What methods of contact can you get?

GrowingPains

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I just cold approached two women on my own last weekend and a few weeks before that I cold approached a group of four on my own. Both were at patio bars. Both times, the girls were standing up.

In my experience, girls welcome a guy to join in their converstation but you have to be totally calm and confident. Have a question you want to ask the group, or a few people, say "excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but I had to know..." and ask your question. If you get any attitude, just laugh it off, remain un-phased, and play along with it. My experience is that when I walk up to a group solo, the girls open their eyes wide in astonishment that a guy on his own who isn't drunk, slurring his words, putting on a front, or seeming at all nervous, would ever approach a group of girls. The key is to remain calm and confident and have the mindset that you're just there to have an interaction and aren't trying to impress them and aren't worried about their impression of you. For example, the last pair of girls I talked to, when I gave them my name, one of them said, "That's my cat's name." I laughed and said, "Who the hell names their cat that??" Girls are simply NOT expecting this from a guy on his own in front of multiple girls. They love it.

If they were seated, I'd do my approach standing and if the first few back and forths went well, I would motion for a girl on the end of the table to scoot over so I could sit down, as I moved to sit down. I'd that wasn't an option due to individual chairs or not enough room, I'd just stay standing. No big deal.

Bottom line: Just do it.
+1000.

When I was in Europe recently I approached girls in groups like this. Haven't encountered many situations at home where I need to do this.. mainly because clubbing is a new thing for me.

Just smile, introduce yourself, be cool and chat.
 
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nicksaiz65

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I just cold approached two women on my own last weekend and a few weeks before that I cold approached a group of four on my own. Both were at patio bars. Both times, the girls were standing up.

In my experience, girls welcome a guy to join in their converstation but you have to be totally calm and confident. Have a question you want to ask the group, or a few people, say "excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but I had to know..." and ask your question. If you get any attitude, just laugh it off, remain un-phased, and play along with it. My experience is that when I walk up to a group solo, the girls open their eyes wide in astonishment that a guy on his own who isn't drunk, slurring his words, putting on a front, or seeming at all nervous, would ever approach a group of girls. The key is to remain calm and confident and have the mindset that you're just there to have an interaction and aren't trying to impress them and aren't worried about their impression of you. For example, the last pair of girls I talked to, when I gave them my name, one of them said, "That's my cat's name." I laughed and said, "Who the hell names their cat that??" Girls are simply NOT expecting this from a guy on his own in front of multiple girls. They love it.

If they were seated, I'd do my approach standing and if the first few back and forths went well, I would motion for a girl on the end of the table to scoot over so I could sit down, as I moved to sit down. I'd that wasn't an option due to individual chairs or not enough room, I'd just stay standing. No big deal.

Bottom line: Just do it.
Well this makes me feel a million times better about my life. I'm going out again this Friday before work, even if it's just by myself for 30 minutes to grab a (lite) beer. I'll challenge myself to do this.
 

nicksaiz65

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I don't do numbers game. Never did it and never will.

I also don't have a specific step by step seduction game plan if that's what u r asking. Never did it and never will.

What I do know is that women or girls traditionally are always on a lookout for men, plenty of women has admitted this to me.

I'm not really sure how I generate interest from the opposite sex but I get approached directly or indirectly to get some kind interactions going, even when I'm alone in a pub drinking and working on my laptop answering emails.

When I pry further, all they can say is that I have a certain presence that lures them, they feel it on some biological level.

I think it's my natural body language and my voice, it's only a guess but one that makes most sense.

Body language is perhaps just a confluence on how a man thinks, his traits and inherent personality.

That's me being randomly approached.

However my primary source of women comes directly from social networks I cultivate, when you know a single chick who thinks you're great, she'll want to introduce you to her friends and they in turn will want to introduce you to their friends, it never truly ends, there's an endless supply of women within that circle all working for you.

And that's why I told you to get invited to parties by offering to bring ur band along, generate presence through ur musical talents and slowly work from there.

You'll be invited to more and more parties without much effort since people think you're cool or great.
Ah, the social circle Game. I haven't actually been to any parties yet with my band, but some people actually invited me out clubbing today, which was a first. I also have a group of friends that I make beats with. I've hung with them maybe twice or so. Would making beats with people who go to frat parties count as using my musical talents and having presence as well?
 
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nicksaiz65

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I just cold approached two women on my own last weekend and a few weeks before that I cold approached a group of four on my own. Both were at patio bars. Both times, the girls were standing up.

