wait_out
Master Don Juan
1) Sitting watching youtube movies on couch with 20 year old who told me she didn't know who Nirvana was and didn't know the riff from Come As You Are.
*Ouch*
*Ouch*
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
I just realized how f'ing old I really am - I do remember the name Nirvana. Some kind of wacky Buddhist concept right ? OR maybe it was the name of the first caffeine drink in a can, or.....just can't remember.wait_out said:It wasn't feeling old as so much that I loved the indie spirit of those times, despite the fact that Nirvana 'sold out' they had pretty spotless underground credentials and always pushed lesser known artists. So yeah that is a long way away these days.
I guess Lady Gaga is more the spirit of our times... I wonder what that means, culturally
Welcome to the pervert club, Zekko....zekko said:Here's my dilemna with age recently. I will meet other women my age, and I don't really think much about them. But then I meet their daughters and I am very physically attracted to them. That has to say something, I'm not sure what. By the way, these daughters are around 30, I'm not talking about underage girls like thedude4242 there.
I certainly wouldn't recommend having sex with a 14 or 16 year old. But to some extent the fact that they are taboo is simply a result of our culture. In other cultures it would be perfectly okay. So I'm not entirely sure how they decide which age is wrong and which isn't. Besides which, I'm sure not all 16 year olds are at the same maturity level.thedude4242 said:here is the thing. if I say a 14-16 old year is cute or hot I am a pervert. but all the time I hear women well over the age of 18 all the time talk about guys as young as 14, calling them cute and hot. as a white straight male I have no rights anymore.
I'm not fond of the term "feminine shaming", but if I can't appreciate the beauty of a 30 year old woman without being called a pervert, I think that's what's at work here. Too bad I can't appreciate their mothers the same way. I'd like to, it's just not there. Maybe when I'm 70.jophil28 said:Welcome to the pervert club, Zekko....
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.