Went to a meetup, asked a lady out, interesting response

Glassguy

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IDK man. She is showing a lot of signs of low interest. Wanting to meet up with you and her friends- low interest. You specifically asked for her cell and she avoided that- low interest.

You might not feel comfortable doing this, but this is what I would send her this:

"I am going to such and such place on this day at this time. Let me know if you can join up".

Thats it. You will either get a "Yes that works for me" or a "I am busy that evening" with a counter offer or no counter offer.

Counter offer- you can accept or recounter.
No counter offer- she wouldnt hear from me again unless she reached back out and knew when she will be free.

I dont really care if a woman gives me her number or not so long as she accepts the offer and shows up. She will offer it sooner or later.

The fact that you specifically asked for it and she totally ignored you is concerning.

If I were in your shoes and my attraction with this chick was a 5 or 6 then I wouldnt even respond and see if she reaches out the next few days.

If its a 7, 8 or 9- I would send her the "such and such day at this time at this place. Let me know if you can join" and go from there.

I can tell you this: if she didnt gladly accept that offer or counter offer, she has heard the last from me.

Let me know how it goes.
 

Who Dares Win

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I would say yes and gladly, even if there be the case of low interest (people and settings are used as barriers to intimacy) it could also be an opportunity to work on her while not being stuck with her.

I find dates to be boring at some point, I like group meets and then isolate the girl if there is mutual attraction, this way I can get to the good part without passing for the boring interview/listening one.

A 4 people table at the pub is much less work than a 2 one especially when it comes of paying attention, after all attraction is mostly chemistry (once the looks test is passed).

If there is mutual attraction and you build good rapport, it wont be a problem to isolate and execute.
 

RickTheToad

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I would say yes and gladly, even if there be the case of low interest (people and settings are used as barriers to intimacy) it could also be an opportunity to work on her while not being stuck with her.

I find dates to be boring at some point, I like group meets and then isolate the girl if there is mutual attraction, this way I can get to the good part without passing for the boring interview/listening one.

A 4 people table at the pub is much less work than a 2 one especially when it comes of paying attention, after all attraction is mostly chemistry (once the looks test is passed).

If there is mutual attraction and you build good rapport, it wont be a problem to isolate and execute.
Yes, I felt the same about the ignoring of my request for her number. I just replied "We'll figure something out. Text me when you have some time. My cell is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Ball is in her court.
 

HankHill

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Agree with @Glassguy - she doesn't seem to be highly interested. Also remember that when you meet people through meetup they know you'll run into them again so they don't want to create a weird vibe by rejecting you outright (depends on the chick, some are very savvy in doing so). The fact she suggested the other people sorta says she was making it more of a 'hang out' than a date.

Best is to back off a bit...the more you try (such as trying to get her number, which I don't even do anymore, they offer up when they're interested) the more she'll back away.

Just saw your update...that's a good response...if she comes back great, if not...no hard feelings.
 

Glassguy

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Yes, I felt the same about the ignoring of my request for her number. I just replied "We'll figure something out. Text me when you have some time. My cell is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Ball is in her court.
Listen.......dont take this as me trying to be a hard@ss. I am trying to help.

By sending her that, it WILL come across as VERY needy and I will tell you why:

1.) When you say "text me when you have some time" it is coming across as "Well I will be here when you are ready. I'll just be over here sitting around waiting". I know that you overtly didnt mean it to sound like that, but it WILL come across that way.

If the same situation happened with you and chick but the roles were reversed- she asked you the same thing and you dodged giving her your number....then she responds back with exactly what you sent.....you would think "this chick is desperate". You would also think "if she doesnt have a busy schedule and will just be there when I am ready, I probably dont want her".

Make sense?

Thats why I wouldnt have mentioned her number again. Ever. Just a "I will be at such and such place. Let me know if you can join".

That is putting the ball in her court and putting her on the spot to commit RIGHT NOW or to let me EASILY dismiss my interest in her.

