I see a lot of hateful words posted here from BPD exes describing their Ex. I've been through the wringer once, but only feel pity for her. She is what she is most likely because of early premature development issues and most probably will never be truly happy with her life.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Triangulation
- Thread starter Tuttleycool
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"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Yes, as is the case with most things in life, knowledge is power. It is something best known beforehand, but sometimes we just stumble into a bad situation not knowing anything about it…
xstang77
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Agreed.
Tuttleycool
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Whoa. Elaborate a bit more on the early development issues, if you could please.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
xstang77
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Aka:her childhood,what was it like. Was she neglected and or abandoned in her earlier years,what's her relationship like with her parents.
The birth mother is the primary care giver and is supposed to form a loving bond with the child, but if she has a cold mother that views her as a distraction, what does the child learn?
If baby momma gets a stepdad that rapes the daughter enough times, how does that effect her?
If as an adult daughter doesn't talk to her mother ever, why is that?
If as an adult the girls closest relationship is with the stepdad that raped her, aka Stockholm syndrome, what's going on there?
Get the point?
If baby momma gets a stepdad that rapes the daughter enough times, how does that effect her?
If as an adult daughter doesn't talk to her mother ever, why is that?
If as an adult the girls closest relationship is with the stepdad that raped her, aka Stockholm syndrome, what's going on there?
Get the point?
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mrgoodstuff
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PD means what?
xstang77
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We're using it in reference to personality disorders..more so bpd.
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mrgoodstuff
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Understood. So kinda like a female that thinks abusive behavior and being ignored and neglected means love.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
If you get too close she drives you away because of her abandonment fears. Make sense? No
When you are gone she loves you more. Make sense? No
Bottom line - She is afraid of intimacy with another person because she does not know what it is, or is afraid to react to it…
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xstang77
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Yes and the abusive behavior will be projected onto you,usually as like your the one that was responsible for her awful childhood.so if your ever with a girl that goes ballistic over something small,degrades you and gets a deep black empty look in her eyes and acts cold towards you with hate like you murdered her whole family then texts you an hour later apologizing saying she loves you,run far far away.
Right
The problem is her personality issues. Her personality is who she is, which must be ok, so it's your fault.
xstang77
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Yup,there's no winning the disorder wins everytime. They'll leave you and make themselves out to be the victim,turn your friends against you then once she finds something shiny and new even after multiple recycles she'll drop you like you never existed and go pretend to have a happy life while being enabled by the same people they talk about while your left putting the pieces of your life back together.
Yes, but at that point she is someone else's problem…
A fact to feel very good about
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
xstang77
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Absolutely,I even made that non directly clear to her I felt that way,let the new guy take the whole burden of the disorder alone,mine has tried just this past weekend after a month of nc to reach out...not today satan,not today.
Tuttleycool
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To be fair, it could bpd and me not know it lol. Possibly bipolar as she is seeing a dr about it.
You know what boy? You want real answers from forum members about a woman, then state all the facts from the git go if you want real answers.
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xstang77
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Then what are you still doing with her? You'll deal with this **** with her forever and no matter what you do you'll lose.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.