In my experience, girls welcome a guy to join in their converstation but you have to be totally calm and confident. Have a question you want to ask the group, or a few people, say "excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but I had to know..." and ask your question. If you get any attitude, just laugh it off, remain un-phased, and play along with it. My experience is that when I walk up to a group solo, the girls open their eyes wide in astonishment that a guy on his own who isn't drunk, slurring his words, putting on a front, or seeming at all nervous, would ever approach a group of girls. The key is to remain calm and confident and have the mindset that you're just there to have an interaction and aren't trying to impress them and aren't worried about their impression of you. For example, the last pair of girls I talked to, when I gave them my name, one of them said, "That's my cat's name." I laughed and said, "Who the hell names their cat that??" Girls are simply NOT expecting this from a guy on his own in front of multiple girls. They love it.

If they were seated, I'd do my approach standing and if the first few back and forths went well, I would motion for a girl on the end of the table to scoot over so I could sit down, as I moved to sit down. I'd that wasn't an option due to individual chairs or not enough room, I'd just stay standing. No big deal.

Bottom line: Just do it.
Another thing I think I could consider as I do these approaches is not coming off as a Dancing Monkey. Having a calm masculine frame while still being fun and flirty. I'll keep working on that as I approach more.
 

Spaz

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Would making beats with people who go to frat parties count as using my musical talents and having presence as well?
Show them ur talents a few times, thereby increasing ur sphere of influence and as it grows so will ur presence.

Once that's established, they will want to introduce you to their other friends which in turn increases their own influence.

Do you see where I'm going with this young man?
 
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nicksaiz65

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Show them ur talents a few times, thereby increasing ur sphere of influence and as it grows so will ur presence.

Once that's established, they will want to introduce you to their other friends which in turn increases their own influence.

Do you see where I'm going with this young man?
I do. I've actually been doing this a bit with some friends last semester and that's how I made a new friend group this Summer.

I especially like this because it's more motivation to practice/write music. Which is a huge part of my purpose anyways, so it's a win win.
 

samspade

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@samspade @zekko @Spaz @oldmanofthesea

Regarding this whole approaching in front of others thing... Could I enlist you alls help again? So I organized a get together with some friends to hit a bar and drink some beer. There were so many 9s and 10s in there it wasn't even funny. Unfortunately, they were all sitting at different tables with their own cliques. I ended up not being able to do a single Cold Approach cause of that, I didn't know if I just wanted to walk up to someone's table out in the patio area and start talking. I don't wanna constrain myself to only bar approaches, but I can't really think of a good way to handle this. Just turn my head and talk to people who are near me only? I was wondering if you guys had any ideas so I can really play the Numbers Game this last half of summer. I did one Warm Approach but I wanna have this Cold Approach thing down pat.

And on that note, I'm off to a job interview. Wish me luck.
Work on being gregarious in general and it will overflow to those nearby. If you're laughing, having a good time, outgoing, etc., what's the harm in turning to the chick behind you and asking her opinion on something? Or commenting on something - her shirt, her food, her beer, whatever. If you're walking toward the bar and someone is in your sight line or waiting with you for a drink, chat her/him up. There's no need to exclude talking to men. They can be helpful, or good pivots to talking to the women they're with. It's also good practice.

I'll be honest, this is something I've been trying to strengthen. I've fluctuated in the past on being outgoing and not so much. Some people are just naturally talking to EVERYONE. I'm not saying you should be an obnoxious chatterbox (like John Candy in Planes Trains & Automobiles). Just try to have a vision of the entire venue instead of just the people you're with as your realm. And of course do an approach if you see a target.

Besides that, what's holding you - any of us - back is the fear in our head of being ridiculed or ostracized. Recognize that as a part of your evolutionary programming, but dismiss it as an unfounded warning from your subconscious. Your mind and body will do their best to keep you "stable" and so when you rock the boat they send signals. But if rocking the boat eventually becomes the new normal for you, your organism will adjust and you won't feel so nervous.

And on the spot when in doubt, just remember the 3 second rule. Better to say anything within that window than to delay or plan.
 

nicksaiz65

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Work on being gregarious in general and it will overflow to those nearby. If you're laughing, having a good time, outgoing, etc., what's the harm in turning to the chick behind you and asking her opinion on something? Or commenting on something - her shirt, her food, her beer, whatever. If you're walking toward the bar and someone is in your sight line or waiting with you for a drink, chat her/him up. There's no need to exclude talking to men. They can be helpful, or good pivots to talking to the women they're with. It's also good practice.