2.) Then you gave her your number. You basically lost frame and lowered yourself below her. You gave her control. "Since you wont give me your number, here is mine". Thats how it comes across to her. I can promise you this.
What is strong framed about that? What is mysterious, edgy.......where is the abundance mindset?

You often get good advice from me and others on here, yet you go off and do something completely different. I can promise you that if I wanted to bang 50 chicks in 2019 I could do it with no problem. All would be attractive and meet most of what I look for in women. I dont have time for that and at the end of the day, I am looking for a potential LTR but I am in no rush. So 2-3 plates for the time being is perfect.

Point being- I chat up many chicks and I have done so for quite a while. I have learned that even through text, you have to convey a certain amount of masculinity and above all, have an outcome indifferent mindset. These chicks can sense stuff like that.

I went through a lot of trial and error in my text game until I got really good with it. I learned that it has to match my personality but even more so, my personality had to be on point first and foremost. Abundance. Outcome indifferent.
 

HankHill

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^ very valid points and I agree @Glassguy. In my experience though if the chick is interested in you she won't see any of that as being desperate or losing frame. The text could've been without the 'when you have *some* time' though. My go to text is always a variation of "Sounds good, let me know what days/times work for you". This forces her to come up with a concrete day/time and you're not asking 'if' she'll go out with you you're asking 'when' she'll go out with you. If she doesn't respond, just have to have the IDGAF attitude and move on to someone who is interested.
 

Glassguy

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^ very valid points and I agree @Glassguy. In my experience though if the chick is interested in you she won't see any of that as being desperate or losing frame. The text could've been without the 'when you have *some* time' though. My go to text is always a variation of "Sounds good, let me know what days/times work for you". This forces her to come up with a concrete day/time and you're not asking 'if' she'll go out with you you're asking 'when' she'll go out with you. If she doesn't respond, just have to have the IDGAF attitude and move on to someone who is interested.
Hank brings up a good point.

Most of what you do is based on how attracted and interested she is to YOU.

She has already shown that she is low interest in the way that she has interacted with you. At that point you can either slightly raise it or lower it depending on how you interact with her. Sending what you sent her will lower it even more.

If this chick was at the highest level of attraction and viewed you as a 9 or 10, all you would have to say was "hey" and she would basically pick up the convo and within a few messages, she would be asking you to get together.

Attraction and interest level are key components. Once you get better at how to evaluate both of those, you will know which path to go down.

Medium attraction women- I wouldnt have responded back to her response after you asked her for her number. At all. She would have to double text me and I would take my sweet old time before I responded back.

High attraction- she will easily meet up and you would have to be retarded or say or do something really stupid to lower your value in her eyes and not get laid in the first 1 or 2 dates.

Low attraction- you will deal with this bullsyte, mixed signals, etc.

Please watch this video. It sums it up perfectly as well as how to handle it. I 150% agree with AMS on this subject.

 

RickTheToad

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Perhaps, but it's done. I will not reach out again. I thought it was pointless going back and forth via Meetup message and that is why I just said reach out to me when you can (or whatever words I used). I've done that before and never had issues.
 

flowtheory

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I went to a meetup and we all went bowling. There were two attractive ladies there, and it seemed like we were getting along pretty well. I messaged her on Meetup asking if she'd like to go grab some drinks and to a specific event. She replied back it sounds like fun. Do you mind if we invite Mike and Stacey? They are two other people from the group that I do not know. Met them once, but she works with one and the other guy I just met. I was just going reply I rather it just be just us instead of a double date, but no issue. Perhaps another time.

Is that the proper response?
You met her on meetup. She is thinking friends; getting to know others. Friends. Who cares if there are two others there? It’s a second time meeting. Show her you’re fun and interesting, own the experience and be high value for all. Then during the night ask her on a date, not a hangout and you’ll get your answer then. And you can seefor yourself if she’s worth it the second time around.
 

