"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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What if she left you because of communication issues?

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B0redandl0nely

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Howiestern said:
I get the AS thing, I've got many of the traits. I dated a girl that pointed it out to me. Once she realized I had a mild case, she became more understanding of how I was.

You will have to become better at addressing your shortcomings.

The movie "The Accountant" is a great window into what its like for someone with Asperger's and how they effect others around them. It helped me see a lot of myself.

You are going to have to get the fundamentals down first as the others have mentioned.
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Would you tell her if you were me?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Thorninmyside

Thorninmyside

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Third topic, same girl. Just out of interest, what just the rest of your life consist of? Do you work, study, have hobbies? Do you work out? Do you have interesting things going on in your life that a woman would be intrigued by?
 
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B0redandl0nely

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I go to college and work out. That's about it. I have aspergers syndrome so my interests are limited. I also have bipolar disorder which makes me depressed most of the time.
 
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AJ84

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B0redandl0nely said:
Would you tell her if you were me?
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I think you should disclose ( when you feel comfortable doing so) the next time you start to really like a girl. If you don't you risk her wondering why you are acting a certain way and assuming things, as this girl did.

Hiding it implies you have some character flaw. You didn't choose to have AS or bipolar.

I'm not going to insult you by implying that your concerns have an easy fix. They don't, but the fact that you have insight into them can help you find ways to overcome some of the challenges that you may be facing with dating.

I have a close relative with AS. Some guys here are going to tell you to socialize more or talk to girls more or open up more without understanding the issue around communication and AS.

Also, if you are on a mood stabilizer for the bi polar and feel depressed most of the time as you stated you may want to talk to your doc about that. Effectively treating bi polar often involves a lot of trail and error with different meds and doses etc.
 
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B0redandl0nely

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MidnightCity said:
so this didnt even qualify as a relationship. thus there was never even a "breakup"

this girl did the right thing and did you a favor. consider yourself lucky
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I'm gonna hit her up again and see what happens. What do I have to lose? I'm talking to more girls on POF anyway.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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ubercat

ubercat

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Oh god another sperg who knows best. At this rate Richard the frog can setup as a dating coach.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

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