What would you call this?

RickTheToad

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All I can tell you about her ex is he’s bald, apparently a narcissist and they dated a year.
Notice. The opposite of what you're portraying to her.

No we haven’t really talked about ex’s a lot. I think it came up once because she’s friends with two girls I dated in college and she just said why she moved back here from Colorado.
Another bad sign. A lot of ladies will not date a guy who've been with their friends. Yes, they'd fvck him, but that really depends on what the others said about you.

In all honesty I don’t think I want to go forward with this chick. I’m just trying to figure out a way to leave.
Simple. Hey, I'm just way too busy with work right now to focus on a relationship, and I do not want to waste your time. I wish you good luck out there and I am sure you'd be a great for someone else. Take care. Then go no contact. I say this, because, this can work in your favor later on if she reaches out again or sees you around the way. Ladies are fickle. They change their mind during the day as much as I wash my hands; and I'm OCD about that.
 

Robert28

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He tripped up where a lot of men do. Giving her too much free non-sexual attention. I recall a few ladies texting me all the time every day. I would respond at my leisure. That's what this dude and every other guy should do. Always respond to her communications, just at your pace, not her's. Shows you are busy with life, which, again, you should be. Talking about old boyfriends, hair, etc., not the greatest sign from a lady.
Well I neber did answer her texts right away, she also knows I’m busy but I mean I think I got too comfortable with this girl and let my guard down. I could text her today and say let’s go out tomorrow night and she say ok. She’s never cancelled on me or rescheduled or anything of the sort.
 

Robert28

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Notice. The opposite of what you're portraying to her.



Another bad sign. A lot of ladies will not date a guy who've been with their friends. Yes, they'd fvck him, but that really depends on what the others said about you.



Simple. Hey, I'm just way too busy with work right now to focus on a relationship, and I do not want to waste your time. I wish you good luck out there and I am sure you'd be a great for someone else. Take care. Then go no contact. I say this, because, this can work in your favor later on if she reaches out again or sees you around the way. Ladies are fickle. They change their mind during the day as much as I wash my hands; and I'm OCD about that.
Oh no she doesn’t see these two girls hardly ever or really talk to them, she just knows them so I know they haven’t talked about me. I doubt I would ever bump into this girl because we live 40 mins away from each other. It would be a waste of her time to come back later on because once I’m over someone I’ve lost all attraction I had to them. I don’t know how I got like that but I did. When I’m done I’m done with someone.
 

Igetit!

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Well I neber did answer her texts right away, she also knows I’m busy but I mean I think I got too comfortable with this girl and let my guard down. I could text her today and say let’s go out tomorrow night and she say ok. She’s never cancelled on me or rescheduled or anything of the sort.
Robert.....let me ask you a question. A real,simple easy question.......

What DO YOU WANT with this girl?
 

marmel75

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Well I’ve been seeing her for almost a month, we go out once or twice a week but I’m also seeing other people. I dunno if she is or not. We talk everyday, she initiates just as much as I do. I’ve brought up her coming over to spend the night or weekend sometime but she goes silent or it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. However she’s made me meet her mom. This girl is 33 and just got out of some year long relationship a couple months ago and she did make the comment “I’m glad we are taking it slow, this is nice for a change”. Slow is ok, but damn a month and no sex and you still aren’t initiating flirting? It feels like one of those almost-relationships.lol when we go out I’ll pay and she will pay the next time, I haven’t bought her a thing or been some nice guy, I know that. It feels like I’m a friend but then there’s times she acts like I’m more. It’s just a new situation I’ve never been in before so I didn’t know.
Basically she hasnt found someone she is really interested in or maybe doesn't know exactly what she is interested in but she knows that whatever that might be, it isnt you.

This is a waste of time...why are talking to her everyday this early on?

You need to show her by your ACTIONS and LACK OF AVAILABILITY that you aren't pleased by this...she will get the message, then she will deteemine what to do from there
 

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Chi Town

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She's not into you, her not fvcking you tells you all you need to no.

Anytime a girl shows mixed signals or hot/cold it's because she's toying with you/not interested.

My older brother always told me
"If she's not fvcking you, she's fvcking someone else"

In you're case, the guy who she's actually fvcking doesn't act in the way that you do, you are giving her waaay too much attention and you're not getting anything out of it but a kiss and a ass grab lol......

