"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

Read more...

What exactly is confidence?

Babnik

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2006
Messages
783
Reaction score
1
Is it that:

You WILL get her?
You CAN get her?

Shouldn't confidence build up on your experiences? If you get constantly blown off, how can you be confident?

Lets say you do 50 approachs and first 10 did not work, how could further approaches be made with confidence at all?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

The Nice Guy is Gone

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Aug 26, 2005
Messages
325
Reaction score
3
Because the confidence is within you, not necessarily with experiences. The frame of mind you should have when those first 10 reject you should be, "Well, it's their loss, not mine." Or something like, "They just lost out big-time."

Confidence starts in the mindset, and then builds up with approaching.
 

Babnik

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2006
Messages
783
Reaction score
1
The Nice Guy is Gone said:
Because the confidence is within you, not necessarily with experiences. The frame of mind you should have when those first 10 reject you should be, "Well, it's their loss, not mine." Or something like, "They just lost out big-time."

Confidence starts in the mindset, and then builds up with approaching.

But thinking like that is just an excuse for your own POSSIBLE failure. I mean, its like saying "Oh, I got a D because I had a crappy professor!" while it was your performance that got you a D!
 

Docs

Banned
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
3,571
Reaction score
56
Location
Kingston, Can-a-duh
Confidence is knowing you have the slightest chances for success, the greatest of failures, yet you still perform with the strength of determination without holding back.
 

blinkwatt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2005
Messages
1,904
Reaction score
7
Age
39
Docs said:
Confidence is knowing you have the slightest chances for success, the greatest of failures, yet you still perform with the strength of determination without holding back.
Bingo! Couldn't have said it better myself.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

Read more...

Babnik

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2006
Messages
783
Reaction score
1
Docs said:
Confidence is knowing you have the slightest chances for success, the greatest of failures, yet you still perform with the strength of determination without holding back.
And thats what women like? A guy who has SLIGHT chance of success and GREAT chance of failure?
 

blinkwatt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2005
Messages
1,904
Reaction score
7
Age
39
Babnik said:
And thats what women like? A guy who has SLIGHT chance of success and GREAT chance of failure?
No thats not what he is saying. Even with the odds against you,you have faith in yourself to beats the odds.
 

Docs

Banned
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
3,571
Reaction score
56
Location
Kingston, Can-a-duh
Babnik said:
And thats what women like? A guy who has SLIGHT chance of success and GREAT chance of failure?
No, it's about still trying even when you're facing the girl that makes you tremble, or the problem that makes you want to avoid it all together.
 

Babnik

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2006
Messages
783
Reaction score
1
Espi said:
Confidence is doing what you feel regardless of the consequences...

Now, of course, I DO NOT mean stealing, raping, looting, or any other illegal activity in which yourself or others are harmed or degraded.

Confidence is approaching the hottest girl at the party, despite the possiblity of being rejected or shaking as you talk to her.

To rephrase an oft-quoted cliche: Confidence is not the absence of fear; it's acting in spite of the fear.

Confidence is saying what no else says, though it needs to be said.

Confidence is doing what no one else does, though it needs to be done.

Confidence is marked by self-content thoughts and actions, and a confident man doesn't much care if people love or hate him. Yet, he is liked by many.


You guys talk about COURAGE and PERSISTANCE.

Go to dictionary.com and type in CONFIDENCE. Its about being SURE or TRUST into something.

If you are NOT sure - you are NOT confident.
 

blinkwatt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 6, 2005
Messages
1,904
Reaction score
7
Age
39
Babnik said:
Go to dictionary.com and type in CONFIDENCE. Its about being SURE or TRUST into something.
That sounds more like faith to me is the word they are looking for,to each their own.
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

Read more...

Babnik

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2006
Messages
783
Reaction score
1
So now it seems a lot of people really do not know what confidence is...maybe thats the problem.
 

bauer_23

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 7, 2006
Messages
63
Reaction score
0
Age
46
It's the difference between thinking you can and knowing you can.
 

Babnik

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2006
Messages
783
Reaction score
1
bauer_23 said:
It's the difference between thinking you can and knowing you can.



OK, let me get it straight. You approach a girl and you should FEEL that "I can **** her" , right?
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
Babnik said:
Is it that:

You WILL get her?
You CAN get her?
Confidence has absolutely nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.
 

ChrizZ

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 12, 2006
Messages
2,028
Reaction score
27
It is really weird. The more I get rejected, the more confident I get because I know that I can face my fear anytime, anywhere...
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

The Nice Guy is Gone

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Aug 26, 2005
Messages
325
Reaction score
3
ChrizZ said:
It is really weird. The more I get rejected, the more confident I get because I know that I can face my fear anytime, anywhere...
Actually, when I get rejected now, when I end up getting home, I laugh about it. It's kind of funny these days, when I do get rejected.

Because I haven't lost a thing, and they have lost a great opportunity.
 

Bvbidd

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 16, 2006
Messages
1,482
Reaction score
8
You just keep telling yourself that. :D

If they reject ya, they got a reason. You failed. Don't tell yourself anything else or your using the most mentally unhealthy defence mech there is, denial. :yes: There is more to girls then conquering your fear of em, lol.

Sorry, you needed that to come back down to the real world.
 

The Nice Guy is Gone

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Aug 26, 2005
Messages
325
Reaction score
3
Bvbidd said:
You just keep telling yourself that. :D

If they reject ya, they got a reason. You failed. Don't tell yourself anything else or your using the most mentally unhealthy defence mech there is, denial. :yes: There is more to girls then conquering your fear of em, lol.

Sorry, you needed that to come back down to the real world.
I'm in the real world--and I don't need you to tell me what I need. I'm happy, and I know what I want. And yeah, they may have a reason to reject ya, but more often than not, it's not a good one. So, before you start ridiculing someone and claiming that they are not in the real world, back up a bit.
 

Babnik

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 24, 2006
Messages
783
Reaction score
1
Bvbidd said:
You just keep telling yourself that. :D

If they reject ya, they got a reason. You failed. Don't tell yourself anything else or your using the most mentally unhealthy defence mech there is, denial. :yes: There is more to girls then conquering your fear of em, lol.

Sorry, you needed that to come back down to the real world.
And who said the girls you approach are WORTH a guy who has the game and all that? Most girls I talk to open their mouth and CRAP comes out of it...
Nobody is perfect anyway.
 

Nighthawk

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 22, 2005
Messages
2,078
Reaction score
29
Confidence is inversely proportionate to doubt. Arrogance is the absence of doubt, yet doubt is useful in moderation. So confidence is best achieved by entertaining doubt but not making it your master.
 

“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

Read more...

Top