What methods of contact can you get?

GrowingPains

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I just cold approached two women on my own last weekend and a few weeks before that I cold approached a group of four on my own. Both were at patio bars. Both times, the girls were standing up.

In my experience, girls welcome a guy to join in their converstation but you have to be totally calm and confident. Have a question you want to ask the group, or a few people, say "excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but I had to know..." and ask your question. If you get any attitude, just laugh it off, remain un-phased, and play along with it. My experience is that when I walk up to a group solo, the girls open their eyes wide in astonishment that a guy on his own who isn't drunk, slurring his words, putting on a front, or seeming at all nervous, would ever approach a group of girls. The key is to remain calm and confident and have the mindset that you're just there to have an interaction and aren't trying to impress them and aren't worried about their impression of you. For example, the last pair of girls I talked to, when I gave them my name, one of them said, "That's my cat's name." I laughed and said, "Who the hell names their cat that??" Girls are simply NOT expecting this from a guy on his own in front of multiple girls. They love it.

If they were seated, I'd do my approach standing and if the first few back and forths went well, I would motion for a girl on the end of the table to scoot over so I could sit down, as I moved to sit down. I'd that wasn't an option due to individual chairs or not enough room, I'd just stay standing. No big deal.

Bottom line: Just do it.
+1000.

When I was in Europe recently I approached girls in groups like this. Haven't encountered many situations at home where I need to do this.. mainly because clubbing is a new thing for me.

Just smile, introduce yourself, be cool and chat.
 

nicksaiz65

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I just cold approached two women on my own last weekend and a few weeks before that I cold approached a group of four on my own. Both were at patio bars. Both times, the girls were standing up.

In my experience, girls welcome a guy to join in their converstation but you have to be totally calm and confident. Have a question you want to ask the group, or a few people, say "excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but I had to know..." and ask your question. If you get any attitude, just laugh it off, remain un-phased, and play along with it. My experience is that when I walk up to a group solo, the girls open their eyes wide in astonishment that a guy on his own who isn't drunk, slurring his words, putting on a front, or seeming at all nervous, would ever approach a group of girls. The key is to remain calm and confident and have the mindset that you're just there to have an interaction and aren't trying to impress them and aren't worried about their impression of you. For example, the last pair of girls I talked to, when I gave them my name, one of them said, "That's my cat's name." I laughed and said, "Who the hell names their cat that??" Girls are simply NOT expecting this from a guy on his own in front of multiple girls. They love it.

If they were seated, I'd do my approach standing and if the first few back and forths went well, I would motion for a girl on the end of the table to scoot over so I could sit down, as I moved to sit down. I'd that wasn't an option due to individual chairs or not enough room, I'd just stay standing. No big deal.

Bottom line: Just do it.
Well this makes me feel a million times better about my life. I'm going out again this Friday before work, even if it's just by myself for 30 minutes to grab a (lite) beer. I'll challenge myself to do this.
 

nicksaiz65

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I don't do numbers game. Never did it and never will.

I also don't have a specific step by step seduction game plan if that's what u r asking. Never did it and never will.

What I do know is that women or girls traditionally are always on a lookout for men, plenty of women has admitted this to me.

I'm not really sure how I generate interest from the opposite sex but I get approached directly or indirectly to get some kind interactions going, even when I'm alone in a pub drinking and working on my laptop answering emails.

When I pry further, all they can say is that I have a certain presence that lures them, they feel it on some biological level.

I think it's my natural body language and my voice, it's only a guess but one that makes most sense.

Body language is perhaps just a confluence on how a man thinks, his traits and inherent personality.

That's me being randomly approached.

However my primary source of women comes directly from social networks I cultivate, when you know a single chick who thinks you're great, she'll want to introduce you to her friends and they in turn will want to introduce you to their friends, it never truly ends, there's an endless supply of women within that circle all working for you.

And that's why I told you to get invited to parties by offering to bring ur band along, generate presence through ur musical talents and slowly work from there.

You'll be invited to more and more parties without much effort since people think you're cool or great.
Ah, the social circle Game. I haven't actually been to any parties yet with my band, but some people actually invited me out clubbing today, which was a first. I also have a group of friends that I make beats with. I've hung with them maybe twice or so. Would making beats with people who go to frat parties count as using my musical talents and having presence as well?
 
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nicksaiz65

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I just cold approached two women on my own last weekend and a few weeks before that I cold approached a group of four on my own. Both were at patio bars. Both times, the girls were standing up.

In my experience, girls welcome a guy to join in their converstation but you have to be totally calm and confident. Have a question you want to ask the group, or a few people, say "excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt but I had to know..." and ask your question. If you get any attitude, just laugh it off, remain un-phased, and play along with it. My experience is that when I walk up to a group solo, the girls open their eyes wide in astonishment that a guy on his own who isn't drunk, slurring his words, putting on a front, or seeming at all nervous, would ever approach a group of girls. The key is to remain calm and confident and have the mindset that you're just there to have an interaction and aren't trying to impress them and aren't worried about their impression of you. For example, the last pair of girls I talked to, when I gave them my name, one of them said, "That's my cat's name." I laughed and said, "Who the hell names their cat that??" Girls are simply NOT expecting this from a guy on his own in front of multiple girls. They love it.