There's no resolving this situation as you are too far gone at this point, cut ya losses and learn from this or this will happen with every girl you date
 

Robert28

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Robert.....let me ask you a question. A real,simple easy question.......

What DO YOU WANT with this girl?
I wanted a relationship but I mistakingly bought into the thinking that she’d just gotten out of a supposedly bad relationship and wanted to take things slow. I should have put my wants above hers and that was a fatal mistake on my part and here I am.
 

markfromeurope

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So many pages of discussion about trying to let the woman know you don't give a phuck?

Dude. Don't lie to yourself.

You want to phuck her. If you will drop her bomb saying you two are mismatched and your last meeting level of sexuality was "0" or "2/10" then she will leave it at that.

If you want to phuck her you need to reframe her. You won't reframe her by simply dropping the "It's over" bomb. Leave some sexual energy behind you and try for the last time. Drop the bomb afterwards.

Also abundance mentality comes from abundance. If you have two other girls around like glassguy follow his advice but if not then considering you have already put time in 9 dates, doing one more for direct hit or reframe&hit doesnt sound that bad.
 

Glassguy

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Don’t worry I’m going to deploy those exact words, I just think it’ll be more effective springing them on her when she reaches out to me rather than me springing them out of the blue right now. I’ve copied and saved those words to use though.
If she texts you today, do not respond. She will text you again, you will not respond. If she texts you this evening, you will not respond. Tomorrow you will not respond. On Friday if/when she texts you, thats when you send it to her.

I will assume low interest/friend zone here too. She may just respond to that with "ok" and that will be it. So be it.

Millions of other women out there. Go find 3 or 4 worth being in a rotation.
 

sazc

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9 dates, and you are confused at her level of interest, and feel as if you put all the effort in sexually. Time to say goodbye
 

Igetit!

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I wanted a relationship but I mistakingly bought into the thinking that she’d just gotten out of a supposedly bad relationship and wanted to take things slow.
So you "wanted" (past tense) a relationship with her. I noticed in reply #5 you said you've been seeing each other for a month.......but you also said you two haven't had sex yet....even though you've tried.

So you're ready to enter into a relationship.......with a chick you've known 4 weeks......and have yet to have seen naked.....

May I ask why?


I should have put my wants above hers and that was a fatal mistake on my part and here I am.
Heh....you got that part right. It's like having a destination in mind,but you start your journey out headed in the wrong direction. That's kinda what you did here. You realized you were going the wrong way,(hence this thread)....so now you wanna turn around and get things back on track. That's both good and bad news.....

The good news is when you realized something was off,you stopped and decided to turn around.
The bad news is...well......if you go 50 miles in the wrong direction then decide to turn around,well you're headed the right way now....but you're STILL at -50. Those miles have to be made up. They don't just disappear and you reset to zero just cause you realize you made a mistake.


Basically,you're in the negative with this girl. You'd have to work your azz off just to make it back TO ZERO.....back to the beginning.


The reason I asked you what you wanted with this girl is,because honestly......I CAN'T TELL. You said you wanted a relationship with her,then you said you couldn't decide if you wanted to break things off either in person or by email,then in reply #44 you said something about "well damn....I've come this far,might as well keep trying".....so I can't tell what the deal is. What I do know is this.....

If you can come to a decision,a CLEAR CUT DECISION......be it "I just want to move on" OR "I want to sleep with her and see if that would possibly lead to anything more",it'd be a lot easier to help advise you.


It's kinda hard to help someone get where they're going when they're not clear about where they want to go.
 

SoSuave666

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Well I neber did answer her texts right away, she also knows I’m busy but I mean I think I got too comfortable with this girl and let my guard down. I could text her today and say let’s go out tomorrow night and she say ok. She’s never cancelled on me or rescheduled or anything of the sort.
what does she say when you ask her to come over for drinks and dinner?

Also anyone wondering about women and their orbiters from that other thread should pay close attention to this thread.
 

Robert28

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what does she say when you ask her to come over for drinks and dinner?

Also anyone wondering about women and their orbiters from that other thread should pay close attention to this thread.
She says that she’d love to have me cook for her sometime but I can’t ever get her to commit to it. She will counter with something like “sounds great, we should do that sometime, let’s go out for wings this Friday though.”
 

RickTheToad

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what does she say when you ask her to come over for drinks and dinner?