RickTheToad

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Regardless, she called around 30 mins ago instead of texting and asked if I was free tomorrow. I told her I already had plans, but we should do something next week. She then asked, are you going to the meetup next week, I said, I was, but something came up. She asked when I am I free, I said I can meet for drinks next Sunday, she said this weekend? I said, unfortunately, I already have plans for this weekend, but I can meet up next Sunday. She paused for a moment and agreed. I then said if anything changes, let me know, and wished her a happy week ahead. She did the same. Truth be told, I do have dates already planned. To my surprise, a woman I messaged yesterday, who's 26 was interested in meeting for drinks tomorrow, so since this one took her sweet time, I agreed.

I thought there was some chemistry with this one, since I met her a few times and she was hanging around me at the Meetup last week, but who knows. Tired of these games, so I refuse to get upset or play them anymore. I just walk away and go about my business.
 

marmel75

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Regardless, she called around 30 mins ago instead of texting and asked if I was free tomorrow. I told her I already had plans, but we should do something next week. She then asked, are you going to the meetup next week, I said, I was, but something came up. She asked when I am I free, I said I can meet for drinks next Sunday, she said this weekend? I said, unfortunately, I already have plans for this weekend, but I can meet up next Sunday. She paused for a moment and agreed. I then said if anything changes, let me know, and wished her a happy week ahead. She did the same. Truth be told, I do have dates already planned. To my surprise, a woman I messaged yesterday, who's 26 was interested in meeting for drinks tomorrow, so since this one took her sweet time, I agreed.

I thought there was some chemistry with this one, since I met her a few times and she was hanging around me at the Meetup last week, but who knows. Tired of these games, so I refuse to get upset or play them anymore. I just walk away and go about my business.
This is normal behavior so if your tired of it you might just want to stop dating.
 

RickTheToad

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This is normal behavior so if your tired of it you might just want to stop dating.
I'm not a MGTOW nor a a man who wants zero female interaction. I'll go with the flow. I have noticed that there actions are having less and less of an effect on me as I go through them and just walk away from their antics. I used to play into them and put them first, unless I know the lady and I have some sort of relationship with them, I do not get involved with it. It's hard, but I find the less you care and the more you just walk away, the more they come back and stick around. So strange. As a man, we naturally want to solve issues and help, this is detrimental in sexual relationships. Makes little sense, but seems that's the game.
 

RickTheToad

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Here's the crazy sh!t. Now she will not stop texting me. So confused on how some ladies operate. Getting ready to go out. Would it be unwise of me to wait until tomorrow to respond?
 
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Mazer

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I used this and she came back "The event you want to do is more of a group activity for a few people. Maybe we can do something else?" I guess it's a positive sign. I didn't think it was, but okay.
Low to medium interest. Women who are interested in you will follow your lead. This one is making excuses. I will give you an example, asked a woman last week if she was free to go to one of those escape rooms, she responded with, “probably be better with a big group”. I responded with “cool, you are right!” I listened to her advice, invited my friends, went with them, ditched her and never contacted that woman again.
 
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RickTheToad

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Low to medium interest. Women who are interested in you will follow your lead. This one is making excuses. I will give you an example, asked a woman last week if she was free to go to one of those escape rooms, she responded with, “probably be better with a big group”. I responded with “cool, you are right!” I listened to her advice, invited my friends, went with them, ditched her and never contacted that woman again.
Perhaps. However, she did call and text me tonight. I've yet to respond to the text yet though. I'm at a lounge with some friends.
 

RickTheToad

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@RickTheToad good idea. I had this experience once and just told the woman to kick rocks nicely.. If she doesn't respect you enough to be one on one tell her to kick rocks

No doubt. She may be shy until she opens up. Who knows. I give them all a chance. If it doesn't pan out, not much of a loss. One would think her reaching out is a positive sign, but we'll see. I'm adding others to the mix just in case. What I've learned at SS is the IDGAF attitude does work nine times out of ten. All I can say, is we shall see.
 
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