I'll be honest, this is something I've been trying to strengthen. I've fluctuated in the past on being outgoing and not so much. Some people are just naturally talking to EVERYONE. I'm not saying you should be an obnoxious chatterbox (like John Candy in Planes Trains & Automobiles). Just try to have a vision of the entire venue instead of just the people you're with as your realm. And of course do an approach if you see a target.

Besides that, what's holding you - any of us - back is the fear in our head of being ridiculed or ostracized. Recognize that as a part of your evolutionary programming, but dismiss it as an unfounded warning from your subconscious. Your mind and body will do their best to keep you "stable" and so when you rock the boat they send signals. But if rocking the boat eventually becomes the new normal for you, your organism will adjust and you won't feel so nervous.

And on the spot when in doubt, just remember the 3 second rule. Better to say anything within that window than to delay or plan.
I love the 3 Second Rule. I'll do some approaches at work today and I'll be sure to use it. This answers my question, I'll be back in here after I do hella approaches. I need to get laid again so I'll do as many approaches as it takes lol.

I think The Great Pook had a quote about this that I'll take to heart
 
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nicksaiz65

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It's not an outright faux pas in my opinion, but it's not the direction I'd want to go. Asking just reminds her and can short-circuit the conversation. You can take the conversation wherever you want to, so why bring up potential competition (or give her an idea for an excuse early on)? With day game, or any game really, remember that you want to qualify her. She "seems" cool, but you'd like to get to know her better, etc. You're getting to know her and seeing if she's a psycho or not, lol. So whether she has a boyfriend is immaterial to you since you don't even know if you'd let her into your apartment, or let her sleep with you. All the while you are building rapport and comfort.

And girls are gonna do what they're gonna do. She may lie and say she has one to let you off easy. She may say she has one but not turn you down for a meet. She may not mention she has one at all even if she does. It's her life. But when you bring it up, you make it the fulcrum for the whole interaction, if that makes sense.
I was doing some experimentation the other day. Chick who seemed receptive to me. I asked "So is that a a wedding band or just a ring?" She replied "Yes I'm married, but it's really not working out at all." I take that as "I'm about to monkey branch, shoot your shot." Had I not asked, I never would've gotten this information. But on the other hand, I don't like how vulnerable this move makes you. It's like if you're playing poker and you just show your opponent your cards. So I'm pretty torn on this.
 

samspade

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I was doing some experimentation the other day. Chick who seemed receptive to me. I asked "So is that a a wedding band or just a ring?" She replied "Yes I'm married, but it's really not working out at all." I take that as "I'm about to monkey branch, shoot your shot." Had I not asked, I never would've gotten this information. But on the other hand, I don't like how vulnerable this move makes you. It's like if you're playing poker and you just show your opponent your cards. So I'm pretty torn on this.
It almost sounds like you're in the middle of this interaction and stepped aside to post this, lol.

Anyway...she's obviously giving you a major green light to escalate. That might be an understatement.

Why do you suppose it makes you feel vulnerable? If someone shows you their cards, it means they want you to have what's in the pot. Obviously lesser skilled men might either shrink from the moment or way overplay it.

Perhaps her boldness took you aback and you weren't sure how to continue. How did you respond?

(If you're torn because she's married, that's legit and a separate concern.)
 
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nicksaiz65

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It almost sounds like you're in the middle of this interaction and stepped aside to post this, lol.

Anyway...she's obviously giving you a major green light to escalate. That might be an understatement.

Why do you suppose it makes you feel vulnerable? If someone shows you their cards, it means they want you to have what's in the pot. Obviously lesser skilled men might either shrink from the moment or way overplay it.

Perhaps her boldness took you aback and you weren't sure how to continue. How did you respond?

(If you're torn because she's married, that's legit and a separate concern.)
Lol this was actually last weekend. I've been meaning to update but I've been very busy so I'm just now getting around to it.

I just kinda don't like how it kills the mystery, kinda like how whenever you ask a woman if she has a boyfriend. Y'know?

I escalated the best I could, but unfortunately the logistics weren't there. I got her Snapchat. She texts back very quickly. The only day I have free is Thursday, but she's busy with her daughter then. So I'll text her and ask her out again in 2 weeks!
 
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