes would be cool though.

You won’t have trouble finding him, he will be holding her hand as she delivers that king into the world. They start a new family and forget you exist, you name becomes a distant memory. An inside family joke they tell for generations. Your ex wife’s vag is now moulded in the shape of Tyrone. They live happily in your home surviving solely on your alimony.

 

[Money & Muscle]

You won’t have trouble finding him, he will be holding her hand as she delivers that king into the world. They start a new family and forget you exist, you name becomes a distant memory. An inside family joke they tell for generations. Your ex wife’s vag is now moulded in the shape of Tyrone. They live happily in your home surviving solely on your alimony.

Do you have any other wildly insightful remarks to make, or are you just living out your cuck fantasy?

If she wants to f*ck someone else, she's welcome to. It'll be a downgrade. I'll take the opportunity to upgrade.

 

[Pierce.Manhammer]

Not sure what happened to you @Murk - but seriously man WTAF?

Does talking that way to a man who came here for support and advice a long time ago about his relationship somehow provide you some sort of satisfaction?

Do you have some sort of pre-existing beef with M&M?

You won’t have trouble finding him, he will be holding her hand as she delivers that king into the world. They start a new family and forget you exist, you name becomes a distant memory. An inside family joke they tell for generations. Your ex wife’s vag is now moulded in the shape of Tyrone. They live happily in your home surviving solely on your alimony.

 

[The Duke]

Do you have any other wildly insightful remarks to make, or are you just living out your cuck fantasy?

If she wants to f*ck someone else, she's welcome to. It'll be a downgrade. I'll take the opportunity to upgrade.

What @Murk said is valid. I thought that when I first read your story about your girls behavior. Many of us have good friends go thru this and been thru similar schitt ourselves. When women are considering thoughts of checking out, they display behavior similar to what your wife has done.

He is just looking out for you. Yeah he could have said it nicer, but there's a valid message.