Went to a meetup, asked a lady out, interesting response

RickTheToad

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I went to a meetup and we all went bowling. There were two attractive ladies there, and it seemed like we were getting along pretty well. I messaged her on Meetup asking if she'd like to go grab some drinks and to a specific event. She replied back it sounds like fun. Do you mind if we invite Mike and Stacey? They are two other people from the group that I do not know. Met them once, but she works with one and the other guy I just met. I was just going reply I rather it just be just us instead of a double date, but no issue. Perhaps another time.

Is that the proper response?
 
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marmel75

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She doesn't feel comfortable enough to be alone with you or she isnt interested. Hard to say which it is.

I'd reword what you were planning to say a little but the overall gist is fine.

"Not into double dates. Maybe some other time"
 
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I went to a meetup and we all went bowling. There were two attractive ladies there, and it seemed like we were getting along pretty well. I messaged her on Meetup asking if she'd like to go grab some drinks and to a specific event. She replied back it sounds like fun. Do you mind if we invite Mike and Stacey? They are two other people from the group that I do not know. Met them once, but she works with one and the other guy I just met. I was just going reply I rather it just be just us instead of a double date, but no issue. Perhaps another time.

Is that the proper response?
Did you think she was being unreasonable?
 

RickTheToad

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She doesn't feel comfortable enough to be alone with you or she isnt interested. Hard to say which it is.

I'd reword what you were planning to say a little but the overall gist is fine.

"Not into double dates. Maybe some other time"
Ok. I'll re-word something like that. Next meetup should be fun.
 
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RickTheToad

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Fine by me. Just asking. Lol
I understand. Take a look from my point of view. I invited her, she wants to add two other people that I've met once. Messes with the vibe and changes the setting from intimate, or possibly intimate, to friendly social. Not what anyone on these forums would be aiming for. Just surprised she just didn't say no.
 
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I understand. Take a look from my point of view. I invited her, she wants to add two other people that I've met once. Messes with the vibe and changes the setting from intimate, or possibly intimate, to friendly social. Not what anyone on these forums would be aiming for. Just surprised she just didn't say no.
Yeah I get it. Was just thinking about it is all. This just feels like a swingers thing. I’ve run into it once before. Never mind.
 

LARaiders85

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I understand. Take a look from my point of view. I invited her, she wants to add two other people that I've met once. Messes with the vibe and changes the setting from intimate, or possibly intimate, to friendly social. Not what anyone on these forums would be aiming for. Just surprised she just didn't say no.
It's not for everyone, but there are some significant positives to such a situation.

1. Opportunity to dominate the group
2. More "props" you can demonstrate skilled conversation and humor with
3. Another woman
4. A guy to talk to if no chemistry with this woman
5. Date will feel comfortable
 

Trump

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. She replied back it sounds like fun. Do you mind if we invite Mike and Stacey?

I was just going reply I rather it just be just us instead of a double date, but no issue. Perhaps another time.

Is that the proper response?
1) Don’t say “double date” - she didn’t say your ask was a date
2) Dont say “no issue.” - she didn’t say it was an issue
3 Don’t say “perhaps another time.” - she didn’t decline.


Just say the first sentence. “I’d rather it would be us. Can you go?

Remember with women, FORCE them to make a decision and CLOSE the issue. They love living in the grey area.
 
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backseatjuan

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Wait two weeks, no attention to her, no chit chat, repeat. Ask her to go grab some drinks though.

Hey, who was paying for sh1t at that event? Who were you paying for?
 

rando5495

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Back away from that. Keep it social with her, and transition towards others instead.

Softly softly kind of thing in groups, otherwise you just come across as a lecherous sort. We are sort of lecherous, but that's beside the point.

When you vibe together properly, the group will be the last thing on your minds and quite usually dropped.

Essentially that's what you want. Bit of equivocal type flirting, quick read of the sitch, then to isolate from the group. And you want to just pivot off of any woman that won't follow that.
 

glass half full

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Seems folks are always wanting to double date, I just have never seen it work well.
In my opinion, it's the two of you, or just be friends now. Just don't say the JBF part.. Maybe that's harsh, but by asking to go double she is already taking your frame.
 

samspade

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I tend to just say yes. I know that sounds un-alpha, but it's sort of like improv, they say something, you agree and see where it goes. Like someone else said, dominate the group.

Caveat: I moved abroad and am saying yes to everything in a new environment, so my paradigm has shifted.
 

RickTheToad

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1) Don’t say “double date” - she didn’t say your ask was a date
2) Dont say “no issue.” - she didn’t say it was an issue
3 Don’t say “perhaps another time.” - she didn’t decline.


Just say the first sentence. “I’d rather it would be us. Can you go?

Remember with women, FORCE them to make a decision and CLOSE the issue. They love living in the grey area.

I used this and she came back "The event you want to do is more of a group activity for a few people. Maybe we can do something else?" I guess it's a positive sign. I didn't think it was, but okay.
 
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HankHill

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I used this and she came back "The event you want to do is more of a group activity for a few people. Maybe we can do something else?" I guess it's a positive sign. I didn't think it was, but okay.
"Netflix and chill then?'

LOL

No don't say that...suggest a place to get drinks.
What do you know about her so far?
 

RickTheToad

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"Netflix and chill then?'

LOL

No don't say that...suggest a place to get drinks.
What do you know about her so far?
Not much. Her name and what she does for a living. This is the third time I saw her, but the first time I interacted with her pretty directly. I was thinking to first ask for her number and say we'll figure something out.

Open to ideas guys.
 

HankHill

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I'd pick a different day and a place than the original and propose that. If she bites she's likely interested...
 

Glassguy

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Her: maybe we can do something else?
Me: I'd like to get to know you better over a drink or two. Let's meet up at such and such place and after that we can play it by ear.
 

RickTheToad

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Her: maybe we can do something else?
Me: I'd like to get to know you better over a drink or two. Let's meet up at such and such place and after that we can play it by ear.
I used this and I said we should meet up at so and so. What your cell so we can figure out a time and day to meet? She replied when do you meet? Seems harder to get this ladies cell than online dating. Was going to shoot one more message, we can figure out a day and date via text. Mine is xxx-xxx-xxxx. Send me a text and we can go from there.

Or should I use something different?
 
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