She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Is that even possible? I guess one is what they do, but it seems like it would be pretty hard to kill natural tendancies. That's worth me googling to see what the so-called experts say about that.Francisco d'Anconia said:Surprising I had been an INTJ for a better part of my life. Over the last 10 years I evolved into a ENTP/J.
Who's to say that I was naturally an INTJ? I will admit that during my youth society had way more influence over my behavior. But still, change is always possible if a person is truly willing and authentically wants to.azanon said:Is that even possible? I guess one is what they do, but it seems like it would be pretty hard to kill natural tendancies. That's worth me googling to see what the so-called experts say about that.
I just had the understanding that once you're an adult, your personality is relative set, and though you can operate out of a comfort-zone, it doesn't change the actual zone (that much).Francisco d'Anconia said:Who's to say that I was naturally an INTJ? I will admit that during my youth society had way more influence over my behavior. But still, change is always possible if a person is truly willing and authentically wants to.
I've been challenging the concept of "inborn preferences." Even though we have certain patterns we follow due to the remaining nural pathways we retain as adult, those basically are our innate talents. As for our actions and what we prefer to do, I don't believe that they're inborn.azanon said:I just had the understanding that once you're an adult, your personality is relative set, and though you can operate out of a comfort-zone, it doesn't change the actual zone (that much).
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(edit) found this at personalitytype.com
"2. Isn't it possible to change our type as a result of experiences or as a result of pressure to be different?
Under most "normal" circumstances, no. While we may change the way we behave and may develop all kinds of adaptive or accommodating skills or habits, we do not change our personality type. Now, under extraordinary circumstances (i.e. serious child abuse, extensive experience in a lifestyle or career that runs counter to your normal operating style), people can and sometimes do become so affected (or damaged) that they no longer recognize their "true" selves. But in most situations, all we are really changing is our behavior - not our inborn preference." "
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
My guess is that the P/J is the easist to change, I used to be very P'ish but now straddle the line between P and J. As I've gotten older, I have less tolerance for flakiness, indecisiveness, clutter, disarray so I'm moving more towards the J side.azanon said:Is that even possible? I guess one is what they do, but it seems like it would be pretty hard to kill natural tendancies. That's worth me googling to see what the so-called experts say about that.
Come on, they can be the most fun.speakeasy said:I don't mind if a girl is E I F J Tor P, but if she is S, then I just don't click with her.
Strangely I'm actually less judgemental now than when I was younger (shut up back there in the peanut gallery). Like you I don't tolerate flakiness and such, I just sidestep the situation more readily without feeling that I need to look back.speakeasy said:My guess is that the P/J is the easist to change, I used to be very P'ish but now straddle the line between P and J. As I've gotten older, I have less tolerance for flakiness, indecisiveness, clutter, disarray so I'm moving more towards the J side.
Heh, I'm an ENTP with J tendencies as well. Go figure.Francisco d'Anconia said:Surprising I had been an INTJ for a better part of my life. Over the last 10 years I evolved into a ENTP/J.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Most badboys have the ESFP personality type, so probably a good one for attracting women.smooth guy said:eSfP and dont know what the hell it means
Not bad with the female gender.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.