If they were seated, I'd do my approach standing and if the first few back and forths went well, I would motion for a girl on the end of the table to scoot over so I could sit down, as I moved to sit down. I'd that wasn't an option due to individual chairs or not enough room, I'd just stay standing. No big deal.

Bottom line: Just do it.
Another thing I think I could consider as I do these approaches is not coming off as a Dancing Monkey. Having a calm masculine frame while still being fun and flirty. I'll keep working on that as I approach more.
 

Spaz

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Would making beats with people who go to frat parties count as using my musical talents and having presence as well?
Show them ur talents a few times, thereby increasing ur sphere of influence and as it grows so will ur presence.

Once that's established, they will want to introduce you to their other friends which in turn increases their own influence.

Do you see where I'm going with this young man?
 

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nicksaiz65

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Show them ur talents a few times, thereby increasing ur sphere of influence and as it grows so will ur presence.

Once that's established, they will want to introduce you to their other friends which in turn increases their own influence.

Do you see where I'm going with this young man?
I do. I've actually been doing this a bit with some friends last semester and that's how I made a new friend group this Summer.

I especially like this because it's more motivation to practice/write music. Which is a huge part of my purpose anyways, so it's a win win.
 

samspade

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@samspade @zekko @Spaz @oldmanofthesea

Regarding this whole approaching in front of others thing... Could I enlist you alls help again? So I organized a get together with some friends to hit a bar and drink some beer. There were so many 9s and 10s in there it wasn't even funny. Unfortunately, they were all sitting at different tables with their own cliques. I ended up not being able to do a single Cold Approach cause of that, I didn't know if I just wanted to walk up to someone's table out in the patio area and start talking. I don't wanna constrain myself to only bar approaches, but I can't really think of a good way to handle this. Just turn my head and talk to people who are near me only? I was wondering if you guys had any ideas so I can really play the Numbers Game this last half of summer. I did one Warm Approach but I wanna have this Cold Approach thing down pat.

And on that note, I'm off to a job interview. Wish me luck.
Work on being gregarious in general and it will overflow to those nearby. If you're laughing, having a good time, outgoing, etc., what's the harm in turning to the chick behind you and asking her opinion on something? Or commenting on something - her shirt, her food, her beer, whatever. If you're walking toward the bar and someone is in your sight line or waiting with you for a drink, chat her/him up. There's no need to exclude talking to men. They can be helpful, or good pivots to talking to the women they're with. It's also good practice.

I'll be honest, this is something I've been trying to strengthen. I've fluctuated in the past on being outgoing and not so much. Some people are just naturally talking to EVERYONE. I'm not saying you should be an obnoxious chatterbox (like John Candy in Planes Trains & Automobiles). Just try to have a vision of the entire venue instead of just the people you're with as your realm. And of course do an approach if you see a target.

Besides that, what's holding you - any of us - back is the fear in our head of being ridiculed or ostracized. Recognize that as a part of your evolutionary programming, but dismiss it as an unfounded warning from your subconscious. Your mind and body will do their best to keep you "stable" and so when you rock the boat they send signals. But if rocking the boat eventually becomes the new normal for you, your organism will adjust and you won't feel so nervous.

And on the spot when in doubt, just remember the 3 second rule. Better to say anything within that window than to delay or plan.
 

nicksaiz65

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Work on being gregarious in general and it will overflow to those nearby. If you're laughing, having a good time, outgoing, etc., what's the harm in turning to the chick behind you and asking her opinion on something? Or commenting on something - her shirt, her food, her beer, whatever. If you're walking toward the bar and someone is in your sight line or waiting with you for a drink, chat her/him up. There's no need to exclude talking to men. They can be helpful, or good pivots to talking to the women they're with. It's also good practice.

I'll be honest, this is something I've been trying to strengthen. I've fluctuated in the past on being outgoing and not so much. Some people are just naturally talking to EVERYONE. I'm not saying you should be an obnoxious chatterbox (like John Candy in Planes Trains & Automobiles). Just try to have a vision of the entire venue instead of just the people you're with as your realm. And of course do an approach if you see a target.

Besides that, what's holding you - any of us - back is the fear in our head of being ridiculed or ostracized. Recognize that as a part of your evolutionary programming, but dismiss it as an unfounded warning from your subconscious. Your mind and body will do their best to keep you "stable" and so when you rock the boat they send signals. But if rocking the boat eventually becomes the new normal for you, your organism will adjust and you won't feel so nervous.

And on the spot when in doubt, just remember the 3 second rule. Better to say anything within that window than to delay or plan.
I love the 3 Second Rule. I'll do some approaches at work today and I'll be sure to use it. This answers my question, I'll be back in here after I do hella approaches. I need to get laid again so I'll do as many approaches as it takes lol.

I think The Great Pook had a quote about this that I'll take to heart
 
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