Also anyone wondering about women and their orbiters from that other thread should pay close attention to this thread.
Yes. He's become her gay boyfriend. It's going to get hard to break this. The only way would be a hard and fast break, but not sure if it is worth it. There's a reason why Rollo and AMS say DTB if there is no sex (or HJ, BJ, nudity) by the third or forth date. These are rules you need to live by these days.
 

Robert28

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So you "wanted" (past tense) a relationship with her. I noticed in reply #5 you said you've been seeing each other for a month.......but you also said you two haven't had sex yet....even though you've tried.

So you're ready to enter into a relationship.......with a chick you've known 4 weeks......and have yet to have seen naked.....

May I ask why?




Heh....you got that part right. It's like having a destination in mind,but you start your journey out headed in the wrong direction. That's kinda what you did here. You realized you were going the wrong way,(hence this thread)....so now you wanna turn around and get things back on track. That's both good and bad news.....

The good news is when you realized something was off,you stopped and decided to turn around.
The bad news is...well......if you go 50 miles in the wrong direction then decide to turn around,well you're headed the right way now....but you're STILL at -50. Those miles have to be made up. They don't just disappear and you reset to zero just cause you realize you made a mistake.


Basically,you're in the negative with this girl. You'd have to work your azz off just to make it back TO ZERO.....back to the beginning.


The reason I asked you what you wanted with this girl is,because honestly......I CAN'T TELL. You said you wanted a relationship with her,then you said you couldn't decide if you wanted to break things off either in person or by email,then in reply #44 you said something about "well damn....I've come this far,might as well keep trying".....so I can't tell what the deal is. What I do know is this.....

If you can come to a decision,a CLEAR CUT DECISION......be it "I just want to move on" OR "I want to sleep with her and see if that would possibly lead to anything more",it'd be a lot easier to help advise you.


It's kinda hard to help someone get where they're going when they're not clear about where they want to go.
Well I say wanted a relationship because we never argue, seem to have a ton in common, neber any awkwardness or whatever but the sex thing is the sticking point. If I had to make a list of **** I don’t like about her that would be the only thing on the list but it’s the most important. I don’t want to put in the effort to make it back that 50 miles, not that I’m too lazy but no girl is worth that in my opinion. I don’t want a friendship with her whatsoever and when I do break things off I’m not going to offer that because I don’t want to be friends with a girl I want to sleep with.
 
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Robert28

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Yes. He's become her gay boyfriend. It's going to get hard to break this. The only way would be a hard and fast break, but not sure if it is worth it. There's a reason why Rollo and AMS say DTB if there is no sex (or HJ, BJ, nudity) by the third or forth date. These are rules you need to live by these days.
And the weird thing is I apply those rules to every other girl, I don’t know why I was making excuses for this one to be honest.
 

Robert28

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Then you know what you need to do. Hard break and NC if she won't come over and be intimate. No more $$ or time on her.
Hell I haven’t spent all that much to be honest. When we have gone out to dinner it’s been to reasonable priced places like bars with food and Mexican once. Oh and all you can eat crab legs but she paid for that. My emotional investment is way more than my $$$ and that **** got out of balance somehow.
 

RickTheToad

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Hell I haven’t spent all that much to be honest. When we have gone out to dinner it’s been to reasonable priced places like bars with food and Mexican once. Oh and all you can eat crab legs but she paid for that. My emotional investment is way more than my $$$ and that **** got out of balance somehow.

Dude. Yes, you have. What is the most valuable resource we as humans have that once gone we can never get back? Time. You can always make more money, but you cannot make more time. If you're going out and she's also paying for things this early on, sounds more like a friendzone than a fvckzone dude. NC and done. I no longer think this friendship can be turned around. You need distance and allow her to chase you. If she does chase you and you're bored, you can invite her over to fvck, that is it. No more calls, chats, messages, etc. You are busy.
 

Robert28

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Dude. Yes, you have. What is the most valuable resource we as humans have that once gone we can never get back? Time. You can always make more money, but you cannot make more time. If you're going out and she's also paying for things this early on, sounds more like a friendzone than a fvckzone dude. NC and done. I no longer think this friendship can be turned around. You need distance and allow her to chase you. If she does chase you and you're bored, you can invite her over to fvck, that is it. No more calls, chats, messages, etc. You are busy.
You’re right. I think what made it take so long to realize I was in the FZ was I’ve never been in the FZ where the girl let’s you makeout with her whenever, grab her ass, etc. That’s a new type friend zone to me.
 
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